₦airaland Forum

Give her time to clear her head and she will be back.

chidyhels:
Abegii, do d caling and txtin joor. Maybe u shud stop calin n txtin ur family 2.pls marriage is nt a bondage,afteral he was stil dia wen u tok d decision 2 marry hm instead of ur ex, men sf,una own 2much joor

Miss, this is not about bondage but mutual respect here. With all due respect, this is very bad advice.
I doubt you will be there suffering with her when her marriage breaks up as you probably will be sucking up to your marriage.

mamacy:
Breaking up because of religion is not flimpsy at all, infact the OP did the rite thing, marrying someone dat doesnt share d same faith as u do, is like building on sand, IMO, OP should do whatever to make her home happy, nd dat involves pleasing her hubby.

It is quite flimsy and unfair to the poor guy given the fact they were both muslims initially. With someone you were in love with, that hardly gives her closure. Can she honestly say she doesn't still love the dude? or she doesn't love the dude more than her husband?

It's just sad we nigerians can't transcend religion or tribalism in relationships yet.

By now you should know the personality of the man your married
You still have emotional attachments to your ex. Probably cos you broke up with a flimsy excuse such as religion and not cos of personality issues. You could have sent him a bday card but you just had to call to hear his voice.
Your husband has valid questions. One more question for you - is your ex a friend of the family? If not, why the call?

She is not your problem. Move on

Srry I became judgemental when she went nude for other dudes while in a relationship.

The guys of course and by a distance.

[quote author=A-ZeD link=topic=863690.msg10172850#msg10172850 date=1328963386]niajasexy
Does the embassy use age as a factor for giving visa's?[/quote]Yes and No.
It depends on merit and what your intentions are

If you are a young guy or gal, you stand a good chance.
If you are being sponsored by the government, you stand a great chance.
If you are an older person, or a guy in his late 20s and you claim to be going for your undergraduate degree - there is a good chance you will be denied.
If you do not indicate or show that in the previous couple of years you had either been working or schooling, good chance you will be denied.
If you are an older guy or gal and you are going for masters, phd etc you stand a good chance.
If you are an older guy or gal, and you are married, and not travelling with your partner, you stand a good chance as you still have ties to Nigeria.

So a 30 yr old dude going for his first undergraduate degree will be denied 9 times out of 10 unless he has some remarkable story to tell. They know you are probably going to get lost when you get there.

PS it is possible to become a PR while schooling in Canada. It is usually through canadian partners. However I know of a case where a friend of mine became a permanent resident b4 finishing school and without use of a canadian partner. Some complicated loop hole in the system.

Another point(s) to add for the PR program
For those coming as students - there are couple of ways to get your Permanent Residence (PR)

1. Get married
2. Live with a canadian gf for a yr and become common law. You can apply for your PR that way.
3. Finish school, get your post graduate work degree then
a. Work full time for one year, and apply for the "Canadian Experience PR" program. Work hours gained during school may count too
b. Work full time for six months and apply for your provincial immigration nominee program - Needs an offer of full time permanent position.

@naijasexy
good info there.
Just a few points
You can work on campus anytime from the moment you arrive. It isn't dependent on your grades either but you are limited to campus.
Living on campus is usually more expensive and the food very crappy for Nigerians
I find living close to campus and sharing a much better arrangement even in your first year. In my case, it was worth the -40c weather.

You think only robots are pressured in marriage or wrong patners? C'mon son!!!
Even considering a woman your mama chose is only the beginning of the influence she will attempt to wield over you. If you can say no to whoever she 'suggests', you might as well say no to it before it even starts.

Getting married has nothing to do with being man enough. It could be a life choice or it can be a case of not hving found what you are looking for.
A man who can not put his mother in her place has no right to get married. How will such man be a head of his home when his mom and wife have disagreement? or when they gang up against him in pressuring him in other family matters?

Sexkillz, your advice is too dangerous to be followed. And it makes more enemies outside your family than is necessary.

Time to break up with the lady. Killz said it all

You two are not compatible emotionally. She needs way more emotional attachment than you are able to give to her.

"What one is not going to eat, one should not even smell it"
It's best to stop the mum in her tracks and put her in her place as soon as possible. I disagree with sexkillz here - Do Not Play Along.
When you play along, the next thing is she tries to force you into marrying the girl she has chosen. After marriage, she tries to control your marriage. It gets to a point, you do not even feel your life is yours anymore. You can be rest assured your mom will try choosing a lady she can control or have quite a bit of influence on.

Don't even consider falling in love with such girl or agreeing to it. It's a time bomb waiting to explode later in future.

This is the time to call the shots and hv a talk with your mom. With as much respect as you can muster, Tell her you will choose your wife - whoever she turns out to be. If she interferes, you may not even get married and just keep living your life or you cut her from your future family. It won't mean you don't love her but you want your freedom and privacy. That should keep her at bay well enough for you to find a wife.

keep fronting till he moves on to someone more deserving

Only cowards break up through txt, phone etc.
You are man enough to date a lady, sleep with her etc but you are not man enough to go face to face and break up with her?
nxt time, use a post it note, it's more in sync with your lack of balls.

Now is not the time to be worried about being a single parent or not. Put your happiness first.
It's nice that you are helping out your wife as much as possible to relieve her burden at home and keep the peace. But I don't think she is seeing it or appreciating it.
Have you sat her down to discuss the state of things in your house? Have you asked her what her real issues are her? Does she want to remain married? is she seeing someone else?
Have you tried involving close family members of hers / urs that she respects?
When did it start? When did things change and why? Is there anything you are guilty of that she knows?

And if she tells you that you are what gives her fulfilment and happiness? If she tells you she is capable of handling her carreer and any distractions that come with you - and that you are no distraction.
Dude, there is no easy way to break up.

I agree with the posts above.
You have a bad mannered crazy girl in your hands. She is not going to change anytime soon - what you see is what you get after marriage.

PS - OP, you should try to be less controlling too. Ordering her home from the wake keeping is not the best way to act even though it may hv to do with her safety. Or did it have to do with your jealous streak? Either way chill a bit. I definitely will not recommend this lady for you to marry. Dangling marriage as a means to change or achieving what you want is an age old trick, dont be fooled.

NESTPRESID:
what is the next step to take when u start feeling ur wife don't love u any more, she hardly talks to u with respect anymore even when it come to sex leave that aside fear will not even allow me to say it out from my mouth any more but i still love the child she gave me and i don't  want to raise him single parents i am confused becuz love anxiety is killing slowly.

NESTPRESID:
Thanks to u all for ur words I pray God to give wisdom to live this life bcuz wisdom is the only key to all after God, I hv tried many skills b4 i cried out here bcuz i knw many are here with different thought and reason of life, i m just less than 2 yrs in my marriage and God blessed us with a child, many look for it and they never have but i never know what she wants, when she was pregnant with my baby she was the one who choose where she want to hv the baby in the world and i did it just to hv happiness in my home i don't care how much it will cost if she demand i must do it for her  except i don't hv. I help in cooking not only that in every thing at home hoping that will bring joy still zero, i hv decided to come down to Naija so i can seek for divorce i m and tired i am too young to die i just newly complete 30 yrs so i am too young to die.

Look those of u never married go for long date b4 u try marry bcuz this is what i m suffering now all my relationship was phone relationship with her any time i invite her to the country i am she only  spend moths and go back she silent all her way of life now i am in hell but i pray God change her for me b4 we come down to nija so that this divorce in my mind can stop.

Thanks to u all 4 ur advice

I think dude is new to nairaland and needs help and advice. Thanks for helping.

NESTPRESID:
what is the nest step to take when u start feeling ur wife don't love u any more, she hardly talk to u with respect anymore even when it come to sex leave that aside fear will not even allow me to say it out from my mouth any more but i still love the child she gave me and i don't  want to raise him single parents i am confused becuz love anxiety is killing slowly.

NESTPRESID:
Thanks to u all for ur words I pray God to give wisdom to live this life bcuz wisdom is the only key to all after God, I hv tried many skills b4 i cried out here bcuz i knw many are here with different thought and reason of life, i m just less than 2 yrs in my marriage and God bless us with a child, many look for it and they never have but i never know what she want, when she was preg of my baby she was the one who choose where she want to hv the baby in the world and i did it just to hv happiness in my home i don't care how much it will cost if she demand i must do it for her  except i don't hv. I help in cooking not only that in every thing at home hoping that will bring joy still zero, i hv decided to come down to Nija so i can seek for divorce i m and tired i am too young to die i just newly complete 30 yrs so i am too young to die.

Look those of u never married go for long date b4 u try marry bcuz this is what i m suffering now all my relationship was phone relationship with her any time i invite her to the country i am she only  spend moths and go back she silent all her way of life now i am in hell but i pray God change her for me b4 we come down to nija so that this divorce in my mind can stop.

Thanks to u all 4 ur advice

Best to start a new thread for that. I opened one for you. Here is the link to it.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-865972.0.html

ronkebp:
Deniyor you get time oooo,

Dumb folks need help / education too

[quote author=tpia@ link=topic=862327.msg10115043#msg10115043 date=1328294591]good question.

i guess the guys have sweet mouth or are using juju.[/quote]I don't think juju is involved or it must be faulty. If there is juju, the guy should be getting girls like halle berry, beyonce, Megan Fox etc not some . . . woman

CrazyBone:
Dee onli hep she nids is brighta grama!

PS - You too

It depends on the girl.
Some girls don't like clubbing or its not their kind of lifestyle
Some girls go out on their own
Some girls like going clubbing but prefer going out with a guy cos of the romance and attention she gets
Some girls like to go clubbing with their bfs / guys as a date

Some girls just want to go out and sit, enjoy the environment without disturbance. With guys like you looking for girls who are all alone, when such girls show up without a male escort - woe betide them. Too many guys all wanting to ask her out and spoiling the fun for her. Some guys stalk, fight, act immature, wont no for an answer, harass etc. Hardly a good idea for a girl to be alone sometimes.

Some girls don't like to go alone cos of security reasons. Date rape is not yet a felony in naija ( So I think)
Some girls just like hanging out with their buddies and gfs and going together to the bar.
Some girls just like men paying.

Stop generalising. Not every girl is cheap as the ones you hang out with.

I think it's time I start thinking of becoming a father too

lastpage:
@deniyor:
I am generous to lend you my[b] BIG, RED IGNORE BUTTON[/b], l think you might need it as well

Thanks lastpage, I took the liberty of applying it to the dude already.
PS great contributions with lots of insight. Kip it up

It has everything to do with insecurity. And yeah, it's wrong.

However, it won't stop people from doing it over and over. It's one of the top ways of busting a cheating partner these days.

Tell her you are dumping her. She will be surprised.