₦airaland Forum

dayokanu: We can also ask who desires marriage more? Obviously women.

Please this thread is not about who desires marriage more. It is about WHO BENEFITS FROM MARRIAGE MORE. Did you not read the first post? Of course women desire marriage more, largely because of the pressure put on them by society to get married so that was why I added in the first post that in the absence of this pressure and subsequent decline or elimination of marriages, who is going to lose more?
You know very well that men will lose more if there were more marriages. Stop lying to yourself.

greatgod2012: @ dayokanu, sincerity pays, even, if its just this once.

Don't mind him. He knows that he is just arguing blindly, he just doesn't want to give up.

1st, in whose name do u just address married women?is it not in their hubby name, dont they have their maiden name,or have u seen men changing his surname to his wife's maiden name? One benefit for getting married,
May God help us all.

Women bearing husbands' names was something that was done initially because women were regarded as the property of men and because women were not allowed back then to have identities that were separate from that of whichever man they lived with. That was how bearing of husband's names started, it is not even in the Bible. But let me not derail.

birdman: Unfortunately, such men dont read Nairaland. They are too busy spending that spare time they have from not doing chores on clubbing, drinking and watching football. I pray I find myself in the same situation.

I hope that is a typo.

greatgod2012: Hhhhhmmmm.....op, are you sure you are ready for this war?

I am not trying to start a war, I want a civil discussion. That is why I was so polite in my OP even though the issue is one that greatly annoys me.

This issue have been tackled severally on this section of d forum and here u are, starting it all over again.

Abeg, even if it has been tackled that doesn't mean it cannot be brought up again. Someone might have new and better ideas to suggested than what was suggested before. Besides there are people who didn't read the last thread(s) and this one could help them.

O. K oo oo o, im watching ooo, but remember that no two marriages are d same.....each to his/her own.

Of course. The people I am addressing should use their disgression. If they have wives that are somehow happy with doing all the housework alone then no wahala. They should use their sense to know that the advice does not apply to them. Thank you very much for your contribution.

[quote author=Brand_new]I can't do much of kitchen work or cleaning though I'm a great cook and also good at fixing appliances. Would that make me your dream guy @ OP?[/quote]No. Please tell me the reason why you cannot clean.

[quote author=EasyNaija.com]Erm.. Househelps?
Okay, it depends. If they have grown-up kids then the kids should help with chores.... But if they're newly weds and they both work full time, then I think a househelp would fit in perfectly.[/quote]So why is it forbidden for men to help?

dayokanu: These men living on their own would probably leave the house the way it is

At least they were living somehow before they got married

Hehehe. 'Somehow'
So on their own they live 'somehow' but after marriage they start enjoying well cooked meals and the services of a live-in cleaner and care-taker?
Even more reason why men benefit more.

How are you and yours? Hope everyone is fine. If so, thanks be to God.
My purpose of writing this letter is to inform you that you guys really need to start pitying your wives when it comes to the issue of housework.
Ejor, we understand that you are kings and monarchs and are very powerful and wonderful.
But abeg, try to pity your wives when it comes to the issue of housework.
I have seen different threads on Nairaland where men stated that they can not help with the housework because that is a woman's work or because if they help their wives she will start expecting them to always assist.
One thing you should realize is that you should help out if your wife contributes financially even if the responsibility of taking care of the house is expected to be that of the woman in the society we live in.
It is not easy for women, you have to understand this, having to run jobs and take care of kids and take care of the house all at once is not a piece of cake so please help out.

How would you feel if your wife refused to contribute money to help you with something you have dire need of money for, maybe your business? Or if she refused to contribute money for medical care that you might need for an illness someday in future? What if your wife refused to help you in such times because she believes that contributing financially to the house is something only the husband should do?
Kindly start assisting in the house, thank you. It doesn't make you less of a man.

Yours Faithfully,
Chocolate.

byvan: My dear,how do you sit a man down to tell him you want to share chores,I mean a Naija man?Once a man is good,the chores won't be a problem because he won't complain if some are left undone.Most men are very lazy with house chores and that shouldn't cause a rift once the man is a "loving husband" to you.I do my best and leave the rest for another day,thank God he appreciates all my efforts without criticisms.

jidegirl12: Of course, I will never sit mine down too and share chores knowing a how egoistic most of them are and rather pick my battles and use logic to pass my message across and he gets it cos I won't do it.

I feel so sorry for African women sometimes. Imagine having to sit a man down to tell him that he is supposed to help with housework.
Imagine!
A house that he lives in o!
You have to sit him down to tell him that he is supposed to help with work in the house.

@byvan, I too gbadun your first post.
You know book.

dayokanu: So we can both agree that women are the ones that benefit from marriage more. A lot of men that age wont even bother or just have kids outside wedlock and dont even look back

Women can also have a child outside wedlock, so I don't see how this your point prooves that women benefit more.
Men benefit more because if they choose have a kid outside wedlock, they have to pay for it one way or another. Either they pay a surrogate mother or buy all the buyables for whichever of their girlfriends they decide to have the kid with.
For women, all that is required is someone to sleep with.

I was wondering, what would it be like if marriage was not taken as seriously as it is in the world today? I was wondering what it would be like if people were not stigmatised for failing to get married. If there was no religious law making it mandatory for people to be married before they can have children, who would benefit more from such a situation and who would miss marriage more?
The way I see it, women would do better in such a scenario. They would have kids and take care of them without worrying about running up and down to cater for the welfare of a man as well as that of their children and they have kids that bear their family names.
Women also do not despise housework and so they would not have any problem with cooking or cleaning or doing any of the other chores that women usually take care of in the house after marriage because many men won't do them.
Regular erm *cough cough* intimate relations would also not be as much a problem for women as much as it is for men because women's libido is not as high as that of men.
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Anyway, I asked this question because it is generally believed that women benefit more from marriages and I just wanted to know how true that belief is.
What do you think? Who would be most badly affected if marriage wasn't a thing? Men or women?

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jidegirl12: Chocolate ; you just dey whine me eh cos we've had this discussion before and I recalled your take on this issue okay now;

oh? I can't really recall what your response on the issue was the last time. I asked for clarification because your opinion is unusual; most women tend to want the opposite.

I said IMO cos we are different ..... seeing my man doing domestic chores is a turn off for me besides switching off the stove ( to avoid food burning) when I'm busy in the washroom ..... Eik (shudders)

but ofcourse childcare he's allowed to help .... infact he's a pro .... he changed our first diapers and bathe her himself in the tub without the baby tub.... jeez I feel sorry for that girl then cos he refused to listen ( she's my child! , he said 'arrogantly' ).... she was his orientation to perfection he knows the accurate Temp just kissing their foreheads when they're coming up with a fever/flu

I just don't like men in the Kitchen Period !

Cool. You are entitled to your preferences as long as you are happy with them.

jidegirl12:

Let him be arrogant jare , I like arrogant men as long as they perform their duties..... they are sexy and worth dying for

Lmao

Really? Arrogant people hardly listen to the opinions of others and they have the habit of thinking that other people do not measure up to them and being snobs. But each to his own I guess.
Erm. . . .jidegirl you didn't answer this question again;
[quote author=[CHocolaTE]]Can you kindly share the reasons why you think men are not supposed to help with house work?[/quote]

bjcole: My wife will nt give me domestic chores as a day in day out responsibilities in d house, tu fia kpa

What do you mean by 'day in day out'? Are you talking of everyday work? Gosh, you sound so arrogant.

bjcole: @Op, if u really want 2 know, my stand on this is that a man should support his wife & vice versal. Its only a wicked man that wil turn his wife to slave, real men help their wives in anyway they can, but 4 u 2 sit me down & share domestic chores wit me 50\50 b'cos u r contributing in finance, i dnt understand. If i m married 2 u, we r one not 2 anymore, ur money is mine & mine is urs, i knw how much my wife earns & how she spents it, she gives accts & i also give accts, d money is ours.

thanks for sharing your opinion.
I didn't say that the woman should 'sit you down' and start sharing housework for you anywhere in this thread.
My opinion is that if you want the wife to contribute the same percentage financially as you, then it is only logical that you also contribute the same percentage as her in the domestic front.
I do agree with your first paragraph though, the wife should help the husband out when she can and the husband should help out his wife when he can.
Shalom.

jidegirl12: Lemme stir the pot a little..... ehem ;
@ Kulyie and chocolate .... I wish you both all the best in future ......however please do a good job hiding your phones/tablets/computers browser history cos I've warned all my brothers bout you two like for real ( ibi ere lati nmo otito)..... I am yet to grasp or apprehend your beef about submissiveness in women .

Thank you for your good wishes. However I don't have any beef about women submitting if that is what they want to do. I also don't think every couple should live 50/50, I believe every couple should do what works best for them.
I asked a polite question of why you think that men are not supposed to help with household chores. I want to understand your views better. Can you kindly share the reasons why you think men are not supposed to help with house work?

bjcole: Madam i m nt going 2 clarify anything 2 u, this topic has been discussed & addressed, if u want more information u can go dig old posts, i dnt knw what u want 2 gain in all these ur feminist post.

I am not making any feminist post. All I have done is ask questions and ask for clarification on the answers people gave. Why so defensive?
I wanted to know YOUR reasons for saying couple should stick to only their clearly defined roles and who made these roles, I asked YOU because I wanted to hear from you. If I wanted to know what other people thought I would have dug up posts but I want to know your reasons. Can you kindly answer now? Thank you.

bjcole: All these feminist, there is no how u paint or twist it, d fact will always come out. This is africa & Nigeria in particular, there is nothing like 50/50 marriage, & there is nothing like equality in marriage, d role of a man & woman is clearly defined, so when husband & wife fits this role, then u ve a perfect marriage. All of u praying for a dummie husband, u shall be granted in this yr 2013. 50/50 My foot, rubbish, no wonder d courts are littered with divorce files.

So why do you think it is wrong for a woman to do bread winning with her husband? And why do you think the husband should not help with housework? Who wrote down these 'clearly defined roles' that you insist married couples should stick to?

jidegirl12: Yeah IMO

Can you share your reasons for having this view?

aniffy4eva: @ OP
Can you ever share responsibilities EQUALLY? ... I don't think a chart with my name ticked on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to wash dishes, clean the house and walk the dog works for either of us. There are some chores i naturally gravitate to and some i don't (the same goes for her). And if no one feels like doing it, well... we leave it till someone does

Yes you are correct, there can not be 100% equal sharing but couples can try to make it balanced as much as they can by helping each other in whatever requires assistance and whenever it needs to be done (unless one of them says they don't need assistance)

jidegirl: You even mentioned household chores is part of responsibilities a man should help with cos you assist with finances ..... I don't agree and I still love you tho

Are you saying that you think men are not supposed to help with household chores?

BlueMurder: There's no such thing as a 50/50 marriage. Each spouse has his/her clearly defined roles/responsibilities. The husband being the head of the family, is expected to cater for its physical, financial and spiritual upkeep. The wife on the other hand, is the homemaker in charge of the daily administration and maintenance of the home. They are free to complement each other in aspects they agree on. The point is, no one goes into marriage without knowledge of his/her responsibilities.

Why do you not support 50/50 partnership in marriage, really? It is possible for the husband and wife to compliment each other with a 50/50 relationship. Besides@bold, the wife cannot really abandon bread winning for the husband completely because anything could happen to the man or his job at any time so it is wiser for her to join him in bread winning work.
If she joins him in doing this wouldn't it be wise for him to join her in doing housework?

jidegirl12: ......... and MUTUALLY agreed

Cos if one party is not happy with the outlined plans ..... na yawa o!

Also it doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50.... some spouses make more than each other

Yes, it may be that one spouse makes more money than the other and in to reach a 50/50 deal in that case when it comes to finance, would involve both parties contributing everything they make and running the household on their pooled earnings. Joining both earnings and taking from it to run the house.

Thanks to everyone that contributed so far.

BoboYekini: y'know, i'm bloody tired of hearing this wicked lie. Which yeye 'slow metabolism'?
Eat less or workout more. Simple.

Having a slow metabolism is possible. Every human being on earth does not burn fat at the exact same pace.
You need to read more.

I think it is unfair to discriminate against chubby women. Most women are chubby not by choice but because of their slow metabolism and that is something they don't choose to have.
Discriminating against people both male and female, based on physical appearance is wrong. Men also suffer similar discrimination as fat women except in their case it is done against shorter guys and not fatter guys.

By 50/50 I mean equal sharing of responsibilities, both financial and domestic.
What do you think about living with your spouse on such terms? Terms that involve both of you combining your earnings and taking out of the combined earnings for house keeping or rent or whatever else needs money. The 50/50 relationship also involves you and your spouse doing housework jointly with no discrimination. Wife cooks and husbands cooks wife takes care of children and husband does same.
Do you support such a relationship or are you against it?