₦airaland Forum

Only oppressive men will concur with the pastor. Domineeringness is a sign of pettiness, its evil. No sane human being should dare deprive another who's equally sane, altruistic and faithful the great gift of free will. Free will is a divine gift.

That moment when you see someone misconstrued and misinterpreted what the metaphor "good packaging" means in business.

Tinubu's actions and inaction in the recent past three years has shown me that he's not a sagacious politician I used to assumed him to be.

Even though, personally, I do see failure of a sane and sound mind in any adventure as an act leading to perfection rather than a sign of ignorance; but in his case should he via for president in 2019 and fail (obviously he'll fail under the current political atmosphere which is not favourable for his candidature) I'll conclude that he's an ignorant man. He should brush aside his presidential aspiration until 2023.

The intensive business studies at Harvard only help to gloss someone's innate or long acquired entrepreneurship knowledge and grit. If the knowledge and grit isn't there before going to Harvard, you can't come out a better one.

omosefeeguaibor:
I've come to realize that there is no human benefactor except God

There are human benefactors - altruists. It's just that they constitute less than 5 percent of the world population.

The sum up reason is that while MC believe that honesty remains the best policy in business same principle is alien to majority of LC. Most LC prefers to operates like an oppression organizations.

Petty people and parochialness is like bread and butter. Whatever that's beyond their understanding they defame and disparage. The OP deserve a brain reset.

True love - selfless but conditional love; when your admiration, respect, care, kindness etc (good morals/attributes) towards him/her is necessitated by his/her immaterial possessions (good attributes) too, rather than the material things s/he possesses that is beneficial to you.

Fake love - selfish love; occurs in a situation whereby your fake loyalty/servility to him/her is because of the material things s/he possesses that is beneficial to you - in some cases you may not be allowed to benefit from the material things as you long for yet you continue your servility because of false hope that your day to reap it'll come - it many never come though.

@OP

Having gone through your submissions herein, I can boldly say that you've a domineering attribute, this is the unspoken reason for the irritable attitude you do have prior to your monthly circles. Even though you had always try to change for better but attributes are incorrigible. . . Only attitudes are malleable.

The good thing is that you have a man with unassuming character as a husband. Don't push him more closer to the wall like you have done already.

Remedy to your problem: prior to your monthly circles, do always imbibe calm and solitude attitudes - you've to let your husband to be in the know about this and your reason for doing so. . . This validate the importance of effective communication in marriage/relationship.

God luck.

Ethical differences causing marriage/relationship havoc since time immemorial.

It's a good thing that the former husband has shown understanding. . . . And of course, he was wise in doing so, because the worst mistake any sane and sound person would ever do is insisting on having under control an oppressed that has achieved self-realization and self-emancipation in vital areas of life. Because further oppression meted out against such a person her retaliation would be to kill either openly or secretly.

The woman deserve to enjoy her self-realization and self -emancipation to the fullest.

To the unmarried yet, ensure that you achieved self-realization and self-emancipation (economically and literally) before talking about marriage. Meanwhile, in the event that you've achieved the above feats but observed that the other half you fancy hasn't achieve them, only go ahead if s/he shares same ethical leanings with you.

A happy home is immeasurable materially.

On the flipside; people should stop misreading the true meaning of culture. As far as I'm concerned culture is the way the living chooses to do their things collectively. It shouldn't be the way of the dead and how they did their things collectively while alive. -

In summary the OP said that people should strive to live life on principle rather than on expediency.

I concur.

Hurlstarling:
There is nothing like highly sensitive person , in as much as we have nothing lowly sensitive. That said, aforementioned are schizoid traits. Not fore going, Schizoid is not a disorder. Eccentricity is not abnormality.

Conceit is God's gift to petty people. Bye.

God (source of all) hate no one or love no one person/race than the other. The problem of Nigeria in particular and Africa in general is a fundamental one - pettiness is a disease. Anyway, the good thing is that its malleable. And this problem with Nigeria and Africa is the same problem all the petty people/organizations world all over has. Bad attributes and attitudes are what makes someone petty.

The very moment we change our ethical philosophies as individuals, at homes, institutions and governments we shall automatically witness a good turnarounds in all spheres of our lives.

As much as I'm not disputing whether or not what exists between the two is true love, yet I find it appalling whenever I hear people equating someone/a girl (either of good financial stead or not) accepting marriage/relationship proposal of a broke ass as a sign of true love and pronouncing a denial of it as a sign of gold digging. No lady should allow a broke ass guy to blackmail her into accepting his proposal - unless you share the same perspective with him.

Actually, lack of money doesn't automatically make a man poor but his perspective do. It's unfortunate though that about 98 percent of poor people has wrong perspectives which is the bane of their poverty.

Poverty isn't a sign of holiness or piousness. If you're unlucky to be poor today, kindly fight for your emancipation from poverty before talking about marriage - you settle to marry you don't marry to settle. It's easier for a rich person to become wealthy than for a poor person to become rich.

I hold nothing against a poor person but I sure hold grudges against petty people. Poverty isn't a disease but pettiness is. But the good thing is that pettiness is malleable.

@OP

Words failed you. . . But that's not a problem because no homo sapiens is perfect. Kindly replace schizoid with highly sensitive and you are good to go. Those traits you enumerated are of a highly sensitive person. Schizoid remains a disorder. For a example while a schizoid person tend to be apathetic a highly sensitive person is the opposite - empathic.

HomoDroid:
Your advise is good on the surface but the first rule in dating the Devil is to use a very Long fork, if you must.

Such treacherous characters will pretend to comply and find a way to get rid of the obstacle and then continue their debauchery. It is like toying with a snake. You need to deal a snake with a fatal blow the first time or else you risk getting bitten!

I understand how far an opportunist/covetous person can go to achieve his inordinate aims. Yet, experience has taught me that the easiest malleable set of people are the conceited ones. One only need to apply diplomacy in handling them - thus the reason why I suggested that he should call him to order in a most private and polite way to advice him to stop his perfidious acts. He would have to assure him that the secret is between them (and mean it too), else he would become the traitor. And of course to get him to submission conventional wisdom ought to let him know that he should proffer a solution to curb his insatiableness for perfidy. The rule always is never eat from your associates but earn to share with them. . . Any well grounded boss in admin of any organization knows how to use this simply philosophy to enrich himself without stealing from his company or associate(s).

However, in the event that the OP's friend lack knowledge on how to implement the above formula, then the separation/distant and application method is an option too. No matter what may, it's very important that he should first try to caution him to change for good - blowing a whistle against him should be his last option.

It's very unfortunate that an average Nigerian is perfidious. SMH! A people that mistakes perfidiousness for smartness can never experience sustainable growth/progress. Opportunism is evil. Honesty remains the best policy in business - and one cannot be smart without being honest.

@OP; Your supposed friend will be doing more harm to himself in particular and his company at large should he allow such atrocity to continue.

If I were him I would gather every necessary hard facts against the treacherous man and then call him to order in the best private and polite manner - I'll try to make him see reasons why he should desist from engaging in such a nefarious acts, and of course with a starn promise - not warn - to blow a whistle if he decides to continue in his evil ways.

What a subordinate owe's his boss is loyalty not servility . . . This is for those that do misinterpret the "never outshine your master" mantra at any given time.

If your life mission doesn't include leaving any environment and person better than you met them, believe you me that you're missing something great.

@OP

It's unfortunate that 99 percent of the world population belong to the "don't" (opportunists) - either by omission or by commission.

Opportunism is evil and should never be mistaken for opportunity. The world need more altruists. I'm an altruist.

Enemies within! The stage in life when one master the act of identifying his/her enemies within automatically mark one's moment of sagacity. If they had to strike before you can identify them, then you aren't sagacious yet. The victim-husband need to reevaluate his discernment. . . . Because both or either of his wife and/or supposed best friend would've exhibited to his notice, some suggestive act's of perfidy prior to the occasion the deed was done.

However, shame on the perfidious culprits.

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@OP

Believe you me the sequences of the five stages of relationship you enumerated, especially no.1, which almost other commenters above didn't see anything wrong with it, is the reason why there are so many heartbreaks and divorces everywhere. I wonder how someone can fall in love with another whom he/she haven't known (partner/date) thoroughly. The words "fancy or infatuation" instead of love would have make a better sense to me as your number 1. Love should be a summation of all the other stages (it can't exist without components) and should be number 5 here - it's only a built-up love, one where both parties cherishes each other majorly based on their good attributes and of course fancy (physical attractiveness) too, rather than solely on superficiality (material things), that can stand the test of time - while number 5 in your post become number 6.

Love based on immaterial condition vs love based on selfishness.

- Love based on immaterial condition will always stand the test of time. This is a love that was necessitated majorly by good attributes and of course with fancy (physical attractiveness) too. . . . This is true love. Both parties involved in it can always die for each other when need be, because perfidiousness don't exist in either's life dictionary. To love is to die for - after all one who died for what s/he believes in died a hero/heroine.

- Love based on selfishness is superficial and will always crumble once the material object (e.g. money, fame or class) that hold it wanes off /vanishes. Perfidiousness is always the order of the day here. . . . Heartbreaks and divorces are always imminent.

She was being sarcastic. Meanwhile, success is subjective - so, to each his own.

Emotional blackmail is different from love. To the receiver, while the former brings guilt the latter brings happiness. Your fiance was just petty; You're not in a healthy relationship. Any relationship that requires enslavement from either of the parties involved to maintain and sustain it is not a healthy one. Sincerely, if you cannot absorb these attributes feeble-mindedness and servitude (which will automatically make you a dummy for him) into your mentality towards him, then I foresee you in a sad marriage. . . He's of the manipulative ethical leanings, so his domineering, selfish and conceited attitudes will only get worse. Unless if you are of the manipulative ethical leanings like him (which means both of you deserve no peace), I would say don't go ahead with the marriage plans. Petty people - manipulators - always loath self-willed and conscientious people, and they can kill or make you worst enemy after their emotional blackmails failed to yield the result of having you under perpetual subjugation.

However, you (and by extension almost all the proponents of dogmatic, revealable and creedal religions), obviously the only moments you choose good over bad attitudes/actions are when you try to please your guardians or other people that watches over you not because you are conscientious. . . Talk about being hypocritical.

If you need a church before you can do good, you simply lack good morality, so it's time for you to change your ethical philosophy. Also, if an expected harsh reaction of your parents or people at large are what usually stops you from doing bad things, it means that you're a hypocrite, so it's also time for you to change your ethical philosophy.

Being an employee vs being an employer; hmm! subject to each individual's aspirations, the answer will be selective rather than objective one. Non is better/worse than the other. The most important thing is trying your best to be the best you can in any path you choose and by extension reach the apogee of your calling in the end.

- Working for someone/organization - employee.

- Working with someone/organization - employer/independent professional/self-employed.

Personally, and on principle, nothing will ever warrant me to work for someone. The joy of one being in-charge of one's life alone is reason enough not to jettison business for a salary job. More so, wages will always make one a living, while profits will constantly make one a fortune.

I, for one, can marry such a woman. Meanwhile, that will be on the condition that she has achieved self-realization and is now of good morality - self-willedly. Once she can tick about 80% of the boxes of attributes I values in a woman, those that glitters my heart, then to hell with outsiders and their contrary opinions. There's no sanity in judging people based on their past ill-action.

Wannabe feminists do amuse me. Exhibition of rude, selfish, domineering and conceited attitudes aren't what real feminists are made of. The lady was just being petty - she doesn't deserve a responsible man in her life.

Real feminists aren't demanding for authority and avenue of disdain over men instead they are opposed to the idea of "petty" men treating them like serviles rather than equals. They're against any form of psychological oppression. They are propagating live and let live philosophy.

A man is only a first between his equal (woman) in marriage/romantic relationship, and must show same in actions - this is simply what the real feminists are asking for.

kosmo0:
Is it wrong to think a girl is out of my league
Is it fear and is it bad for my dating life

The presence of free will in every human being makes it possible for any sane, sound and valuable girl (person) to have a choice. Therefore, literally, a man who falls short of a particular lady's need in a man, at any point in time, automatically makes such a man below her league.

But since assumption is the worst form of ignorance, that means as a man it's expected of you to approach with confidence and honesty any girl you admire, and hear from her before concluding whether or not you meet her reasonable need (fall within her league) in a man.

Meanwhile, since simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, it makes any lady whose standard of quantifying a man of her league is on the basis of superficiality rather than realness - good attributes and to some extent presentable physique - a petty. Honourable men do not associate with petty women.

@OP

Conceit is neither a sign of confidence nor intelligence. . . You need to learn more.

By the way, the word "hate" is a strong one; I wonder why anyone would hate him. Maybe some people dislike him because of the too clever by half attitude he exhibited sometimes ago.

On the other hand, you did no evil in admiring him, even though you misinterpreted his most visible attitude.

@OP

It's obvious that you've myopic (no insult intended) understanding of what education is. So, the other ones that weren't formal tertiary education graduates before they ventured into the profession are automatically less educated. . . for your mind. Lol.

At best thorough formal education at tertiary levels makes the person that acquired it a brilliant person. It takes a self-educated person that enjoys reading to be intelligent - one doesn't need to be a formal tertiary education graduate to qualify for this. Empires and great nations are built by intelligent people.

The good thing is that one can acquire formal education up to the tertiary levels and still be a self-educated and continuous reading entity.

In summary, one can acquire education through either formal or informal means.

99 percent of my compatriots enjoys living for the present without making adequate plan for the future. This coupled with greed are the bane of our stagnation and retrogression as individuals in particular and the nation at large.

There's an urgent need of change in the ethical philosophy of at least 10 percent of important citizens of this great country, to reposition it for good in all ramifications. Foundation matters the most in any undertaking.

Believe you me that wasn't done in error, its simply a scam format. Supposing that you had an aim for money ritual/you were a money conscious person, you had reply him to show you the way and from there he and his gang would defraud you.