₦airaland Forum

uhmm,........interesting event

The lesson from this saga is this:
In Nigeria, do not fvck with a pastor
If you do, you'll be the one to get screwed (all pun intended)

Explanation:
Whether the pastor shagged her or not, as long as she has made the accusation, the Nigerian religious and cultural system would work towards condemning her and venerating the pastor. She wont get help and afirmation from any quarter.

No newspaper will do a torough investigation into the issue to know the truth. ..they lack the mental ability to
Our men would look the other way because it could so easily be us.
Our women would be upset with this girl that had the audacity to visualize or actually ride the glorious stick of a married man of God
The church will cover it up to ensure that God's work does not suffer.

This is what we have become.....

....a nation gazing to the skies for their deliverance, while using their oiled fingers to massage their throbing depravity

ono: I have said this before, and I will say it again: I am coming back for my country - and I will ruthlessly purge that country of EVERYTHING corruption - so help me God! I have travelled round the world and have seen how organized things can be. I am going to do all in my powers to make certain that we get that needed change to move forward as a nation.

Blood will flow. Many fat cats will die and they should be ready. Ono will not/never be gentle with corruption. Watch out for me guys.

great
almost sounds as messiahnic as Samson's tampering of the pillars and getting rid of a section of the Phillistinian elites

...the only problem like the oyinbo man suggested is that the next 100 legislators plus, might continue from where their elders stopped

ty osho: 1)....Maybe yes.
2)....nothing mystic bout going there.They get the job done way cheaper than it would been in the US or Europe.I personally can attest to 3pple who have had successful major sugeries in India.Not sure all their hospitals are of same standard with the European ones.The emphasis here is they get the job done.

Tnx
I now know that cost is a major factor thereby making India the Middle-class Nigerian health tourist destination

99cent,
oya come back here. Ono needs to staighten you out properly

^^^

Of course, your chest beating is in order
Moral rostrums are an excellent posturing

We all need some Jesus in our societies
You'll make a fine one

...but the challenge with your type is that you rarely make it to a position were you can be a catalysmic change agent
so the society needs an Obasanjo to push you forward and firmly in place to cause havoc to evil.
This happening is oft referred to as LUCK
...evil/corruption therefore births good


My argument is that corruption/morality comes in different shades of grey
some are as neccesary as the fermentation/spoiling needed to make tasty cheese

So we need to take an enlightened view of corruption and not the blatant black white categorization that we easily ascribe to

^^^

Umh....
I guess it is important that we properly define corruption oooo


For example, is losing one's virginity a sign of corruption or decadence?
Can any society exist without a form of "enlightened corruption"?


Western history teaches otherwise

^^^
Be careful with statistics
the misuse of it is an hallmark of an unenlightened or politically mischevious mind

i still dont understand why middle class Nigerians seek salvation from Indian hospitals

1)...is there a vibrant health supply chain in Nigeria that automatically exports our sick to India?
2)....granted that Nigeria is largely religious, is there a subtle hope that the mythical Indian mystisiscm might play a part in accelerating the healing process?

umhhh.

Nice write-up.
Its utility is for the OP's fellow expatriates from his country, and the same industry coming into Nigeria
Much like the NairaLand travel section is particularly useful to Nigerians migrating/visiting other countries.

........it sure has no value to me.
(If it were written by the former US ambassador to Nigeria, I would be worried that it is a legwork for a coup)

Sorry guys,.... i am super busy at the moment and thus cannot update.
It is refreshingly great to see folks leading the analystics conversastion.

.....cheers till later

Thanks for the thumbs up guys. I'll endeavour to gently stir the lecture towards interests that some of you have raised.

With regards to youtube videos. Great idea, especially for me. Thanks. I 'dont know about the audience sha, afterall there are loads of videos out there. I guess the most important thing is the bringing of this teachings to a new platform to reach a new unreached audience -some NairaLanders.
Some folks learning style is skewed towards portable knowledge such as documents etc. Thanks anyways

On behalf of myself and my dog, Bingo, i say great that we are all learning. ...Thanks and cheers

My understanding of this scripture:

Biblically, being "Born again" was not initially used to refer to what modern xtians have now come to ascribe it as being. You can always do an electronc search through the bible to see for yourself.
Jesus used the term in a very simple way. Let me show you -

Nichodemus: “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
Jesus : “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again/from above.”


INTERPRETATION: You Nichodemus, have a NEW MIND that is why you can SEE my actions and ACKNOWLEDGE that I am from God.

Nichodemus did not understand what Jesus was saying, so he asked:
Nichodemus : How can someone be born when they are old?” “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”
Jesus : “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit/wind. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit."


INTEPRETATION : You see that you could not understand me. This is a lesson to you, that although you have SEEN the kingdom (have a new mind), but you need to ENTER into it. This goes beyond just having a NEW MIND to actually being able to DICEPHER/SOAK/UNDERSTAND the language of the kingdom. Whereas SEEING is tangible, UNDERSTANDING is as intangible/elusive/flexible as water and wind.

Jesus : "You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You all must be born again. The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

INTERPRETATION : So guys dont be surprised when I speak in parables saying you must be born again. Those that have ENTERED the kingdom (born of the spirit), are able to understand the kind of GOD TALK I have just said

Ibime: OP you're wasting your time copying and pasting all over the place.

Just redirect the people to ExcelisFun channel on YouTube where they can learn whatever they want.


http://m.youtube.com/#/results?q=excelisfun&oq=excelis&gs_l=youtube-reduced.1.0.0l4.1595.5386.0.7299.7.5.0.2.2.0.270.1012.0j2j3.5.0...0.0...1ac.1.5.youtube-reduced.FPSURAJ-qIU

Strong words the bolded
...Mike Gavin must have been told same thing when he started posting his ExcelisFun videos on youtube

I agree that there are loads of opportunities to learn different topics out there
but it is because some of us spend time reaching out to share knowledge


..dip your tongue in honey my good friend

AjanleKoko: It's kinda sad that we Nigerians only measure life by monetary standards.
We don't live to work, or live for money alone. Even the Good Book says 'man shall not live by bread alone.'.

Who lives by bread alone?
None that I have seen
Folks usually eat bread with tea, cofee, eggs, cocoa, butter or beans
or at least water

richoko60: Nice thread, my Oga at the excel top, Pls i want to know the simplest way to combine two excel sheets together to become one and other excel advance features
Thanks

Please, I'd like some more info on what you're trying to acheive

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 11

now let's push further
You know that you should not spend more than 5 years in the university
Go to cell B8 and input 0

then click to highlight Cell B8
at the bottom right hand corner of the cell, double click when the thin cross shows
The result is that all the cells downwards of Cell B8 become 0

An important lesson to learn from this is that if you want numbers to increase down a column, input the ratio of increase or decrease in the first two cells

If on the other hand you simple want to repeat a number or character, input the needed data in just one cell and drag as required

(Note: if there is a gap in data on the left, the input on the right stops immediately)

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 10

So you've sworn that you would be married and have your first kid before you're past the age of 30 years.

Trace the data in column C all the way till your age of 30
When you get to Cell C15, trace the cells horizontally to the right all the way to column F
That is cell F15

So at age 30, you produce your first baby That means that cell F15 is 0
in F16 input 1

Just like we did earlier
select cells F15 and and F16
then either double click the thin cross at the bottom right edge or click and drag it downwards


LEARN TO ANALYSE
You see that at the year 2100, your first child should be 74 years old
The implication of this is that if you live extremely long, past 100 yrs,
an old man will be burying an old man


We can surmise that the older you are when you have your first kid
the greater the possibility of a younger stronger child of yours burying you

Of course, if you're too old when you have your first kid (say 80 yrs), you might have a teenager burying you

Spend some time to examine the data


Notice that your dad, your mum and you would be dead and long buried by the year 2100
if you like bind and cast all you wish


But wait a minute, what about your kids?? what would become of them?
Back to the spreadsheet we go

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 9

Now watch this!!!. It is really exciting

Place your cursor on cell B2
left click and drag all the way to cell H3
Now release
Notice that all cells between Cell B2 to B3 all the way to H2 to H3 have been highlighted

On cell H3
move your corsour to the lower right hand corner
when it becomes a thin cross like I demonstrated in the earlier post
then, double click the cross

WOW!!!

see the way all data has been automatically inputted all the way to year 2100

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 8

left click on the small thin cross that appears,
and drag your mouse downwards all the way to the year 2100
When you get to the year 2100, release your click from the mouse

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 7

You are about to go beyond simplistic Excel into the power of analytics

Now, imagine you want to try seeing what could be in the year 2100

Place your cursor on cell A2
left click and drag to cell A3

then release your fingers from the mouse

Youll notice that the cells have been highlighted as shown in the diagram A
Now move your cursor towards the bottom right hand corner of the highlighted box shown in Diagram B

You'll notice that your cursor has turned to a thin black cross like this: +

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 6

It has been interesting the Amaechi vs the rest of Nigeria saga. hasn't it?

Now that you have learnt to input data into cells, input the data in the diagram below into your excel sheet
start with cell A2 inputting 2013 and end in cell H3 inputting 0



After doing this, I'll teach you some powerful excel tricks

Which is better?

1) That the guy deceived an EU lady, get married to her for her passport, and dumped her later with so much heart break
2) That the guy makes a business transaction with an EU lady with all parties knowing what to expect and preventing heartbreaks

Umhhhhhh I am thinking:
if the guy was worth 1 million pounds, would he ever be accused of a sham marriage if he decides to marry for a visa?

Uhmhhh I am thinking:
If the same thing was happening between 2 gays,... what would be the outcome?

umhhh I am thinking...
what makes a marriage a sham and the other genuine?
I mean, all marriages are 'transactions' between at least two people.

LOVE??
uhmmmmmm

must all people inlove get married,
and must all marriage be between people inlove

*scratches head trying to dicepher statistical probability terms such as mutually exclusive, inclusive etc*

enuf said

AjanleKoko: I have a question. Why do nationals of countries like Nigeria, Ghana, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, etc., require 'God's favour' before they can get a visa to Western nations?
Does God submit a list at the embassy of 'favoured' candidates?

u want to take away the children's bread abi

Sorry guys
I am a little bit busy at the moment.
I'll return to update next week...
Just keep on practicing what you've already learnt

.......Cheers

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 5

Another way of expanding the cells is by first clicking on the cell between the left of column header A and top of row header B
(This highlights the entire spreadsheet)

You can then resize any of the row or column headers as I demonstrated in the earlier post
(This sizing affects the entire spreadsheet)

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 4

now, when your cusor changes to this <-|->
double click and drag the line either left or right to expand or contract it
then relaese the click

You can also do same to the horizontal sizes by clicking on the header sections of the rows,
for example, between 1 and 2

rodeo0070: ***Raising my right hand***
Why is this not on front page?
***Continues browsing***

because its not finished.
1stly, because if it hits front page when it is not finished,... we'll all have fun making a mess of it with comments by the likes of Yuzedo etc

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 3

You notice that sizes of cells E, F, G, and H are too small for the data inputted into them.
To expand the cells so that data fits more nicely into it, you can do any of these:

Move your cursor gently to the line seperating one column from the next
For example,
move your cursor to the line dividing header F, from header G
u'll notice that the cursor shape has changed from something like this + to something like this <-|->

In cell A1, type: Year .... In cell B1, type: Uni Level ....In cell C1, type: My age
In cell D1, type: Dad's age ... In cell E1, type: Mums Age ...In cell F1, type: 1st child's age
In cell G1, type: 2nd child's age...... In cell H1, type: 3rd child's age

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES 2

Assuming you are wondering what to make of your life in the years to come, Spreadsheets could be extremely usefull
Lets see:

Year: 2013; Your Age: 19; Your Uni level: Yr 1

we will look out for dates we shld be married, have our houses, have kids, buryour parents, send our kids to school, and kick the bucket at a repectable age etc using spreadsheets

YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOUR EYES

1st Goal: Erase all data from your Excel sheet

-With your cursour, Go to the box between the left of A column and top of 1st Row (see figure 1 in diagram below)
-click on the box. This automatically highlights all data in the sheet (see figure 1)
-press on the key 'delete' on your keypad. This deletes all data in the sheet. The 'delete' key might be somewhere on the Right hand side of your keyboard

You can recover all you've lost by pointing your cursor to the 'undo typing' (see figure 2) and clicking with your mouse