₦airaland Forum

When u prevail with God ,u wil naturally prevail wit men,,start by praying to prevail with God. 2,discard any time line jst let God help u and also wen u start prayin u then begin to have patience in ur spirit.that urge to rush wud leave u. 3,get commited in ur church and talk to ur pastor abt it 4,wait on God,the bible says he that believeth wud not make haste. 5,try makin friends wit females 6,tell pple to help u look for

Reading and comprehension is a problem in nigeria.if u are someone intelligent u wud see d problem statement "" he refuses or lacks d desire to spend time wit a woman he says he wants to spend d rest of his life with,in a new relationship!!! Common who does that??"" Hw can u say u love sme1 and in one week u dnt see d need to see ur better half?and she always initiates this whearas sme guys travel to different states jst to see their girlfriends. Its either he is stringin her along or he isn't sure yet or Not jst into her as I think.Don't dump him,jst keep ur options open. Abeg enough said! *continues readin newspaper*

My dear I think I can relate to this...the bible says "God is a God of knowledge by whom actions are weighed" this passage shows that God weighs ur actions more than ur words.take this frm sme1 that has been there if sme1 loves u they wud naturally want to be with u,spend time wit u.d fact u are thinkin if he is into u is d reason u wil knw he isn't into u like that.if sme1 is into u it will show by what they do not wat de say.IF U DNT LOVE SME1 ENOUGH TO SPEND UR FREE TIMES WIT DEM,d IDEA OF A RSHIP IS POINTLESS. So my solution talk wit him abt it but also be careful

mencade5: bossy woman are full of themselves, soft approach doesnt work on them. Hard treatment is what they need to respect you.

1000likes..enough said

Advice is wat we seek when we knw d answer but wish we didn't.that u re confused is a sign u dnt hv d peace of God abt that marriage.trust me I can identify wit u ,d pressure and all citing age,mates marryin and all.in plain terms shd u marry him NO cos he isn't Gods wil for u,b patient and more prayerful.pls marry a bornagain christain dats Gods will for u...I hv a friend I cud hv settled for she is everytn I want but had to let go cos she isn't commited and diversity of values..u can send me a mail eeewise@hotmail.com so we chatup.enough said

ebamma: Gej is working anyway, i'm fuelling my generator everyday for two weeks now, cos there is no light in our area,#na thunder go fire una were dey yab that una mouth say gej is working.

this ur comment jst shows ur illitracy doesn't have part 2!!! Dat its not workin in ur end of d divide doesn't mean it isn't working in d oder end.that u didn't get a job doesn't mean 3million pple ddnt get a job by d administratn.that u weren't a beneficiary of surep doesn't mean sme1 else wasn't.life is bigger than ur small community !!!! When we begin to realise transformatn is a process we wil stop fightin unnecessarily.u dnt built wat has been destroyed by successive millitary govts in 3 yrs.this tin takes time..d questn is are we on course?

Pics or it didn't happen lol. On a serious note
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pketb6gxR3w. Td jakes...I quote ur destiny is neva tied tto d person dat left .if pple walk out of ur life..let them walk.d bible says they came out frm amongst us that it might be made manifest that they re not of us cos hav de been of us NO DOUBT they wud hav continued wit us!

My email eeewise@hotmail.com INCASE to chat or smetn so we talk.but one way To KNW IF SHE for real is ""START TELLING HER ABT UR DECISION TO RELOCATE TO NIGERIA AND STAY PERMANENTLY.abt d lack of a good job,taxes and co in d uk.always projecting u staying in nigeria permanently.1,if she loves u for real she wil flow along with u.encourage u to come and be willing to stay with u anywere even if it means forgetin living in d west. 2,if she is in love with d idea of staying in d west[uk] she wil always object u coming to settle in nigeria permanently and talk u into stayn n d uk or look for a way to escape frm u.....................NB on anoder note.. if u really love her u shd also b proud to show her to ur family and friends

.u knw on blackberry chat or whatsapp u can chat wit her for 5hrs .pples intentions will always be revealed via communication .also I wil now save up money and come again for another vacation and propose marriage in person after seeing her a second time.she calls u at night becos of d time zone difference!not every1 is enligthened to knw dat.wen she calls u its daytime in nigeria.life is abt taking chances so I advise u buy her a whatsapp enabled phone."Abt 9000 or blackberry abt 12000 minimum and chat and chat and chat and chat.as u spend quality time chatn u wil begin to resolve all ur differences and get answers to ur questions

I want to put up my toughs thou a bit scattered...if I went on a vacation to d uk and stayd wit a girl that I later "liked"..I will definately tell her my feelings as u did but I will also invest time communicating with her via social media whatsapp,BBM,facebk chat,viber, and co ,when communicating with her I wil be particular to knw her underlying feelings,motives,toughs..pples characters are revealed in phases.out of d abundance of d heart d mouth speaks and u get to knw pples heart by wat they hav been saying

TrickofTech: Okay. It is not as if I want to argue with everyone here on Nairaland. I came here for your advice, not just because I think it could help, but because I assumed that you guys are mostly Nigerian. If I even need to say all of this again, yes I am a real oyinbo, yes all of this did really happen. I know that I am not particularly great at all this. I know I do not have a lot of experience with dating and courting western women let alone Nigerian women. Women are women, I understand that, but there will be cultural differences, which is why I came here.

It is not like I have many people to talk to about it. I have mentioned it to my friends and they are all of the assumption that she is trying to play me. That she is not interested in me, that it will end badly. That all she cares about is coming to the west. People can be very judgmental. Even trying to mention this to my family will get the same reaction. They will all tell me to "be careful" and not to trust her. But they do not know her, they have not lived with her. I feel as if I can trust her, that I want to trust her. But to me, love is about mutual respect and valuing the other person for who they are, not what they can give me (or what I think they can give me). I am so much more than an oyinbo, just as I know that she is so much more than a black woman...or Nigerian. I don't care about skin color of background (wealth)...I DESPERATELY want to know that she feels the same. But how do I ask her that kind of thing? Will she understand what I mean?

I am not longer with her....I do not see her face to face on a day to day basis anymore. But I still have strong feelings for her. I would move on but I want to fight for her, it turns out that she says she has the same feelings for me. She has chased me also.

I know the answer. I have to do something...if I really love her, I need to do something to ensure that we are together. But noone on this forum seems to understand how worried I am about taking that risk and committing. It is such a huge thing, to tell my family that I have found someone, to relocate, to change my life. I would feel a lot better about the whole thing if she would just talk to me and open up about how she feels and what she wants...what she expects from all this. Because I know...and I have told her. I want to be with her, romantically, aiming towards a long lasting, mutually loving, faithful relationship. I want children and a family.

I will continue to talk to her and try and work it out.

well I think u shdnt make a decision to relocate at all,u shdnt make a decision to settle for her YET this things takes time,decisions that affects 20yrs of ur life needs lots of prayers and soul searching.if I personally live in d uk and am stable in terms of job and co I wudnt leave all dat for a girl to relocate.d woman is suppose to relocate not u.d truth u can never knw her true intention by few calls.what u need is PATIENCE!!!!! Jst let tinz flow and see we're it ends.its too early to b talkin abt longterm commitment cos u stayd in her house

Dubemkelly: Its not a crime nd not ur damn business, he ever came back to marry nd never 4got where he comes from....Well in Nigeria,girls be like if he stays in Lag n I'm in PH,its not gonna work cos of Distance buh if he stays in the UK or US, all that matters is love n distance can't be a barrier

lmao kia nigeria girls *faints*

ITbomb: From the other thread to this, you have shown yourself to be very confused and to add to it, you are making the confusion worse by reading extra meaning to every thing or words she says.

It is not the time of call you should be confuse about but the content of the call.

Trust and openness is needed to build a relationship not suspicions. Some Naija babes may be excited at the prospect of an Oyinbo being her bf but the excitement has nothing to do with whether she truly love you or not, that one is purely based on your everyday growth with her.
The excitement should not be mistaken for desperation in most case or because you are Oyinbo, it is the same feelings a girl get when approach by 2face and the likes or even the hottest guy in her Street.

Stop assuming and get close to her, develop relationship, make her a bit angry to see her attitude at the edge.

Or else leave her and concentrate on what brought you to Naija in the first instance

I tire for this confused guy o,he shd learn d art of communication and openness abeg.what stops him frm discussing this he put out here with her? Besides love is verb shown by wat u do,nt wat u say..any1 can be moved and say "I love u" smh mr trickoftech she doesn't Love u,she is attractd by d prospect of relocatn abroad to live and mayb a better life...#fact

Tedpgrass: There are different reasons for your cousin's actions....
He'll be in a better position to explain why.

Different reasons abound.....
1)Lack of financial stability,
2) earnest pursuit of a professional career leading to a time-poor attempts at relationships
3) strong cultural feelings of indebtedness...hence marry "within"
4) gotten a reputation as a "player", so few potential spouses take him seriously;
5) down-low brother

What I find funny is..... you can't comfortably suss out the girls on ur side of the pond, what makes you think you can suss out those on the other side, in such a short time period (holiday) Families often get it soooo wrong... they don't even know you anymore, after 20 yrs away!!!

What's to stop ur imported bride from learning about her legal entitlements and cleaning him out financially in a few years of marriage

I remember there was an upsurge of girls in the UK going to Naija to get husbands in the late 00's.... most of the girls had stories to tell, a few unlucky ones realised the sham they had walked into only a few months into their marriages.
This was similar to the American experience, a decade earlier, when bros from a certain part of the country were importing brides to become workhorses after procreation had resulted in 2-3 offsprings which officially afforded these men, the title.... Househusband!!!

Last words..... divine enablement and guidance is the way forward...




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u re very right,especially the "last words"

But in my opinion I think ,issues like child support,alimony might be d reason why he did that#jst saying sha

KELVIN-XY:
U're supoz to be proud of him

Besides did he let u know dat he isn't married dere.?
Cus most of d guys dere do have wives over dere but d ones they have back home is d real deal.

thnks but he isnt married o.he only had girlfriends over there

My cousin after spending 20yrs in canada @ age 40 came back to marry a nigerian.got me thinking..is there shortage of marriagable ladies in canada or what?why cudnt he jst get sme1 der to marry

I will stil say,abi u de fear am? All this u have been saying here can't u tell her?wen I meant demand her being straight wit u I mean tell her ur fears,doubts ,insecurities abt two of u,how her actions sends dual messages to u,tell her everytin u re saying here and DEMAND an answer subtly not like in a millitary way!!!! Dats being a man...Abi make I help u? If she is confused tell her u give her time to make a decision ,abi make I help u?lol. Its not enough to come out open to a girl,after that u define d relationship,u " try get into her head" and see wer u stand ..dats wat we do

alutacontinua: Try and assume for one second that there's no green card involved and face this head-long as an adult! Marriage is no joke and there are marriages without green card issues going through worse. The part where you automatically attribute major challenges in your relationship to green card matters is bot helping. Cos dt way, you'll always be right and he'll always be wrong! Take the green card off your mind and work on your marriage lyk you both have everything to lose if things don't work out!

Good luck!

this comment summarises all I want to tell u.anytin outside this is just bullshit! ...u think he cannott get d card frm sme1 else? And he even decided to hav 2 children.work on ur marriage and stop screaming green card .u married an immature husband so deal wit it!ONE TIN is certain wit or witout the greencard he will leave u" if he intends to ",ur denyn him cud only delay him but of course he will still get it elsewere ! So deal wit ur marriage be respectful,submit to him,be patient ,prayerful .stop nagging!dats d only way to keep him

U re in a psuedo relationship,more than a frnd but less of a boyfriend.let me go biblical jesus said if u re neither hot nor cold he wud spit u out in revelations.so take cue frm our lord and saviour and spew her out lol.hw can u come to nigeria cos of a grl haba! U shd b a man to define ur relationship,d fault is urs...don't let any1 play games wit u.no subtly words wit hidden meanings jst come straight.ask her direct questions that demand direct answers abi u de fear am?

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Dump her n if she calls don't allow her back.or are u a learner?pls hw old re u? D only reason she will want back is if her oder guys disappionts her

So sorry to hear this.pls don't take it too personal.ur hubby loves and appreciates u.d issue is he is under pressure and its kinda normal for pple to transfer aggression wen in this situations.that doesn't mean he isn't matured or an ingrate or means wat he says .this tin comes wit d territory"marriage".plz pray and pray and pray,wen u tired pray again after that pray,den later pray..remember God is a present help in times of trouble,EVER PRESENT HELP pslam 46 vs 1.

They re 2 types of decisions,decisions by information or by revelation.IN MY OPINION I feel u hav reasonable info abt her.all u need is to spend time prayin to knw Gods will and propose.length of courtship isn't a determinant of wether a marriage wud work,u can't predict how pple wud act years frm now.life changes pple and everytin,so I say pray ,know Gods will and propose

Eyah u re hurt. No matter your qualities, sme pple will stil reject u.rejectn is a part of d package so no need being hurt.its normal. Most grls are attention seekers ,very confused. As a guy just learn to Empower ONLY d rships dat believe, receive and accept u

1,Marriageable,marriage minded men don't take good grls for granted they don't even date d bad ones#fact. 2,good grls re for keeps,marriage while bad grls for play and sex#fact 3,its all this small boys ,young time wasters dat do all that

Op u re bothered abt her gettin to know abt ur real financial state?she comin over and seein that the grass isn't greener on the other side lolzzzz....her seeing ur poverty .eyah PLS LET HER KNW D REAL PICTURE OF TINS over der and watch her reaction

It depends,its relative...in some cases yes another no,nigeria popular artist tuface married d one dat has been with him.my cusin married d one dat had been with him..SO I SAY IT DEPENDS ON THE GUY.

D issues are 1,he hasn't or doesn't introduce u openly to his family and friends .more like he is ashamed of u or smetin 2, he makes major decisions wit out discussin it wit u.... All this are major RED FLAGS in relationships but I don't think u shd quit yet .just give it a little more time.but be reasonable at 51 it isn't easy for a woman to get a potential mate SO dnt rush leavin him jst giv it time,talk wit him NT NAGIN