₦airaland Forum

How to satisfy a woman:

Caress her,
Praise and pamper her
Trust her
Defend her
Feed and tantalize her
Beg and plea for her
And finally, steal to make her happy

How to satisfy a man

Show up naked

A chain smoker, who was diagnosed of respiratory disease, was advised by his doctor to give up smoking for treatment to be effective.

But he refused despite the series of pleas and even threats.

The doctor decided to scare him and said. You’ll vomit your lung if you continue smoking.

But the man remained stubborn and continue smoking.

Finally the doctor decided to make a plan, which he thought, would make him quit smoking for good.

The doctor then placed a fresh cow’s lung beside the smoker while he was asleep. And then returned one hour after he had woken up and asked the smoker,
Did you see your lung?

Yes the smoker responded. It was easy to vomit, but I went through hell swallowing it.

I wish you would put up a lovley smile so you won't damage that lovely face of yours

When i meet Jaybaby, i'll look at her and smile and say

you're beautiful

A pastor was discussing with a lawyer how Lucifer (Satan) was thrown out from heaven by his boss (God)

Pastor: it is said that Lucifer wanted to over throw God. He also took one third of God’s angels, but God threw him away from heaven

Lawyer: So you say.

Pastor: Don’t you believe me?

Lawyer: Not really, it’s just that we haven’t heard Satan’s side of the story yet.

Hmmmmmm.


Am so sure that little boy is a Nigerian

A Japanese, Saudi Arabia and a Nigerian were together in a building. They were boasting of how rich their country is. After a long discussion and arguments.

The Japanese man picked up a whole computer set and threw it out of the window.
The Saudi Arabian man asked him why he did that.

“He replied, we have lots of them in my country”.

The Saudi Arabian man didn’t want to look defeated. So he picked up a drum of crude oil and threw it out of the window.

The Nigerian man shouted and said “why are you wasting such natural resources like that?
The Saudi Arabian replied, don’t worry; we have lots of them in my country.

Immediately, the Nigerian man took some black people and threw them out of the window. The Japanese and the Saudi Arabian shouted at him in a very horrific manner.
He however responded them saying, don’t worry, we have more than enough of them in my country.

I wish i could hold you

Dang!!!!

I never knew Nairaland chicks were as beautiful as these

_{We the guys gotta work really hard keeping them}

There's no doubt.

Chelsea are in no match to Manchester United.

2-0 the match will end. Mark my word

You should have told us you’re a poet

It’s nice tho

Of course.

I'll be there to celebrate our victory

Freewilly:
RUN AND DON'T YOU DARE LOOK BACK

Where do you want her to run to?
Let me tell you Igbo guys are the best when it comes to spending. So if you're advising her to run, you're probably expecting her to run to a church-rat from her tribe.

Farting

_{Shakes head! na wah o!}

Marriage isn’t about age it’s about finding the right partner and being able to accept full responsibilities as a good father.
For me, I don’t thing you’re too old just keep on searching till you find the right person that what really matters.

I wish you knew that a kiss from you would make me normal again

The game is going to be a one sided match

Manchester United are going to dominate it from the very blast of the referee’s whistle.

The blues would come out strongly as expected, but they won’t be able to out with our defense. In less then 10 minutes into the game a goal would come and the blues would be totally devastated.
The first half might end 1-0 in favour of Manchester united provided they have a good defense that can really give our strikers some homework.

Second half kicks off, the blues are told what to do in the dressing room.

Unfortunately they forget as soon as they enter the pitch due to massive pressure.

Manchester United dominates the whole for the second half and finally, a second goal enters.
The blues are frustrated, they begin to play rough and pack al the cards in the referee’s pocket. We begin the wasting time tactics, and they get more and more frustrated.

90 minutes is over and the referee blows his whistle United are the champions 2-0 the final score line.
Chelsea hides their face in shame. They bow and respect us, co’s we are their masters

One United

Follow your heart and ask God for guidance

JustGood:
How guys go marry if money never arrive? small time the wife go dey go yansh big man wey get money

You're right my brother

_{Raising eyebrows}

good luck

If you want to have a happy marriage, then money shouldn’t be a problem.
When there are money limitations in the family, there’s bound to be unnecessary quarrels between the husband and wife.
The children would keep fighting over food and other unnecessary embarrassments, which can lead to a divorce.
Money is essential in marriages

Well just keep praying to God about the issue. Six years isn’t something to throw away like that. But I’ll also advise you not to write him off completely.
A man has to be finically stable before he starts any plans pertaining to marriage.
you might not just understand what he's thinking it's natural, you aren't getting any younger. But you should know that the key to every relationship is understanding.

Spend more time with him so as to know what's is on his mind before you make any final conclusions.

Nice one

i need a serious date for marriage.i work with a bank here in lagos,but soon am moving to portharcourt to work with an oil company.Any,serious girl should please call 08028698677
samuel

See how you're sounding dude.
Am sure you don't even know the meaning of marriage.
you just expect a girl to call you, then you'll take her to the altar an marry her.
If that's how marriage was do you think there would be enough girls left in the world?

If you want a girl, why not say it. Must you put marriage?

Yar'adua has already won

At least Obasanjo would he a happy man,

You should be proud that you have the physical qualities of attracting a guy.

There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, It’s natural.

I wish you the same bro

God has answered your prayers bro.

Just ride on to your destiny with her.

And remember don't drink while driving, get focused on your passenger and don't derail you must reach you b/stop safely with her.

Good luck

To the ladies in the house, There was this guy you really admired, even though you had not spoken to him, you saw him as someone whom you would like to have as a boyfriend or a husband, you have been having sleepless nights over him waiting for him to ask you out, God answers your prayer, he starts making advances at you, but following the normal feminine status quo you played hard to get, you continued this habit for 2 months but the guy persisted. but just when you decided that you wanted to call it quit to this cat and mouse game and give the guy a break, the guy stops calling, stops talking to you and totally ignores you, what do you do

What you're saying doesn't make any sense.

How can a lady have sleepless night over a guy she's dying to meet?
Then when he finally makes his moves, she begins to play hard-to-get and to make marrers worse, for two months.

Go and re-phrase your statement.