₦airaland Forum

Jackrich:
The rape culture is probably being practiced in your village only. You're as guilty as the House of Rep member who made such an insensitive statement by generalizing that all the multi-ethnic groups that makes up the entire Nigeria has a rape culture . Seriously ? You believe what you just wrote down ? smh.

In my own culture if you rape a man's daughter - You're probably leaving on a borrowed time ,they will get to you by any means necessary ,it is considered an insult and total disregard for that family and it will only take the grace of God for them not to act .It goes hush hush....

johnson232:
Means your grandpa's were fools.... not surprised...

the traits are visible...

Babzilla:
.

temmy2103:
It should better be 2 weeks because 2 years is a lifetime

eyinjuege:
You seem to be the one playing to the gallery.

You seem more interested in fighting perceived enemies of your beliefs than making suggestions on the issues the Op raised.
She never asked for advice on how to move back to her husband. She has made moves which she should be applauded. She left the immediate danger she was in and equally her family has asked the husband write an undertaking never to raise his hands against her again, but he has blatantly refused. Do you not see he's still very much interested in battering her? What's in writing an undertaking, when you know you'll not default? Would you still advice your own sister go back to such a man, knowing he still has intentions of hitting her?
I would be interested in your submissions on the issue of domestic violence.
I know it's always being present, but social media influence has made us all more aware of how rampant it is.
Anyway, the Ops concern for now is how to get her husband involved in the lives of their children.
Being separated or divorced does not mean you should abandon your children from the marriage.
It's morally, and even religious wise wrong.
You want marriages to last? Why not preach against all forms of abuse- emotional, physical, psychological.
At least prevention is better than cure.
Why not preach understanding amongst couples, and encourage couples not to dish out what they cannot take?
The world would be a better place if we could all treat others how we would like to be treated.
Even marriages that are broken, and you want restoration right? Why not try to preach against infidelity, violence and preach for couples to be responsible to one another. Preach on the importance of hardwork in women, not leaving their husbands to struggle to provide for the home, and equally preach on the importance of husbands helping out at home and not letting their spouses get weary.
All I saw you preach/do was vilify someone else. Focus on your own message/preaching to restore homes and not by sounding bitter and angry.
Your message doesn't sound genuine the way you're going about it, except of course if you're not really interested in people gaining anything from your message but rather you want to 'argue', and prove others wrong.

tbaba1234:
If you look back far enough, you will probably people in your lineage with multiple wives. They were not fools. For many, it was an existential necessity.

Instead of generally tagging people with multiple wives as 'fools', perhaps you should examine specific contexts.

There are some polygamous homes that are happier than monogamous homes.

EfemenaXY:
My point exactly.



So true.

But they say the younger the child, the easier it is to unswitch - preferably under the age of two.

EfemenaXY:
True.

But what about the one you've raised, loved, cared for, nursed when ill, etc. Would you suddenly "switch off" that child?

Cc: mindfulness, Onegai, Cococandy, Ifyalways, Sambarry

SAMBARRY:
Its obvious na

dasparrow:
Most Nigerians are hypocrites. Not only that, I kinda feel sorry for women in Nigeria. I don't think I have lived in a country that is so hateful of women like in Nigeria. The country is very misogynist. Even the women have started suffering from internalized misogyny.

I don't see anything wrong in what the lady wore. The front of her shirt dress maybe a little short but other than that, I see nothing wrong. Everyday, I see Nigerian men taking out their pricks in full glare of the public in broad daylight on the side of the road all in the name that they are urinating. They don't even bother to hide themselves. They shamelessly expose their rotten STI infested pricks all because they need to urinate. It is no wonder many parts of Nigeria smell strongly like urine with men urinating anywhere they deem fit. I wonder why no one sees anything wrong with that. Yet the same heifers will come online to come and castigate a young woman's dressing. If her boobs were out, I would have understood. If all her thighs were out, I would have understood. None of that is the case.

Funnily enough, if it were Beyonce wearing this outfit, bloody Nigerians will praise her to high heavens. Many Nigerians are two-face hypocrites.

freecocoa:
I have since given up on hoping that the level of ignorance/hypocrisy in Nigeria will go away, this thread is a perfect example of how that's not happening, so...

I even read some people on here saying the woman may have been mistaken for an olosho, so what if she is even an olosho? An olosho is not a citizen of Nigeria that deserves public services like anyone else? Since when is nigeria a religious state? A public place is a place open to the public and to think that the government can tell it's citizen how to dress to such a place is just outrageous but who are we kidding? It's Nigeria, we have our priorities wrong since time immemorial.

TV01:
Maybe I don't rightly get it, but I'm not sure I agree overall, or with some of the detail. There are a number of conflations and premises I'm not sure about.

For one, "putting something on the table", does not necessarily mean "independent". More importantly, marriage itself in some sense centres around co-dependency. Although this co-dependency is over and beyond finances, for most couples, there will be some monetary overlap after marriage, whatever there respective financial positions before it.


I mostly agree to this point. However, what a real man wants and what the practicalities of a situation suggest can be very different .


Here I start to part ways with you.
1. I don't agree your opening sentence here necessarily holds true - both parts of it.
2. Or the follow-on inference that it makes them "up to par"
3. And even if it does as you suggest to some degree, there may be downsides to this independence


Good advice, but financial independence is not necessarily key or a predicate for any of the other "qualities".

I have known men who are not so well to do financially, become so after marrying women who are. The reverse can also hold true. Both a man and woman may be independent prior to marriage, the cost of running a home and raising a family for most means a considered mutuality after marriage, whatever the case before.

And what should these financially independent women be looking for in a man?


TV

kokoprincess:
He is a very manipulative man. He is using all means possible to manipulate me back to his house. He is not ready to submit to counselling ,write an undertaking never to hurt me, work on his demons. He still sees his behaviour as my fault and has refused to take responsibility. For years I actually thought it was all my fault.

kokoprincess:
am still in shock he is treating his daughter he claims to love so much this way all because he wants to me hurt me. He is a hard hearted man

ikp120:
Those sexist have not seen nothing at all. They don't know what life in a broken home is like, especially when your father is alive but doesn't want to have anything to do with his children. Then when something big about his child comes up, he would want to gain attention through it. That guy should have just switched to his mother's lineage and become part of Odua family. Like you didn't train me through school, then when I come to lime light you try to use me to gain global attention? No way. My mum should take the credit, not my father.

Nihilist:
I am not justifying the father's behaviour because I don't know the history , and I don't pretend to know the history.

It is very possible that a father who loves his kids can be denied access to them by a vindictive co-parent - This is the very reason why Custodial Rights are a key element of Family Law, and are one of the most contentious parts of Divorce Cases.

I personally don't care if the boy has issues with his dad. He can still cut his dad off without inviting public speculation in the manner that he has done. That is just daft.

As for you and the rest of your crew, you need to make sure you don't break your ankles while eagerly jumping to conclusions.

ikp120:
My dad? Am not inviting him to my wedding for any reason. My dad is like that guy's father. I only call him when I hear he is sick (as his only son). He has never called me on phone. He doesn't give a dime about me. By the time I am done with school, I will change my surname. I know how he sees my mum. My mum always ask us to forgive him. That's why I can tell you that that man is only likely being mischievous. He told a clear lie that even a child can tell you is a lie.

Nihilist:
It is only the first part of your statement that was qualified by the word IF,

You went bold to state that the man had 30 years to show that he loved them yet didn't.

If your use of English is so bad that you can't even understand the very things you write, then sadly you need more than comprehension in your life...

manny4life:
The father did not have to say anything, mere stating that he wasn't informed whereas his own biological son called him shows the kind of person he is. Nothing further.

Nihilist:
How do you know this is actually the truth?

Because a boy with a clear grouse against his father said so?

Do you know what else has gone on behind the scenes to lead to this? Do you know the actual dynamics of the original custodial arrangement, assuming there actually was one?

People like you jump to conclusions quicker than the leopard on a Puma shoe.

repogirl:
Women don suffer sha....! See double standard.

The father never acknowledged his children while they were alive,is it now when they are dead that they should become his children?

Why did he lie that he hadn't been notified? What kind of man is that to stir up controversy so publicly? Definitely not a man who has the best interests of his family at heart.

All the male's here have issues with the woman being married twice, forgetting that the man is polygamous but no o, it's allowed for a man to marry as many wives as he likes but a woman must remain in an abusive marriage and endure it until the day he kills her.

Absolute rubbish.

Mykcool:
Some of you are here bringing culture/tradition into it, a father that only remembered he had a son after death. Is there any culture/ tradition that says a man should abandon or not take care of his kids. The children are even above 28yrs, isn't that old enough for them to know a substantial amount of the truth. It's now the man's family know he has children. I'm not saying he should insult his dad , but for the dad not to think it right to be part of his children's life, mehn that man deserves no respect

ikp120:
Why on earth would the man declare to the world that he didn't know the guy was dead whereas the son had called to inform him only for him to bash his mother? The man, if what that guy wrote is true, is truly a mischievous fellow. He is truly a shameless man. He needs to apologise to his generation for that. Who tells that sort of lie, if not a mischievous, bitter and shameless fellow?

jaxxy:
Africans and their customs. The father Ws never there and he came back only to cros d line and u say d boy is wrong to point out his fathers wrongs? I personally call a spade a spade. He said what he had to. A father is not just by biological birth bt by who raised u.
Also he is a man and can speak for himself based on the issue at hand which none of us know the details in full
I tired of this sentiments in our customs that drag us backward.
Hungerbad
Indigene

Mykcool:
Some of you are here bringing culture/tradition into it, a father that only remembered he had a son after death. Is there any culture/ tradition that says a man should abandon or not take care of his kids. The children are even above 28yrs, isn't that old enough for them to know a substantial amount of the truth. It's now the man's family know he has children. I'm not saying he should insult his dad , but for the dad not to think it right to be part of his children's life, mehn that man deserves no respect

Decryptor:
Mr Satchie Etoromi is a deluded clown! You did not ask about the wellbeing of your Son while he was under their mother's care for over 25 years and now the young man is dead, you suddenly remember that he is your son and that he should be brought back to your place for interment! Some people really need koboko. The young man is right to call himself a bastard than have a fool like you as a father! Delta Men can be so pathetic!!

manny4life:
I was raised by a single mother because men like you don't want to swallow the bitter pill called the "truth" about yourself... Please, don't bring my mom into this topic, if you have anything to say, direct it at me. Since you seem to know much about the truth and Noah in the Bible, please prove your point. Tell us more, perhaps I may learn something new.

cyrilamx:
Wait o...is this not this Stella Oduah that was until recently Mrs Stella ogiemwonyi? There is something wrong with this woman. She has a big ego that she can hardly remain a man's house. So Stella has been married twice and also been divorced twice. We hope one of the fruits of her romance with Egnr. Chris Ogiemwonyi will not also take his father to the cleaner soon.

SAMBARRY:
can you imagine 300k in this harsh economy.it'll be like thief stole your 300k.I'll beat her and bite her body.if possible I'll use blade and tear her skin

byvan03:
You are like me here, brand is irrelevant to me.