₦airaland Forum

maak400:
@Duggedised12, ladycewhy and their cohorts are simply deluded and hypocritical. Women are mostly confused beings who don’t even know what they want in life. That’s why a man must not live his life to satisfy a woman’s inordinate desires, else, he will end up loosing himself in such pursuits.

lol, if you classify raising better kids with the presence or absence of a man as inordinate desire then women should stick with it. If telling women to take the bull by the horn because if a child turns out bad ,its the fault of the woman is hypocritical ,then its ok ,i hear you.

pansophist:
Your hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance are monumental, jeez, and sadly, you are over 32 (judging from your topic about a husband searching) and haven't understood how the worlds work at such matured age, not surprised, judging from your post so far.

Women and I repeat women, expect their men to be rich, it is an established, historical, scientifically proven, generally accepted fact. Women look for resources in men, and whether you prefer to fool yourself or not, it is the very thing you want from any man that you will be with. If not, then why do you and the other female posters need a man for sperm and resources? How is it that you operate on two different mentalities and not see your hypocrisy? how can you blame men for placing their value on the ability to provide (assuming it is true) even though it is the qualifying criteria that will make women enter a relationship with them? why are women not dating all the broke guys in Nigeria that are in need of companionship?

Truly, there are men that choose to consciously not be available in the life of their child, but using the world ''average'' is not only wrong, but it is also a lie and nonsense you have to convince yourself with to have some form of validity. The vast majority of Nigerian men (as well as women) are traditional and want to always be present in their kid's life. Where do you get such a ridiculous fact? can you point it to me? Besides, my former questions still stand, though you and ladycewhy just conveniently ignored answering the question, and rant about things that will at best, be classified as red-herring.

So for the umpteenth time, and in an attempt to give a benefit of the doubt that my previous questions were not paid attention to, isn't it child abuse to deny a child the ability to bond with his/her father? secondly, why is it that a man that is good for a sperm donor and financial support not also good to be present in his child's life?

You can have any standards you want, all power to you, go girl, but it is left for any man to choose to be relegated to that role and trap you guys have set for him. And if such fool of a man even exists, you would probably be married already at 32 and not creating threads about a husband searching. So you seriously believed that a reasonable man that will want you for a relationship will still foolishly go ahead and pm you after all the man-hating rubbish you have written, especially about needing his money and sperm? In the end, you may want to look at the mirror, as it holds the answer to what might be holding you back.

lol, over 32, resident niaraland age detector .well done o

Who is actually preventing men from bonding with their kids or where was it even written that men should be prevented from bonding with their kids, can you point it out so i can know where are this your long jargons coming from.


You are just blabbing as if its women that related men to being just providers and denied them the access to bond with their kids, na wah o. Seems you lack understanding ,my guy nor be by long senseless posts o ,you better understand before going on long senseless irrational rants with no head nor tail.

A good and safe bleach is what i will always advice.


There is an unwritten rule about beauty standards even the bible referred to it too. Being of "fair " skin is more attractive.

Songs of Solomon 4: 1, 7 ,songs of Solomon 6:1 .

The fairer the more attractive you are to men especially those in high society. This is a beauty standard that has been on for thousands of years, and its not going away soon.

Lovely!.

pansophist:
It is expected that if a lady allows a man to impregnate her, then, she should also be willing to co-parent the child with him, if not, then why will you want to be impregnated by a man that you do not want to be present in the child's life? If he is good enough to be the sperm donor and provider, why isn't he good enough to be a father? From your writeup, all I could deduce is that the value of a man to you and the other women agreeing with you is that your only need for a man is his resources and his sperm . Not that I am surprised, it is what I have always known and written so much here on nairaland that women do not love men in the way men understands love. Women love children the way men love women (and the way men understand love), and you just validate those positions I have always held.

Furthermore, If your aim is to raise better men, then, it is counter-productive to that goal to reduce the role of his father to a mere provider only. Isn't it child abuse to deny a son the ability to bond with his father? Also, your goal has been implemented in the west already, and the result is disastrous. Please take your time and google the following keyword, ''the effect of growing up without a father on boys''. The statistics speak for itself. It is depressing. Please for the sake of your son, read it up, and ask yourself if it is what you plan for him.

Men and women bring a different energy to parenting, and a sound child needs to be raised with both. Where a woman will nurture and prevent their child from danger, a man will armor and give him the necessary arsenal and tactics to withstand that danger and thrive. A man will teach his son honor, to be tough in spirit and know where to be aggressive and fight, he won't be a weakling, but a strong man that other men will respect, and other women will want to be with. You cant do this all alone and if you actually plan to raise a son without his father, from the depth of my heart, I already feel sorry for him. I want to believe that you are genuinely motivated from a good standpoint, but it is not the solution and will give you the opposite of your intended result. The solution is to find a good man and raise your son/daughter with him.

The average Nigerian man actually thinks the bolded is the only thing he was created for. Many dont even believe in companionship with their partners so long as kids are not hungry ,school fees have been paid, they are good .

The average Nigerian man believes it is solely the woman's duty to be a caretaker of the household which also includes seeing to the proper upbringing of the kids.This has been the reality of the Nigerian society for a long time, many fathers are present but inactive in the upbringing of their kids so long as they have paid bills, providing for their household is actually the only duty they have deligated to themselves ,it is not women who are trying to reduce their roles to mere provider but the men themselves who have relegated themselves to being just mere providers.


Maybe you should be focusing on talking to your fellow men to change their mentality of oh i pay for this ,i pay for that,it should be enough to see to the over all well being of the kids.

Ladycewhy:
this is why i created the other thread, women need to wake up, they need to untilise the power in their hands, this is not a battle of might but of tactics and that tactics is to raise better moulded men through our kids.

yeah i read it and i was really impressed by the thread ,well done once again .

Ladycewhy:
well said, they become vindictive and bitter when their ability to provide is taken away, before you know any small thing "na because i nor get work" , even when they are supposed to use their heads and atleast help out since they are useless to their pockets.lol.

According to them women are the greatest evil ever known to the world o. Meanwhile 99% of the people that have soiled the name of this country are all men, even here in Nigeria ,from boko haram, to bandits, to rutialist to serial killers to cultists to yahoo, to pedeophiles even sodomising young boys, they now even have occupational rapists , lol

food for thought.

This is why women need to do better, i don't k ow what our mothers were thinking when they let their sons roam free to become vagabonds to the earth ,na man na man, e don't turn fraudster ,rapist, ritualist ,armed robber, you name it. Smh.

Ladycewhy:
thanks .

Don't mention ,just learn not to stop and throw sticks at every dog that barks at you so i was told by a gracious lady Ariza since that day my outlook to these demented dolts who have a sociopath as their mentor changed ,you can do it too.

Ladycewhy:
noted,thanks.

Dont let these boys get into your head, that is the biggest observation i have made so far. Other than that, good job, and i found your thread on women waking up a very interesting read, kudos.

Ladycewhy:
you should know since you seem to know that all men in your port harcourt are co-caretakers

learn to ignore some comments. Word of advice .

Ladycewhy:
lol , you mentioned the bastard producers the seed planters.

chai you get mouth o. Bastard producers awon seed planters

They keep distorting and contaminating the family system with their seeds and disrupting unity and values in the family sytem.

Only a novice plays this nonsense. Their best decoy are the ladies they use, many people see women joining and following them to shout those their cordinated chorus of "uuuu" "ahhhhh". If you are not careful just standing there to watch they can pick your pocket. I am sure the woman behind her is part of the gang.

Ladycewhy:
I am glad you know better and is putting in effort to be better and erode the way society has been programmed by not raising your children that way.

More women need to be aware of this power they wield and stop putting out damaged adults into the society, i know some might say where are the fathers in this equation, like we have heard time and time again, their only duty is to bring money to the table so the duty falls on every woman out there to raise better sons and daughters to society. The woman has the power to shapen the next adult male not to be rhe headache of another women ,she also has the power to teach the next lady how to be self sufficient and know her worth and never to settle for less.

As for the mother of your ex, sadly this is what we see today, many baldy raised men. They leave their sons to find their compass in life and hover round their daughters forgetting that the life of a well brought up girl can be ruined by a badly raised boy. She gave him a pass to be irresponsible probably because "na man" ,that phrase is very common in Nigerian homes i must say. Since a female figure in his life already gave him a pass, it will take divine intervention for him to change his ways of philandering. Smh


The results might no be immediate, it might be long tiring process, we might no even be alive to reap the benefits but we will be leaving a better world than the one our mothers lived in even better than ours ,as we will have more adults well conditioned to treating each other with respect irrespective of gender. Change begins with us as women!.

well said, we as women must mould our kids into better humans and not add to the rot created by our parents due to archaic beliefs .

Like you rightly said, the results my not be visible soon ,but if every woman makes it her duty to mould her kids and erode norms that are of no value to the modern day life created by our ancestors ,sooner or later ,it will be passed down and a new generation with new norm will gradually emerge.

truthsayer009:
We are here, Iyam one of them

even you?

Where are the ignorant people who were ranting about the babcock girl being suspended make una come show una sef here .

Well said, the family is the smallest and most important unit of a nation ,and the woman plays a very key role in shapening the thought process of kids who are later released into society as adults,by extension the woman has they key to the thought process of society in her hands its sad to say women still dont know it.

Women of today might not be where our mothers were back in the days but there is still alot to be done ,and like the op rightly said, the next adult to be released into society is in the hands of a woman. Women raise your kids better, stop raising sons that will give headache to the next woman , teach your daughters how to be self sufficient for themselves and have self esteem many girls have been led astray because they listened to sweet talk. Emotional intelligence should be a must for every girl child if i must say. I hope women wake up ,change begins with you as a woman!.

LilMissFavvy:
You are totally correct. You know these kinds of men have female relatives, sisters, etc, but they don't care......they are willing to trade off any females happiness/rights, and their aim is for the oppression to continue, atimes I feel it's a psychological thing.....but what do I know? It's left for the female gender to be wise, simple.

you are right,women are the backbone of a nation ,they bear the children watch them grow and can nuture them how they want their thought process to be. Its time we as women take advantage of that to change the next generation starting with how we raise our kids. Like they say ,change begins with you. I for one come here to learn and take notes. Its good to know the thought process of these men so i know how to arm my daughters against their antics.

LilMissFavvy:
Are you surprised? Most of the black men are like that, the good ones are few, so ladies gotta be wise and enlightened. Today's women should groom their daughters properly. It's pathetic how some men still wish women should remain in the dark ages of oppression and torments, sad.

You saw how one of them took time to explain such oppressions as it was done to our mothers of old. Although the black woman is still far from freedom, we can only wait to see what the future holds concerning divorce laws, child support, etc.

The only thing I disagree with the post, Is you claiming that feminism is women shooting themselves in the foot. There is nothing bad about a woman contributing for the upkeep of her home, especially if such financial inputs are directed towards child care, after all it's her child, and children often times reward their mothers in future, so no loss. Also, in many families of today, men help out, we can only wish they can get better. Why not take a rest? You have explained everything that needs to be explained......... don't be surprised if same topic surfaces tomorrow and these fellows troop In to ask same questions. They are simply bitter that women should gain freedom, or that women of today are wiser, too bad!

couldnt have said it any better. Very aptly put. This should be the conclusion of the whole matter.


The way he kept saying "women are empowered enough" made me raise my well sculpted eyebrows ,lol and when he started using words like instruction, rules, obey lol i just knew where he was going.

Like you rightly said, women have the duty to groom their daughters well, atleast i know mine will not be a dummy for a man especially not a black man, she better be a that for a white man with more superior genes.

Ladycewhy:
i just discovered their almighty mentor na old ancestors wey give girl belle. That is all they are good at ,ubi Franklin people ,lol

lol. Nairaland boys,their reputation proceeds them.

IneedSugarMumy1:
Feel like passing this message

Ponder

did Pieter Williem Botha really say that? Wow i am impressed at how he could read human behavior.

GeneralPula:
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For where...E don Kalas! Pdp scammed us !

make we wait for vision 5050 maybe that one go see the light of day,lol

GeneralShepherd:
I believe that I have become westernized as I see no problems with cooking , cleaning or generally being a decent human being .

I believe that even though a man is the head of the family , marriage is a partnership. It's not a slave deal and should not be transactional.

Another key point to consider is that if you marry a Nigerian as an immigrant your partner will support you every time you wish to travel home as she probably has family back home as well that she will want to visit.

On the other hand , it will be hard justifying travelling home often (considering the cost) to someone who has nothing to gain in visiting Nigeria. An average oyibo girl or a black girl that was raised in a western country understandably would rather spend that money visiting well organised holiday locations like Jamaica, Maldives etc.

I couldn't be bothered by inability to cook our local food as I am a good cook.

lol true ,for a lady here ,visiting you over there will be the holiday. I like how you put it in perspective.

GeneralShepherd:
Speaking from my personal experience, I don't think I have a problem with westernized women , I just prefer women that look , act and speak like women that have always been in my life. E.g. my mum and sisters.

That is a good perspective to put it. Most men will actually blut it out the way i said,its good to know there is a not too negative reason to it.

Audio rise Animal farm. A big for nothing giant on paper that even Boswana and Rwanda is better than . By the way is vision 2020 still visible?

GeneralShepherd:
Very true. When it's time to marry most Nigerian men will always look closer to home.

I guess feel women over there have been westernised.

thesicilian:
Small crimes like this, Nigerians will be forming vigilante. Meanwhile they'll almost prostrate flat to greet they see the real criminals (the politicians).

then who wants to rob should face politicians and stop making things harder for poor people trying to stay afloat.If we all decided to become robbers because country hard, this place will be worse than somalia.

Its gonna happen and labour wont do nothing, all this audio threat na to collect money. Just give them some money and they will sing a different song.

glogirl:
Am happy you said endured, who knows what she endured. When the men cheat and feel she can't go anywhere, a lot of women don't forgive. They bid their time,and hold on for her kids and also to build her wealth slowly. They are usually ready in their fifties when the kids are out. there is nothing sudden about it, she has checked out since and worked towards it by building her own house. To make the decision to leave at that age isn't easy at all if u must know. Let him marry a new wife, life goes on.

exactly what came to my mind, many men just do any how and forget their wives are not robots but humans with feelings. You have put it in the best perspective . well said.

All i see here is a person who's self esteem has been hinged on his income power. This is why i sometimes shake my head here when i see boys write "just make money and you can get any woman you like " . What happens when that money goes away? their self worth flies out the window with it too because they neglected every other area of their human development to focus on "making money".They become bitter and frustrated cos their only tool for control has been transferred cos truly most of this men only see their money as a tool for control and never a tool for fulfilment and opportunities.

I think the OP's husband is in this category, the man had lost his tool of control to his wife now he has become vindictive and bitter cos his self worth tied to his money has left him ,his ego is greatly bruised and he will not be considerate.

Now for people who have a problem with the lady saying she feeds the house , lets be clear here that nature has always spelt out roles for each gender which is why i have always thought feminism is women shooting themselves in the foot,you cant help men offload their financial weight if they will not help women offload their biological weight. A working man goes to work comes home lifts his feet up ,eats and goes to bed, but a working woman goes to work, comes home takes care for the kids ,cooks ,cleans before she goes to bed.

Anyway let it not seem as if i have come to add my own bashing and not provide a solution so i will add my 1 kobo opinion, UnbiasTruth you cannot kill yourself, hire a cleaning company , see there is nothing you can do to change his attitude ,the only way is to get his self worth back which is his earning power. Except he gets a job ,he will not change, the more you try to make him change the more bitter and vindictive he will become so avoid it, do what you have to do for the sake of your health and sanity. Encourage him to look for a job or a business, be supportive of his search for a job ,if you see a vacancy recommend to him. That is the only way you can have peace cos right now he feels you are victimizing him because you now have his perceived tool( money) ,thread lightly i must warn ,lest you become labeled as a bad wife in his eyes as he feels you are trying to undermine his manliness when he said "if he didnt loose his job you wouldn't ask him to do chores". He is frustrated and will pass it to you if your dont protect yourself, dont allow yourself to be sucked into his victim mentality, do what you have to do and take care of your health cos apart from child birth this could also make you look older than your age . Nature didn't make women to be providers but caretakers which is why we have the womb and men don't. Therapy would have been good for him,but we are not big on that in this part of the world.

Its about time. Many Nigerians suffer from one form of mental health challenge resulting to frustration,anger, lack of empathy , bitterness etc.

Nigeria is a true representation of animal farm , a giant jungle.

eni4real:
Dope submission!!
She carry the label 'Babcock Students', so the institution is absolutely right!!

people are being emotional and sentimental hence their sense of reasoning is clouded, yes na who dem catch be thief ,it doesn't make us hypocrites it makes us self conscious in our decisions. If she was recorded without her consent either under duress or trick or hidden camera it would have been a different ball game entirely.


To think people dont know this us laughable, many ignorant comments here i must say.