₦airaland Forum

In many cases the bride chips in and her family does too. I have a problem with the guy demanding and not even demanding right but telling her 'shebi she also has money' @ that point, he sold his birth right.

I can remember a thread where the men were asked what they value most in women and about 99% of them mentioned submission. How does a woman submit then when they have to pay 50-50 into running the home.

Or are we not talking of the same Nigerian men who want to sit after work, carrying newspapers while at the same time watching the news as the wife runs helter skelter, after work too, trying to prepare their meal(Yh! the nollywood presentation of an average nija man->cant be far from the truth).

I really wont have a problem with it if they'd share the house chores, rotate child care, etc.But how feasible is that?

Let the man up his game and the wedding according to his means. The wife should help out as a matter of choice and never as an obligation. Abi what do the holy books say of the role of the man in the marriage again??

@op, that's my own view o.

I used to love this thread. hmmmmmn!!!!!!!

oops!

this is too ruggedly amazing for me to ignore. like the previous one, my knowledge of it is limited.

donno where this is..it looks unreal sef but simply wowing!!!

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halo,
i thnk d sticked topics are too much. Some of them can be merged 'as they serve similar or the same purpose. I dont like having to scroll nd scroll before reaching the latest posts.

'Section clean up' and 'restoring peace and order...' are two that should be merged or totally deleted. I dont see the job they do.

Interested in co moderating this section is also not needed anymore. It should be deleted or just removed from the position

hadith of the day should simply flow with other threads. Although, if the above go could stay still. Been long it was updated. If truly daily, there should be no fear concerning its extinction.

double post

nene1: That is the point of my confusion in the first place. It is a slippery slope. I don't want to criticize my religion but at the same time I feel like everything in Islam favors men. Well at least the INTERPRETATIONS Since I am not a scholar, I cannot say their INTERPRETATIONS are wrong, but we do have to keep in mind that most scholars are men and very very rarely a women. It says women of the "people of the book" are lawful to them which they interpret to mean Christian and Jewish women. Maybe someone who is more knowledgeable can explain that verse better to me. It is difficult for me to understand why muslim men are allowed to marry a non-muslim woman at all expecially when muslim women are not. I just don't get why children with a muslim father vs. muslim mother are more likely to turn out muslim when many of these muslim men with non-muslim wives almost never have muslim children. I have NEVER seen it personally. I wonder if some muslim men like to twist these verses so they can marry whoever they want. It is great for muslim men. You can marry up to 4 and she doesn't have to be muslim. So many options for them.

I just cldnt pass by without responding. Actually, IMO, being confused isnt totally bad in itself. I heard d hadith of the prophet where he mentioned that a doubt in faith shows some level of faith in itself(guess that applies here). We are allowed to think and as we do so, we'd realise the hidden benefits in the laws of Allah.

Concerning the partiality, looking at things from the surface, Islam seems to favor men as you mentioned. The laws of inheritance, the ability to marry as many as four wives, their being the head and in this case, the allowance of marriage to people of other faith, the kind of privilege we are not allowed as women.

Before I think of the benefits such laws may have, I put in mind, this is what ALlah says and there is no going against it.

then, I allow myself think of other things.. In this case for example, a Christian man wouldnt appeal to me in the first place, maybe because I have always known the rule from childhood and maybe not. SOme lines are just never crossed.

And for the Muslim man who is given the chance to marry from the people of the book, I think he is more at loss than I am. A lot could go wrong and he would have to answer for them, just like it is in polygamy. What happens to his children due to his choice of wife, what happens to his faith, what kind of life he lives .

In the long run, I feel protected as a Woman by these laws.

Muslim men should always think deep, beyond the enjoyment they think these laws afford them. I have noticed that Monogamous men look much younger than the polygamous ones of the same age. Polygamy, marriage to non Muslims are tests from Allah. Be careful while you practice them.

.

54. the longest hadith is?

Abujabir24: Salam this is the first time i am seeing this topic. Very interesting.
Q52. How old was Khadijah when she married the prophet?
Q53. There is a time between the two sermons the Imam delivers on friday. What are you asked to do/say during that time?

deols: 52. 40
53. to pray ?

Abujabir24: Sorry sister you got my questions wrong.

Abujabir24: 52. Khadijah was 28 or 30 according to d narration.
53. You are asked to keep silent b/w d 2 sermons.

Abujabir24: [quote author=tbaba1234]52. According to Ibn Ishaq: Khadijah was 29 or so..... Bukhari has the age at forty.... Most people accept bukhari's version because it is a verified text.

didnt c ds last one earlier.

@AbuJabir, You need to come and prove what you said o.

I have always known Khadija to be forty years at marriage.
And sitting between sermon is a practice of the prophet aimed at resting. No prayer is mentioned to be said at this time. And keeping quiet is throughout the service. WaAllahu a'lam

INK I'd stay this long on this section bye!!!!!!!

clap for yourself

no one

nothing

all except 7 & 11

^^ u'r wrong







student

one man's food is another's poison

Aminah

serene

row land.

some fun in here couldnt it be on twitter?

rarely

agiboma: @ Op where are you located? Well the truth of the matter here OP it sounds like a flirt to me althought it is inappropriate. @ least your hubby apologize, some men would not do that and thye might even go as far as to insult their wives. Look no one is perfect everybody makes mistakes, I think you should just forgive him and move on. You should not make this a major deal in your marriage befor you drive him into her waiting, adulterous arms.

Your hubby seems like a nice person and sometimes men just get so comforteble in their marriage they want to feel like they still got some appeal with the ladies, thats what this scenario sounds like to me.So please forgive and move on since this is the first time you have caught him flirting.

@bold, seriously?

nene1: I am kinda late to this topic. Anyway, polygamy is something that scares me as a want a simple drama free life. Among West African muslims, it is very common. Where I am from it is around 40-50% of marriages so there is a high chance I could be tested with this. I am not even against the idea as what can I do since it is part of my religion? The only thing that worries me is that many women who come into your marriage, will not come without a fight. All I care is that we live in separate homes and the man visits each of us and our children when he should and does what he is supposed to financially. I don't care if he favors her over me in his heart as I don't believe a man should be the be all and end all of your life. I would just make sure I treat him well to the best of my ability. I would not want much to do with the other wife. I think it is better to keep a distance and just have a cordial/polite relationship in order to prevent problems.

Anyway, it is just that in Africa, many 2nd wives come with the intention of getting rid of the first wife and give you and your children trouble. I just hope that if my future husband does decide to choose this path we have separate homes and he can afford 2 families (most men can't nowadays anyway). I could never live with another woman in the same roof and in Islam we have a right to separate accomodation. I cannot stand men who are already poor yet they marry other women and then force the women to live together b/c they cannot afford more than 1 household. Also, the problem with these other women is, they not only bring their rivalry towards you, but to your innocent children as well. Men need to think carefully when choosing another woman to add to his family. Though you should be attracted to the new woman, you should also consider her character as well and look for someone peaceful who will not bring drama into your home. Also, a man needs to make sure that HE is the one in control of things and not let one wife (usually the favorite) dominate things. You need to be a MAN in order to keep harmony among different women and families. You also have to remember it is more in-laws (another mother in law) to deal with. Another thing that worries me is what if he wants to take my children to see the other woman, especially if I am not present? They will be his children too so there is not much I can do about it. Can I trust her not to give my children something to eat? Some women get jealous at the love your husband shows your children forgetting that they are his too. I really hope my future husband decides to have me has the only wife b/c I don't want drama and war in my home. Plus, I will be disturbed by the fact that he is sharing his body with her and having intmate relations with her, and exchanging bodily fluids. How do I know what sort of sexual history she has? Who knows what in the world he could be doing with her in intimacy, but anyway I guess the best thing is to not dwell on it too much as it is a private matter between the both of them. I just can't help but to think of that part.

Polygamy also weakens the bond between you and your husband b/c another will be in the middle. Everytime you have a quarrel with him, he can easily go to her. There will be less privacy as he will be sharing his secrets and thoughts with her as well. Having another there makes it EXTRA harder than it already is to work on things bwtween you and your husband. Everything will be on a schedule. Who gets to go on vacation with him and when? What if you want to go to a public event together? Who goes? Or I guess you both can go. Any major decisions you have to may (for example, maybe where to live), who gets what say. Will he favor her in his decisions? Can he afford it? It makes it so much more difficult if he can't. This is not about being a gold digger, but the money needs to be enough otherwise the man would just spend most of his money on his beloved wife and neglect the others financially if he cannot afford to provide for them all.

@ OP: I am an unmarried sister, but I think that if I were to be put in such a situation, is that I would just worry about MY marriage and relationship with my husband. If your husband decides to make that decision, you still have to remember your marriage with him is separate from his marriage with her despite being married to the same man. I know it is hard as you will be indirectly linked to her through him, but it is still two separate marriages. Focus on YOUR relationship with him and do things that can strengthen your relationship and not push him towards her. I know at first you will be angry, but do not let him sense that b/c he will just go to her. She will be happy and loving as it is easier being the 2nd wife b/c they tend to ASSUME she would be the favorite. The man will go to where he is most at ease. The best thing to do is exercise patience, patience, patience. Never let him and especially not the other woman see you sad or angry. What she would hate is for you to continue in your marriage happily as if she doesn't exist. Give people the opposite reaction from what they would accept. Don't show people you are hurt. All they would d is rub it in. Do not give anyone that satisfaction. You can cry your eyes out when he is not there to get out the pain, but as long as he doesn't see it. That is how I would deal with it if my husband were to marry again. Also, make a lot of dua for ALlah to give you strength and patience to get through it and also that your husband marries a peaceful sister, is fair and respects both you and any potential new wife as women. Like I said worry about yourself and don't occupy yourself with the other sister.

Also, one more important thing, NEVER bring up the other wife to your husband. Do not talk about her to him. Don't let him think you are jealous of her or she is a threat to you. This will just make her seem more attractive to him. When it is your day, make things about YOU. By bringing her up, you are bringing the attention on her. the last thing you want to do when he is with YOU is to make him think about her, especially if she doesn't talk about you when she is with him. Do not make her relevant. Like I said your marriage is separate. To sum it up, the best way to deal with polygamy is to worry about your own marriage and Inshallah when Allah blesses you with kids, focus on bringing them up right and protecting them. In the end, people will only respect you, even your co-wife.

I learned all this from my 2 grandmothers, aunt, and cousins who were first wives who had very smart ways with dealing with co-wives. They are wonderful women and had STRONG marriages with their husbands despite other women being there. My grandmothers suffered very much especially due to favoritism their husbands showed their second wives, but they went through it well. The co-wives were just envious and couldn't do anything about them. Do not let another woman come and usurp you from your marriage. Otherwise, she will reap all the benefits of your hard work. Hope this helped. Sorry for the long post, but this is a very sensitive issue for me as I have witnessed first hand a lot of women in my family and mother's friends who had struggles in these marriages. I learned from them how to overcome it if I were to ever be put in that situation, which is very likely if I marry a muslim man from west africa.

I agree with you 99.9%

Men should learn to do it right too.

Another part of the whole thing is when the women see each other as enemies and then run from one traditional priest to another, all in the name of being the favored wife, seeking protection for their children, e.t.c. they thereby lose their faith.

modified

with too many arguments, I hope many people dont get further confused. I fear for that. ALlah knows best

surprised toba's complaining about someone's ENglish. hahhehehehahahha

^^ very disgusting.

cant av a way in Islam. Anyone can get up claiming to be a scholar. What matters is to look into what Islam says. DId the prophet practice such? what about his rightly guided successors?

Wa Allahu A'lam