₦airaland Forum

SAMBARRY:
this is salah break. The people that will send it have gone for public holiday as declared by the fg

Na lie.

SAMBARRY:
ok what do you want for a post well typed

I want you to package the peppersoup and send it to me.
Na picture I wan chop?

SAMBARRY:


gbam.you have wrapped everything up that I have been trying to say since morning. In fact you deserve this pepper soup and assorted for breakfast this cold morning

Kulyie don't tempt me
Chai

SAMBARRY:
does that description of dressing threaten anyone's life or safety? If no what is your point because I see some guys too who dress quite inappropriately BY MY OWN STANDARDS

I was on the que waiting for my turn on atm Stand this Sunday and a guy behind me dyed his hair whether blonde or gold with long long chains that all this rappers wear about 3was on his neck.

He was wearing nose ring, pierced under his lips again, sagged his trousers and wore a yellow and blue chelsea jersey or top abi wetin una dey call am

to him he was doing fashion to me he looked likea weirdo but the Issue is

WETIN CONSAIN ME. His mode of dressing did not affect me in ANYWAY

even those pudah women that wear overall black curtain to cover them from the top of their heads to their feet con wear black socks and put something like black net on their faces are they not raped too?

If only they were raped and left alone, it would be better.
They are still punished for having been defiled if they can't produce four male witnesses to testify that they were eye witnesses to the rape.

Wish propriety and decent dressing could save them.

@bold in your post, as it should be.

Why exactly should it be otherwise?
Right without responsibilities indeed.

Does anyone molest you guys for being indecent? I haven't seen you cry foul for the rights without responsibilities you're enjoying.

See you quoted a writer who's saying male sexuality is being oppressed. If you didn't mean that in Relation to rape and victim blaming, why quote him/her in this instance. It's like you're not aware of the subliminal message that carries. Your bad if you're misunderstood.
Next time quote him only when it is appropriate even if untrue. But at least let it have a relationship with the topic that won't make your post sound like something else.

@colored, I share no such sentiments. I've met good men. Many.
And I defend good men when coincidentally people who share your POV insinuate that men are beings with lack of self control who could be potential rapists if the lady around them isn't behaving properly. You Didn't see it that way huh?
Because you wanted to distract attention from the serious issue of rape to the propaganda of men are being demonized. As is usual in these parts.

Never mind that the article had MEN and WOMEN equally outraged by the "don't dress indecently if you don't want to raped" comments.

The thing is when people say such things, they don't understand what they are teaching.
"Don't bring out the beast in him"
"Don't push him to molest you"
"Don't provoke him to beat you to death"
Etc. they don't teach the so called responsibility that you're harping about. What they teach is that the perpetrator is not responsible for their actions of crime against the other person.


As for what is proper dressing or not, who makes the rules? You, me? With cultures varying around the world is there a common standard agreed upon by EVERY single person as to what proper dressing is? Don't bother to answer that. Rhetorical.

But there is a standard for what is harmful to the next person as humans feel pain the same way. So yes anti-rape laws and sentiments (especially sentiments) can be enforced or at least taught because any victim anywhere in the world feels the pain the same way. (That's an example)

But 'proper' dressing can't be enforced because we don't all agree on what's proper and what's not. So the earlier People started respecting other people's choices of dressing, the faster we can move on to the main issues. Which is the criminal high handedness of someone who thinks they can take another by force because they felt enticed.

I've a question for you though.

why do you think rape is stil very high in countries like India and Nigeria where conservativism is still the order of the day?

What are your thoughts on that?

ApexTitan:
Whaat? The level of conflation is very high in your post, whether you are doing it deliberately is unclear so I will restate my initial point;

In the promotion of slut walking its supporters are telling girls and women that their action - i.e, dressing provocatively - is without consequences and that its men who have to conform themselves and behave properly regardless of whether the dressing is deliberately drawing attention or not . Distil that message to its essence and it is that these women want to exercise rights without responsibilities.

Again the conflation. Male sexuality is not pertinent to what we are talking about and I am not linking it to rape in any form, it is the shift in responsibility for how women choose to act sexually to the man that is wrong. The point here is that in telling girls that there is nothing wrong if they choose to dress only in a thong and bra to go to the mall they are not doing them any good. In fact these women insist that it is the man who does not respond to them asexually after they've dressed so who has the problem.
You have to ask yourself this: how does telling women to dress like $7 whores help in generating respect for them?

Granted rapists are motivated by a variety of reasons and the criminal mind can easily latch onto one of several things as motivations for their crime but can you conclusively prove that slutty dressing isn't one? I personally have never lent my voice in condemnation of rape victims because I am not privy to the circumstances. This isn't just entirely about rape even, its the effrontery that these movements have in promoting what is basically indecency and saying that the consequences be damned.


Apparently the point I was making about the denigration of male sexuality and masculinity in today's Westernized feminine-primary society was lost on you. Keep churning the wheel that maintains that men are criminals, rapists, warmongering cheaters and sexists by virtue of their gender; masculinity and male sexuality does not need inputs from anyone other than the men themselves to rebuild itself.

since you say you're both in love, you don't necessarily have to break up. But postpone any wedding talks for now.
There's some maturity issues here.
Your spouse shouldn't be making you angry and giving you headaches all the time. Instead, you should enjoy their company and look forward to it.
You guys can't get married like this. The stress will be much on y'all.

What is male sexuality?
It wasn't a rhetorical question.
And I don't see the answer in this long post.

I'm asking you what it is (in your own understanding) because we are talking about rape and not blaming the victims blaming and you're saying male sexuality is being oppressed by that.
Really?

So I really want to know what you mean by male sexuality since you're linking it to a cause that says don't rape women and don't blame the victims when it happens.
If asking people to respect women now equals oppressing male sexuality.

On the other hand, What is sad is that even in the face of big evidence to the contrary, people still link dressing to rape.
Nigeria and India are proof that decency in dressing can't protect you.

Yet somehow we want to blame the women for it and give them some repsonsibility for the offense committed against them.
You're aware that men can get molested too.
In any such instances, have you seen anyone asking if the boy was indecently dressed to attract the attack unto himself?

It is really sad indeed.

On the flip side, male sexuality being oppressed is a bad thing? What a horrible thing. OMG
Lmao. But it is okay to oppress women's sexuality. Oh no. Our own meds don't taste nice to us.
Funny. Ask us how it feels. You wouldn't even know what oppressed sexuality is if it hits you in the face. Be a woman first, then you can talk about oppressed sexuality.

ApexTitan:
So the modicum of decency that common sense demands in regards to how women and men should dress is now termed policing? Unlike the advocates of slut walking every reasonable people will take the call to attire one's self reasonably or without provocative intent as a simple sign of good judgement and not a totalitarian fiat or restrictive command.

In fairness one cannot ignore that in some instances people have wrongly accused victims of rape of bringing it on themselves even when the victims were not provocatively dressed but the slut walk supporters with their open endorsement and celebration of slutty dressing are wilfully ignoring the responsibilities that women have when they exercise the rights to dress as they deem fit.

As to where your question as to which part of the world male sexuality is being oppressed - you want to get me started? - the answer is clearly the West and it is seeping in to these parts gradually. In the West any overt display of masculinity is attacked and gutted. Ever since the rise of feminism back in the 60s the image held out before all of society is that men, masculinity and male sexuality are the big bad devils that have oppressed the world. Men and male sexuality are seen as the biggest sinners against humanity and so they have to be "corrected". Name any of the modern day evils, sexual harassment, imperialism, environmental degradation, globalization, slavery, pollution whatever it is, as long as you have a penïs you are are somehow culpable if not directly responsible. Men are seen as crude creatures poisoned by testosterone and so have to be regulated by stringent legislation. A young man cannot alone walk through certain school neighbourhoods without arousing suspicion because of the stereotype that he is a potential rapist or criminal in the making. Even the archetypal images held out for men in the western media when they are not criminals or rapists is that of the buffoon who cannot get things right; sift through Western sitcoms and you will find very few portrayals of the strong confident male, the dad in the show is the clown who is laughed at. . .

. . . Its interesting how even the answer to your rhetorical question of what male sexuality is you answer 'raping women? Masculinity, male sexuality and all of its traditional forms of expression are continuously demonised - so much so that the current generation of young men find it hard to identify any positive thing to associate it with - but we are to celebrate women's when they walk around with only a string as clothing because it is empowering? The whole slut walking thing is just a sad joke.

Well that's where choice comes in. You can chose to go about it your own way seeing as you wouldn't be caught undressed in the streets for any reason. And that's okay.

I like their method too which is boldly stating that the dress isn't the problem and we might as well get that stumbling block out of the way so that people can focus on the real issue which is the number of rapists and rapist apologists who like to hide behind "she was indecent" to justify evil.

bukatyne:
It is like the saying 'you can have freedom of speech but your freedom after your speech cannot be guaranteed'

Nothing stops me from wearing a bikini on my street; nothing stops a sick man from overpowering me and raping me.

There is no law or campaign that can appeal to a sick mind not to rape a woman (decently dressed or not). That's where the campaigners are losing it. They would have to ensure there is no sick person in a vicinity before telling women they are free to dress indecently else they tell the women to be ready to face the consequence of their indecency.

@Mode of campaign: if I want to do an awareness on rape and stop victimization, I surely would not do so unclad.

They will answer you in future

bukatyne:
@Thread, I have some quedtions:

Do seperated /divorced couples have only female children?

Are we saying a wife rather stays with a cheat or abuser than leave so that her daughters are not stigmatized in future?

Are we saying everyone who grows up in an 'unbroken' family makes Good wives? Nevermind What type of home it was.

Why don't men consider this when they break up with cheating wives? (we know men are prone to divorce cheating wives than vice versa)

Thanks in advance

lilmax:
Who knows the fate of america in the next 8yrs?

If Africa hasn't collapsed from the nude walks of the past, this one won't collapse America.
Concern yourself more with your nation.

We invented the walk.

I disagree with you on this one.

It's like people aren't seeing the reason behind the the action.
They are not saying everyone should dress indecently. They are saying anyone should be able to dress how they want without being harassed for it.

Hence the walk. And anyone is free to dressed anyway they chose to, to emphasize their point.
For the purpose of the walk of course.

These kinds of walks aren't new and are mostly done to show how strongly the participants feel about what they are protesting.
Whatever injustice of the day that they are against.

bukatyne:
@OP:

They are going about the end of sexual violence the wrong way.

People would naturally pay attention to women respectably dressed than ladies who are nude

Besides, sick rapists will not be deterred by this campaign /anti-rape laws with not deter them.

It is now left for everyone to protect themselves /their wards as best as they can alongside the campaign.

What is male sexuality?
Raping women?

Because as far as I can tell, no one is policing men on what they wear and how to be prim and proper and decent and virtuous.
In which part of the world is male sexuality being oppressed? Pls tell us.

So because women don't want to be blamed on account of what they were wearing when on marrafoka rapes them means male sexuality is being restricted?

What aren't you saying Hiding behind J Weidman.?

ApexTitan:
Rape attracts heavy penalties before the law and this is rightly so, well at least in the case where it is conclusively proven. In championing the cause for slut walking today's modern 'empowered' woman is however subtly pushing an agenda to the fore, and that agenda as one writer, J Weidmann, expertly put it is this:

The feminist goal is removing all constraints on female sexuality while maximally restricting male sexuality

Today, and especially in the West where the feminine imperative is on the ascendancy, women want to openly execute their mating strategies without restraint or regard for consequences. If anything, if there be any consequences it has to be shifted to the man and so we have the situation before us today; men are now blamed and shamed for responding to the triggers or cues that the women themselves set off! The lady who dresses provocatively and brazenly advertises her sexuality so, the Sexually Liberated Unrestrained Tart is not to be shamed indeed she is to be celebrated, that's their agenda.

Go grrls, keep walking!

ApexTitan:
Well said. But surely you must notice that advocates for sult walking eschew this common sense approach.

If only these common sense approach, propriety and decency helped women in India or Nigeria for that matter.
We seem to have the highest conservative ratio and more decently dressed women yet the rape that occurs within our walls surpasses that which happens in these places where the devil has his abode. I.e the west.
Has policing women helped reduce rape in these rape capitals of the world? I wish.

Does it say anything?

coogar:
fact is.....women slut-shame more than men!
half of women blame the victims of sexual assault.......

That's also true.

I've even encountered some of them here on NL making such comments.
One told me how she was nearly raped and I asked her if it was her fault, she said no (funny. Right)
but she felt confident blaming a 16yr old that was raped by her lecturer (the father's friend) for following him to his office.

In that case they didn't see indecent dressing to blame they turned it into why she followed the man in the first place.
Smh.

As usual they refuse to get the message.

Stop victim blaming.
Stop slut shaming.

Nigeria needs this walk. Walahi.

So all these yeye "what were you wearing when he raped you" questions will die down. As if the victims of sexual offenses are usually dressed half unclad before they are attacked.
Nigeria is a good example why the slut walk is necessary. Because blaming the victim about their appearance during an attack leads to nothing but ignoring the real issue. Which is that sexual offenses on the most part happen to people who weren't indecently exposed at the moment it happened.

From what we can see, how you dress doesn't prevent you from being attacked. we are tired of people passing blame onto that instead of focusing on how to train young boys right.

Why didn't the guy say something about the victims who have been attacked when decently dressed and infants/ kids too who are attacked all the time?

As usual. He wants to perpetuate the tradition of victim blaming. Like many of y'all do.

So?

In his deluded mind, he's morally better than her.

Shawarmaplus:
Shawarma at its best..check out our profile for our digits..

Can you give me recipe? Pls

Herzumpther:
Pottage and amala.

Okotv I called but your phone was switched off.

u wan kill person?

Gboliwe:
https://www.nairaland.com/1991042/slept-brothers-wife

The thread above should be enough to feed your shameless attention seeking. Cheers

Last year he was a guy.
This year she's a babe

Na today. For your mind telling a lady you will treat her like a slut (which btw no one knows what rubbish you mean by that) is enough to make her not cheat on you?

You treat me like a slutt, I treat you like a manwhore. As you're no longer my husband but philandering jerk.

1:1

Your second wife will be totally inconsequential to me. As I go dey my own room or part of the house with my bobo rolling in the sheets.
Open marriage go sweet die. Choi.
Make sure you will be ready to invest in good beat headphones with surround-sound block out preferably. because the ooh aah will penetrate reach your room.

As none of us will like to spend our one kobo on getting a divorce, we will live as house mates and enjoy having extra partners while living together.

Paradise.

Toks2008:
See with your parrot mouth if i marry you and you cheat on me i will just start acting like norrin happen and start treating you like real slut,nd i wll hatesvrw you in ways you cant imagine while looking for another lady to marry because to me you are no longer my wife but a slut.

God forbid that i spend a kobo to file for divorce but you must do that if you want to move on which i will gladly consent to.

You talking about her continuous act of cheating is inconseequential to me.

She better run from that twisted family

Toks2008:
Even if it costs 100naira i wont spend a dime on it.

And she will keep on the cheating until you quench from the frustration.

Tell us what you will do. You think say na by talk?

Toks2008:
With this mindset of yours walahi i pity that man wey go marry you.

All im stating here are facts and if you like accept or reject but when you become more matured and married you will understand better.

For now keep up your vocal gallivanting

It's your wife past present and future that deserves all the pity the world can muster.

Toks2008:
Most men are looking for sexual encounters and infact many of these guys pray for their wife to goof so that they will have reasons to try another new lady so that answers your question.

But we all know that in this cruel world, once a lady changes the second hubby she will be seen as a free for all.

It's people like you that made it a cruel world with your selfishness and double standards.

See how you implied that it's okay for a guy to philander but when it comes to the woman, it becomes "shameless"
Aliens didn't come from Mars to make it cruel. Selfish People like you did.

So you tied her leg.

Make her free indeed.
She doesn't even need a formal divorce to fvck around. You and your second wife will be enjoying and she will be enjoying on the side too with her own bobo.

What will you do?

Na you go tire.
This boy self. Keep amusing us.

Toks2008:
Please put yourself in the shoes of the man and see if it makes sense for me to spend thousands of my hard earned money to divorce a lady and then makes her very free to be with the man. Never will i be that foolish.

It will be on record that she has cheated so that at anytime she wants to make trouble with the new woman she just won't be able to do that so let her go look for money and divorce herself and i will let her go.

njokusboy:
So you guys are essentially "follow follow" with no minds of your own..
Why then do you dispute the notion that males are superior, you have clearly stated that you do only what a man does....
People who call women "zombies" surely have a strong argument.

Lmao.

Ngokafor:
....Honestly that dude is something else ...The worst part of the whole thing is that he is delusional enough to call himself a 'Marriage Counselor'..tragic indeed.

That's the kind of counselor some nairalanders like. He's made in Nairaland.

The ones that tell them to be responsible and treat their wives with respect are home wreckers.

Toks2008:
Easy to say.

Si at 26 say you caught your hubby cheating then you will leave and never have sex again?

I hear you.

Come to think of it, isn't better to leave at a young age than wait until it's too late?
For a woman less than 40 and still sexually active, putting up with a serial philanderer is a good way to waste her youth.
The earlier she leaves, the better chances she has of putting her life back on track and moving in with someone else if that's what she wants.

God forbid at 26 a lady has to endure a philanderer. Until when?

At that stage, she should be enjoying her marriage and experimenting in all the corners of the house with her darling husband, but he's busy donating his cum all over town and bringing the watery remains back to her. Tufia.
It's a waste of young womanhood. Horrible waste.

It would even be easier for a woman above 45 to find other ways of dealing with a man who started philandering in his middle age. Maybe do back to him with her own young bobo or ignore him if she's "menopausing" and not interested in sex with him anymore.

If you're not ready to accept cheating you're unmarried or a teenager.?
Na today?
Marriage counselor ko.

Very interesting.

You write well too.

dont8:
God has finally done it for me, thanks everyone.

Will update later, need to rest now.

Cc: Caracta
Idowuogbo.

Aww. Congrats