₦airaland Forum

Slaak: wot i'd say is wen issues are tabled, d solutions we profer shldnt b general but b related to d issue @ hand.
I stated in d post dat d wife is no more takin care of d chores and d husband is BEIN FORCED to do them and ur response was IF THE WIFE DOESN'T LIKE DOIN THE CHORES, D HUSBAND SHLD.
Well dat sounds to me like ''it's no deal if d wife can't do them''.

So You wanted a solution?? I didnt see that.

I did not quote your post. You gave an account of what the husband told you. We don't have the wife's side of the story. I don't see how a solution can be proffered.

I went through the thread and stated my opinion, generally. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.

ogeoflyf: Since m short, I must marry a tall man by fire by force

Your chances are high. Unlike for us, the tall ones. The short ones, we will not marry.

those with the same height as us are intimidated by our height.

and some of the really tall ones will go for you, shorties.

The odds are against us, sweetie. Your chances are there.

well, no research to back this up. don't ask me for a link.

infonubia: You guys are hilarious! Love ur sense of humor

.

Programmers are the ones making money these days.

so, I want to be a programmer.

I am answering these questions not because you asked but because I actually dont have a problem answering them and more importantly because I want to set some records straight.

I get many Pms and I wanted to scream it out for people to stop! At the same time, If I had come here to say it or make it my subject, following all my posts, it would create unnecessary attention and some may think it is directed at them specifically. I did not want any1 feeling bad in that way. so, actually, thank You for asking.


[quote author=tpia@]@ deols

just curious- you opened this thread a while back, were you single at the time?

if not, have you met anyone who fills the requirements you listed at the beginning of the thread.[/quote]1. Yes I was single at the time and still single! I did not start the thread because I was single though. I started it because there were previous threads on the same topic with only a few comments on them. I knew that Muslims usually don't speak up or are shy to speak on matters relating to relationships and I thought it was important that we speak about such things and learn from them. I thought that I was bold enough to start the thread and even keep it running.

So, I did not start because I was single or in need of a relationship. I started it because I was bold enough to.


2. The requirements!! I have met some people. But I have not known them enough to know if they fill the whole of it. I dont live in Nigeria and that just narrows my chances since I am marrying a Nigerian. But that doesn't change my idea of the man 4 me. I will graduate in less than seven months and have a lot from being certified by the nigerian med council to being an intern and all that. I am going to meet people along the way.I am still young. So, my chances are still very much there.

I have met the perfect representation of the hot hot dude described above but he is not Nigerian-and that does not fill the requirement.

if yes, are you in a relationship with the person.

answered above

if no, why not? ie what is your reason.

as above

what do you think about meeting people online, would meeting someone on or offline affect your receptiveness towards the person's being interested in a relationship with you, assuming you're still single.

I can NOT date someone that I have not seen face to face. I have to SEE and be attracted to what I see first. Or better put, I have to LIKE what I see first.

I don't agree with the online thing. I would want to see how much I can intimidate him by a one on one chat first.

peppy luv: Deols and mukina join d protest,time is not on your side anymore. Seun will not marry u o!

who are you, to start with?

busar: @deols n sissie, is this the kind of advice you will proffer if your advice is sought in this type of situation? SMH

Very funny. make you be careful while shaking the head please.

The problem we have is with some people thinking that their own way of doing things is the best and are not open to seeing things differently.

some couples share chores and are happy. I wonder why others would have a problem with what the people involved have no problem with.

Eventually, each to their own.

Sissie and I were talking in general terms. If it would not work for you, you may not take the advice but that does not make it bad.

But there are men who like professional moppers. I think the best thing is to marry one and let her know the job she is meant to do as a wife. That way, there will be no problem when she resumes duty gets married.

tbaba1234: What you say here is different from the first post.

We do things, we don't like all the time.

However, if a woman grew up in an environment where she doesn't do certain things and she makes it clear that she won't do these things before marriage, then the man has to make a decision before marriage.

This is not different from what I said. You can read it.again.


This is exactly what I said...
I wonder why Sissie understood it then.

NL member: Sharap there

She's telling the truth.

Don't mind him jare.

7baba

Sissie: Husband falls for maid, failed marriage is a story over played. Doing chores isn't the same as not being homely.

If a man wants to remarry if the woman cleans for Africa some men will still remarry.

lol at if the woman cleans for Africa..that is a trophy deserving feat.

she can mop her way into his heart you know.

Sissie: 1. Because a woman can't wash clothes or plates don't mean she's dirty, she may have grown up with someone else (maid) doing all that. And yes a woman can tell the man.
2. There's no nothing wrong with her family, we have different ideals.
3. Yes a sensible man will agree, if he can afford it, or do share the chores if he can't then he shouldn't agree.

Not doing chores isn't been dirty.

P.s If she doesn't do it because really she's dirty is a different thing (deols have answered it based on her being dirty). But my point is not doing chores isn't always about being dirty.

I decided to look beyond his labelling of someone's lifestyle with that strong term and answer him anyway.

Sissie: Salam,

Theres no law in islam that i know of that made thé house chores compulsory for the woman to do (men don't like this but that is the fact).

When deols say they have no business marrying I understand what she's saying, she's not saying it's a general prerequisite but in certain situations this is the case.

If a woman doesn't like washing clothes and she told him before marriage, he either buys a washing machine or take his cloths to the laundry, he shouldn't insist and they get married and he starts complaining. A lady who won't wash will categorically tell you this.

During the time of the prophet they had maids (slaves), for some people it's a must they can't cope without a maid (call her lazy or whatever), that lady has no business marrying a man who doesn't want a maid (ever), (and non of them wants to compromise on this) it would cause problems, we are different.

For this woman the thing that bothers me is the ghusl.

Not everybody is a pretender, women who know what they can't and won't do would tell you, the man accepts it or leave it and vice versa.

Thank you jare.

I wonder if there are deliberate attempts at misunderstanding posts. But when not one but more are at it, I then wonder if there are pre conceived notion of what it might be about that prevents the reading of the right meanings.

It is not rocket science. Marry your type of women. Marry those who share your ideas to life and don't make anybody's daughter suffer because of your lies or pretence.

braine: Wishes of a short girl•

eiyyah. You can start wearing heels

ShehuAba: Hmmm.
Wait o before i proceed to comment on this issue.
Let me ask deols this question:
1. Is it possible for a woman to tell her fiance that she's a dirty type. i.e I cannot wash my clothes, Wash plates, e.t.c before marriage.
2. What do you think of this kind of woman and the family she comes from?
3. Do you think that any sensible man will agree to marry her after knowing that she's dirty.

I will come back with my comments later

1. It is very possible. Not everyone lies to be perfect just because they want to get married. As a woman, I would want to know everything about the man I marry b4 marrying him. If I sense the slightest form of deceit in his dealings and behaviour, I WILL NOT MARRY HIM.I will also be ready to tell him of my weaknesses. I don't pretend or lie to anyone. That is in fact, what makes me, ME!

Now let me ask you. Will it be alright if a man lies that he is clean when he is dirty??

2. All I think of her is, she is dirty and maybe she didn't practice cleanliness. That does not make her a person without character. It does not make her less beautiful or less smart or less than a human being nor does it make her less deserving of happiness. She can learn to be better, no doubt but her being dirty does not mean she can not be my friend or should not find love nor makes her family bad.

3. Yes. A sensible man may marry her for so many reasons like the ones I stated above. A sensible man may be ready to help with her cleanliness, etc.

I saw a Christian family television programme sometime ago. A man had complained that his wife was not clean. and a woman who phoned in said that when she got married, she used to put things anywhere around the house and her husband would just pick them up and put them at the right places. Later, she felt ashamed and changed. That was her story. a true story. not all men want to just sit down and lord over. some actually are loving enough to help their wives with their weaknesses.

and if he cannot, let him go and marry the clean woman.


Some women have actually washed and cleaned and ironed and mopped for years and all of these dont make the man love them.

some others would do nothing and still be 'worshipped' by their spouses.

busar: What do you mean by this?

did you quote the wrong post?

This is for teenagers and young adults.

In fact, everyone possibly have something they can relate to or learn from this article.

NL member: How tall are you deols?

Exquisitely tall

Elegantly tall

Confidently tall

Tall for a lady

busar: I love being alone and tackling things myself and i don't like people interfering sometimes. She would need to study me very well .

She doesn't have to do that. Why not just tell it to her.

Esji80: Assalamu alaikum.U shld knw d@ as a married woman,U r to respect ur husband,do d household chores except in a situation whereby he personally decided to assist U o get a housemaid.

6ta,plx wen trying to say anythng abt husband-wife,remember d@

ARRIJALU QAWWAMUNA ALAN NISAA'I BIMA FADALALLAHU BA'ADUHUM ALA BA'AD. . .
d husband s d head. As stated by d Holy Prophet P.B.U.H in a hadith qouted by a brother above d@ he went to cautioned his beloved daughter(FATIMA) on d issue ov taking housemaid as soon as he hears her demand.

Also in another hadith,d Prophet P.b.u.h said "had it been I'll tell anybody 2 bow down 4 a felo human,I'll av ask women 2 bow down 2 their husabands"--RESPECT


NOTE: 1.FATIMA according to a narration wl b d leader ov d women ov aljannah. . .

do U consider urself above ha in honor o wat?

2.D issue ov housemaid/driver nowadays s a big problem--some foolish husbands tends 2 b engagng in illegal acts wt d housemaid,likwese women n drivers.

Am sorry,U may thing my words r harsh. . .there r nothng bt cautionary words ov reminder FAZAKKIR FA'INNAZZKRA TANFA'UL MUUMINUUN.

May Allah guide,guard,protect,direct n bless us ol ameen.

As we unite here in nairaland may HE converge us in d most adorable aljannatul firdaus. . .ameen

May He gvs us d means ov gettng married + pious,caring,n adorable spouses ameen.

State your opinion. It is Yours.

But don't attack me. You dont want to do that again, I assure you.

wa alaikum salam

tbaba1234: Not liking something is not an excuse not to do it. Infact, you will have to do many things, you don't like in a marriage. It is about making compromises.

Both parties can share house chores since it is sunnah for the man to help out in the house but to say, a man should do a chore because the woman does not like it, is not realistic.

I do not like washing clothes but I have to do it because it is a neccessity. Suppose my wife doesn't like it too. Does it mean that if we can't get a washing machine or a maid, we have no business getting married? Even if we complement ourselves in other ways.

Certainly, compromises can be made. That is what it is about.

You will have to make many in the course of a marriage.

What I like is the fact that everyone here can have an opinion. This is how you see it. Let me explain myself better.

If a woman cannot cook!!!

I expect this to have been discussed by the couple before marriage. If the husband agrees to do the cooking, good for them.

If he would not and she would not, they will work a way out for themselves- to eat from eateries or get a cook.

If they would not want that, they should not have to marry each other because it will pose a big problem for them.

if the woman made herself clear on what she would not/can not do and he marries her with the thought that he would just make her do it as a husband, the head,they would have problems. That is what I mean by them having no business marrying each other.

There is a possibility that she would find a man who would not mind doing the cooking. She should be left to marry the one that is best for her personality and not conned into a problematic union. Same goes for the man..

tpia, I will answer you later.


@ my previous post above, anyone who has a problem with it should clearly state the problem.

I cannot understand the snide remarks. state what is on your mind plain and simple please.

NL member: The researchers didn't say what height range they grouped under tall and what they grouped under short...

I hope I am among tall ones sha, even though I dey under 6ft.
The tall people perks are way better than the ones for short people IMO.

Now I understand you better, shortie

TALL people!!

we rock.

If the wife does not like house chores, the husband should do them. and if none of them would, they should get a maid.

If they cannot afford a maid still, they have no business getting married.

OAM4J: Cold morning?

Damm! Ilugunboy is not doing a good job. You should wake up from bed sweating, cold or no cold.

With me there is no cold season, only hot seasons.... Ask Mukina2, rocktation, Missy B, deols and all my ex wives

Kai..he was wooing. and fast forward, I have become ex wife for everyone to hear of.

Thank God for his life.

The pictures presented something like you see in the movies.

I knew from the start that this man was a hero of a sort. Proved right, my gut doesn't fail me.

wow. he is a hero. A kenyan-Somali Muslim hero.