₦airaland Forum

Terryishere:
A friend.

Lol.. It must be torture reading some of the comments on Nairaland

baralatie:
you are funny!
you seriously think any man makes it unaided without the influence of a father figure in this country called Nigeria

Look, I’ve always wondered why cos it makes no sense, but in my particular experience people whose fathers died while they were little somehow always seem to eventually make it bigger than those with both.

VULCAN:
Thank you for your compliment

It’s well deserved

Xisnin:
Outliers always exist in a normal distribution.
Just take any group subjected to some extreme condition, you would find those who rose above it.

Those icons didn't have a father around because it is common not to have a father around.
When looking at icons, we fail to consider what is best for the most part of a society as opposed
to some few who can rise above the fold.

I think I have solved it - those with both parents usually end up in the middle while those without fathers usually end up either at the bottom, in jail, or extremely successful

chigoizie7:
Absolutely correct. But you have the money check the ratios.

In Nigeria for example, our bad leadership and corrupt politicians and policies has turned some people into committing crimes, while some, despite the hardship has refused to commit any form of crime.


Some of us go to school, spend time with the same people, receive the same lectures, but at the end of the day, some people excel more than others, some pass very well, some also fail, but that doesn’t mean that they all didn’t attend the same classes. So my brother, the same way some people without good parental upbringing turn out good, while some turn out bad. That’s the same way some who has good parental upbringing turn out bad while some also turn out good. But what we should be concerned about is the ratios.

So true. Two brothers with exactly same upbringing, one turns out saintly while the other becomes an armed robber. I’ve seen that myself

Terryishere:
My family has been here for centuries, I'm the real black American/ADOS.

U r the real deal then. How did u find out about Nairaland then

chigoizie7:
It might be a mystery. But we hear the saying “ like father like son”. And also we hear people say, that s child is just the exact opposite of the fathers bad evil ways.

That’s the bottom line: it is a mystery

baralatie:
your lie get grade

Look at older folks and compare those whose fathers died while they were young to others.

sexylassie2:
yeah it happens but i see more children with fathers getting it because of their fathers network

the ones with fathers do not have to work hard so much to get things done when compare with the ones without father

i could count how many times, i have used my father networks to get things done, someone from a single mother home might not have that opportunity.

that is why i will never support any woman wanting to do the baby mama thing especially if she is struggling to eat, she is in the long run destroying the future of her kid for short term gains

What u say is logical and should be right. But in my particular experience people whose fathers died while they were little somehow always seem to eventually make it bigger than those with both

sexylassie2:
yes, there will be those who will be successful without a father and those who will not

even in our society, those with fathers have a higher chance of success than those without, it is just logic

i am talking as a woman and from what i have seen, many single mothers are poor and have difficulties taking care of their children, that is why it is better for a woman to get married and train up her child in a home where both parents are married. it good for her and her kid.

@bolded, strangely enough, in 9ja, of those I know, those without fathers always do better if given any chance at all.
I’ve always wondered why this is.

Vianna:
Nigerians eat anything, even rodents. Well it's common in Africa generally tho, it's a survival technique. Reasons the whites call us all sorts .. we've literally failed to glide along with evolution.

But we don’t eat cockroaches and bugs like Chinese

chigoizie7:
Because, one saw it as a way of life,while the other thinks that such kind of lifestyle is not good to begin with.

Some people learn from others mistakes, while some continue to make same mistake because they do not know any other way to go about or maneuver that very situation.


It also implies, that some AA women who grew up without proper family orientation, they felt that it was bad for them, most of them suffered and vowed never to allow their own kids go through the same fate that befell them as kids,teenagers and adults. They put in more work to see that their kids have that balanced life.

While some who grew in such bad scenarios, only continued to pass down the history of their being broken to their kids. To them, “ I didn’t have a father, but here I am, I am surviving “ so why can’t my kids survive too?. They ended up not seeing it as a big deal when they deny their kids that fatherly love.

Now you understand why I made that point.



All in all, I pray that all AA see the importance of family values. Some men walked out on their kids/ abandoned them, some women also abandoned their kids, Some walked away because of the mothers attitude ( loud, vindictive, nagging etc), while some women on the other hand deprive their kids of that fatherly love because the man either cheated or broke up with them. Let them allow any man that wants to be in a child’s life the opportunity to be. At the end of the day, it is the younger generations that are being hurt the most. at the end of the day, it is no longer about you, but the kids. We must do everything we can to get them to live a better life than we lived.

U make a lot of sense, tho it is still a mystery why one child would vow never to be like his drunken father while another will drink even more than him

chigoizie7:
These are just few compared to millions of AA people who are still broken because they lacked that father figure in their lives. Many people define success differently. Now check most of those rappers that had kids and see if they are not if not all in their kids lives? Most people that turned out well, saw the importance, they knew how broken they were, and they vowed to make and make things right. Go and check their success stories, they suffered and then vowed never to allow their own kids go through what they passed through.

But out of the millions of AA these are just but few.


Like I said earlier. A man ( drunkard)gave birth twins, one grew up to be like the father, the other grew up and vowed never to be a drunk like the father. Two people faced with same situations but acted differently. It’s in human nature. One learnt a lesson from the father, while the other continued because he saw what the dad did as a normal thing any other person would be doing.

B4 we get carried away, let’s not forget, all mordern serial killers had both fathers and mothers and there are a WHOLE LOT of people with both fathers and mothers who amounted to absolutely nothing!

sexylassie2:
Jesse was adopted by his step father.

If you listen to interviews with alsharpton acquitances,he was living recklessly, a gang member. He was involved in boxing match fixing and decided to be a fbi spy and informat... Guess since his race hustling business brought fame, he decided to change.

Oprah she had a good role model from her step father

My opinion is that there are many black america families without fathers who came out successful, some sport and music saved them, education saved them or their mothers who valued education saved them.

To be sincere, it is hard for those without fathers

Then there are a WHOLE LOT with both fathers and mothers who amounted to absolutely nothing!

sexylassie2:
Now back to the topic, Blacks during slavery had the family unit intact, even in the 50s, it was a shame for a black woman to have kids out of wedlock but then came the welfare society of the Democratic party and white liberals who brought out policies to destroy the black family.

Now single motherhood is a thing of pride, I see similar stuff going on in the carribean community in the UK and it is gradually coming into our society before you know it the crime rate will increase.

I can categorically say that a strong father is needed in every home, it help to instill discipline in the children.

To end my case, a welfare society and a feminist oriented society will destroy our way of life and cause increase in crime and also rift between men and women.

U totally make sense. But I have a question: if it were all due to lack of father, how come so many AA icons never had a father around - from Jesse Jackson to Sharpton to Obama and countless others?? Even Oprah had no father, neither did most of these billionaire and millionaire rappers and sports figures

sexylassie2:
I have updated my answer.

It is a myth that 70% of black women are not married.

Democratic party policies destroyed the black family unit.

Go read about the welfare society they created and the rules for a black woman to be on welfare.

E.g: the Missouri welfare department imposed strange rules on families who lived in public housing. No "able-bodied man" could be in the house if it was also occupied by a woman who received state aid for dependent children."

Another example, they rewarded black women who had multiple children from different fathers instead of stopping the bad behavior.

For instead, instead of fathers should be held financially responsible for their kids, the state financially rewarded the mothers, the mothers saw it as an opportunity to sleep around without consequences.

The consequences of their policies brought about the mentality of so called independent black women, many of these women had never had any father figure in their lives, that is why many of them are inpatient with men and have daddy issues

U r of course right, but here is the conundrum: those are the same people AA’s massively vote for year in, year out. US is having elections in Nov? I bet u Democrats will get 99% of black vote!

baralatie:
the real question is this
In the court of any jurisprudence in the United States of America.
Will the court excuse any black American man for his faults/errors and hold the black American woman who is the mother accountable or responsible for the black American man's action.

the answer is no!

the courts in the USA says the black American man is to be held accountable.

even if his mom is frost,Clyde or mia khalifa

So it is now US courts u go to for answers on social issues? The same courts that will free a man everyone saw commit murder because he wasn’t read his rights. That’s who u r going to for answers??

baralatie:
you can see the bold.
this is a clear example of how black American men have been living in open face denial and going about digging up excuses that do not hold water!

here we have a very simple and direct question?

Where in all of the Fifty states (50) of the great United States of America is the Black American Man/Father RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BABY

Is the black American man suddenly an ALIEN from galaxy 11

Non of all u said is in contention. We are all agreed on them. We have also determined that the fault lies with whoever raised the BAM. The question we are trying to answer now is, WHO RAISED HIM?

sassysure:
My question is a general one. Most of the answers you need both positive or negative from both gender is there.

All these going forth and back means nothing if u don't watch and hear the AA people speak. Better if u listen to the judge. I learnt a lot from her too.

I understand. There are all sorts of issues around. But right now all we are trying to determine is why BAM misbehave. We have determined it’s the fault of whoever raised him. The question we are now trying to answer is WHO RAISED HIM?

sassysure:
Do you watch divorce court?

Watch like 10 or more different divorce cases and you will find most of your answers therein.

I only need ONE answer to ONE simple question:
WHO RAISED THE MISBEHAVING BAM??!!

baralatie:
see how you are by passing the obvious!
where is the father of the black American man responsible for his entrance to this world!

simple answer!
the black American man has disappeared. he is nowhere around the black American woman who is now forced to be a single mother!
is it not a right for a black American man to raise his children?

I am not passing anything at all. U r the one doing that and pretending not to know.
We have determined that one’s character is not his fault but fault of whoever raised him.
The question is simple and unambiguous;
WHO RAISED THE BAM??!!!

baralatie:
where is the father of the child?

Who raised the father of the child? That’s the important question. We have already determined that the father of the child is not responsible for his character

baralatie:
that answer is absolute off point.

is it the Black American woman who happens to be his mother responsible for the pregnancy of another black mother.

the black American man saw a black American woman who drove himself with love feelings and by mutual consent had sex and she got pregnant.the black American man now sees the word responsibility in real terms and decides to run away.

Now someone comes along and says it is the fault of the black American woman (both on his mother's part and his lover)

Everything comes back to the black American man whichever way people want to spin it

Well psychologists have determined that someone’s character is set by age ten. Which means that in real sense u r not responsible for your character but the person who had custody of you up to age ten. We all agree that mostly BAW have custody of BAM up to age ten. Complete the rest of the logic.
Even George Floyd, at point of death, did not call his wife or baby mama or children, HE CALLED MAMA

Lalasticlala, mynd44, farano, Rocktation
I truly believe this thread deserves to be on FP.
The OP has been edited so it no longer seem a book is being advertised

SavageResponse:
Black women in Africa or in America?

The headline says “Why 70% Of U.S. Black Women Are Single” and u still ask this question? Jeez

Terryishere:
I'm American, what do you think?

American by naturalization? Or were u born and raised in the States

Blackmoran:
How will a black america woman get married? They have this ghetto mentality, most of them don't look feminine in character which is a turn off to most guys, 80pecent of blacks at age 18 -22 are already single mothers out of wedlock tell me any sensible man that want that baggage. 70 percent of black American woman lives on government welfare and alimony, black america women sees marriage as business hence they get into marriage after a year they ask for divorce, hence free access to there partner wealth, opportunity to child support and so on... In summary most of them are full of baggage, black america women don't like a nice guy, rather they prefer the drug dealer, the gang leader and so on.... I won't blame them totally, its a cultural problem that as a whole black Americans both sexes have a part to play... It is only in the black community when you graduate from college nothing happens, but when you just get out of jail your friends and family will throw a welcome party for you.....

This is actually insightful tho harsh.
@bolded, quite funny

ZINIBANKS:
Share it let's learn from it
Even in movies you see them being rude and lousy when they construct 10 sentence atleast fûck will be of 8 words I don't even see myself marrying them cause no matter how faithful she may be it will later end in tears I was about to text one AA girl on IG one day and something told me to go through her profile it was midnight cause we are six hours ahead of them so what did I want to say the afternoon of that day she signed a divorce paper with her husband I think and she posted it she look very happy like she just won a contract and then I remembered pDudd words about mentioning the government welfare they get,,you see is their government that is spoiling their lives and killing them softly let them Put a stop to that welfare of a thing and some other benefits leaving them with few expectations you'll see there will be low divorce case,so when they get money from welfare they will be very happy at age 60 you'll meet them on every dating app I don't blame does yahoo boys scamming them when you refuse to have brain at your youthful age is it when you now clock 60+ you will now have the brain let's just leave them to their fate

And they keep voting for people who support this welfare stuff, not knowing it helps keep AA’s down and trapped.
Ironic - their friends are actually their enemies