₦airaland Forum

I just discovered my girlfriend smokes. I jsut don't know how to handle the situation. Trying to make hers stop is one big task as she has indicated not stopping any soon. I never thought of leaving but this behaviour is tearing my mind to shreds as am an Ashmatic patient. Any good thoughts from you good people out there?

@ Aisha so sad to hear you broke up but am more than impressed on how you handled it. Its good to know there are really matured babes out there. Gud to hear you are a Man Utd fan. Am one also. Its big up to us. Its good to know we are the only one out of the big four to have beaten Blackburn this season. Once more, 'Du Courage' and don't grieve a lot. And i know someone there is admiring you. GOD will console you with another.

THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST;

Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help!
I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 Installs itself into all other
programs and launches during systems Initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer Run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday Football 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help?

, AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the "wife1.0 "program. Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wife 1.0” thinking that "Wife 1.0" is merely an UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, "Wife 1.0” is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wife 1.0 "and still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0 ", as "Wife 1.0" was not designed to do this and it is Impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed. Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0 "or "Wife 2.0” but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having “Wife 1.0” installed, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems Occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME for a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal. "Wife 1.0 ", although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS \ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for "Wife 1.0 "and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst

Hi,there will be a Unizik Graduate end of the year event. it will hold on sun 9th december at the pool side of La Campaigne Tropicana hotel Adeniyi Jones Avenue Ikeja by 11am. Every GIANT is invited. spread the word. for more information please dont hesitate to call Emeka Bakassi on 08064457235 and murphy on 08033978357.

Hi,there will be a Unizik Graduate end of the year event. it will hold on sun 9th december at the pool side of La campaigne Tropicana hotel Adeniyi Jones Avenue Ikeja by 11am. Every GIANT is invited. spread the word. for more information please dont hesitate to call Emeka Bakassi on 08064457235 and murphy on 08033978357.

Abdul, who lives in Washington, had tried, for ten years, without success, to divorce his American wife. In that ten years, she denied him conjugal relations but continuously insulted him from the moment he walked into the house until he left for work the next day. In that ten years, she planted herself permanently in his house, never leaving the house. She did nothing but eat, drink, and sleep, watch television, talk loudly on the phone, eat and drink some more, and order more food from Chinese restaurants, which was delivered to the house. All of Abdul’s friends stopped coming to visit him.

Finally, Abdul bought and took home a live chicken and a sharp knife. As soon as he walked into his house, his wife, speechless and with a look of shock, fear, and curiosity, sat at the edge of the sofa watching Abdul as if she had seen a ghost. He refused to even look at his wife as he tied the chicken to the kitchen table.

As soon as Abdul turned his back, the chicken crowed "Kokorokooooo!"

Abdul, visibly angry, as his wife watched, shouted at the chicken: "Chicken, you will die at number three. You have two left!" Abdul’s wife thought he had gone mad talking gibberish to a chicken.

Five minutes later, the chicken crowed again "Kokorokooooo!!"

Abdul, clearly enraged, shouted again "Chicken, you will die at number three. You have one left.!!"

Abdul’s wife, now scared, began to think he was performing an African ritual.

Five minutes later, the chicken crowed "Kokorokooooo!!!"

Abdul, now fuming with rage and foaming from the mouth, shouted "Chicken, that was number three. You are out!!!! and at the same instant he took out the knife and cleanly cut off the chicken’s head. The headless chicken writhed noisily all over the kitchen table as Abdul’s wife watched with horror.

His wife, frantic and shaking with a mixture of fear and rage, shouted at Abdul "You idiot, you fool, you stupid African, you killed that poor chicken? Why? Why? I demand an explanation now!."

Abdul, visibly angry, and still foaming from the mouth, shouted back at his wife: "Woman, you will die at number three. You have two left." Then he matched around the kitchen admiring his knife as his wife, now scared to hell, very quietly tiptoed to the front door, opened the door, and ran out. That was two years ago and nobody has seen her since.

Did you apply or enter any lottery? If not why the second look or thought talkless of asking for help. RUN NIGGA RUN NIGGA RUN!! RUN MOTHER FUCKER RUN.

Or even this way.

Dear friends I believe all parlours would have bared you entrance if in your previous visits, you had left this way.

Again, Don't get drunk like this

How not to Get drunk.

The people who passed the test have already collected their apponitment letters. They are starting on monday. my best friend was amongst them.

Beat France on Penalties after a Pulsating 3 - 3 stalemate. They 've qualified for the Knockout stage. Also has Senegal another African Representative.

Go ahead and make your mark friend. I also wrote the essay or are they calling in batches. Any one has any info on Alder Consulting?

Not yet. But I heard in two weeks time. But for your info, if you no get insider, don't hope for anything.

I tried filling the form but discovered that they already had my data. Hence I can't register again. I don't know if Iwill be shortlisted for any test if they start calling. Any body suggesting anything

An young virile Italian Soldier at his favourite joint in Rome relaxing and enjoying himself, attracts a young Blonde and they end up going to his apartment for some "good Time". After the first round he asks 'you Finnish' and the blonde answers 'no' Suprised the young Soldier reaches out for the girl and mounts her again. She seems to enjoy herself and after this round the Soldier asks the girl smiling, 'this time you finnish' She returns the smile and whispers contentedly, "No". Puzzled but determined, the Soldier reaches for her again and they make Love once more until the exhausted man falls unto his back gasping. Barely able to turn his head he asks: So you Finnish"? "No", she shouts back, "stop asking I no Finish, I Swedish".

A middle aged woman has heart attack and is taken to a hospital where she has a near death experience. Seeing God she asks; Is my time up? God says, 'No' you have another 43 years two months and eight days to live. Upon getting well, she decided to make the most of the time left. So she stays in hospital to have a face lift, liposuction and Tummy tuck. She even got someone come in and dye her hair. Eventually she is discharged from hospital . but on her way home, she is knocked down and killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God she demanded: i thought you said I had forty three years left? Why didn't you pull me out of the part of the Ambulance? But God replies, "I didn't bloody recognise you."

Rather than going for this unknown Agel in Kia why not try out a new Honda city or honda Civic they should be in the range of 1.8m and 2.5m and you surely can get a good financing facility. The suggetions abovei believe has confused than opinionated the poster. No pun intended though but there are so many divergent views. I will go for a Hyundai instead of a kia if am in your shoes. Not because I they are not good but they aren't convincing at first view. All the same try out my suggestion a la viperman.

The files are too large. I tried posting but its showing me error. Give me your email add and I will send it to you.

Check out this excellent Ford Scorpio '97 model. Goes for a give away for those looking for a good car that can go for less than a million.
Features: Factory fitted AC, Front power windows, central locks, Driver and Passenger Airbags. A sound DOHC engine 2.0ltr. Nice Fabric seats and lots more. No dents. AC needs gas to enhance cooling. But woorks perfectly.

Asking price N850k. Room for negotiation very much available.

Interested buyers call or text for inspection 07031896630 or email emperonero2000@yahoo.com

Check out this excellent Ford Scorpio '97 model. Goes for a give away for those looking for a good car that can go for less than a million.
Features: Factory fitted AC, Front power windows, central locks, Driver and Passenger Airbags. A sound DOHC engine 2.0ltr. Nice Fabric seats and lots more. No dents. AC needs gas to enhance cooling. But woorks perfectly.

Asking price N850k. Room for negotiation very much available.

Interested buyers call or text 07031896630 or email emperonero2000@yahoo.com

I do like to know if its a fall out of the last job adveret they did. in which they asked applicants to write an essay.

Their annual result was so bad that it put speculations on the Management of the Bank. Those that had wema stocks were selling it off yesterday to any willing buyer at a give away. Every one is apprehensive of the next move, including recruitment of executive trainees. I hope it goes well for you guys. Union Bank is another potential bad result they will release theirs today.

Mine didn't even show a confirmation report. A blank screen with; "No DATA SOURCE specified" at the top left and "Back to Careers Page and Back to Corporate Page.@ Am a bit confused. I wouldn't know if they will invite me.

Just a Bit curious to know if Alder -Consulting has called or contacted anyone who wrote their essay and applied for their Vacancies.

After a wobbling start to the season Man Utd seem to have found their goal boots. The much doubt over the Ability of Rooney and Tevez to play together is showing off so much Promises. 16 goals in three straight matches is the definition of the Man Utd I saw last season and the Man Utd I support. Football Fans, What do you think?

I wonder if any of you would want to build in Enugu. I have a company that charges less and still give you what you want. call. 08052421556.

As long as you are able to prove to them that you are a risk taker and that you have handled great responsibilities before in your life. Even if you get 1st class they won't employ you if you don't give them give instances where you have solved problems and where you have been a group leader. And you have to be very tactical in answering their questions. They are very brillant people and their interview will really task your intuition so prepare VERY WELL. P&G recruitment is tough. But their work environment and remuneration is worth all the wahala. Good Luck to you friend and don't fail to notify us of the result.

Code was yesterday evicted from the Big Brother 11 house. Maureen and Ofunneka are up for evicttion next week. Do you think Code's eviction was deserved. (i think so but the game would have been more open for Ofunneka to win was Richard evicted. 'Cos am sure Maureen is the next). Who will leave next Maureen or Ofunneka. better if Maureen leaves. And then you will see the game of conspiracy against Ofunneka from Richiana.

Tell me the venue and I will give you the description to the venue. I live in Lagos but i grew up in Enugu.