₦airaland Forum

lol @relationship expert.

Warrisdat?

Anyway if you like her, go for it.
It may work or not. It won't be the end of you.
But it will be an experience you will remember for a long time.


Some Upside,
*she will get you and will most likely be quite supportive since both of you are in the same academic shoes.
*the need to impress her could surprisingly boost your perfomance. Don't underestimate that part of human nature.
*if she's the brilliant type, you get a mentor and a girlfriend all wrapped in one. That could help your waning perfomance.

Some Downside,
*She could know your every move. If you're the kind of guy that likes to play around, no room for that
*too much familiarity brings contempt AKA "see finish"
*if she ever plays you or dumps you in the long run, you will get that occasionally pitiful look from other course mates.

#especially when her new bobo comes to drop her off at the department gate in his new shiny ride so (go get your shiny ride if you don't have one) #iKID

spanzed:
Yea like the topic says,I have this girl am crushing on lately in my department and dunno how safe it would be making the move,due to various reasons ranging from my below average performance I just recorded in my released result and fear that it may distract me from facing my studies this semester squarely as I aim to have a strong CGpA at the end of the session....I also dunno if I should let her be till next session but I doubt if I can hold that urge to be with her....Ur matured advice is needed to save a fellow nairalander...should I make the move or do otherwise Thanks...
CC;
Mizmycoli
Naijaboiy
Cococandy
And all the relationship experts in the house

veave:
Nne that was how one guyman that was all over me did oh. Someone that even sent christmas package. And was claiming how he will faint if his aunty doesn't love him back and bla bla. Na so i enter Facebook see say guyman don even do engagement. Nne na pack well things oh...

If I started a blog on how many married men I encountered who swore on their mother's graves and denied their wives in the process of toasting me when I was single, Linda ikeji would have nothing on me

The marital status is so easy for them to deny especially those younger looking ones. I don't know why.
Some will look old enough to pass as middle age but will lie to your face that they are not married.

Separated and divorced are their most common lies until you overhear a conversation on the phone or see a picture on social media.

By then they may have already got what wanted.

That's how they act when they want a break.
Only a few of men will actually open up and tell you "girl I'm done with you"


They will keep playing games until you get tired and leave by yourself.
If you go visit, he will still have sex with you Afterall it is free and when you go he will revert to his normal cold confusing attitude.

Just be firm as you have decided except you see genuine change not the one-week-change one-one-week-cold-shoulder kind.

3cycle:
I thought we were heading for the altar but honestly I give up. The relationship is not working. We have been together for a while before he moved to another state so basically it has been a Long distance relationship for 6months now.

I am hot tempered and he is the calm type, he has been able to tolerate me for a long time but honestly I think he is the reason why I have been this way.

Since January I have been BEGGING to come visit him, he said january, later he said feb, later march and now he has postponed it to April? Infact he said he needs a leave before I can come. Who begs to come visit her boyfriend? Who even needs a leave before his girl can visit?

Secondly nowadays he nolonger calls me only at midnight. He said he doesn't buy airtime in the day time because he spends more airtime during the day so he prefers to buy at midnight so he spends less calling people. Infact nowadays he is always on the phone whenever I call him. One day he ended my call to call a colleague of his at 1am who lost his dad. I asked if he couldn't call the colleague later in the day and he said no that the colleague might not be reachable.

The last he did was that he did not call me for over a week, he knows I have been having issues at work and I haven't been paid for 2months now. Infact I was broke. I had just tfare, feeding and little amount to carry me for a while before I was paid but all those while he nevr called to know how I was doing.
He later chatted me to ask why I never bothered to contact him. I think LDR isn't for me, I am done. I am sooo done

He's not separated. Run from him.
Classic example of a destiny killer.
He's still legally married with multiple kids.
Don't be deceived. This his lie is as old as time itself. Many married guys use it to deceive their prey.

nwahmummy:
I need help, i dated this guy for a year now, i found out he was married though he told me he has been separated for the past four years, practically he is still married, i did love him then. but he is some one that does not talk about himself or his family, he told me he has a son but i saw three children in his CV. i dont know anything about his family and i have never met them. people are telling that he is still married which he claim they are lying. now i have met another guy who is serious about me though we are not planning marriage this new guy has never been married before, suddenly the old guy comes up that i he wants to introduce me to his family and this is the same man who has been stalling since. he is not aware that i have met some one else. i really want to give this new guy a chance, i really dont want to be a second wife no matter if i love the person. it doesnt sit well with me having step child/ren. what should i do. the more i try to pull away from him the closer he wants to be. i dont want to hurt him or part in a harsh way, pls help.

Run blaizze run

She shouldn't have left.

That was a perfect opportunity to win her battle right there and she threw it away.
If he wanted them to sleep over, fine. Just get to the nearest store get sanitary towels and a change of underwear and sleep over. Even Have fun at theirs if possible.

Next time, he won't have the mouth to say no when she wants to go see her own people.

I must say he has issues though.


So OP now that you asked what do you intend to do with the response?

Saao:
not so easy as u put it. D decision will be urs but mother gave birth to u, raised u and Know u maybe better than even ur father so she could contribute at that point in time who u can spend d rest of ur life with. Just imagine marry someone which both u shold work together as family, she going one direction and u in another direction or u are an introvert and u married an extrovert lady cuz she pretended throughout courtship as an introvert? Assuming if mother was alife that won't happen

are you orphan?

Sorry for asking if you think that's too private.

But if you are, I want you to know that apart from not having parents to be there for you when you need them, you're not different from those who have parents when it comes to marriage issues.

If it will work, it will work. If it won't work, parents intrusion won't make it work. It could even create more friction.
If your wife is extrovert and you're introvert,(assuming that is a problem. Which I don't think It is. Except you mean something else)
how's having a mom going to change your wife?
What your mom will do is complain and disagree with your wife.
Is that a solution?

Where having parents is important is when it doesn't work out, you have support to fall back on while trying to rebuild your life.
And of course good counsel too from them at times when you need advice.

But if you're married to a bad person, your parents can't make them change or behave better.
It will still fail ultimately.


So just go in with the determination to make it work and ready to be strong for yourself in case it goes south.

By the way Many divorces are caused by in-law intrusions.
Those that want to live your life for you and decide how both of you treat each other.

Tell me again how having parents makes one's marriage last. Or if in fact you have data that proves there are more divorces among orphans than there is among those with active parents.






God help those that will deliberately misunderstand me

craziebone:
Fact is...men hardly have problems with their mother in laws. The comon trend is women against their mother in laws. It is becoming unbearable me. There is a thread here on family section that even talks about that already.

Yes and the reason is that men don't marry into the girl's family rather girls marry into the men's families hence the pressure is more on the ladies to conform than it is on the guys.

I think the phenomenon is self explanatory.

craziebone:
you may or may not have refered to the man's mother only. But the truth remains that the man's mother is 90percent of the times targeted in cases like this.

If you had read on, you would have seen where i got it from that some sick women prefer their MIL to have died before they even met their hubbys. The whole thing is sickning!

Fixed.

A woman's mother is a mother-in-law to the man and some of them cause problems too.
Especially if she's the materialistic type who believes a son-in-law owes her upkeep and the man is not earning enough to meet up to her demands.


So why are you assuming I'm only talking about MILs from the man's side?

And who's talking about preferring a man's mother to be dead? Where are you getting all that from?

I stopped reading your post after that sentence.


No interested in being misunderstood today.

craziebone:
why should it always be that the man's mother that is the problem, why not the woman's mother or father? You people just don't know insulting it is to always prefer that the man's mother had died before you married him. The first time i heard it from a lady, i was shocked! Nollywood has caused so much trouble for us men and our mothers when we get married. There is absolutely no reason women should feel threatened by the presence of the MIL, absolutely no reason!

There is a lady i love so dearly. When her mother died last year, it touched me so much that i sent her a heart-felt condolence message. When she remembered her mother in her quiet way one year on, i still felt her loss and i believe i was the only one who still extended my condolence.

If men can be this welcoming of women's mothers, why cant women welcome men's mothers? We don't even see your father as a problem in anyway. If i get married to that lady and she brings her mother to live in the house with us (had it been she was still alive), you think i will ever have any problem with her? She will even be impressed about her i will take care of her daughter! And even if she does that which is not suppose to be, you think i will disrespect her as you women are always ready to do with your MIL?

When i was being born, messed up my diaper and got cleaned, misbehaved and got corrected, got my school fees payed, made sure my home works were done, got provisions for me to take to school, sick and got taken care of, bullied and got defended, where was this lady who now claims to share love with me? Because you now sall yourself my wife, you want to cut off my own mother from me completely. The moment a lady squares up with my mother is the day that marriage disolves. Why should i pick her over my mother, especially when we know today that marriages are not for better for worse anymore and that churches are now changing the vows taking at marriages today?

You think so because most of you have developed the habit of relying on your parents for decisions about your marriage.

On the contrary I think an orphan has an extra 20percent chance of a successful marriage because mother-in-law wahala would have automatically been subtracted from their list of problems.

Since you've made up your mind to leave, just toughen up and stick with your decision.

This kind man go fit slap you in public for embracing an old male friend you just surprisingly met after a long time.

Of course I know there are limits of relationship or boundaries of affection one should have with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship or marriage.
But if just saying hello to a male friend gives him the rage so much he wants to monitor your every move, then running is in your best interest.

If you go to camp and can't pick up his call one day or the other because of camp restricted activities, he will accuse you of being with another man and don't want to talk to him.
You will always be defending yourself all the time
Too much pressure.

For him to even say he will do a DNA test on any kid you guys have because he doesn't trust you speaks volumes in itself.

He may not even want to marry you. sincerely speaking. So don't feel bad about leaving him.
Nobody wants to be dumped. Everybody wants to be the one doing the dumping. So don't think him asking you not leave is because he wants you with him forever. Pfftt

He wants to be the one doing the dumping when he's had enough.
So do yourself a favor and leave first.



stick to your guns

blaizze:
I need advice on how to break up wit out problems I have tried everything I can but non see to working. I tried ignoring, tried discussing with him but he always gives a 'good' reason y we should continue the relationship.

I cant continue being with someone who is so petty. I initially thought that the problem was from me but now I know otherwise. He doesn't want me to have male friends, very controlling. I have tried sitting down to discuss things with him but it's not just working out.

Just this evening I stopped to greet a male customer and he just started shouting saying he will start keeping female friends too n whatever happens I should just take it like that and that it will only lead to break up. I tried to explain and calm him down to no avail so I allowed him to continue boiling, lol.

when he finished ranting, I went to him and told him that there's no need to be scared and that I will never do anything to hurt him. The dude just said "now that u are having male friends when u go for nysc u may start sleeping around". I just left him and didn't reply.

so when we were going back home (he was actually walking me back to my house) he was still talking about it n I told him that I don't have the strength to quarrel and if he doesn't want to let the matter slide he better start goin to his house. He left n I had a peaceful walk home. When i got home I called to find out if he hadn't gotten home and he told me not to call him again. I jejely ended d call, I don't have airtime to waste.

This is what happens Weneva he sees a guys nota me on my phone book or watsapp. even facebook messages sef he will still want to check. He it's always paranoid. God knows I have never cheated on him before. Once he told me that if I get pregnant he will go for a dnt test o cos he doesn't trust me.

He found it really difficult to introduce me to anybody in his family until last year when we had a serious problem.

He is not as bad person though. Some other chic may be able to endure all those things but not me. I cant be giving explanations about things that shouldn't be explained.

I have done everything within my power to make it work but it just isn't working out. We argue everything week and if St's really exhausting. I am really tired of the relationship. and want to know if there's anything else I can do.
And i want advice on how to make someone believe you actually want break up. am a soft hearted person and always ready to please people as long as it's within my power.

cc:babyosisi
chair cover
cococandy

babyosisi:
For free
And you didn't get two
Biko
Get another one and send to aunty

They gave only one per household.

Some folks advertising a home cleaning equipment from door to door.
This was a form of compensation for having to listen to their long drawn out demonstration of how their equipment works and for taking our time

Oyibo people.

Obalende:
shut the f up!

You must be the man in question.

If I'm the child's mom or dad I will have you locked up for violating my underage daughter.

kayciano:
Na still the WIFE go lose..
Because The man will send her packing

what would she gain from staying married to such a person?
Someone that is sleeping with his own kid's possible age mate?

How old is the girl?
They should do the needful and sue him if she's underage.

Child molester

What has that link got to do with the topic?
I clicked on it and I saw them discussing hollandais wrapper. Mtchew

Of course he will be vey embarrassed. That's one punishment.
The second one will be for him to go clean himself and the mess he made (depending on his age)

toshmann:
Sh-t


Wait o . . so this coco na igbo babe .

BabyO, i'm going back to Ohio soon. . [size=3pt]. NY girls na criminals all of them. Dem go give me psychosis[/size]

Yelx

I think Ben Carson should just keep his politicking clean.
He would naturally have a sentimental followership in many folks (myself included).

He's above conspiracy theories . Or so I thought

IAMBREEZY:
i know i shouldn't have use those words, but cococandy is a big foool and i'm gonna take her to the cleaners if she don't fvcking mind her self.

Lienus.

Were you the person wearing the skirt? So how my comment take concern you?
You look for trouble and start crying when it comes to you.

Like I advised you before. Gently go back to your lane and avoid disturbing my mentions.

Babyosisi I got this 18piece barbecue set for free yesterday
Next thing is to buy a good grill for it.
Can't wait to roast corn and outside as it is getting warmer.

White rice and gizzard stew. Just how he likes it.

Forexmarts. That's how it is here

Sunnybobo3. Wow I want

Good Job everybody.

I do have quite a load of marriage-proposal-gone-sour stories.

I wish many ladies won't go ahead to make some of the mistakes I almost made.

yetseyi:
]

^^^^^^^^ is my challenge with the whole kangaroo arrangement . I would have said she should have her baby and take care of it and hope to marry a proper man. She wants to cover shame and is deceiving her whole family in the process and also getting into a hotter mess. I just dont know.




okay then

pls advise her to tell her family. They may be disappointed at first but after that, she will be surprised at how they will rise up to support her in her mistake and make sure she's not swallowed by it.

That problem is something she can't afford to be alone in except she just wants to abort and move on quietly without anyone knowing what went down.that doesn't seem like a nice option

But if she wants to have the baby, whether she marries the man or not she can't be alone in that predicament or she will get high BP from frustration.

It will even be worse if she marries him. he can't be a father to that child(even if he wants to). Not when he has a wife with him over there.

She shouldn't throw away her life because of pregnancy. It is not the end of the world.
I wish you can show her this thread from this page.

I could use myself as example. In this my small life,there was no kind of proposal I didn't see.
From the real to the fake to the fake-real.
Something should have gone off in her brain the moment he started talking marriage in just a few weeks after having never seen her for years.

In 2011 one almost came to my house for introduction. I knew him from when I was in secondary school. He was my bestie's cousin and used to visit us in the boarding how then. Fast forward to 2011 when I was doing my finals he started contacting me again on Facebook. Saying how he never forgot me from those days and how he wanted to come back and marry me that Xmas (he lives in New Jersey)
Before I knew what's up some of his family members (siblings) were already contacting me on phone.
He was sending me gifts,laptop,latest phone,money etc
"Our wife" was flying randomly in the air.
I wasn't even mature enough then. I almost got carried away.

I told my mom and she gave me one kind look
"You're 21 what's the hurry?"
She said
"I know men don't waste time when they are ready to settle down but for someone who hasn't seen you in a few years and already proposing marriage just a few weeks after you're connected to each other again,there's something fishy about it. So be patient and wait for him to come back so you give yourselves time to study each other and know if you're a match."

She Said I should find his address in the US and send back all his gifts so I won't be indebted to him . As if.
(Well my mom is so strict )


I didn't of course. But I exercised caution and digged around a little only to find out that a girl was already pregnant for him from his last visit home. I asked him and he said he didn't want to marry her. that it was a mistake and she would just be his babymama while I would be the wife(I guess that's a trophy there )
My fellow women don suffer.

If I was the type that would take any kind of man just to be married,I'd be married to an assholee now and regretting everyday of my life.
Probably Permanently At home with his family and a string of kids, competing for attention with his other baby mama while he would be far away giving another woman 'toe curling orgasms' in chaircover's voice.

Pls show your friend this thread from this page if you can. 29 is not too old to get her life back on track.

Let her not commit herself to that man.
Hmm.
She's just signing up for a life of misery.

I know one that pretends to be her husband's sister anytime he visits Nigeria with his American wife.

How desperate and pathetic is that?

yetseyi:
Good day everyone, I really dont want to create a thread for this but I believe I would get advice from here.

Please I need to know how to advise my flat-mate. We have been living together for some months now and have built a relationship. It all started in December when we wanted to go our parents for christmas, she travelled to the east and I went to my house still in Lagos but quite far from town and I jokingly added 'bring husband ooo from the village'.

By early January I was back to the apartment to resume There was strike so she stayed back at the village but I was shocked when she called about a week after I got back that she is escorting her hubby to Lagos and he would come to know where she stays before he leaves( His flight to the UK was the next day). I was shocked, husband how come within 3-4 weeks , I knew I would hear the full story when she came .Anyway the guy came after he left I asked her whats up she said she dated him once in the past but didnt continue since he was out of the country and he was not coming home soon and when he saw her late december he was talking about marriage etc.

I was like okay so you have now married him, she said they came to 'knock' I guess thats introduction. I was relieved but then I realised there was more to the story than what she was saying then she said he has somebody over there. I was like ehn thats not okay now. But she was saying she doesn't mind he would come home twice in a year. I asked what about companionship etc she felt comfortable with it so I kept quiet but I was just wondering how she would accept such . She even asked if I can do it and I said NO.

She went back to her people at the village the next day and came back in february when the strike was called off. I was still looking for a way to discourage her from the relationship when she complained some days back about the guy.

I saw it as the opportunity it was and then spoke to her, I asked her if she is sure about the guy when she said its too late that she thinks shes pregnant. I didnt know what to say again. she was scared because of her family and shame and all of that and abortion is not an option

I had thought the pregnancy was just the issue but the shocker came this morning that the guy is planning to marry the lady for citizenship since his papers are expiring soon (and the lady has a 4year old child for him). And even the guys mum knows about it and told her that she should not let the foreign wife know that he has a nigerian wife. Infact she told me he had been planning to marry the lady and his family members were coming over to witness it but she didnt know she just knew he had a baby mama over there.

And the guy is saying its not a big deal because people are doing it. Now shes saying she wants them to quickly pay the bride price so she can be the real wife and it seems the guys people will come for list this week. Her family doesnt know about the guys foreign lady and the pregnancy.she says she doesnt want to have a child outside wedlock. Anyway the guy still wantsvto go ahead with the foreigner and also her.


I honestly dont know what to advise her.
I know marrying that guy would be a mistake,she doesnt want to be a single mother and as she is now shes kind of depressed although not showing it. She has a good job and can take care of the baby but then.... I cant tell her mum that would be breach of confidence.

I

Please what or how can I advise her.

I used to think these things happen only on Nairaland

toshmann:
The way Cleopatra helped McAnthony

Tosh hapu nwanyi mmadu aka.

@madampinkonlo: "I nagged the chakam out of him"

Lord have mercy
You're very funny.

babyosisi:
E speaki lekwe !!!!

Tosh o chu umu nwanyi
Hands off
Uzo Adighi dia cha cha
Ga choro kwa ndi owu gi na ha
I no dia n'eme Anya ura,onye ozo e move u o sharp mee the babe occupy
Umu nwanyi ndi ocha I chuwara kemgbe from Cardiff ,ga luta ofu

E speaki lekwe

Tosh ejighi ahu. Eziokwu

@ efemenaxy

I feel the same way too.

babyosisi:
Looks like the burger knocked him out rofl
Taking a nap
Let him
He has work to do later inshallah
O kwa n'abania

Ife n'ine ga-eme.

Too early for retirement