₦airaland Forum

oh sh*t, the father does what!!!!! nice one

yo this is funny, but the penis never put in his reasons for requesting a raise that the place he works stinks.

is that guy for real. 3 rounds and his yelling, shiiiiittt, thats so gay. he should stop complaining and fu*k jo.

@ efani

i will try to keep it your size next itme. lol

that was funny. damn am rolling.

i have been thinking of that. y are they hiding their ugly faces? lol

thanks efani for not criticizing this one

@ efani

how is your sense of humour, if you've got 1. lol

this funny you are killing me. she will prolly faint

Definition of ugly:

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.
Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!

Nigeria Airways

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."

Enjoy Nigeria Airways

the first one is hilarious. damn

oh shit!!!

he is truely the son of the victim, he acted like an a**.

oh shit, is he stupid or what? damn that was hilarious.

this is of the hook. monkeys even have grandpa.

yo this shit is fun. am all cracked up. what the Bleep? if i was her i would prolly faint too. damnnnnn

@ smartugah

Boy you got to work on your english. it sucks. damn. take it easy man its only a language.

@ hot angel

lying is all the angel needs to send him to hell.

@ dm

i wonder what took her so long.

damn, that guy is a lying bastard.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next
best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "Uh , How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks, "There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?" The doctor answers, "The Titanic" and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and say, "How many people died in that ship?" Fortunately the doctor had just watched the movie and he answers, "1 500!". St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, "Name them!".

arsenal all the way.

;d ;d ;d ;d :d

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"

Saturday morning a man got up early, put on his long johns, dressed quietly, made his lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

he went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There he cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit."

This guy bursts into his house and shouts, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "That's wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"


He replies, "I don't care-just get the hell out!"

A man wanted to prove to his friend how much of a mumu his son is,so he called Okon! go and check if am in the office ,hurriedly the son left and he came back to tell his father this:Papa when I got to your office I saw a man and I asked if you were around and he said no but papa I suspect he was lying.

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro
>Martinez, the son of a recently immigrated Mexican restaurateur,
>entered the fourth grade.
>
>The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
> "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of
>blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. Patrick Henry,
>1775."
>
>
>"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of
>the people by the People, for the people, shall not perish from the
>earth?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln,
>1863."
>
>The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
>Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its' history than
>you do!" She heard a loud whisper: ***** the Mexicans!" who said
>that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
>
>At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The
>teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again,
>Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
>
>Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro
>jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
>teacher,! Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
>
>Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little ****. If
>you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at
>the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
>
>The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the
>floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"
>
>Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."!