₦airaland Forum

HerMoney:
Poster let me advice you from a mature standpoint.
Don't listen to all these immature boys telling you to go and fight, threaten your brother and filling your head with stories about your brother and his wife using your glory, this and that. Rubbish! Wrong advice will create more problems for you but wisdom is profitable to direct.

First, I will acknowledge that your in-laws have their own faults and have not handled this problem wisely. They ignored your complaints about your sleep disturbances then leaving your mattress out in the rain was completely heartless of them. Simple communication between all parties would have resolved things BUT it's unfortunate that your brother failed to use his authority as head of the home to instruct his young in-laws by decreeing 'No watching TV until about 9 or 10 in the morning.' At that time, you would have woken up and gone about your business for the day while they have the whole parlor to themselves.

That said, let's focus on you now, who is the ONLY PERSON you can change really. You and no one else!

Many of us fuel problems in our interpersonal relationships with our attitude and reactions because we are not equipped or mature enough to handle conflict and that's your problem here. You've let ANGER and PRIDE control you and in turn, it created more problems for you than you are equipped to handle. And you will never resolve it by running back to the village or getting your own place. You will only be at peace with yourself and your family AFTER you have learned the lessons and grown from this situation. Otherwise, you will meet a bigger test in future that you will likely fail because you didn't learn from this one. What are these lessons?

You were wrong to slap your in-law. You were provoked but that is no justification for assault.
You were wrong to refuse to apologize to her, whether she's your mate or junior, it doesn't matter. I apologize to my younger ones when I hurt them.
You are wrong to insist on going back to the village rather than seeking a resolution that will benefit all parties. I'm not saying you must stay back and serve your brother for life but leaving angrily and prematurely is not the way that you are supposed to part ways with him.

Seeking a resolution NOT running away is the wiser and more mature thing to do as it will benefit all parties and also allow you the peace of mind to make the right decisions for your future. Human beings can be troublesome but sometimes, when they see that you a peace loving person, they tend to calm down and relax around you. How do you exhibit this trait?

Go back and apologize to the girl in front of her sister and your brother and let them know you understand your actions were wrong and have decided to take responsibility for them.
Greet everyone when you wake up in the morning.
Do your chores and relate with everyone normally.
Go out of your way to be nice to them. Treat them like your younger sisters. Girls are emotional beings and usually respond well when they are treated with compassion.
Offer to help them with little chores etc.
Talk to them respectfully and not grudgingly.
Don't resent them in your heart.

It requires humility and grace to do these but with God's help you can do it. It won't feel easy on your flesh or ego but this is key to regaining your peace, freedom, power, dignity and respect that you've LOST in that house.

Do all these for the next two weeks to one month and see whether you won't see a change. Then go on your knees in prayer to God to help make a way for you, whether it's by getting another job, no matter how little or your brother settling you. Other solutions and opportunities may arise, which you never thought because you are now at peace mentally and psychologically and can think clearly. I promise you, you will see a miraculous change if you take my advice. The peace alone you will feel might even make you not want to leave again. BUT if you do all these and they don't change, don't let your heart be troubled for God will be watching and you will get the reward for your obedience.

Remember, God UPLIFTS THE HUMBLE and only humility will save you in this situation. Acting proud and insisting on your rights like so many have advised here will not. I can guarantee you that. I have so many testimonies of God's grace and upliftment when I humbled myself rather than choose to sulk in bitterness.

Going back to the village might turn out to be a huge setback for you as you don't know the temptations and problems that are waiting there for you.

This incident is an opportunity for you to step into the next phase of your destiny but the enemy is also waiting for you to take a wrong step and lose out or be destroyed completely. Open your eyes and be wise. You have more control than you realise.

I will leave you with this saying by Ralph Waldo Emerson - 'A great man is always willing to be little'.

So, stoop to conquer.

All the best.

Championxxx:
I am 23 years old guy I ave been staying with my brother in Abuja for the past 8 years , I help him with his shop and his house , everything was fine till he got married his wife carry his two sisters to the house 24 and 19 years old , he said I should leave my room for them I didn’t argue I let them have the room while I am sleeping in the parlour , during lockdown this girl will wake and come to the parlour to watch tv to disturb my sleep , I complained to my brother he said I should keep calm he will speak to his wife which he never does and these girls kept disturbing me meanwhile the older girl stopped but the younger one carry on and I told her to stop disturbing me she has a phone she can press her phone in their room , she insulted me and told me to go and marry I got angry and ask her to leave she said I should do my worst and I landed a thunder slap in her face she held me by my neck screaming when my bro and wife came his wife started hitting me on my back I had to leave the house and went outside to cool down , my brother followed me and said I didn’t do well by hitting his wife sister he said I should go and apologise to his wife and sister , I refuse and asked him why he didn’t stop them when I was complaining bitterly about them but he waited for me to take matter to my own hand now he blamed me he said I should apologise which I did to his wife but not to the girl but that small girl was expecting me to knelt down and beg her , I told her she will wait for eternity.

Since the incidence his wife stopped talking to me , she ordered her sister’s to stop giving me food , the older girl used to dish food for me sometimes when she is not around but I told her to stop because I don’t want her to be in trouble with her sister and I didn’t report to my brother, it’s not a big deal for me I buy foods and eat at work and I only go home to sleep , 2 weeks ago I came home to see my mattress outside in the rain soaking wet , I was confused because it was supposed to be inside the girl room that’s where I keep it and they always bring it for me when is time for me to sleep so how come it was outside in the rain , I asked them they both denied they didn’t take it out and I suspected my brother wife or her youngest sister were the one who did it because they didn’t want me in the house anymore , I told my brother he said I should sleep on the sofa and in the morning I will get a new mattress in his shop but the wife get angry that I will damaged her sofa she wanted me to sleep on the floor with a wrapper but my brother refuse and I slept on the sofa , the next day I spoke with my brother I told him because I am not wanted in his house I don’t have peace of mind there , I want him to rent a self cont for me closer to the shop so It will be easier for me to get to work he refuse saying when he has a bigger house why would I go and leave alone , he said he provide all my needs and the rest the way his wife and sisters are treating me it doesn’t matter that he will never allow me and I told him I want to go back to the village , he said if I leave his house he will disown me and I will not longer be his brother , for 3 days now he stopped talking to me even if I greet him he won’t reply I feel hurt. I love my brother I want to serve him but I don’t want to stay in his house . I don’t know if I did something wrong by asking him to rent a room for me to be living alone? Am confuse please advice me

Evidence1000:
My name is David. I'm a 24 year old young man. I'm in my final year in one of the universities in the south west.
I'm addicted to gambling. Like, I can't just help it.

The craze for this thing started sometime last year. It has eaten deep into me that it now dictates my mood. The only time I can be genuinely happy is when I win money from bet9ja virtual. If I should loose, it makes me very sad to the extent that I see myself as a useless person.

I've gone to the extent of using my school fees to play virtual and that of my course mate that trusted me so much. Though, I was able to pay my course mate's fees without her knowing the truth, I'm unable to pay mine till now. I always have this mentality that I will win.

Whenever money enters my hand like this, no matter how little, it is to head straight to Bet9ja shop or online. The urge is usually very strong. Sometimes, it seems like there's a force pushing me to do it.
Before this lock down, I accumulated a debt of over a hundred thousand naira in a Bet9ja shop in my school environment which I'm unable to pay till now.
I know the owner of the shop would be waiting to pick me up with police when I resume. I don't know what to do.

I need help badly. I've prayed to God severally but it's as if nothing is happening. I've even promised God not to play Bet9ja again but I keep on seeing myself still playing it.

Right now as I'm typing this, I just came from a Bet9ja shop where I lost money. Money that is not even my own. Sometimes, I feel like taking my life so that everything will just end but if I remember the pain it would cause my mother, I'll just hold back.

Please for the people that were once addicted to gambling, how did you stop it? Is there any remedy for it because I'm in need of it badly?

I can't sleep at night anymore because I'm always thinking of debts that I've accumulated which has run into over 300,000. All thanks to Bet9ja virtual.

Someone advised me to get a job that would keep me busy so that I won't have time to play virtual but there are no jobs. I don't mind doing any, even if it is a menial job till school resumes.

Please I need your advice. Feel free to bash me because I deserve more than that even.

Please I'd appreciate if you can move this to front page.

bummyla:
His case is not mental or spiritual! His case is LOVE & ATTENTION from somebody he RESPECTS! Period! When you stop comparing him with other kids of his age, he will start making progress! Stop COMPARING him and he will blossom! https://www.bummyla.com