₦airaland Forum

Would you like to discuss dating sites and Romance novels?
Go to google, shoot questions at it and you’ll find so many articles on ’ ways to date without spending’
You Find a lot of books telling you how to down play the involvement of money and other external influences in relationships and concentrate more on the content of the individuals. Why is there an increasing need to lay emphasis on the content of the person? i really have cause to believe that that's all there actually is after all.it’s because when the chips are down you just have the both of you and it boils down to content of character.
When the money is sleeping in the vaults and it’s just both of you on the bed, what happens?
Remember that the money can buy you a bed but not sleep, it can buy books but not intelligence and even if it buys the world for you, the closest thing to love it can buy you is lust because bro, MONEY CAN’T BUY YOU LOVE NOR CAN IT GIVE IT LIFE.
THANK YOU

I’ll show some parts of a comparison a friend caused me to stumble upon online…its between love and lost.
LOVE: A decision to commit oneself to another and to work through conflicts instead of giving up. A deeper understanding or care.
SYPTOMS: Faithfulness, confidence. Willingness to make sacrifices for another. Working at settling differences. Able to compromise so that either both win or at least give the other person's opinion a chance.
PERSON TO PERSON: Commitment to another.
RESULT: Security, peace, a solid partnership which can provide the ideal atmosphere to raise confident secure children; a more stable society; radical decrease in the need for welfare, jails, lawyers and mental health counselors.
INDEPENDENCE: Partnership.


LUST: Any intense desire or craving for self gratification including sex.
SYPTOMS: The desire and belief that everything is yours. No thought put into the other persons feeling or cares.
PERSON TO PERSON: Selfish concerns dominate.
RESULT: The hunger for lust grows & can cause damage if not healed or handled properly.
INDEPENDENCE: Not connected with love; not always sexual, can be for money too.

The reason why I took the pains to replicate the above here, is just to show you how mistaken you have been. You have mistaken lust for love and now that you have been pointed to the right direction and shown the possible dangers of the path you thread it is imperative that you retrace your steps, take a bow and leave the stage. My friend, in no way does money come into consideration when we are determining the source of life for true love.

Good evening ladies and gentle men,
My name is Dubem and am still opposing;
I do not agree that money sustains romantic love.
I really want to try fixing these misconceptions I think we are having here.

No doubt, Money serves as a facilitating factor for life but that notwithstanding, my point here lies in the fact that money is not a motivation rather it is a driving force for motivation for instance (if I send a child to you with money, you do not say that since you received the money from the child, the child gave you the money; if I hire contract to build a me a house, you do not say they own the house, NO!!! they are but messengers getting the job done for me). That my friend is what your money does, it’s but a messenger and the real guy is sipping good wine in the shade, that’s the driving force. I am trying to say here, that what actually sustains the relationship is the source of motivation.

To the question: Is love enough to sustain itself? I have sampled just two unedited responses from a variety of opinions on the issue of love sustenance found on a blog online.
Vicki: Is love enough? I think love is the only thing that keeps a relationship going. When times get tough and all you want to do is pull away and get on with your life and there is only one reason you can come up with to stay and that one thing is LOVE. Then love becomes and always will be the glue that keeps you going, and you try to work out the other petty issues in your life. When everything else in your life is good the Love just gets stronger.

Abena: Yes, I am romantic. I believe that true love can sustain itself. Julie talked about love not paying the bills, but I think that if it’s true, true love, it doesn’t really matter if there is no money. Or if you don’t have jobs. Sometimes I ask my husband if…would you still love me? It makes him think. But I think if it’s true love it would sustain.

Please note that the individuals in question are not necessarily broke fellow, NO!!! they could be hardworking successful individuals BUT the driving force for what they share, the breath of their relationship is derivable from those things we over look when we talk about money that kind heart, that unselfish attitude, that friendly smile, that ability to give up one’s self for the other. That’s what makes you give away hard earned money and not mind. If you think it’s not true, why not spray your cash along the road for people to scramble at and sing your praises. i bet you wouldn't do that and its simply because you spend when its worth it. Its being worth it being dictated by the issue on ground which in this case is love...that's the motivation, that's the real thing, that's the source of life for the relationship...Thank you

make una no vex oh
i'll soon make my post

u may wanna read that post again

There are a few things I would want to enlighten my opponent about;
1. Money basically drives living.
2. What sustains your relationship is the driving force behind your giving.
3. There are people that have and do not give and that’s basically because the motivation is not there.
4. People give that do not have just like there are people that have but do not give.
5. What makes you, builds your relationship and sustains it is inbuilt in you not inherent in what you have.
I do not wish to break down your post by sentences rather I wish to show you the light and lend you sight where your blindside seemingly lies.

I wish to Let you know that there was love before there was money and that what moves us is far stronger than we can control nor see. That’s what sustains the love in the absence of it, its no love.

u'ld have to give me a lil time
to read digest and post
What says you?

i didn't get that!
more like dissect his post?

So much has been said about love and money here that one could hardly say anything without repetitions. In order not to keep you waiting, I will shelve the lectures for when there is ample time to unleash the volumes from the library.

Goodevening ladies and gentle men, am here once more to buttress the fact that I strongly believe that in a relationship, there are a lot more many things to sustain love that money does not make the list. My name is still Dubem and I say kudos to our impartial judges.

I was forced to take a look a Hollywood while I thought about this debate. A community with very successful men and women with more wealth than they could possibly spend, yet with the highest rate of divorce. So I ask you my friend ‘do these people lack the money with which to sustain their relationships’? I think not. I believe they have overlooked the basis. That they have lost out on the fundamentals of setting up and maintaining relationships. They have shifted the foundation of their love from the person and focused on the subsequent derivables.

I said previously and I maintain, if you shift the source of life of a relationship from the subject to which it should be directed to an object fuelled by mundane hopes and expectations, love itself shifts from the supposed subject to the object because it has to rest with its source of life.

Let me be a little more explicit. The desire to spend money is fuelled by something. In the absence of this source, the presence of money is but insignificant. So instead of focusing on money which is but a by product, lets talk more of what makes the subject spend.
LOVE, which makes him or her want to SACRIFICE. The thought and longing to see the other HAPPY above every other thing. Before you take a dive in an empty pool, come with me lets go back to those ages gone, before mankind smelt civilization. Am going as far back as the ‘hunting and gathering’ societies, when man (homo qua homo) was either hunting or gathering vegetables. From far back then till now, there is just one thing that has survived. Beating all of Charles Darwin’s evolution, surviving the wars and still very much alive till now.

Am talking about the ability of the heart to melt in front of love. SACRIFICE is the word. That’s what makes one do those things they would rather not do, of which spending money is just an item in a very long and almost endless list because the heart has been melted by LOVE.

am sorry this was done in a hurry with no chance to edit...
my apologies

i hope that in all fairness u'ld wait for my post
to come in by tomorrow evening if i can't post it during
the day. g'nyt peeps

people obviously didn't respect the time.
anyway as from ten i'll be off to bed,
its a new week full of activities.
and am loosing interest real fast.
Killz u see why i wanted to go for the
el classico?

A very good evening to you ladies and gentle men.
My name is Dubem.
Am opposing the the thought that says 'money sustains romantic love'

Generally, love in all its forms and types have to do with emotional attachment of some kind or the other, this emotional attachment dictates the action or inaction of the subjects involved but always towards a favorable outcome viewing it from the perspective of whatever kind is being practiced.

Now assuming that my presumptions are correct and we are talking of what the Greek definitions refer to as ‘EROS’, then I’ll tell you that its given birth to by some deep attraction towards each other by the subjects involved. This, first and foremost considers the personality of the individuals involved above every other quality added on by either societal positions, acquisitions, or inheritance.

True love could only actually be impartially measured when every of the aforementioned additions to the man (homo qua homo) have been stripped and the man is left bare with just his intrinsic values and qualities.

My argument is not to say that when money is involved it’s no longer love, NO! rather than that, it is to say that if a relationship is dependent on qualities external of the subject to whom the love should be directed for its life and sustenance then the love is in itself directed to its source of life.

For a relationship to be truly flawless, its not dependent on how much you’ve got nor how little problems you encounter, NO! rather it should be based on how long they’ve kept taking shots at you and how so incredibly difficult it is to get you down because rather than depend on the money which is an unsteady variable you have keyed into yourselves and like the bunch of broom will rather bend than break .

In the building of relationships our building blocks should be devoid of such distractions as money and its likes. Tell me ‘do I loose my love when I loose my money?’
‘Because am no longer the mayor should I be stripped of love too?’

I hope i made enough sense to be understood.

sign me up.
i hope i don't dissappoint

so what happened to me?

i'ld love to oppose but then
who knows what 6pm would bring.
you heard bout the el classico, right?

Tmany: sign of an irresponsible woman
When her nairaland profile pic shows too much boobi
Y not show it all i wouldn't mind

guy wetin ur eye find go there?

ijebabe: Took you a while to think that up didn't you
This is my last comment to ur posts on this thread as you might confuse my next reply for love

you know you don't have to tell the whole forum
you have a crush on a stranger, right?

ijebabe: Why are you getting hyped receiving attention from me. It's all for fun so keep ur preek in check please
I didn't call you irresponsible but if I touched a nerve then you need to take a close look at yourself

oooopss!!!
sorry
i've heard the story of ur dreams to have the feel of touching a nerve but am really sorry
i would have loved to help but u know, i lost all my nerves...if ur sure the ones u touched
were mine, ur either the one that stole my nerves or u know who did...as for attention, i'll pass

Lakayana: Why won't the ladies be excited when men derive pleasure in oppressing them.

dem ladies be cunny people;
dem be hitting us hard,
dem be crying loud,
we be really confused,
"which should we do?"

ijebabe: Is that an excuse to be irresponsible

i know ur excited am here
but insinuating am irresponsible is hardly a way to pass
ur message across

is it just me or are the ladies really excited?

ijebabe: Of course you will relate to that. Ewu!

so what if the woman started the name calling?
like clearly is the case here...

ijebabe: * Calling her nasty names during arguments.

ayobase: The place is cool and sexy...always!

looking at the possibility of joining u guys over there.
got that jab yet?

ayobase: Brother, I gentle o...na u I suppose dey ask wassup...u just disappeared...hope na money tinz o!

lol... my broda no talk wetin u see oh.
how' the capital city nah?

nyere84: Mr Ayobase, i cant believe u wrote dis. I remember vividly in one post abt Ex, U said “ Relationships must not end in marriage“. Pls, clarify me on ur stand abt dis. And b sincere.

must it?

hey man... last i checked, beans upset ur stomach more than anything else. rice has never treated me badly. nevertheless, i did some beans stunts in my time though some of those u mentioned are alien to me. don't even get me started on what and what beans could do to you. i think u shoulda mentioned that too. i remember i fought a long hard battle with beans when it just decided i shouldn't eat it any longer and i refused...dont even remind me...
as for the price of beans? i dont even know what its like...life in the office and junk over took all that

[quote author=frank3.16]Pls repeat this again, I don't think she heard or read it rite.[/quote]you know that moment when somebody just says what ur thinking?

ayobase: And na the ladies dey suffer the consequences mostly.
.
Why will a lady of 25yrs of age wanna court a guy for years without knowing where the train is going...Ladies could be funny sometimes....y aint the relationship defined in the first place.....guys are big time time-wasters.....they have nothing to lose as such....and after dating a guy for yrs, she is gonna go date another for yrs. Then tell me, when menopause no go catch up with her...no wonder some are always so desperate!
.
Goldieluks don talk the koko thing!

thats some serious picture u painted there oh...make them no come de give u/us ultimatum oh...
but seriously, it works out differently for each couple and u can't for fear of outcome, refuse to try...besides, Ayo,whats up?

u guys keep it up, am enjoying the conversation.
Mynd how far? It have tayed oh!

.

@ legit, friendship involves trust and let me tell you what trust is: its the ability of knowing that you could be hurt if you open up but opening up nontheless believing that you won't be hurt. You may call that foolishness but thats where what acidtalk's advice comes in- be urself. When u are being yourself, there is this automatic balance that u strike even without knowing it. When to stick out your head, when to dodge, when to play the fool and when we do fall how to stand up tall learn the derivable lesson and move on with life.
BROTHER, YOU NEED A FRIEND!!!