₦airaland Forum

This is more like the summary.
Especially the bolded

Nothing to add.

MarvellousGod:
Marriage is a good thing which everyone should naturally desire but it shouldn't be imposed. ..

Op, I like what you said "marriage is part of life and not life itself".. so true. ..

However I don't like it when people say most married people ain't happy, bla bla bla.. how do you know this? Have you visited all houses? Wonder why people always want to key into bad stories and neglect the good... Just as there are bad marriages, there are good marriages too.. it's all up to you. ..Or maybe because you hear/see bad marriages, you believe yours will be bad too?

.. People are happy whether single or married, it's up to you to choose to be happy or not by playing your cards well....

Then, the society generally needs to change its outlook on marriage, stop making single adults feel like failures. . There's more to life. ...

He's an idiott.
That's for sure.

Life imprisonment.
No hope of parole. That's what they deserve.

tearoses:
The hubbys probably think they are doing the right thing by letting their wives go
it also excuses them from any responsibility of caring for their wife and new baby
what they dont realise is that they miss out with bonding with their baby and wife.

My oga will say leave the baby with him and go to you moms place if you want to

tearoses:
In some familys after the women put to bed the woman leaves her home with the baby and goes and live with relatives be it on her side or the husbands side

My concern with this is, when does the man get to bond with his new baby and wife? is this a good time for a couple to be separated?

The wife too needs her husbands support, his warmth & his presense round her. Is it not stressful for her to move to another house? A house that probably has different "rules" that she needs to adapt to. . . then add that to her hormones and tiredness. Is this emotionaly healthy?

Im just thinking that in todays age, good planning and with all the information at our fingertips, and with so many men hands on anyway, Do they need to leave their homes and husbands or is this a tradition that should be phased out?

If the husbands say no, I don't think the ladies will go ahead to move.
I agree it should be phased out. That bonding stage is important for fathers too.

It all depends on the men. Their wives think they can't help out enough and they so too think.hence the arrangement.

Exes should remain in the past.

So far from his posts, the girl's crime is not coming to cook and clean for the invalid aunt. And not visiting long enough. Because people aren't typing "tufia evil girl. Send her away with the baby" doesn't mean they don't know it would be nice if she showed more compassion. I can tell you what the OP wants is more people to tow that line of thought so that his resolve to poison his cousin's mind will be stronger.

from where I stand, most of the problem lies with the dude.
For all the girl knows, they are all in good terms. Not knowing they've already plotted the downfall of the union before it even starts.
When you expect some thing from someone, you tell them. Let them refuse first then you can blame them all you want.

If the girl were here, most people would encourage her to be more caring to the MiL to be. But she's not here and lambasting her to satisfy the OP will only intensify their already hatched plan. To what end?

we know he's not happy about what his cousin does for the girl, he needs to take correction too. At least he's here to read his own faults and take correction.

freecocoa:
That issue should be separated from the girl's attitude, I understand the OP's point of view because believe me in all honesty, we have a DIL like that in my family, we don't go about it like the OP everyone just gives her, her space after series of talks with no change, we keep playing our part(within reason) because of our relative involved, some people are a close knit family and can find something like this really strange, not everyone is exposed you know and may not know how to go about it.

Not condemning the girl's attitude makes it like there's no shame in her character.

Money dey grow for tree

Chubhie:
Buy a new house or rent a new place and change all furnitures and wardrobes. You can stage for her to go visit her favourite aunty or mum thereby giving room for you guys to miss each other depending on how long you guys can hold out.

If you are intelligent enough to observe that some certain kind of foods are natural aphrodisiacs and know how to use them you guys would be hitting it off at any slightest opportunity. You go Bleep tire. There are other ways you guys can enjoy each other even without sex. Sex is never the be all you know?

I don't think any right thinking person will say the girl should never be kind or help her MIL.

It's just that his condescending attitude towards her makes it hard to sympathize with him.
Nothing in his post shows he even regards the girl as family.

freecocoa:
I don't think it's fair of the lady to treat her MIL like that, she ought to show a little kindness, I believe as an adult, somethings come to you naturally, you can't teach a grown woman kindness, she knows what it is and refusing to show it to someone, who showed was kind to her, elderly and also her MIL, is not a something to be made excuses for, it should be frowned upon.

I get that the OP is meddlesome and feeling like they have an edge over the lady(I blame culture), still, his concerns can be understood.

wandyvirus:
Agreeing with you. Read my response.

Okay.

It was kinda unclear because I mentioned at some point that the girl should be more compassionate and that's kind of opposite of what you said.
So I didn't know if you were disagreeing with that or agreeing with the rest of my post that their condensing attitude towards her is not nice.

But I get it now.

That girl is a jobless anuofia.

Lol this one you're quoting me.
Are you agreeing or disagreeing with me?

wandyvirus:
I was very shocked reading the post. What 1960ish thinking. The aunt likes to be nice right? nice to her son's girlfriend and baby mama. The girl has every right to decide not to get too close or interfere with the poster's family business. So robbers came abi? did she send the robbers? she is not even a relative yet. She simply gave birth out of wedlock. She is the "ale" and has given birth to an "omoale". the girl is minding her business my dear poster least she been seen as too forward. Poster, you and your aunt need to know their place. It is not your place to "re-train" the lady. It is not your place to judge her by your outdated custom and tradition. it is not your place to decide who loves who and for what respectable resaon. It is bad enough that that have a child outside wedlock. Don't compound it by looking for tactical endorsement. You want your cousin to marry an "ass licker"? or a hypocrite?

Sorry.

It's not that I'm laughing at you sha.
Just that I know the feeling.

You'll be fine. Eventually.

ManchyBabe:
Thanks alot zaynie..

The issue is I have tried severally to push food down my throat but I end up throwing up, that's the only time I throw up.

No food interests me at all, in the first few weeks I ate well, then I noticed I started detesting the food one by one. Am only left with beans, Eba with Ogbono and yam. Which am scared to eat because I will hate it immediately.
And this meals has to be cooked only by my husband, no one else

I hate all junk foods now, not a single one is appealing.

My doctor suggests I take fruits but I hate all them too asides mango & grapefruit.

Has anyone experienced such and hope till I regain my appetite it doesn't affect the fetus?

May God HELP US ALL.

This is a funny thread

You don't have to tell him you're leaving.
Just leave quietly.
You're rubbing it in his face that you're leaving so that he will kill you and kill himself abi?
Think of your little child first.
Thank god you have your mom to lean on this period. So just go back there and let him conquer his demons first before you bring yourself and that little baby into the face of danger.

Someone can kill another person in anger unintentionally much less when they already threatened to do so with a knife.
Whatever came over him will clear once that knife finds its way into your body. By then it will be too late.
He needs help and until he gets its and gets better, remove yourself from that danger.

You can be giving him your support from your moms place. Let him come there and see you guys anything he wants to see the baby.
Never go back until you're totally convinced that he's changed.

Story

Did the man complain to you?

ismart:
madam, a child is not a guarantee. I repeat it is not a guarantee. Tomorrow your likes would accuse men. Life is give and take... tell me why you are alive. Why is your body breathing? how does it breathe? In case you don't know, it breathes in Oxygen and breathe out carbondioxide... and in other to balance the ecosystem, plants breathe in your carbon dioxide and give you oxygen to breathe, Why this laws are defiled, there is a break down in the system.

You don't just get it... this girl does NOTHING.

she ONLY receive... she gives nothing.

There has to be something you give... show you care!

Meanwhile your cousin should get help for his mom instead of expecting a new mom to be available to wait on her hand and foot.
Like you said, she's not strong enough on account of the CS to start a business. How come she's strong enough to do other things?

This one una dey count wetin the man do for am. SMH. Such nosiness. Nawa.

Granted that she should show more compassion and concern but who your cousin chooses to marry is his business and you have no say trying to put asunder between them.
All in all, you sound very derogatory towards the lady.
Na your kind sabi meddle in people's affairs until things become too bad to salvage.
Shebi your next plan is to convince your cousin to break up with her so that that kid becomes fatherless or motherless depending on gets the kid. Will you be the father or the mother when they part ways because of you?

Una mind una business o. Nosy marriage spoiling relatives.

I wish your aunt quick recovery.

I have seen this game played over and over again. A girl brings out her real colours after a child or after marriage. That's why I said to myself, a child isn't a guarantee that a woman will remain in my house but her manners.

Just listen to yourself.

How will your future wife give her all to the marriage when the house is all yours and she's a tenant.
Such high handedness.

Aggressiveness is not attractive.
Whether in females or males.

dominique:
Life insurance, no.1 motive for spousal homicide in the States.
I'll look out for her on the next season of SNAPPED-Women who kill. Most of the women featured on that show also kill because of life insurance. Greed kills!

As in.

I just wonder who they will enjoy the money with when they kill their spouses for it.

No love lost at all.

Mindfulness:
You give up easily.

No need to draw the debate out.

The responsibility falls on the west then?

Well let's agree to disagree.

Mindfulness:
So families with teenage kids should not be accepted? Young people without kids should not be accepted? Elderly folks should not be accepted?

As for the emotional blackmailing, it is easier said than done since some European countries are haunted by their guilt that results from the bloody history of their countries and what colonialism did to people. It is a psychological thing.



So you believe that extremism is the result of the number of people they let in?
There are about 1,5 million Turkish people in Germany. Most of them are moderate. Germany has had very few problems with Turkish extremists.



Being human does not mean that you will do the right thing. If it did, we wouldn't have wars, poverty and hunger. Since the countries you mentioned are not democratic and do not value human rights too much, they do not feel any sense of responsibility for people who in their own country oppose their dictator.

Why would a monarch support people who want to overthrow their president dictator? Do you want them to accept them so that next these people will try to do same in their country?

What I suggest? I'm not saying they shouldn't accept any at all.

Maybe some families with little kids. whatever they have to do to keep safety first, then I'm in support. All I'm saying is that they should not be emotionally blackmailed (that's what I see all those social media pics to be) into opening their doors to trouble.

And I don't think there's any day the refugees will equal in number to the population to the residents. I didn't even imply that.

I only said if they get to a sizeable population (which they can easily do) there will be more extremists like that man up there to forment trouble.

And most importantly, all these people mouthing off at the UK and U.S. Should direct their energies to other countries also. Because they are not democracies doesn't mean they are not human to do the right thing too.

Mindfulness:
We should be very careful here. The Bush era, the era of terrorist attacks, has revealed that second or third generation born Muslims tend to be more extremist than their parents who were the first generation to enter their host countries.




So what do you suggest? The EU should not let any Muslims in?



I do not feel offended at all but you are a bit funny now. Do you really think that any European country will accept so many refugees that they will be equal in number to the people born there? Or that they will accept so many Muslims that the religion will become the dominant one or equal the number of Christians?



I am SURE it won't.

You mean fingerprinting and their vital info taken down? That's the precaution? If a European born Muslim can be responsible for terrorist attacks, what's to say that an asylum seeker can't?
How will deport a terrorist who committed a suicide attack?

Whether born there or not, the end result will be the same if the population increases. Among every twelve, there will be a judas. Count how many judases in multiple groups of twelves.

I'm not saying this to be offensive in case you're taking offense. But it has become socially clear that it's always better to have a majority Muslim and minority Christian / secularist population or have majority Christian/ secularist and minority Muslim population than have both in sizeable numbers coexisting side by side.
There's always friction.

Well hopefully their democracy won't be their undoing.

Mindfulness:
Like I said, the law clearly states that they should not be let in JUST like that.



There are already many of them all around the world. Plenty of them in Britain too. When you think of 9 / 11, you will remember that the attack was done by people who were NOT asylum seekers or residents in the USA.



It does not surprise me. These countries are not democracies and human rights are not what they are famous for.

GodnGold:
Becareful of what you advice people on friend,some issues are delicate.

Vikky014:
hmmmmm
God 4 BID BAD THING. i cant abort my baby except if my life and d life of d baby is at risk

You guys should just give the lady your own advice and stop picking on other people's own.
It's not by force that everyone should share the same beliefs/morals as you.

It's left for the OP to pic what she she thinks suits them.

jaybee3:
Let's look at it from a logical stand point na....
Biologically, the woman's reproductive ability is set to a defined timeline therefore moving it forward ain't that bad or is it?

There's reversible vasectomy though.
That way if he wan father pikin in future, he can go get it reversed.

Mind you I'm not saying anyone deserves to be denied asylum. I'm only saying now I see why some people are concerned about letting them all in like that. And no matter how we put it, it is a well founded a fear.

Whether European born and asylum seeker, what this man in this video needs is a few more people who are extreme minded like him for a full on crisis and major harassment of people on the streets to occur for them not following his sharia ways.

Anyway what's your opinion about other countries like the UAE, Saudi etc granting them asylum.
What's your opinion about their silence on the matter.

Mindfulness:
What do you mean by "opening floodgates"? And are you implying that Muslims do not deserve to be given refuge because they MAY be extremist?


The problem is that the European Union is failing at implementing the laws they already have.
The European asylum law states that all refugees MUST be registered and their fingerprints taken. Then the fingerprint is transmitted to the EURODAC central system. Hungary is the country that is currently doing it BUT some people think that it is discriminatory to do so forgetting that it serves the purpose of security among others and that it already is the LAW they have agreed on.

Another problem that the European Union has is that its members forget that it is a shared responsibility to welcome asylum seekers. If they share this responsibility in a sensible way, it will be no problem to help MANY people seeking asylum.

Moreover, granting people asylum is for a limited period of time. Once the war in Syria is over, they have to go back. Many people from former Yugoslavia had to go back once the situation got better. It is also easier to deport an asylum seeker than an immigrant. So once they break the law, they should and can be deported with immediate effect.

People are confusing asylum and immigration law nowadays a lot.

The journalist in the video is not very sharp. She mentions democracy and he says that he has the right to establish the sharia law because he has freedom of speech. The first and foremost core value of a democracy is that law-making is decided by the MAJORITY. Is he and his friends majority?

Last, the man was born in Britain. He is not a refugee.

@kimoni
Salsera
Efemenaxy
Sagamite et al.

I don't know if y'all have seen this clip but it demonstrates what some people mean by saying it's not totally safe to open the floodgates for all refugees.

Apart from letting in outright terrorists, there'll be more room for extremists who can't let others be until they all tow the same path.
Like this man in this clip.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8fzcT7jHG8

So finally one project is flagged off?
Thank God.

yougosee:
No dear, they cover themselves half and cover the kid half. They both get soaked. They seem to think it's a fair deal that they both share the umbrella

hahaha