₦airaland Forum

Really? That's the solution?
What if he's really abusive? How will going back to him be a solution. She said he threatened her to leave or else. In that case, why do you (someone who doesn't know them) consider yourself in a position to tell her to go back? Abi you're the husband who told her to leave in the first place?

Besides who Gave him custody? Why are you adding salt and pepper to her story? Did she tell you anyone have him custody? How do you know she's irresponsible?

Besides her thread is not about how to solve their marital issues. If they wanted to get back again, then she would have asked you for help on how to get back with him.

She needs advice on how to get joint custody of her kids not how to go back to her marriage that she already left.

Person come meet you with malaria you dey treat typhoid
Who are you to decide for her what to do,whether to go back or not since she didn't have any such clues that's what she wanted.

Busybody. See baseless assumptions you've already reached on her behalf.

Comprehension issues too bad.

proudlyhandsome:
Did you read the comments of people who made comments before you?

They asked her to settle the issue that led to their break up in the first place.

However, you jumped at the issue by saying the man has no right to do this and that............

It's obvious the lady in view is irresponsible going by the fact that the custody of the kids was given to the husband. And if that is not the case, she must have probably abandoned the children to her ex-hubby in the first place.

Stillfire:
This topic again? Thought it had been dealt with. My stance doesn't change either. From experience, I've been in girl groups to know that the ones who at the drop of the heart scream their lungs out to say women are their worst enemies are the biggest troublemakers in those groups.

gbam

Get well soon.

mulanbaba:
Hello everyone

i just want to thank you again for your imput on my situation. we decided to get a separation because too much had happened.

i got admitted in hospital for nervous breakdown after meeting my former BF at the gym, so after my mental breakdown all the pain and anger i felt towards my wasnt healthy for me at all. i even was fantasising stabbing him in his sleep and was physically attacking him as well. lets just say my rage was uncontrollable so we had to separate. i know am not making sense but i dont make sense lately. i am a naturrally soft, gentle and humble person but lately i am somebody else. thank u guys aam currently on antidepressant and seeing a psychiatrist

This is sad

Blackbeauty:
errrm,pls I can authoritatively say that not all marriages can be mended.In cases of abuse,especially where its physical I advice the party affected to get out FAST!!!I had a case of domestic violence in january..During the mediation session,my boss had to go out (being a man) to enable the woman show me her body.I was close to tears.The belt marks I saw were still fresh.On another occasion,he smashed a bottle of wine on her head.That resulted in a very deep cut on her forehead.I was shocked when my boss informed me last month that the lady passed out while the man was raining blows on her.She was confirmed dead on arrival at d teaching hospital.The husband is is presently in prison custody awaiting trial.The poor woman has died leaving her 3 kids.Till date,I stil remember her face,every conversation we had...I remember I told her to leave,give him space for sometime,she said their mama in church (pastor's wife) told her to keep praying and not to separate from her husband.That divorce is a sin..Well,instead of divorce,death actually dissolved the marriage!That's why I don't advice reconciliation when physical violence is involved.The stress and trauma of divorce has life altering unpleasant aftermaths,but sometimes,its better to let go.

proudlyhandsome:
You will hardly see a lady coming up with solution to their friends' marital problems. All they do is to add more problems.

i don't even know why you're quoting me or what you're talking about?

Who's whose friend?
And why should I come up with a solution to her problems especially a big problem like child-custody; when there are qualified people licensed to do that.

freecocoa:
How can the kids not be in danger if he is abusive?

some men can hit their wives or abuse her emotionally but will never lay a hand in their kids.

You guys are asking as if those who abuse their spouses, hit or abuse everyone that comes their way.

By the way I'm not concluding that he's abusive o. based on the fact that OP didn't say exactly what he did to her.

But if he is abusive, he does not have to extend it towards his kids: I wonder why many posters here can't imagine a man who abuses his wife but doesn't do same to his kids.
It is actually very very possible.

pxdaniel:
Well, if u say so. However, I don't see anything cultural about feeding a baby that way and even if it is culturally related, it is wrong for one to criticize other peoples way of life as if they are superior or whatever.

there is everythng wrong with that method of feeding.

It is nothing to do with superiority.
Choking risk is more than 70percent in that situation. So I should not criticize it so you won't feel bad?

Nobody feeds children like this in my part of Nigeria. At least they are not many if they are at all.

I saw this in Lagos for the first time.

@pxdaniel and misspsicy and co, you guys have to understand not everyone have the same cultural inclinations so I don't why you're surprised that some people don't see it as normal.

Yoghurt, Blackberry and red apple blend.

Yoghurt, Blackberry and red apple blend.

You mean food photography?
Because that is the only one I know how to do.

veave:
did you people say I should start eating and drinking all these things


My oven? for cake, chicken and fish only...
My blender? for tomatoes and beans only
how can someone fry eggs without oil bikonu...


all these green green things am seeing.


eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








I will come back when I have courage.
BTW, how fast will my stomach get flat with these diets...
please can I get a 3day plan?
Anything above 3 days, I loose focus...
Thanks...




herzumpther... Awayuuuuuuuuuuuu?
Cococandy... how about doing photography on long term basis.
Edwife, EfemenaXY, Babyosisi, Ladygogo, Chiisauce et al... Daalu nu...

veave:
Recipe please...

Fry egg with mixed veggies of your choice.
That's all for the egg.
Ok use cooking spray(not that fatty vegetable oil) for less calories in your egg.

Stir fry onions, red,green and yellow bell peppers with little salt and seasoning. (cooking spray also)
Then add a little water to it and let them cook until very soft such that squish them with your spoon.

Season your fish (if you didn't marinate overnight) and pop into the oven to bake at 370 degrees.

Let bake for 45mins, Bring it out and pour your bell pepper sauce all over so that each piece is soaked in the sauce. Put it back in the oven and set to broil.
Don't go too far because it can burn at that broil temperature if you leave it unattended.
Bring it out after about 10mins or when you see the sauce thickening around the pieces of fish. (Don't let it dry totally)

Serve with your egg. Or anything else you like to eat.

all4naija:
Good looking and tasty!

thank you

chisco82:
With this eh! You make my day
I will be ok. Wait let me find who will translate my address to English for me cos it's wrtten in Korean language, i will send it to you so you can mail it to me through DHL.
Egbula oge biko.
Nwanyi oma.

Thanks

Baked pollock . Egg

plaetton:
I was simply stating my opinions, ms Cocoacandy, not targeting you.

you quoted me na. I come dey wonder what's up

Does that make it alright?

Chanchit:
. Bia Cocoacandy, before I reply people I first look at the person quoting me, so because na you, I've decided not to see the kolomental department as an insult afterall you sef go follow us enter the department you'll quoting me should remember that Russia is not like Nigeria or any liberal country Of the world, in some parts of Russia, you have to pay some Mafias for protection, do you think they don't have police? If that same man decides to rape The girl, nothing will happen, now that the girl is married to the mafia, its means protection, not for only her, but her entire family too.#enoughsaid.

plaetton:
In disputes of any kind, one side of the story is clearly not enough to start dishing out remedies. A counselor would first hear both sides of the story before recommending appropriate action.
Yes, the man might just be a real jerk, or, ...something else might be pushing him to these drastic measures.

pls what remedy did I dish?

Besides them going to a competent court of law where both sides of the story will be heard and a judge will decide what's best based on their circumstance.

I don't know what's wrong with that suggestion or why you're quoting me as if I prescribed a solution to them when I don't know them.

Chanchit:
. You are very very, I mean extremely steewpeed, her mates are being turned into sex slaves in syria and a mafia wants her as a wife if he wants her as a sex slave he would have her as one. Dey look face before you insult person for this NL, Ashiaraba eleribu omo ale!

see mental case.

So because he's a mafia man that can have any sex slave he wants,she should be excited that he wants her as a wife even if it goes against everything she wants?

This is why NL should have kolomental department.

SAMBARRY:
hunn


i don't understand please educate me


if this is not wedding how come she's wearing a bridal gown and holding bouquet with the maid of shame behind her and the dishonourable guests as well as the video animal. I need enlightenment ma

i meant figuratively.

Marriage shouldn't be by force.
Since they are forcing her, she's just getting in to be raped: as any sexual relations she has with the man is rape(non-consensual/ against her will)

Why call it marriage? Because she wore bridal gown?

you don even define the thing before I come
Maid of dishonor.

That's not marriage.
That's just a ceremony to prepare her for the rape

Until the woman dies in the marriage, everything is 'little difficulty'.

Music dey change when it is the other way round. In fact a BIG deal like too much salt in the soup is enough to divorce the woman.
But little things like him sleeping with her sister should be ignored

deadie:
Every little or difficult situation they jump ship? Are you serious? I do not understand your mentality.

If your partner can go as low as sleeping with your own sister, how can you rewire your brain to still love and share the same bed with that person? Well as I earlier wrote, what do I know. If people marry for the sake of money, convenience and material things, then this situation probably falls under your category of "little or difficult situation" that doesn't warrant "jumping ship". But if the foundation of your marriage is love and trust, then this act is a tsunami which has completely washed away that very foundation of marriage.

plaetton:
Excuse me dear, but the word' abuse ' is quite broad and ambiguous. I do find that women tend to throw this word carelessly in domestic disputes in order to solicit sympathy.

I mean, aside from physical violence, what else constitutes an abuse in domestic relationships?

so what do you propose?

If she felt abused, then she's right to leave.
Anyone has the right to leave a situation that feels threatening to them.
Whether it fits our definition or not.
The important factor is that it didn't feel safe for them.

I'm not saying jail the man or hang him or anything like that. I didn't even call him names. so I don't see how I'm judging him.

All I think he needs to do is let her have equal access to the kids as he does and both of them can forge their lives separately.

Ok let's settle the matter.
Women are their own worst enemies except me.
I'm the friendly nice one other women hate because they are bad and I'm good.

Was that not the point bukatyne was trying to make in her first post?
Maybe now we all agree.

Bukatyne sorry I didn't get the angle that you were coming from in the beginning.

Me I was talking on a larger societal scale. Much like saying Nigerians are their own enemies because they are the ones sabotaging their infrastructural and societal development not that Nigerians are their own enemies because they will first love a Ghanaian before another Nigerian.

Craziebone I hope you get me clearer now.

My opinion is in a different angle than the silly 'women hate each other thing' some women even help to proclaim (I don't really bother when guys say it. Na mischief dey worry them)

But for a lady that believes that, the message is clear. She agrees she hates other women.

I've seen a lady feed her child like this before and it was traumatizing for me.
Because I felt I was going to choke on the child's behalf.

SAMBARRY:
i beg to differ because employing lawyers for cases like this are financially, emotionally, psychologically and time draining. This battle as far as I see it is not worth fighting considering the things that will be affected on both sides (husband and wife) so thebest tthing is to settle whatever marital squabble that is between them FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN

she said he was abusing her.

How will they settle that one?
They can't get back together. It will be suicidal of her to do that.

I agree it is expensive but he's being unreasonable. He's leaving her with no choice.

I never said you're not right.
You are.
But this is the 'before' talk
Not the 'after' talk.

This one is advice for young ladies who are not yet in that situation. Prevention is better than cure things.

But it won't help her in her case na as it has already happened.


[quote author=SAMBARRY post=33927482][/quote]

Emaprince:


well, I always believed that kids should be with their mothers after divorce. Especially when they are still too young. I wonder how such women cope without their kids. Also, how did these men do it? Abeg, teach me!!!

well moms are usually primary care givers that's why it seems like it is the men always paying child support.
It is not a gender motivated thing.

But there will always be different scenarios. Not all women are motherly.those ones may not mind paying child support while the man takes care of the kids.
Some are motherly but have more demanding jobs than the men so are not as available as the men to take care of the kids. In such a case the man will get custody because he's the one the kids are used to having around all the time.
In some other cases, you can have a mom who's ruled 'not fit to be a parent'. Maybe because she's careless or has bad habits which keeps putting the kids in danger when they are with her (e.g drugs,domestic violence, alcoholism,bad gang associations: yes sometimes women do some of those things guys do ). The court can decide the kids are safer with the man even if the woman has been the primary caregiver. In that case, the man will take custody and the woman will pay support.

SAMBARRY:
yes my love





why you frowning face for me? Did I offend you?

Yea you did.


I don't know if you said the truth that you're also a single mom. What if you had no one to support you? Would you be happy if someone talked to you like that?

Life is really hard in many aspects.

If we can't help her, at least let us be nice.

Kulyie!

SAMBARRY:
Ok

Gosh

I must open thread