₦airaland Forum

Nigerians get carried away by sentiments too much.

The same man that massively stole money when he was in office and forced our current inept president into power is the one you people are praising as if he is a saint. Una don forget wetin he do when he dey office because you see him dancing.

phineboy1pimple: That's Y there's an option... Leave d "bread winning for d man n do the concentrate on "Breading" him n d Kids....

Readthe below, these things have been posted in this thread before but you clearly didn't read through your own thread before posting replies.
vvvvvvvvvvv
what happens to these same kids if God forbids the man slumps and dies suddenly?That woman'a husband could loose his job, he could die, he could suffer some form of paralysis that keeps him from being able to work for the rest of his life. What then? How does she survive when she has no job or has a low paying job that will not fetch her enough money to take care of herself and her children?

phineboy1pimple: Cuz that's how it is... They r to guide, guard n b Guided....

"an example of this are the cats family" the lioness does all d hunting while all d Lion does is to protect the pact n territory....

I don't know whether to laugh or shout at the inanity of this response.

Kobojunkie: Another dingbat who when he is unable to respond intelligently thinks that ASSUMING he has the opponents emotional state figured out from his computer screen/mobile phone, he can pretend to have the situation under his control.

Here's advice for you. Grow a brain and learn to argue issues rather than pretend you have intelligence beyond what you are working with.

You don't have to respond to these men saying you have anger issues.
You are arguing against their beliefs that women should be foot-mats that is why they are looking for different ways to attack you.

maclatunji: You want to take us way back to the basic argument of roles of men and women in society. Things work better with the man being the provider and the wife being the Home Manager, that some people do the reverse with some degree of success doesn't make it the ideal. It is not enough to say things happen, you should critically examine their overall effects.

Women do not run careers with 'some' degree of success. There are many women in their professional fields that are doing excellently well in their respective places of work. I wonder why you think the woman's life should be restricted to only the house. Could it be for religious reasons? Because I know that men who argue that the woman should be indoors usually base their reasons on their religious teachings.
Again, there is no 'basic' roles in society for anyone. People have different skills and natural gifts, every single woman is not born a certain way to fit only one particular role, there are women who make excellent mothers and there are the ones who do terribly at child care no matter how hard they try.
Also, Women have intellect, brains, and for years they have been doing basically the same jobs as men in different professions. I wonder why a woman will have the ability and potential to go great heights and yet she is supposed to do nothing but stay at home with kids. Why does she have intellect and potential then? For decoration?
It is arrogance that makes men think that they are not supposed to assist women with house work. The same house they live in with their wives, they find it difficult to assist with the work in the house, they see themselves as above it, they see doing housework as something that is beneath them.
A woman has to work; this is the twenty first century. Any woman who does not work and depends solely on her husband for upkeep is just taking a big risk. That woman'a husband could loose his job, he could die, he could suffer some form of paralysis that keeps him from being able to work for the rest of his life. What then? How does she survive when she has no job or has a low paying job that will not fetch her enough money to take care of herself and her children?

Why are we talking about 'basic'roles of women being in the house when we know how things work in this day and age?

[size=13pt]For me[/size], a wife's primary dream is to make her family members excel, any other dream should ideally be subservient to this. There are a few exceptions, like I said earlier healthcare workers help to save lives, your family and the society benefit greatly thereby. This is different from say a banker who abandons her kids because she wants to own a house in Lekki and drive a Range Rover Sport. Her family and society suffers- there is a need for balance in life.

Thank God you said for you, meaning that it is your opinion.
My own opinion differs.

@kobojunkie,
It is quite sad really. The truth is, when the husband cooperates with his wife in doing house work and taking care of children, there will not be any need for the wife to kill her dreams and desires and just stay at home doing house work. The keyword is cooperation. Man cooperate with woman and woman cooperate with man, both work together and assist each other, the woman joins the man in earning money and the man joins the woman in doing house work and taking care of the children. I don't see any reason why the men would not want to assist with taking care of their children, afterall they are his children, they bear his name.
I really fear the way Nigerian men have absolutely no qualms in trying to decide what path their wives take in life. For heaven's sake women are also human beings. It is somebody's dreams you are killing when you decide that they should do what YOU want and dispose of their own ambitions.

chaircover: LOL I had this conversation with a male colleague yesterday morning and you know what we both came up with . . . that women though physically weaker than men, are mentally stronger than men and the mind can push your body to do amazing things . . .

why are men considered the heads of the family when women are mentally stronger than them?

solomon111: Go to hell with your brainless sarcasm.
If you don't want to serve your husband meals,than marry someone who agrees with you.
Don't you dare tag wise women who opt to do otherwise as inferior.

I am not tagging women who serve their husbands inferior. It is not bad to serve one's spouse food. When it becomes bad is when the husband forces the wife to do it against her will. If she wants to serve then fine, no problem. If she doesn't want to serve then the husband should take his food by himself, it is not hard. Taking food is not mixing and carrying concrete, I don't see why anyone would find it difficult to do it by themselves.

It is baffling to me how women that are not physically as strong as men are the ones who have to 'balance' house work and taking care of children and running their careers. What roles are men supposed to play apart from joining their wives in breadwinning?

miredia: however what would rather be bizzare is having my wife cross her legs, without being indisposed, no house help at home and expect me to go grab my meal. I will shout o.

You are correct sir. Women are supposed to serve their husbands food whether they like it or not.
I don't understand these modern day women that think women are equal to men. Women should show their inferiority by serving food to their husbands instead of waiting for the husband to serve himself.

Joyeux: ^^^^^^^
Not true.

I was being sarcastic.

Shinatu: I wonder why people think having your husband 'snatched' is the worst thing that can happen to the woman?

Don't you know that a woman's life cannot go on unless she is married?

debrief08: Lol Uju, You want to give some people High Blood Pressure you this "westernaised" wife, "soon someone else will serve your husband, maybe the maid self and snatch him, then you will come here and be crying, instead of you to take a teacher or civil service job that will give you time to prepare every meal, keep the house clean and sparkely, and be dressed in the s3xiest nightgown waiting for him when he gets home you are here saying you can't serve your husband. Don't you know that a womans life begins and ends in the kitchen cooking and serving? Don't you see all the desperate women doing night vigil for husband? Do you think having a husband is easy? Stay there and be doing oyibo, one day your husband will be served food and will mumuily enter a land of no return"
Hope I said it right. Uju, a word is enough for the wise, better resign and look for a job that will allow you serve your husband you are here doing oyibo, this is not America oh, Nigerian Men have no self control, and God forbid that he cooks or brings dinner home and serves you, you are looking for trouble, they will snatch your husband oh, na serve and follow, any woman you allow to serve him will carry him and go.
I don't blame you sha, You didn't get the "How to be a Nigerian Wife Manual"

debrief you be comedian o! LWKMD for this post. This is such a typical sexist pig comment.

Shollypopz: Submission of women without sugar-coating:

If a home has to hv a head, then let the smarter one take the role. The role shouldn't be defined by gender.

Nigerian men no go hear that one. This submission issue is very important to them.

coogar: you still don't get it.....
whatever decision the husband takes must have the wife's blessings. of course, she might not have agreed at the first but the husband was able to convince her to let them do it his way. the argument had stopped - they made a decision to take one road....it's now their decision not his decision. there were 2 roads - obviously, one of them must change his/her decision for the other party. the most important thing is that they both agreed to proceed with the decision they have taken.

I agree with the bolded. A successful marriage has to involve compromise from BOTH parties and not just one person.

Mowire: If you truely are a xtian (which I'm beginning to doubt) you'll realise that the LOGIC of your actions is in their conformity with the WORD of God; which was where you started your discourse.

So what you are saying is that people should follow whatever laws they find in the Bible without bothering to check if these laws are logical/commonsensical?

Mowire: No. I'm not getting paranoid.
Rationalize "these points of view" so that then what will happen?
IMO with God our points view do not matter in this thing.

Shouldn't our actions be logical before we decide to follow them? Should they not make sense to us first? Do we just follow them for following sake?

marriage is not a competiton.....it's a journey undertaken by the husband and the wife in which they have to take decisions in which road to take at every junction in their journey. there's a going to be a time when the couple would desire taking different roads - this is where mutual respect is expected to kick in. if there's love between them, they would work it out between themselves which road to take. if they both decide on road 1, then road 1 it must be regardless of what the outcome is. they would either succeed together or fail together.......

Yes I agree, marriage is not a competition.
But you know in your initial post you said that the woman should let the husband have the final say in decision making regardless of whether she agrees with his decision and that if the decision fails they should BOTH return to the drawing board that was why I made that comment. Your comment above however, is different from the one you made earlier because you say that they should fail together if they both agree on a decision together.
Initially you said that they should do this even if the man is making a decision the woman doesn't agree with.

jidegirl12: I meant with my post....you seem very defensive...I am not in fighting mood now abeg.. too early

What is making me 'seem defensive'? Am I supposed to just ignore a person that calls me confused?
I am not trying to be defensive.

I think you should have worded your post differently, maybe by saying that I don't understand what you wrote instead of saying that I am very confused.

jidegirl12: You are very confused

That was uncalled for.

Mowire: @OP. What I see is that you are here to look for justification for/to resist what you know the bible is saying in those verses. There are these verses in the bible (OT) where God said the woman's vows to God are subject to the husbands approval (or her father's if a spinster); that if he disapproves such vows are not binding on her. In other words if a wife makes & pays a vow to God without the husband's approval that vow is a nullity: futile.
Does this make any sense?

@bold, that was not my reason for starting this thread, please don't get paranoid. I wanted to get different points of view from people and to see if it is possible to rationalize these poinys of view.

jidegirl12: I don't have to agree with it I can only give my own ideas and suggestions , I trust his instincts ..... running it by me is showing me respect and not just shock me with a new executed project I don't know anything about initially....and that's just satisfying for me.

@bold, as long as you are ok with it then it's all good.
Thanks for your contribution.

coogar: there's nothing wrong in the men having a final say too.....if a wife raises her fears and the husband insists on his own opinion, the wife should accept his will without malice(she's a helper).

The thing is, men cannot ALWAYS be right. No human can always be right. Sometimes you are right and sometimes you are wrong; that is how life works so it might be wiser for the husband to let his wife have the final say sometimes. The woman might also be more knowledgeable or experienced in certain things they want to decide on.

It might also be that the wife is more intellectually sound than the husband (she might be smarter than him-yes it is possible) and I think this would make her better at decision making than him.

if everything goes to plan, then the two of them should be proud of what they collectively achieved with their decision. if the plan fails, the two of them should dust themselves, go back to the drawing board and try again. there should be no "i told you so" + "you should have listened to me"....they should succeed together and fail together!

That is easier said than done. Why should they BOTH return to the drawing board when the man was the one who made a mistake.

[Double post

jidegirl12: Let me answer that question too....YES, my hubby have the final say...men likes to play that role and some men feel very umm small or irresponsible especially when they don't make enough and mostly needs their other half's help/support in household expenses...

Even though it doesn't work for me...I always let it slide.of-course I'm not a dummy and I have a voice too but I just let him make more final says than I do, It helps a lot in a marriage, somebody has to make the sacrifice.

I don't even have that time to talk too much serious stuff so he does it and run it by me first.

When you say that he runs it by you first, do you mean that he always sees to it that you agree with his decisions before implementing them?

coogar: very good question.....
my headship is actually a matter of responsibility and accountability - this is where african men generally screw things up. in sane climes, the head serves his subjects, in africa, the head wants to be served. accepting my authority means she cannot resist my will. this does not mean she cannot express her fears or disagree with some of my decisions...she's my helper not a doormat!

This was nice to read.
Accepting a guy like you as the head would not be difficult at all

Most men see leadership as having the final say in everything regarding decision making. Any major step cannot be taken in the house unless they agree to it. I wanted to know if you are one of those men that was why I asked.

slimyem: All i require to be a submissive wife is that my husband respects me as much as i respect him....and all will be well!!

Very straightforward and to the point.
If your spouse agrees with this concept of submission then no problem at all!

Most men won't though.

ItsModella: maka gini? that one tops the list na...

lol, bad gal....

I like men that are well-read and are interested in reading and expanding their knowledge. If he is handsome then that is just cherry on top.
[size=3pt]he should also be good in the bedroom department[/size]

coogar: submission is a gift my wife chooses to give me...it's a free will, a decision she's made to be led by me, to accept my authority and to be my helper whenever i need aid.

Ok. But what does accepting your authority mean to you? Does it mean that you get the final say in all the processes of decision making?

I really want to know because the Bible verses that talk about submission do not really expantiate on what it means for a woman to submit to her husband.
In Ephesians 5:22 - 24, Paul starts on the subject of husbands and wives with this statement, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

What does the term 'submission' entail? Does it mean women should seek the approval of their husbands before they take any decision in life? Does it mean the husband is the one that is supposed to decide whatever major step the wife takes in life? Please I need to understand.

1. Men: What does submission mean to you? How do you expect a submissive wife to act?

2. Women: What things do you need to do to be regarded as a submissive wife?

Thanks for your contributions.

[quote author=Gabriel_sylar]when u pay a guys fare....U MAY GIVE HIM AN ER.E.C.T.IION and compound his problems............. [/quote]Lmao. For some guys sha. For others you are going to shrink the 'thing' because you emasculated them by assisting them financially.

sauer: I'd instantly fall in love with such woman . If she's not religious, i just might consider marrying her on the spot.
Seriously, I'd be impressed. I will however only consider it in a larger context. I'd be impressed nonetheless.

I thought things like this are common overseas where the women are more liberal?
[quote author=val_dee]Op, if done with pure intention there's nothing to worry about, but if done with the intention to manipulate then ...[/quote]I do things like that to help out. I am comfortable financially and so I just want to be able to help other people/be generous to them. I find it hard to go on a date with a guy and eat all that expensive food and then expect him to handle the bill alone. Especially when I am probably well off than him in terms of finance.
@the guys that spoke well of it, I feel una jare. I don't like this culture of longthroat financial dependence our society is trying to promote for women.

Why? Please don't tell me it is because you think women are inferior to men.