₦airaland Forum

twinkles286: thanks u all , at least i am able to deduce that

1) he is taking his time in knowing me.

2)he probably has other options .

3) i should go with the flow with a time frame in mind.

4) and i should keep my options "very" open.

I'm not sure about the 'very' open part. Keeping options open is a good thing at this stage.
Very open may lead to inability to focus on anything even for a little bit. At least give this one a
chance first in the time frame you have set for yourself. If another option comes in the time, then consider it,
but don't go looking for options.

That's a smart guy right there. He is taking his time to study you.
He also sounds like someone with options, and he is considering if you are
the best for him in his options.
Lastly, he likes you but he is not that into you yet. It's nice to let relationships
grow and take its natural course rather than forcing it. You have both talked about "I'm into you" etc so its not a matter of too shy to admit there are romantic feelings.
However, if in six months or so, he is still like that, move on cos he is really not into you.

[quote author=sine.com]If he is a good guy for me why do I feel like I'm in prison.....last month he has an affair with a co-worker and he ddnt apologise he said its bcz of me.....even last year he had affairs and said its bcz I dnt listen and he says its bcz of me he can't stay unhappy he will look fr happiness....bt then he says he loves me I must change.....[/quote]Get out of that relationship ASAP and find someone worthy of your love and trust.
The guy has no iota of respect for you. A control freak that will take you no where.
Listen, it doesn't matter what you do, that guy will cheat on you incessantly. If you finally
change to the kind of girl he wants, he will then get totally bored with you and go look for
someone more interesting.
I bet he tells you only men make decisions and women are supposed to be quiet and look pretty!
Don't listen to born2fuck and the likes, they do not have your interests at heart and just want to promote their kinda lifestyle.
Don't be a victim. If you are still dating the guy right now, you are making a mistake.
The earlier you move away, the sooner you find someone else that is right for you missy.
Best of luck in your future relationships

There is no one right age for a lady to get married. The right age depends on each individual and their aspirations.
Getting desperate and killing yourself about it is not going to make a difference. You might as well live your life,
do all those things you always wanted to do that you never had the chance or time (pls that doesn't include being a ho),
Be the best you can be. Get a hobby. Improve yourself. Be happy. If you are looking for a guy to come and make you happy,
you will fail there miserably if you aren't already happy with yourself.

PS 28 is quite young.

That is just a sad life, one to be filled with loneliness and regrets.
Learn to look for quality in women, and not the surface issues, pry deeper.
Don't be ruled by sex, instead take the time to know a woman before committing.
A right woman will always be the best decision you make in life.

Shola2009: Job A seems more appealing.
As a young adult,with no mouths to feed but mine, job security isn't high on my list. More like . . . Money, knowledge and exposure.

You have a point but in this case, for job A -its all money. Knowledge and exposure would come with Job B. Except if by exposure, its trying different things that may not be challenging in the long run. I think I'm leaning towards B.

Having a tattoo does not imply cheating.
What the lady has done is wrong no matter how you look at it. She has sought trouble and stress where it is absolutely unnecessary.
Except of course, she is really trying to prove a point to her husband.

And yes, women are not commodities. Because a guy has paid bride price does not mean his wife is his slave or has no input/voice/feelings.

Still, the wife's actions are not wise.

Even though you are married to her, its still her body to do as she pleases.
The norm is that the wife should be considerate of the husband's feeling before doing such
but she has ignored your feelings on it (assuming she knew already).
I also find it annoying that there is a possibility that a guy drew it on her thereby exposing the family jewels.

If she knows you don't like tattoos, she has taken a risk that you might find it unappealing or worse, disgusting to you.
Now its up to you to determine how you want to react to it.

I am tempted to say don't let her get away with it easy, but ask yourself, is your marriage worth a tattoo?

PS: you both need to start working on your trust and communcation issues.

Go see your doctor about having a safe abortion. The guy is not interested in you anymore or
Your unborn child.
If you have anything against abortions, talk to your family about keeping the child and raising him/her alone.
Sorry about your predicament.
All the best

In the hypothetical situation above
Job A has a take home pay of $500/mth more than job B
Job B has more satisfaction but more stress of moving and all

Thanks for the replies, they were quite helpful.

Lets assume there is a hypothetical situation where one has two job offers - The numbers are just for referencing purposes and do not reflect reality. Which one would you choose if faced with such situation? Both are starter jobs.

Job A
World wide Mining company
Pay $
Bonus 10% / yr
Vacation 3 wks - which leads up to about 7 weeks off/ yr
max Sick days of up to 100 days a yr
Fly in fly out to mine site kind of job on 1wk on / 1 wk off
Great benefits - slightly better than job B
Accepted as Engineering work by engineering body but doesn't offer satisfactory engineering experience I would like
No need to move
Meals provided on site, all sorts of exercise equipment to counteract the upcoming pot belly from good food.
In the past few years, the company laid off workers once when there was a problem with a mine site / a mine site was non operational for a long time

Job B
Government work

15 sick days + 4 weeks vacation
Great engineering experience - my perfect kinda experience
Involves moving into a tiny city with 5000 people only
Great benefits too but slighly less than the one of Job A
Great stablity.

In my opinion, its a case of career vs money. It will be great to give a reason on your choice if you have any.

Last time I had that kind of thing happen to me and I took the lady back, it ended in a lot of heartache for me afterwards. She cheated over and over and was better discrete about it.
Never make a ho a wife, and if you already know she is a wo, and you still make her your lady, then I blame you not her.

So NO DON'T TAKE HER BACK!!! Don't listen to any family member of hers or yours.

The guy is not right for you.
He is too controlling and possessive and will not leave room for your individuality.
Even a marriage shouldn't be that restrictive as long as you are posting very personal stuff of social networks.

It's in your best interest to sit down and have a very serious talk with him on how you wont let him control your life.
He is most likely going to accuse you of being stubborn, bad girlfriend etc which will lead to your inevitable action of breaking up with him.

PS the reason he is trying to get rid of your social networks is cos of the things he does there himself. He just doesn't trust you.

Good action on your part.
That lady is a ho, she isn't going to stop or change.
You dodged a close one there

a lot of people are like that.
She shouldn't be dating till she is ready to put her past behind her.
If you are not in it for the long haul or you are still unsure of your feelings towards her, it's best to save yourself the trouble and leave.

The most likely reason is the guy is not interested or he has another lady that is higher up the pecking order than you are.
If I was you, I would get rid and ignore the guy. If a guy likes you, he will call or txt you and do things to let you know he does.

However given the fact that you like this dude and you are looking for a glimmer of hope, there is still a chance you can let him come around.
First of all, you need to let him appreciate you. A lot of men appreciate what they chase more often than what is laid on their laps. It's time to let him do
all the chasing. You can let him know you do not have time for men who can't take their time to call you.

- Chill back and relax. You have done your share - which is to let him know you are interested in him. Do no more till he lets you feel the way you should.
If not, he is not the man for you.

. . . and another best friend

Do you think you can afford to take care of a family now? And again, whats really your reason for rushing into it? Sex?

What happened to your car business in Lagos?

Why are you so desperate to get married?
Do you work or school? Can both of you afford a family? I'm guessing she will move to Canada with you after marriage. Can you afford to do so at this age? Do you have plans to further your education?

More information about you needed

You are quite skinny from your pix. However the guy knew that before dating you. losing more weight might make you bonny and less attractive but thats in my own taste.
Talk to him about it but ultimately you have to be comfortable in your own skin and everyone else will follow suit.

PS the lady telling you to tell the guy to Shut The F up already has her own husband. She might come here and act all tough but no one knows the crazy things she did to keep her guy and make him marry her.

You are quite skinny from your pix. However the guy knew that before dating you. losing more weight might make you bonny and less attractive but thats in my own taste.
Talk to him about it but ultimately you have to be comfortable in your own skin and everyone else will follow suit.

PS the lady telling you to tell the guy to Shut The F up already has her own husband. She might come here and act all tough but no one knows the crazy things she did to keep her guy and make him marry her.

How can any lady accept him if he cant accept himself?

I disagree with the relationship between love and relationship. Money can't buy you love but it can help make it better.
I dated a lady while before graduating university. It took a long while to even find a job or be able to sustain myself. Yet we were able to maintain our relationship well enough. For years without money or means of an income.

You don't need to have money to fall in love or maintain a woman. If you have that idea, you have the wrong mentality of what relationships and love is all about.

If I have money I will buy her gifts to show I appreciate her. If I don't have, I can't buy anything for her. I will appreciate in many other ways. Spending time with her, listening to her, do things with her, get to know her, do things for her.

There is a reason I only have eyes for one lady and one lady only - For 3 years I had absolutely nothing and she loved me and stood by me nevertheless. Now that is my definition of love.

It's your english that is making you undateable to her.

While it is true that your friend hasnt done anything yet, it is obvious he doesnt respect boundaries. I dont usually wait for such friends to do smth wrong before I keep my distance. With friends like that who needs enemies.

Your business is with your gf. If her closeness with your friend makes you feel uncomfortable, let her know that. Ordering her abt it is not the way to go. Trust her to do the right thing. If she doesnt, making you should free her too but so far she seems okay from your tale.