₦airaland Forum

I hope this is enough synopsis into my mind,the way I think and why I act in certain ways.

For all of the time I have been here, I say alhamdulillah!


the few friends I have made, I hope to keep and the ones I have ignored, I hope would forgive me. I am not too good at certain things as honoring calls to friendship.

If there is anyone I have offended in anyway, I can only hope that they'd forgive me.oh, pls doooo.
It is the tradition of the prophet to do this. I hope all of our actions here are for us and not against us on yaoum al qiyaama..Amin.


will check if anyone replies this until d wind blows me off of here

I was on phone the other time. Now I see the need to disect this post

tbaba1234: What does going in for the kill mean exactly?

I dont know what figure of speech that is, but I meant it as the way I live my life normally. I get bored easily and ginger it by doing what many people wouldn't do. I challenge status quo but I try to do those things the Islamic way as best as I can. I am aware of consequences, facing them when they surface only make me stronger and then I go for bigger ones.

As Muslims we argue with the best of manners with other Muslims. Remember we are not trying to be right,we are trying to get the truth.

I must have said this same thing more than thrice on this forum. I only argue when I have some knowledge of the matter. I naturally just expect people to give up. if they dont, I shldnt be expected to especially when they haven't convinced me they are right. WHo would I have been trying to impress by winning an argument here? I am not the type that cares about impressing people. The only people who need to be impressed are the members of my family and they bombard me wv enough endearments already.

If your goal when arguing with a Muslim is to get the truth then there is no need to lose your cool.

oh! here we come! you are implying being cool is the right thing and it shouldn't be lost. What about people who are not naturally cool. I have been cool once in my life but I stopped being that. I would want to know why I need to keep being cool. Some people just naturally have these raw nerves and you cant feel it even over the computers.

I remember watching a debate between two scholars, it reminded of why we are supposed to be the best nation raised for humanity. You could see that it wasn't about being correct, it was about what is the truth.

Sometimes we argue just to boost our egos, it becomes an ego contest, this is a big problem islamically. You might feel great to win a debate of egos but did you walk away with truth or just an inflated ego.

thank you for this.I totally agree with what you said. But in my case, I am sure I don't need Nl as an ego booster. Maybe I shldnt have taken too much of those self esteem courses

Religious discussions are not challenges. They are a quest for truth and if another has better evidences,we accept them.

Religious discussions can be challenging especially when they push you to learn more about your deen. I have learnt a lot by being here. I have been challenged to learn more about the deen. that is one of the reasons Nl is now boring to me. the challenges are now less. We are more concerned with people saying ma shaa Allah, you have done well to people challenging our faith and how we practice it. kudos to d mod though.Again, I am only saying my mind.


And about the evidences, I have accepted a lot here. like d discussion with Beta things on how much anyone has to do to get into al jannah. when I realsied he was right, I admitted it. So again, it is not about being right all the time.

I remember a saying by imam shafi where he said that he gets into religious debates hoping he is wrong so that he can learn. (I will look for the exact quote later in sha Allah).

that is it in my case too. or sometimes, so others can be wrong and change their ways like on that thread of Muslim men and their women. I was deliberately challenging the practices I see in Nigerian Muslim men so we could all learn from it.

I do not know if this addresses the topic but I hope it is of benefit. And Allah knows best.

Yes, it is. thank you.

This is probably my last thread on this forum and yh! this was about me, again!

I wish people would say whatever they have in mind but I can bet many would not. There has to be a reason for that. Maybe not being blunt is Islamic

When I wrote going for the kill,I put parable in bracket and that is even a general life principle.

Here, What it literally means is that I challenge my supposed understanding of something.

And whether it goes in favor of me or otherwise,I feel better for it.


I dont know why pple wldnt want such surfacing when it is presumed as getting hot.

vedaxcool: So you started a thread to attack vedaxcool! That is not nice! Anyway just kidding!

I need clarification on what cool is, I am a bit confused on what cool you are talking about, is it cool as in being level headed or cool as in wanting to conform to others expectation!

What do u thnk of both

d Aluu4 murderes must be Muslims then.

In religious gatherings, it is normal 2 find pple at their best behaviors. I am trying to have an understanding.

I like the challenging life, I go in for a kill and if I come out alive,I feel replenished,rejuvenated (parable). I like to challenge and be challenged so in the long run,am better for it.

I have seen on this forum that when arguments ensue between people,others just want them to lie low,be cool.

I Know that is very easy to be but it just may not be enough for some peolple.

So I was wondering,is this a part of Islam people are trying to uphold or are they just being cynical of the people who want it hot?

Are we afraid of losing it to others? Or is there something that we want protected?


disclaimer-I am only talking of muslim-muslim discussions.

olawalebabs: Tbaba1234 deserve to take the crown from deols (equally deserve it).

Thanks but only tbaba does.

It is definitely tbaba.

It is okay to start saying the Congratulations!!

First,let us see what the prophet says of the munafik.

The Prophet(s.a.s) said, "Whoever has (the following) four characters will be a hypocrite, and whoever has one of the following four characteristics will have one characteristic of hypocrisy until he gives it up. These are: (1 ) Whenever he talks, he tells a lie; (2) whenever he makes a promise, he breaks it; (3) whenever he makes a covenant he proves treacherous; (4) and whenever he quarrels, he behaves impudently in an evil insulting manner."

And what does the Quran say of a hypocrite-
'Allah has promised the hypocritical men and the hypocritical women and the unbelievers the fire of hell to abide therein;it is not enough for them and Allah has cursed them and they shall have lasting punishment' ch.9 vs 68.

And If d above isnt satisfactory,a court of law could do d job.
In an Islamic state,a judge can be trusted to be fair and in a state like Nigeria,getting a good lawyer may not be a bad idea.

Note that I am aware that what the prophet mentioned are d xtics of a munafik and not that one of them alone makes someone a munafik. I dont doubt however that one wv just one of d xtics may not fall into others.

Signing a contract you know u wldnt fulfil encompasses a lot!

And how is this an Islam for Muslims matter.

BahPulo: waaoh this discussion has degenerated to women hating their mother in law cause they don't want a second wife. let's keep the thread honest please some of us are learning a lot from the posts here. The contract thing for instance is the first time I am hearing it. Well done Deols and Zayhal keep it coming.

Welcome back sis.
Some people just want to win arguments at all cost. I wld av given up if I wasnt convinced of my stance. And when I know I am wrong,I admit it.

I dont dabble into matters I have no knowledge of. Even on this section, there are threads I read and move on from and if I need clarity, ask questions.

I have said all I wanted to say on this topic. It is left 2 people to decide if they want it to affect their lives or not.

I never said polygyny is bad. I av supported it on many occasions.

I just dont want people cowed into corners outta some fears that shldnt exist in d first place.

About d wives of d prophet, it might be ok to say they ddnt fight all d time but to claim they didnt at all would be a bid to deliberately mislead others.

Misunderstanding is a subtle word.

tbaba1234: Deols seems to be very passionate about this.

The mothers of the believers had good relationships amongst themselves even if as expected with humans, we will have misunderstandings.

Sometimes polygamous homes build very good relationships between the wives particularly in cases where the man does not make it obvious who he likes more and the wives do not keep petty grudges. The wives could become almost like sisters, share responsibilities and even 'gist' together. It does happen.

That said, it could be difficult having to see your husband with another woman but it is much better than having him sleep around. Polygyny could be tough but if the home is properly grounded in Islamic values, It will be so much easier to manage.

And as bad as you may feel about, polygyny does work if properly managed.

That is flooding because it is beyond what they see everyday.

In nija what would have made it abnormal is how clean d water is.

God help us!!

zayhal: Don't mind sisters who extend their righteousness to sharing their husbands. Most of them do it only on the face level. Deep down, they do not want it.

I know of two friends, one got married and few years later started taking phensic for her friend's headache because the latter had not gotten married. Married friend, in the name of piety, invited the other to come marry her husband and was even begging the husband to marry her friend. Husband 'reluctantly' agreed. Before we knew it, first wife started making noise about that her husband no longer looks at her side, her friend has taken over completely.

I agree with you @deols that any woman who's happy with her husband taking another wife or offers her husband another woman has completely fallen out of love with that man or has an ulterior motive to it.

100 likes

zayhal: I have never said it's a woman's fault if her husband takes another wife. Where in my post did you get that?

Perhaps I need you to give me a little education on this prenup thing. How does it protect a woman whose husband decides to break it?

From my little understanding of Islam, I think a woman can still opt out of a marriage at any point where she feels the marriage is threatening her mental and/spiritual stability, and this could be because of the eventuality of a co-wife. Wrong?

Sorry if I make d wrong deductions on ur post.
A God fearing man will not break an oath.
To break oaths is a xtic of a munaafik(hypocrite).

busar: Jazaakillahu khayr Zayhal 4 dat 1daful cntributn.I av heard of 2 or more stories of sisters that workd mathna 4 their zawj.Such kind of sis. are scarce o.@ deols jst pray 4 d best 4rm Allah.Who knws if mathna wud b beneficial?

I have seen two ladies who said they were going to marry the same man. DO you know why? they attend lectures by men who tell them that it is a sign of EIman. I dont see the eiman in that though. I wonder if their EIman is greater than that of Aisha(r.a) or any of the other mothers of the believers.

My favorite book is the wives of the prophet by ta ha publishers. I got it from my mother when I finished secondary school. From there I could understand how very human the wives of the prophet were. they fought like normal people and wanted the good life(until Allah cautioned them).

I have read other books, like the Muslim woman and have realised that many of the don'ts that are attributed to Islam in Nigeria are not even in Islam. they came out of pple wanting to be holier than the prophet himself and from men who take on their gullible followers to dish whatever.

I am not however calling all Nigerian scholars out on this. I remember Ali Agan from Ilorin is the only Nigerian scholar from whom I heard of the prenup even though I ddnt totally grasp what it was about then.

In conclusion, my point is, some people think whatever self righteous things they do make them better Muslims while only digging their own graves.

zayhal: Definitely, there are many many men who love their wives and yet take on more wives. I know of two brothers who would tell anyone that cares to listen how good, near-perfect their first wives are. Yet they took on 2nd wives.

I hope you aren't reading me wrongly. I'm also a woman and my worst nightmare would be my hubby taking another wife. I don't even want to imagine it. And I'd try all in my capability to prevent it the peaceful way. But if he's hellbent on doing it...

The long and short of my story is that a prenup can not stop a man from doing what he wants to do.

I wrote my previous post b4 seeing this.

Ok. agreed. wv d prenup he could still do it.

But what does Islam say of people honoring their contracts. let us pretend the man is a good Muslim and would want to practice Islam well.

zayhal: Leave those who want to dwell on chauvinism. We'll all stand before Allah to account.

I can relate prenup agreement to a man's love for his wife because in a way, both are means to an end. The woman who wants the prenup is doing so so that her man will have her alone. A woman who has earned the total love and respect of her man is most likely not going to have a rival.

and if she doesnt earn it, she doesnt deserve the protection ALlah allows her to have even if she wishes to have it?

and it must be her fault if the man just cant love and cherish her no matter how good she is?

Love is abstract and no one can claim to know the way around it. We see men dump the most beautiful of women for the ugly ones in the name of love and that has to be her problem because she cldnt earn the kind of love that would more likely not make her have a rival?

I am still not getting this line of argument. It must be her fault that her husband is marrying another woman and she better face the consequences and not think of a way out!

Believe me, you are saying what some men here like. I wonder how sweet that is.

@tbaba, thanks for that explanation.

zayhal: @deols

As much as I agree that there can be signed agreements before marriage and that both parties must honor such agreements, we still must tread on the path of caution regarding what constitutes such agreement. I wouldn't advise a sister to include in it that her future husband must not take a second wife nor would I encourage a brother to agree to sign such contract. My main reason been that this is what Allah has permitted for our men. The man should be the one to decide whether he wants to make use of this opportunity or not.

ANd men can use the opportunity they have and women cannot use theirs?

Why on earth are we just realising these things are in Islam. It is majorly because the scholars of Islam in our part of the world are majorly men. They would keep women from knowing these things and emphasise how she must be a good wife to make al-jannah.

Without saying it, a woman may earn the love and respect of her husband so much that the man would never want to take a second wife. Note that I use the word EARN. This is what a muslimah who wishes to be the only apple in her husband's eye try to achieve, rather than giving the man pre-conditions.

Are you saying only WOmen who dont do the above have co-wives. Believe me, you are seriously falling my hand. I just cannot accept this. I have said it before, one of the things that make polygyny harder for women to accept is the thought that other people, especially Women see them as inadequate and as the reason their husbands got other women. What about the really good women whose husbands just want it for pleasure? That statement is absolutely unfair.

Moreso, the only one who has absolute control of the future is Allah. Contract or no contract, a man may just wake up one morning and decide he wants to take another wife.

I agree Allah takes control either ways. there is no disputing that. But you dont go climbing a palm tree with banana ropes with the thought that Allah would help you. There are reasons these things are allowed in Islam.

there's nothing his wife can do about it except make trouble, take him to court, fight him, ask for divorce... At the end of the day, she'll still be the worse for it. Though the man too will surely have his share of trauma and discomfort.

Don't be too sure of the above. As a man, if my wife would just allow me marry another WOman, I would already know that she had fallen outa love for me.It is normal to want to keep what you hold dear and that shouldnt be seen as bad. Even the wives of the prophet had their wahala with each other and I dont know why being human, emotional at it has become wrong. No one should start acting like they can become more Muslimah than the wives of the prophet.

And she doesnt necessarily be the worse for it. SHe could find another man who would love and cherish her and not marry other women. WHy do our conclusions get bad all the time? And I am not advocating divorce, just saying.

All in all, its best to pray, work and strive to have a blissful marriage and have a genuine friend as partner rather than been headstrong on whats and what-nots which we may not be able to handle in the long run. And which may earn us Allah's displeasure.

All these kind talk dont get to me. Being strong headed cant be entirely bad. i In fact no of a woman whose strong headed nature is exactly why her husband keeps her and her alone as his beloved wife. I like seeing them together. They bring their children up in the most loving environment.

@ Zayhal,

Oh God! you keep feeding the ego of some chauvinistic men here.
I think you are now married. If so, congrats

I want to cut deep into ur posts. I decided against it earlier so we wont derail from the issue of prenups. Now I see no one is disagreeing that it is Islamic but are feeding on the sentiments they have of marriage and what happens to women in them. Some are also satisfying the chauvinism in them

zayhal: @Mac
Amin and thanks.

My sister deols,
Even if a woman makes the full benefit of the prenup, it still does not stop a man who wants to take a second wife to do so. The only benefit for the woman is that she'll have an evidence to protest in case the man still strays.

you agree that that is a benefit? and why shouldn't she make use of that benefit..

Prenup CAN not make your man love or cherish you better. Your outstanding disposition towards him can.

I didnt say it would. Neither can you prove that it would make him love his wife less. I really dont get why you brought this. It is like that other guy bringing mother-in-law into it. do all men without prenup treat and cherish their wives forever?

zayhal: I have this 'big aunty' who left Islam as a young woman because she did not want to marry a Muslim man for fear that he may go into polygyny. Well, she ended up with a nice christian brother and they both became born again. Fast forward to a decade plus into their marriage, my big aunty became utterly shattered when she discovered that her dear born again hubby was having a secret affair. He had already rented an apartment for the concubine, bought her a car and taking full responsibility of her schooling (uni). Even the secret woman's family members are well acquainted to aunty's hubby. This is the kind of thing a man would resort to if he's bent on having multiple partners. But the one who loves you whole heartedly, respects your feelings deeply and has the fear of Allah in him does not need a prenup to hold on to you for life.

Actually, what I was talking about isn't the holding for life. So many women are held in bondage for life. Still, prenup doesnt make him love you less. It gives you a pali. It is your choice what you do with it and Islam allows that.

BTW, many people can tell stories. And I can tell you of good Muslim WOmen who got packing after their husbands thought their time was up. and other really nasty women who were able to keep their husbands to themselves. This again, isnt about what you see around you, it is about making it known that Islam allows a WOman this and no one, out of sentiment, or their cultural belief nor experience should keep them from doing so.

busar: Jazaakillahu khayr Zayhal 4 dat 1daful cntributn.I av heard of 2 or more stories of sisters that workd mathna 4 their zawj.Such kind of sis. are scarce o.@ deols jst pray 4 d best 4rm Allah.Who knws if mathna wud b beneficial?

I told you to stop talking about deols with regards to this thing. Is it Islamic to have the prenup or not? Full stop.

Jum'ah mubarakahhh

I wont want 2 use it. But if it becomes mandatory,will do what I'll normally do and move on.cant be moved by d silly attitude of 'management'

zayhal: @deols

As much as I agree that there can be signed agreements before marriage and that both parties must honor such agreements, we still must tread on the path of caution regarding what constitutes such agreement. I wouldn't advise a sister to include in it that her future husband must not take a second wife nor would I encourage a brother to agree to sign such contract. My main reason been that this is what Allah has permitted for our men. The man should be the one to decide whether he wants to make use of this opportunity or not. Without saying it, a woman may earn the love and respect of her husband so much that the man would never want to take a second wife. Note that I use the word EARN. This is what a muslimah who wishes to be the only apple in her husband's eye try to achieve, rather than giving the man pre-conditions.

Moreso, the only one who has absolute control of the future is Allah. Contract or no contract, a man may just wake up one morning and decide he wants to take another wife. Honestly, there's nothing his wife can do about it except make trouble, take him to court, fight him, ask for divorce... At the end of the day, she'll still be the worse for it. Though the man too will surely have his share of trauma and discomfort.

All in all, its best to pray, work and strive to have a blissful marriage and have a genuine friend as partner rather than been headstrong on whats and what-nots which we may not be able to handle in the long run. And which may earn us Allah's displeasure.

I know that many pple thread on this path.

But concerning what a Woman can put in a contract,scholars have said this,(asking that he doesnt marry other women) can be one of them.

I just dont see any reason why a woman cannot make the full benefit of that. Why does everyone prefer the cut corner type. Is it because we are not used to people signing prenuptials as it is culturally alien to us or is it due to a fear of what might happen in d long run. Why should that fear exist in d first place? I just don't get it.

If I thought the displeasure of Allah could be earned,I wldnt keep talking about it. The first time I heard of prenuptials in Islam,I ddnt think monogamy clause cld be included and I didnt champion its cause. But since I knew about it, why not? Knowledge is supposed to emancipate.

That people decide to stay where they've always been should not be any other person's headache. I just wont agree wv all the it is better to just let go and not sign as if it wont affect anything.

A man promising you he wont marry another woman,swearing it over his great grand's grave shldnt find putting that in writing hard. After all,the love is still blindbfolding him.

Many of us Muslims take certain things for granted. We only hammer on the things we term as big issues. Another contract well known of is that of money lending.

Many peole feel awkward about that. Thay think asking d other person and bringing in the witnesses will make it seem like they don't trust d other person. When he doesnt pay up or time elapses and memory loss comes in,they start years of dispute that a little ink and paper could have solved.

My point is,if Islam permits it,why is it taking so long for people to just accept it.

That is one great reminder. It struck really deep.

Thank u o jare

How did you come up with that conclusion?

I tire 4 this kind ppl o. In real life,I definitely wont have this conversation. In fact, I just wont stand having ds with you.

Where and when was your research carried out?

How did you conclude that a woman who doesnt want another woman wv her husband wldnt tolerate his mother?

It is more disgusting(oh God I can actually throw up 4 dis) that you had 2 bring a woman slapping her mother in law into this..anything to make women look bad will go well wv you I presume. So far they dont want what you want.

Did you check the methodology of the ranking?

Until it is ascertained that it is based majorly on merits and what Students might achieve in the school, it becomes just another ranking and anyone can do that btw.

acccording to webometrics, UNIben is 1st in Nigeria followed by Auchi polytechnic . Link- http://www.webometrics.info/en/Ranking_africa

and their methodology?

Objectives and motivation

The original aim of the Ranking is to promote academic web presence, supporting the Open Access initiatives for increasing significantly the transfer of scientific and cultural knowledge generated by the universities to the whole Society. In order to achieve this objective, the publication of rankings is one of the most powerful and successful tools for starting and consolidating the processes of change in the academia, increasing the scholars’ commitment and setting up badly needed long term strategies

The objective is not to evaluate websites, their design or usability or the popularity of their contents according to the number of visits or visitors. Web indicators are considered as proxies in the correct, comprehensive, deep evaluation of the university global performance, taking into account its activities and outputs and their relevance and impact.

At the end a reliable rank is only possible if the web presence is a trustworthy mirror of the university. In the second decade of the 21st century the Web is key for the future of all the university missions, as it is already the most important scholarly communication tool, the future channel for the off-campus distance learning, the open forum for the community engagement and the universal showcase for attracting talent, funding and resources.

Point is, it is better to make the best use of the oportunity you have in ur institution than chasing shadows.

Lemme put it in Q&A format.

Is marriage a contract in Islam?


Are couples allowed to sign contracts on certain things they want or wouldnt want in their marriage?

Are good Muslim men expected to honor these contracts?


Dont think about me when you relate wv me on here. I am trying to state what is Islamic and what is not.

I can take care of myself in d real world so stop trying to be realistic because d reality of other people's lives,you dont know.
State what Islam says and let people decide how they want to live their lives.

Now answer the questions pls.

I want to see that video but I need to be prepared

Many people have likened d multiple personality disorder to jinn possession. What do you think of that or have you heard of similar things?

tbaba1234: I feel a bit sad reading through the Islam and Exorcism thread...

We have lost some really great guys on this section: Babs787, Lagosboy, Olabowale etc. I used to follow nairaland as a guest from 2008 and i think they made their mark. May Allah have mercy on them and forgive us all our shortcomings.

When they were here,I didnt see reasons to post anything. They were good ma shaa Allah. Too bad they all left..phew.

I remember Abuzola so well. He was a nightmare to the non-Muslims. But his thoughts on jihad were d only reasons I disagreed wv him.