₦airaland Forum

Sennard: What about when some1 tells u u can't suceed in sumthing? because sum1 told me indirectly i cant gain admision into the uni,dat it's beta i gt a poly or college of edu form.bt i av written the unilorin pume nd am hoping to gain admision to prove dat mofo wrong.........pls its a question oh no abuse me nd i'd love to gt answers quote me!

Some people can be very negative. It is a good thing that you want to gain admission into the university. But think of it this way: you're not going to get admission to prove him wrong. You're doing it first of all because it is something that is good for you. If it ends up proving him wrong, then that's his own problem. If you really did not want it, I don't think you'll go through all the stress just to prove him wrong. In doing things, consider first what you really want and don't be driven by the urge to prove someone wrong. If not, they might as well ask you to sacrifice yourself in order to prove a point. Your happiness and fulfilment in life is more important. I hope this helps.

5minsmadness: So OP are you trying to say that I shouldn't be ashamed to say I love cartoons?

what's there to be ashamed of. People have different preferences when it comes to entertainment. Just don't be a cartoon in life, be a real person.

vislabraye: @OP, it's a nice post. I also believe that sometimes we would need other people's approval. Like your boss or people in authority. We would want recommendation for one reason or the other. Sometimes I believe we want people to have gOod opinion about us because their opinion matters.

Thank you for your comment. It's good to be in the good books of people like your boss, friends and family because it enhances your relationship with them. But when they're constantly seeing only the negative and always pointing out your weaknesses without any help on their part to make you a better person, then don't try proving anything to them. Just make sure you're doing the right thing and engaging in things that will make you a better person.

Does your mental soundtrack go anything like this?
‘’I don’t want to go out tonight, but Mike will think I’m boring if I stay in.’’
‘’I can’t wear these same shoes I wore last week again – people will think there’s something wrong with me.’’
‘’I’m over-committed already, but how can I say no to John? He’ll think I don’t like him.’’
‘’I’d be really refreshed by taking a day off just to do what I like … but my colleagues will think I’m just being lazy.’’

When we were kids, we didn’t have many things to worry about. We saw adulthood as a place of amazing freedom: when you’re an adult, you can do the things you like and go to places you like. Yeah, so much freedom
But somehow, by the time we reach adulthood, this world of vast possibilities has narrowed. We go to tertiary institution, because that’s what everyone else is doing. Then we look for a sensible, entry-level job, because that’s what everyone else is doing. Pretty soon, we think about getting a house, getting a better car, working towards a promotion … because that’s what everyone else is doing.

What Went Wrong?
Life isn’t supposed to be a dull, day-in-day-out routine where work is bearable and evenings are spent going through the motions: eating dinner, watching television, surfing the net … waiting for it to be time to go to bed, and get up, and repeat it all over again. But unfortunately, that pretty much describes the lives of many people.
Most times we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone. In some ways, this is a natural thing: as humans, we’re social creatures, and it’s hard to risk being derided or excluded by our community. But we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask. There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. Below are some reasons why you should stop trying to prove yourself to everyone.
I have tried to make a list from articles by persons who have discovered and are practicing this truth. I do hope you will find them useful on your quest for the freedom you seek. Please don't fall asleep on me yet! Ok, here we go...

1. Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.
Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me! Look at me!” But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top. Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step. Don’t rush through your life and miss it. Forget where everyone else is in relation to you. This isn’t a race. You get there a little at a time, not all at once.
Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

2. Most people are NOT thinking about you anyway.
Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. Everyone is pretty much preoccupied with himself. If you feel like they always are, understand that this perception of them watching you and critiquing your every move is a complete figment of your imagination. It’s your own inner fears and insecurities that are creating this illusion. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.

3. The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.
In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not. In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.
Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Prove yourself to yourself, not others. The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by. Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

4. People’s Expectations May Be Based On A Narrow, Inaccurate View Of You
People make snap judgments in life: they might meet you briefly, and proceed to offer all sorts of advice based on an inaccurate assessment of who you are.
Families often fail to recognize how you’ve changed and grown over the years. They also tend to label you – and it’s easy to end up conforming to these labels because you believe them. They say “Oh, Tunde’s always been the lazy one” or “Chidimma never does anything right” or “Ali never could focus on anything.”
It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it. Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality. What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep living your truth. The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.
Your parents or your friends might have pigeonholed you – but you know there’s more to you than what they see. Even if you do have plenty of habits and characteristics that you’d like to change, you have the ability to do that.

5. Your Values/Priorities Could Be Wildly Different From Theirs
This is one of the big problems with trying to meet other people’s expectations: they might have a completely different agenda to yours. You need to get clear about your own values and priorities: then you can figure out what you want to refocus your life around.
Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going. You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

6. Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.
No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.
They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that – material things don’t matter. Don’t chase the money. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. Never sell yourself short.

7. It’s Ok to fail Sometimes
If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth. You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way. It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing. If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward.

8. You cannot Win everyone’s approval.
When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval. Don’t ever worry about the haters. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just upset because the truth you know contradicts the lies they live. Period.

Final words: Just know that You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.


Can you relate to this piece?
Feel free to leave a comment


Credits to Marc Chernoff and Aliventures.com for some excerpts used in this post.

There's no drug that works the same for everyone without any risks or side effects.
A side effect is basically an unintended occurrence that results from taking a drug.
Side effects can be good or bad, depending on how you use the drug.
For example, antihistamines, used to help with allergy symptoms like itchy eyes and sneezing, have the side effect of making you feel very sleepy. If you're having trouble sleeping , this side effect is beneficial.

lilbabyak: ok now make we call you patentee

very funny. Ok I've removed it since it seems to be derailing the thread.

Segadem: u have. d copyright?

why? Yes.

Comments...

A good write-up makes me happy any day. Brilliant.

Ok. Good to know. But at this point the citizens will want to hear 'we have subdued Boko Haram' It all calls for a joint effort from every citizen. This is a common enemy. God help Nigeria

huh?

Hello Mynd44, requesting a frontpage slot for this topic. Thank you.

Drugs are taken primarily to alleviate or cure illnesses. Most of the time, these drugs come with unpleasant side-effects after administration.
In my childhood years, chloroquine was my nightmare because of the terrible itching it gave me. I took procold sometime in 2009 and it caused me serious stomach disturbance.
There are some persons who react to sulphur-containing drugs.

Feel free to share the unpleasant drug side-effects you've experienced in the course of treating an illness.

True

^^Nice points you've made

oladipoolaitan: thanks, am an extrovert i only talk when its necessary , am just a conceptualized being that some how rigid in his ideology,meeting my wife to be, is just a God intervention, yet to uncover the misery behind it.

An extrovert? Let's go over some of what you wrote up there. You said 'I love privacy a lot, I read
books listen to news with my leisure time. So hardly go out
some times, even my neighbor
don't even know my name' This sounds more like what an introvert will do. I mean, there is no real extrovert who loves privacy A LOT. Unless you're a mixture of both but your description above tilts more to the introvert side. The reason why you don't have friends is because you can very much stay on your own without getting bored. Your mind can keep you busy with your vivid thoughts such that you're very much occupied even when alone. This inference is based on my assumption that you're mostly an introvert. I hope I've not written out of point? (I need feedback before I can continue)

I must first of all congratulate you for finding a wife. How did you pull that off since you're not good at keeping friends? Ok that said, well, you're an introvert from all indications. (pls hold on a while I'll be back to give you some suggestions)

Bigzig: eleojo how do you know she's a fighter?

a fighter (in this context) is 'someone who does not give up, someone who continues fighting or trying.'

I guess she breathes through her mouth.

She's a fighter.

Alright.

Must there always be arguments after every election? APC seems to always make people feel they are being persecuted but rather than taking this approach, it would be better for them to be sincere with themselves and put their house in order. I'm not implying that PDP has everything in order.The citizens are always open to be wooed as long as you present yourself well and show your capability.

we're waiting...but can you define SOON? It's rather ambiguous because in Nigerian English 'soon' does not always carry the sense of urgency as is expected. For instance, a friend tells you he's coming soon and then shows up after 5 hours! Hope we don't have to wait for long...goodluck

R.I.P to the dead. There is need for proper drainage systems to prevent flooding. We cannot stop the rain from falling but we can stop it from making us fall.

Really? I thought he was clueless. Clueless men don't scheme. so relax Gov.

Clueless men don't scheme. So relax Gov.

Much of your years on earth may have been a conscious effort to please your parents and to live up to their high standards.

There are a lot of people out there who have big dreams, who want to do something meaningful with their lives, but they are worried about what their parents will think. All this time, everything had to be the way their parents wanted it and now they are worried about abandoning them. They are worried about disappointing them. They are worried that, if they are to trust their guts and follow their hearts, that they may end up being disowned by the very people they owe their lives to.

The big question is, Why do your parents always want to decide for you? It is mostly for the best of reasons. Let's consider some of them.

1. They want to protect you. Your parents have the right to be caring, concerned and emotional. They don't want to see you fail. They want you to succeed at everything and never get hurt. But the world doesn't work that way. Shield a child from pain and she'll never really live

When your mum told you to study medicine / business / marketing / whatever at university, she meant well.
When she suggested that Bola had all the qualities she would want in a daughter-in-law, she meant well.
When your dad told you to take up that job, he was telling you what he thought you needed to hear.
They wanted you to be happy.
They wanted you to be fulfilled.
They wanted you to feel powerful, in control, and valuable.
They gave you the life plan they followed and you just need to follow the same life plan as them and with a bit of luck, you're going to be confident, strong, happy, fulfilled, and free. Right?
Unfortunately, no. Happiness doesn't work like that.

As important and innocent as parental guidance is in the life of their children, it is important to note that the effort to make kids into what their parents want them to be might not always be the best for them. Naturally, responsible parents want their children to be successful in life and this often drives them into taking various decisions for their children some of which might not just be what the child was cut out for.

Choosing careers for kids could lead to lifelong regrets as most parents often do not take into cognizance the talent, interest and capabilities of their kids and would rather they studied the popular courses; medicine, law engineering and the like. The kid in an effort to keep his reputation of being a bright chap would work very hard and graduate but might never find fulfillment in that profession.
The same scenario plays itself out in other situations like in choosing life partners, job preferences, etc.

Living someone else's life plan is the fastest and most consistent path to an unfulfilling, unrewarding, and frustrating existence.
You need to take a walk to the nearest bar to observe the disappointed, sad, and angry guys trying to forget their pain over bottles of beer to see how well living someone else’s life plan works.

2. Another reason is the fear of change.
Many parents don't want their kids deviating from the norm because then the parents themselves will have to figure out a new reality, a different and uncomfortable reality where their kid doesn’t follow the rules and act predictably.
They tell their kids "nobody in the family has ever taken that path before"
But hey, everything changes. Nothing stays the same.

3. They really do need you.
This is another reason why your parents may show resistance to you pursuing your dreams.
If you're an only child or somehow your parents’ life support system, you can’t just drop everything and head off into the world to chase your biggest dream, leaving your parents to fend for themselves. We totally get and respect that. Giving up your own ambitions to care for loved ones is nothing short of heroic.
You need to be careful here though. Many sons and daughters tell themselves that their parents can’t live without them, when in fact that’s just a convenient excuse to keep them from taking a scary leap.

These points above are some of the reasons why children are often ‘trapped’ in their parent’s dreams.

While you should hold nothing against your parents for the decisions they’ve taken or made you take all these years,-though you might have reasons to disagree with some of them,- you have to however decided that from now henceforth, you will be responsible for your actions. This doesn’t in any way suggest doing away with their superior advice and wise counsel, it only means that in taking decisions especially on issues that relates to your life and future, the first consideration will no more be what would be pleasing to your parents, but what you want for yourself and how such a decisions fits into your plans for a fulfilling life.
You must at a certain age begin to mould yourself into your dreams, not that of your parents. You must be bold enough to leave the comfort zone of your parent’s protection and chart a course for your own life. It doesn’t mean you should rebel, but to find a way to make them understand that you’ve got some plan which can work out fine with their support.
The best way you can take away all the insecurities they have about your dreams is to show them you succeeded. If you show confidence at what you are up to and work hard at it, your parents are sure to give you some benefit of doubt and support you if need be.

The crux of this issue is, you shouldn't let anything keep you from pursuing your dreams and finding fulfillment in your own life. You should appreciate your parent's love and concern towards you but the fact is, your parents have had their own lives. This is yours and it is incumbent on you to make the best of it. In the end, your parent's dream is the same as yours and that is to see you happy and successful. It’s just that you have a different way of getting there.


Feel free to contribute to this piece by sharing your experiences.

Feel free to contribute to this piece....

I would like to paint a scenario to aid what I’m about to talk about.

Olu and David are brothers. David is 6 years old and Olu is a little above 4 years old. The two brothers are calling themselves out to play.
'Olu, let’s go and play with Mike at the backyard.' David calls out to his brother.
'Ok. Let’s build paper aeroplane and fly' Olu replies enthusiastically as he runs towards the back door.
'No, let's build a house with the sand' David suggests
'No, me I will build my aeroplane' Olu insists
'Ok. Fine, we’ll do whatever you want' David replies
They both run out to meet Mike who is waiting for them with a paper kite in his hands.
As they barely get out of the house, Mummy who is doing the dishes in the kitchen calls out
'David, where are you going with Olu?'
'Mummy, we want to play outside' David replies
'Play? Come on, get back inside and read your books' Mummy is already angry at the thought
'But mummy we have finished our homework already' Olu protests
'I said get back inside!' Mummy insists
They both reluctantly get back inside the house.
Mummy thinks to herself
'These kids are too playful. So they have time to play around. How will they pass their exams? I need to enroll them for extra lessons to keep them busy and serious with their studies'

This is what is obtainable today.
Being a child nowadays is definitely different from what it was some 20 to 30 years ago. Kids today are faced with many pressures that rob them of the joys of childhood. The major source of this pressure is the school.
It is not surprising to find a child of barely 2 years old being enrolled in nursery 1(not daycare!). These kids get into school so early and then begin a life of pressures, pressure to perform. Cool as it may seem to tell your friend 'my 2yr old daughter is already in nursery 1'. It is not cool at all.

When I was in primary school, we only spent about six hours in school but nowadays, kids spend up to eight hours in school and may even take extra lessons after school. Then the child comes home with much homework that he must submit the next day. All these rob the child of an essential part of growing up - free time to play. Yeah, you heard me right, play.
Children need to play as it is very important for their development. Play opens doors for creativity among children where they learn to use their power of imagination. It also helps them to develop good social skills because most plays involve other kids and requires group cooperation to make them interesting. Children also learn to take risks and think for themselves as they play.

It is sad that most primary schools today rarely have playgrounds and even if they do, the break time is too short for kids to engage in any meaningful play. And after the normal school hours, they are engaged in extra lessons again.
Ok. Let’s say it's the school's fault. But the parents are not helping either just like in the scenario above. When kids come home on holiday and are supposed to have their time to play, they are enrolled for holiday lessons and so the cycle continues. The child may be doing well at school but he/she is being robbed of an essential part of his/her childhood and it is definitely going to affect him in future.

The irony of this trend is that it does not make the kids of today anymore better than the kids from 20 years ago.


Inasmuch as you want your child to succeed in life, learn to take things in stages and keep the pressures at a distance. Any good and right thinking child would also feel the urge to want to succeed when the time comes.
My neighbour's child who is in primary school plays a lot but he still does very well in school. The boy is very smart. His dad encourages him to use his free time to engage in activities that he enjoys while making sure that he does his homework too. Pushing kids to succeed may be counter-productive. It is not advisable to make a child solve mathematics or do only school work all day long. School has its place and so does play.

Let's give childhood back to the children and let them develop normally. Remember your own time as a kid when you played a lot with your friends (running around the house, playing hide and seek, flying paper kites and building mud houses) and still did well in school. At least I did well and so did most of my friends because we all passed our entrance exam into secondary school and continued to do well.

We can't deny the fact that play is part of childhood. It makes them balanced individuals. If you deprive them of it, they will be missing a crucial part of what makes them children. There are cases of children getting depressed because of being forced to mature too quickly due to pressure and many of them become unbalanced individuals. So, I reiterate, let the kids play!

comments.