₦airaland Forum

olumidazz: Absolute crap its like deliberately sticking your neck out to be beheaded. [size=13pt]Marriage by itself has given women more advantage[/size], which one be open communication again? am not saying cheat! Or commit adultery, But woman and men are not wired the same way and will not reason on the same line of thought,

Abeg what type of ridiculous lie is this one?

Thanks for suggesting my thread for front page tgirl, muchos muchos gracias

larynxvibe: madam go and marry...... ur not getting any younger beko

Osahon7: .......she shuld be busy huntin for a husband instead of snapin weird pics..she is 38 nd still single;her mate in matrimonial homes already hav 3 children

Scarpon: she is 36 and not yet married is this a new trend with our celebrities? ?

You see am?

When I said men are the ones carrying marriage on their heads, some people came to tell me that it is a lie, it is not men, it is women that are obsessed.

coogar: stigmatised by who? by the same womenfolk!

Of course. The men don't stigmatize them. Only women do.
I guess you found this out the same way you found out that every single Nigerian woman wants marriage.

it is well connected - i was just trying to say this societal pressure was manufactured by women themselves. the fear of what married women might say or think about a single woman is the reason they quickly jump into marriage.[quote]Sure. They do not also fear what married men think. Only women know how to stigmatize. Men don't stigmatize at all as is evidenced by the topics men make on Nairaland about how crucial it is for women to get married.

[quote]unlike you, i call a spade what it is.
i do not post to rub anyone's ego or kiss anyone's rectum. mate copying is a common trait in women!

You said before that women always want what their mates have and that was a false statement.

i have told you all these factors are created by women. your best friend might even cut you off once she gets married. she no longer sees any point in being friends with you and she's the first to remind you time is ticking or try to matchmake you with the friends of her husband. that is the reality!

I don't dispute the fact that some women (not all) also pressure unmarried women to get married. Men also do the same btw
I just want to clear the air about the misconception many men have that single women are just dying to marry them. What most of these ladies actually want is peace of mind from being stigmatized and not marriage. Remove the stigma and many women will stay single

coogar: every woman in nigeria wants to marry - it's a status symbol and the society generally sees it as a big achievement for the woman getting married.

Oh my goodness, not again.
Not every woman wants it biko, your census was not accurate. They do it, but not necessarily because they want it.
They just don't want to be stigmatized. They want a life free of stigma, not a marriage of slavery and servitude.

it has everything to do with it.
in nigeria, your opinion as a single woman would not hold any value if you are giving advice to any marital issue. the people on the other side of the argument would ask if you are married - if you say no then you would be laughed at!

You said it is likely that a woman like me will insult my marital status before any man would.
That statement is not connected with the completely unrelated reply you typed above, unless if you didn't express your point clearly enough for me to understand.

and i am telling you this pressure is created by them. women always want what their mates have. your friends would want your kind of weave, bag, accessories, phones, etc -

Your opinion of how women think is warped and saddening.

same applies to relationship. once any of your friends gets married, then the pressure to marry starts. do you not see how single women fight to catch the bouquet thrown by the bride like it's a ticket to heaven?

Societal pressure, fear of stigmatization, fear of ridicule etc.
I am getting tired of repeating myself.

biolabee: Time takes time - permit my statement
You can't expect men who have always been traditional in outlook to jump to neo modern men in one generation
I don't think it's only people around me. A lot of women I know are happy in their homes and even when I travel to the West, men help their wives do groceries, medical appointments etc
So be hopeful

I agree, traditional outlook and arrogance and the fact that men believe doing housework is demeaning is part of what makes them refuse to change. But I will be hopeful though,
Good words from you man.

Amelian: Sighs.....op don't allow issues of men dissing singles sisters about not getting married affect you..when u see posts of men talking bad abt women or talking about how to get married, u simply overlook such posts, and read better ones that has to do with enlightenment.. I don't bother myself reading such posts anyways .... Am in my early thirties, am comfortable and beginning to enjoy the different flavours of life.. When I was in my twenties, due to my flashy look, I cut out certain normal things that would. Ordinarily make a lady happy, due to mindset of most nija.. Examples, don't wear lovely earrings o, don't look fly in your dressing, even though u dressed responsibly, the word is dress like a girl suffering, then a suitor will come ... And also If u can afford a car, don't buy o, oresle no man will marry u. ... I have good paying job, which could buy me a small car but most of my frnds and family kicked against it... Ha! Don't buy a car o... Always trek to work or take bus, or climb bikes, so that a man will want to marry u... I trek taya . Run after moving buses , climb okadas, it's by the grace of God , my legs are not broken.

Good to hear that you are still happy and getting by despite being single.
Keep your head up and remain proud.
I wish you the best

biolabee: I have said that countlessly here but I will say it one more time
Men have always viewed house work as the responsibility of the women
Times have changed
Men will take time to change
It will TAKE TIME

Why the heck is it taking so much time? Is it so difficult to understand that you live in a house and should help in running that house whether you are male or female? Is it so difficult to understand that wives assisting their husbands with finance should also be assisted with housework?
Why is it TAKING TIME? For pete's sake?

On the majority of men loving their wives, that is my experience of the males in my family and my friends
If you don't accept it no problem

You should have been more specific the first time. Mad respect to your family and friends for being good guys

coogar: this is pure naivety.
that some nigerian women don't desire marriage is a myth. who doesn't want a husband, beautiful kids in a big house radiating with love. it's only after some have failed at it that they condemn the institution of marriage.

Ewo!
Chineke meh o!
Uncle coogar, I have to congratulate you on your successfully going round the country and confirming from all the women in Nigeria that they want marriage.
Congrats, it must have been a difficult task

then you are not conversant with your own society and it's a pity!

What has this got to do with you saying I am likely to insult my marital status?

women want marriage more than men - men would readily put a woman in the house and make babies with her minus the ceremonies that come with wedding or traditional marriage. in nigeria, this is the fact!

Yes, majority of women want marriage more than men because they are under more pressure to get married than men, not because they desire it or will die without it.

biolabee: Conflicts are mainly as a result of modernisation where men's traditional role as a breadwinner have been taken over by women who still have to combine that with domestic issues

True.
Since men are now getting assistance from women when it comes to bread winning then it is only logical that they should help women when it comes to housework.

Majority of men help and love their wives so i dont see where your grouse is

Majority kwa? Which majority?
You must not be living in Nigeria for you to have made this statement.

coogar: they are just giving their opinion based on what the society dictates.

Even if society dictates it,can they not use their senses to reason on their own and realize that many people do not desire marriage and that life can go on without marriage? Society dictates that unmarried women should be ridiculed and they join in ridiculing them and pressuring them without thinking first that marriage is not for everybody.

it's more likely that a woman like you would insult your marital status before any man would do.

Lol, wtf? Let's not get personal good sir, I don't want an emotional discussion, I want a rational one.

men just want sex and women use what they have to get what they want. "if you want sex, you must marry me" mantra.

*Sigh*
This repetition is tiring.....
Yes,
women want marriage (and so do men)
but many only get married cos of pressure/religion, considering the way many men treat their wives after marriage.

coogar: and it's men's fault that the society wants her married? your title is flawed, change it and you would get a more balanced view. men are not the reason women are pressured into marriage. more often than not, men just want sex!

I hear.

So why is the topic on front page about how many ladies will never get married receiving so much support from men?

Why are there many guys there supporting the OP of that thread and asking women to take his advice if they really do not give a shyt?

biolabee: a social platform and prestige. also economically it has benefitted women from time immemorial

It did benefit them economically in the past when men were sole bread winners and women were full time house wives.
Nowadays, women work and earn money and can get by on their own with their salaries.
The prestige thing is as a result of society believing that women who are not married are going against established norms and should be treated like outcasts; this is why married women are accorded more prestige than unmarried ones.

If your grouse are with the traditional roles of male/female relationships in contemporary times - then lets discuss that. these roles are still in flux due to modernisation

The roles are still in flux but no because of modernization. Arrogance and over bloated egos is what makes men act like women are their slaves. Modernization is not responsible for it.

this is as a result of the transition from the african 'polygamy' to white man 'monogamy'. with time this wil be perfected

I hope so.

I now have a queestion for you also
What do you think is a plausible solution

Husbands should love their wives abeg, they should consider women and help them out.
If you love your wife, you won't have to worry about submission. A woman that receives love from her husband will not hesitate to do his will and make him happy. All this unnecessary display of arrogance and superiority is not the answer.

coogar: women are the first to throw up marriage issues. some would not even go out on a date with a man if he is not planning a long term relationship. how many times have we heard women throwing warning shots that they don't want boyfriends but husbands?

Why won't they throw up marriage issues when every body is on their neck about how a women must be married for her to be a normal human being?
Are you people even reading the OP before replying?

Pataki: Now this is so wrong!
Yes men sometimes or usually spite a woman who is not yet married.
But more often than not, it is even women to women who spite themselves the most!
For example: when two ladies are fighting on this forum; it has become the norm, to use their various marital issues/problems has an insulting attribute to buttress their anger.

@bold, 'Marital issues'. meaning they are married abi?
What have such women got to do with this topic?

The pressure for marriage on a woman mostly does not even come from a man. It is mostly derived from several ladies the woman sees around her that are married and supposedly living a happily married life.

Yes, she sees these ladies and realizes that she is going to be regarded as an outcast if she doesn't do as they've done, if she is still the only one unmarried after her friends get married,and this brings the whole thing down to the societal pressure I spoke of.

slimyem: True.
Very in fact!!

Not in the area I live.

Dis Guy: check a thread on the NYSC section, something about what their plans will be going into NYSC or just after it, vast majority were looking to snag a man or get married afterwards! what happened to getting a job? starting a business or living their own life??

Soceital pressure, people telling them that age is not on their sides and so on.

biolabee: On what basis did you quantify responsible men as 2%

the two percent was figurative and I wrote it to show that the numbers are very few

Also do you actually believe that marriage was instituted by religion solely and that over the ages, marriage has not been found to be a social construct that ensures continuity of community

Good.
Fine.
I am not saying nobody should get married or that marriage should be abolished, I am just asking why majority of men think women are just dying to marry them when they have such shitty attitudes after marriages and don't even have respect for their wives enough to help them at home.

Dis Guy: Ask the WOMEN THEMSELVES, the pressure to get married comes mostly from the womenfolks in the same society your complaining about

Lies.

Look at Nairaland for instance, do you see women making noise about how other women are not getting married?
There is even an idiotic thread on front page that was started by a man that talks about how some women will never get married unless they change like say na by force to marry.

Mod, kindly submit this for me to get to front page,
https://www.nairaland.com/1265450/want-understand-why-men-think#15355649

sheedy407: If your papa no marry your mama,u for get chance come dis world come dey post this nonsense for nairaland?stay reach 50yrs bfor u marry u hear.@OP

Women can have children without marriage, they only get married to do so because their bible or quran tells them to. Put religion aside and no women will marry your lazy over bearing asses.

SERIOUSLY? WHY?

Why on earth do you people think that women will keel over and die if they don't get married?
Why do you think women are just dying to get married or get you hooked?

Day after day on Nairaland I see posts by men that talk about how some female celebrity is approaching her 30's and is not married or how some other ladies will never get married because of one reason or another as if these women told you that their lives cannot continue without marriage.

Why on earth do you people think Nigerian women are desperate to get married to you?
See eh, the reason why majority of women seek marriage is because of societal pressure from people that cannot mind their business and because they want to have kids that will not be called bastards so you better understand that fact.

Marriage hardly benefits women (except the very few lucky ones that married considerate men) so why do you think they are dying for it?
Husbands come home from work and expect a hot/good meal which the wife is supposed to have prepared; it is hardly ever the other way round and it is very rare for a woman to come home and meet that her husband has prepared something for her to eat yet this is something men enjoy all the time.
Men just stay by the side and watch while their wives whine in pregnancy pains and face the pains of being pregnant for months; imagine the struggles of getting the kids ready for school while fighting early morning sickness.

She works to assist you and must still submit to your whims because society expects her to, and you still expect sexxual gratification when you come home not considering that she is probably exhausted.
Also, after marriage the husband clearly enjoys his life and freedom more than the woman. he can close from work and 'hang out with the boys' instead of going home and nobody queries him, but his wife can never try such, she goes home straight to take care of children, does the cooking and cleaning and what not. She even has to take a break from work sometimes to pick the kids from school and drop them at home then go back to work before finally returning home at the end of the day to carry house work solely on her head because the majority of Nigerian men are lazy asses that think that helping their wives at home is an abomination.

After all the stress of doing housework on her own and taking care of children on her own she starts to look old and tired and her husband complains that she is now too old and unattractive and without thinking twice, he begins to look outside at younger women because his wife is no longer attractive to him.
The worst part is that the children the women is taking care of, the children that she got so stressed for and losses her beauty after birthing are bearing the man's name. The children bear his name and not hers and yet the men will have the effrontery to say that their wife is no longer attractive after bearing these kids so they want to chase other women.

What do women even gain from marriages for heavens sake?
People expects them give up your identity and start bearing their husbands' name, the kids you spend your life taking care of bear his name and claim his home town when they are asked where they come from, the man is very very likely to cheat on his wife and maybe infect her with some STD or another and he will more likely than not, turn her into his slave by refusing to assist with house work while expecting her to contribute financially to the upkeep of the house.
In fact, if not that religions make childbearing outside marriage a sin and society(mostly men) treat unmarried girls like outcasts, I'm sure many women will not get married, who in their right senses will want to marry an overbearing, unhelpful, slave driving no-good lazy ass; which majority of men are, when they can just have their kids in peace and not have to worry about taking care of him?

All of you can relax, eh kwa?
Women are not in any hurry to become your slaves.
Enough of the marriage this and marriage talk you keep disturbing our ears with.


Lastly, I know that not all married men think that women are on earth to be their slaves, I know that some kind and thoughtful men still exist there so this message does not apply to them.
Kudos to the 2% of Nigerian men that still have respect for women and consider their feelings after marriage.
I salute you.

I found this picture online and I loved it.

I wanted to share it with you beautiful nairalanders.
Enjoy

https://i.imgur.com/bY5idkN.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/StBJWkp.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/JPFeTks.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/3W9SPFt.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/1yuaLHF.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/T3zibPO.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/FUMSDQ7.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/C5NLnmG.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/iYNuDM5.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/KuA10Xl.jpg

Thanks mod, for your help in keeping the thread clean .
I had suggested to some of the feuding parties to just ignore bad comments but unfortunately words were still exchanged. Thank goodness it is all over.
Overall the thread has been a good one. I know I was able to get across to a number of men
Hope more men read and get the message as well.

dayokanu: No one expects it of them, Its the female that desires it

Lol. Your opinion man.

In the US, women do't get judged for being single or even lesbians

They do get judged

Michky: I insist. You're a foolish girl. Was i the one that wrote that for you?

Here's what I wrote Mr. broken hearted guy:

And women don't steal or kill or lie like men do. Ok, maybe they lie like men do, but they don't steal and kill [size=15pt]like men[/size]. Come on, let's be realistic.

'Like men' in that statement means as much as men do. I expected that you would be intelligent enough to know that.
Why did you disappoint me now?

JallowBah: Oh, I know. He is bitter at something, probably some girl who did something bullsh*t.
He said he have "experience with women like me", and talk about sweden all the time, so I am guessing some oyinbo chick broke his heart, or was just too much of a feminist

@bold, very possible. Maybe a heartbreak (something millions of people face everytime) is the reason for all this hatred.

dayokanu: That shows Marriage is still desired even by people who are not bound by any conservative culture. This show women desire marriage regardless of culture, religion or whatever much more than men

What do you mean even when they are nbot bound by any conservative culture? Marriage is still something that is expected of young women in the US. It is still regarded as the norm by the majority of people there.

JallowBah: You are the one saying men who help around the house are slaves, and that a man can not go down to the level of cleaning. That is not putting your wife up like a queen, that is saying you are better than her.

You should ignore that guy.He has very little skill with relating civilly with people.

vanstanzy: Ok, all the same i "liked" u. Is it a crime?

No