₦airaland Forum

"God pls, i know am a sinner, but Lord help me to stop all that would lead me to sin and i promise to work in your house more............................ AMEN, i said a prayer as i stood in church ushering.

I never wanted to be an Usher, but i had to because i wanted to change my ways, or so i tot.

Just then, Ilorin winked at me from a corner of the church he sat. "why dis one dey cut me eye na, abi him think say thunder go just strike me now, and i go just die here because i be sinner and i be usher? God is merciful abeg, i know say i go soon change, even if thunder strike me and i die, e better na, atleast na house of God i die. But him own, him fit die for where him dey smoke Igboh" i was thinking deeply.


I told Ilorin to wait for me after church, so we would go home together.


Just when i tot troubles had stopped "FLOWING" to me like a river, i never knew another trouble was waiting ahead for me. Or was the name FLOW affecting me?

Gepheral: "so dis
girls dem no dey wear p'ant come
school abi?" .........
Very funny flow.. Thanks for da interesting updates. Oliver mode activated..

Which one be Oliver mode activated na? I hope its not what am thinking?

It was the day of WAEC mathematics. My day.

I was in sch as early as 7am. Mr popoola(sounds like paw paw) our school Mathematic teacher came to meet me at the corpers office where i was seating alone. He told me that all the students had paid for the answers of the Mathematic to be solved and brought to them in the hall. He also told me that all i needed to do was to smuggle out one question paper from any of the students, bring it to him in the staff room, he solves it, and i return to him later to take the answers to distribute to the student. After the Exam i would be paid 5k. A cool way to make 5k if i may say, not knowing it would be an heaculean task.

The exam started. The external examiner seemed like a strict man to me. "you there!! Stand up, u are copying abi?" i said. The lanky boy stood up with surprise written all over him because he was sure he wasn't copying. But i had a plan.

I came to where the boy stood, looked to confirm the external examiner wasn't looking at me, grabbed the boy's question paper and folded it quickly into my pocket. I winked at the boy and he understood my plan, "now sit down and don't copy again" i said to the boy. The external examiner tot i was doing my job, not knowing i was after my 5k.

I gave Mr Popoola the question paper and returned to the hall. Suddenly, "you that girl stand up, take ur desk and chair outside, u will write the rest of this exam outside the hall alone because you were copying" the eternal examiner commanded.

This fair beauty stood up reluctantly and took her chair and desk outside, "how dis kin fine girl go dey copy na" i tot as she catwalked outside. "corper go with her outside, and make sure she doesn't cheat" the External examiner was reffering to me.

"sir pls na, help me beg him na" she was pleading with me to plead on her behalf, "is she sorry yet?" the Eternal examiner asked from inside, "no sir, she is still complaining" i responded. 10minutes later, the fair beauty was smiling, instead of frowning, i never knew she had a plan. A s'eductive plan.

Few minutes later her pen fell on the floor in front of her, "sir pls help me pick my pen" she said. I bent down to pick the pen. What i saw made my d'ick rise instanta. She wasn't putting on p'anties, i saw what was in between her legs clearly, she even opened her legs wider for me to see clearer."so dis girls dem no dey wear p'ant come school abi?" i asked myself. "is she sorry yet?" the external examiner asked again, "yes oh!!" i shouted still bending down and viewing. What was in between her legs had saved her.

Mr Popoola flashed me; a sign that he had finished solving the questions. I told the External examiner i wanted to go ease myself and i left to go collect the answers from Mr popoola.

As i came back, i tot of the method i would use to distribute the answers. I concluded to use this method: once i intend to give any student the solution, i would bring out the paper containing the solution from my pocket, go close to the student's desk, stamp my palm silently on the desk leaving the paper and winking at the student to be careful. That was the method i used to distribute the answers to practically all the students.

I was happy i helped them. But what i wasn't sure of was if the answers i distributed were correct, because Mr Popoola had bad records for solving wrongly.

One Saturday morning, Juliet was around, she was cooking, she needed more water so i told her i would go fetch water from the well. Not knowing what would befall me.

As i walked to the well playing Tupac- "still i rise" from my phone via my earpiece, Ilorin tapped me from behind, i removed my earpiece and heard, "Flow, help me fetch water na, abeg". "Wetin do ur hand?" i queried. "nothing oh, s'hit wan comot for my nyash, i wan go toilet" he responded. "but our toilet na pit toilet na, dem no dey flush pit toilet na" i said. "i know but, i wan use the water baf after i don s'hit finish" Ilorin said. I had no choice but to help him out, not knowing that his bucket of water would cause me a bucket full of tears.

If you say our well was 100ft deep, you are not far from the truth. It was very deep. I always looked away anytime i came close to it because i was scared of its dept. I was still listening to tupac's song and at the same time fetching water from the well. I suddenly saw this "orobo" Woman from a distance coming to my direction.

Initially, i tot she wasn't coming to my direction, so i continued what i was doing. I had finished fetching my two buckets, so i drew Ilorin's bucket closer to my reach. Meanwhile, the tupac song that was playing, had finished playing, so i brought out my phone from my pocket to replay the song. Immediately i pressed replay, i looked up and saw that the orobo woman was asking me something, i removed the right ear of my earpiece to hear her well.

"my customer dey?" she was asking me of Angom; her supplier of beans, "yes, e dey" i responded. As she was walking towards Angom's room, i couldn't help but stared at her big "ikebe" with my mouth ajar. As the woman walked, it created an earthquaking effect on the ground, it was like Elephants were stampeding, "but why Yoruba women dey too f'at like dis na? nna i never see woman wey f'at like dis since dem born me oh, how she go take dey enter okada sef? Abi na two okada go dey carry her?" i was lost in my tots forgeting that i was still holding my phone, alongside the Fetching pale.

I turned to continue fetching the water, throwing the fetching pale into the well, not knowing i didn't only throw the fetching pale,........................................ I threw my phone also.

Tears were gradually gathering in my eyes. I felt like jumping into the well to rescue my phone, but i dared not, unless i wanted "direct entry" to go see devil.

"Flow u don fetch my water finish" i heard a voice that sounded like Ilorin's, "you dey mad there, na ur bucket of water i wan fetch wey make my phone fall inside well now" i yelled.

"guy i see Ojiga wear one of ur jeans oh, na u give am?" Ilorin asked as we sat in Angom's room waiting for Angom to finish wrapping the dried Cow s'hit, "no be me give am oh" i yelled. "so na him thief that my trouser wey i dey find since, that guy na f'ool oh" i said. "no mind that boy, him get first class for thiefiology, see how him take move that laptop and phone comot for Osupa shop and him no comot for the shop throughout" Angom said. "na him guys wey him send text make dem come, na dem move am na" Ilorin added.

Now it was time; the time we were all waiting for. Time to have a taste of the "tantalizing" dried Cow s'hit, so i tot.

Angom took the smallest wrap, "bad boy, u wey u don smoke Cow S'hit before, u carry the small one abi? So that me and Ilorin go run mad abi?" I tot, as i quickly grabbed the smaller leaving Ilorin with a Jumbo that was as huge as the combination of that of Me and Angom.


Angom started first, and he beckoned on us to start smoking ours. Angom puffed, and a huge smoke clouded the room. I saw that Angom was enjoying it so i took my first drag in.

"yeeeeeeeh!!, pepper dey dis thing oh" i cried out. "nahim make am make sense na" Angom said. Just then, i saw that Ilorin had gone half way through his Jumbo, "dis Ilorin get mind oh, see as him don almost finish him own, abi the thing no dey high am?" i tot, not knowing i was wrong.

I couldn't smoke half of my wrap, i was already seeing stars, what i was seeing looked more like birds than stars. Suddenly Ilorin yelled, "yeeeeeeh!! Flow see fire for your head oh", "where the fire?" i asked touching my head, "see am na, e go burn enter ur face oh" Ilorin said pointing at my head. "u don dey kolo oh, i dey talk say plenty bird dey fly for dis room, u dey talk say fire dey my head" i responded. I stood up chasing the imaginary birds. Angom was laughing beyond control, "mumu, u dey laf abi, u no go stand up make we catch all this plenty bird wey dey fly for ur room?" i said. He continued laughing, it seemed to me that he was normal with the way he was laughing at me and Ilorin.

I suddenly saw Ilorin unclothing himself to n'a'kedness, "dis one don mad oh, make una hold am make him no enter road oh" i said, not knowing my madness was more than Ilorin's. "Sammy oh!! Kelvin oh!! Sammy oh!! Make una bring water oh!! Flow and Ilorin don mad oh!!" Angom shouted.

And...................................... The last thing i remembered was that a bucket of water was poured on my head and i fell to the ground.

dayleke: @Flow
Can you just elaborate more on Ojiga's confession?
you can't just end it like that na...
what did Femi & co do?
did you guys ever go back to Osupa's barbershop?
just a lil elaboration pls...

thats why its a story. It must not be that i explained it at that moment, but u would get to know as u read on. Its a writing technique to add more suspence. Oga dayleke

Hydronium: Whats d essence of drinking when it eventually makes u regretful. Wine is indeed a mocker!
Btw Flow1759, nice and hilarious is what u have here, but it should be your past testimony (i.e., if indeed these are your experience) and NOT your present life! it is appointed unto Men once to die, after that, JUDGMENT. Give your life wholly to Christ. Believe me, it pays.

it is my past experience and not my present.

We conducted 2nd term Exams for the students, marked and scored them, and they vacated. Kehinde was the highest in physics. Before we vacated, the principal alloted subjects to all teachers(both corpers and full staff) to invigilate in the May/june WAEC that was to commence in few weeks time. We were to invigilate along side the external WAEC Examiner. I was to invigilate Mathematics.


We resumed in no time. The WAEC was to start by next week. "guy Igboh no dey dis time oh, to see igboh buy no dey easy, even if u see am sef, e don cost" i said as we shared a small stick of weed in Angom's room one evening. "na so oh, but e get wetin we go dey smoke anytime wey we no see igboh buy" Angom said. "wetin be dat?" i inquired, "na Cow s'hit wey don dry. U know say Cow dey chop grass, so if dem s'hit, their s'hit come dry, na Igboh be dat oh, e dey high pass the main igboh sef" Angom said. "ehenn, e get one place wey all this Malam dem dey train Cow for the next street, we go go there go park the s'hit" Ilorin concluded.


I was happy, that at least we have gotten a cheaper substitute for weed. Like the saying goes: "when the prefferable is not available, the available becomes prefferable". Not knowing the "available" would almost make me go nuts.

kwangi: Flow you're talented joor!
Gosh! You sabi make pesin laff, I swear!

thank your Kwangi, am happy you appreciate

"guy, Femi say him laptop and him phone wey him dey charge here don disappear oh, and him dey suspect us oh" Ilorin said as i entered the barbing salon. "how e take happen na?" i asked. "dem say na immediately u comot nahim d thing lost oh, and them dey suspect u oh" Ilorin added.

"no be me take ur laptop and phone oh, wetin i wan carry am do na" I said to Femi, "i no talk say na u, but i know say na one of una, and we go catch that person today" Femi assured.

Though i was a member of a fraternity that our motto was: "looting and flexing", and a commandment of looting was: "loot, but never be caught". Still i never bought the idea of looting(stealing).

After like ten minutes of argument, "ok, we go know who thief the laptop and phone today, we go go babalawo, my broda na babalawo, we go go there now" Osupa suggested.

"we go must go babalawo, yes we must go" Femi added. My prime suspect was Ojiga, because from the look on his face, he was scared of going to babalawo. We all agreed that babalawo was the last resort and we left for the babalawo's shrine. I looked at my famous rolex wrist watch, it was past 6.

I sent a message to Dami telling her to go home, that i had to attend to something important, that i would be back very late.

Since i was born, i haven't gone to a babalawo's shrine before, that day was my first, and i promised myself it would be the last, or so i tot.

At the babalawo's place, the scary environment made me kind of fidgety, making Femi suspect me the more. Ojiga was more Fidgety. The babalawo spoke gibberish for 10minutes and started speaking Yoruba language. Ilorin interpreted it to I and Angom whispering. The Babalawo wanted all of us to drink a liquid from a calabash.

Whoever was the thief would instantly turn to an i''mbecile. I was to go first because i was at the extreme. I suddenly developed this boldness, owing to the fact that i was sure i never stole the items.

As i took a sip of the liquid, i suddenly developed goose pimples because the liquid tasted like urine. "dis babalawo dey mad oh, na him piss him carry give us make we drink" i cursed as i managed to swallow. Femi was staring at me thinking i would soon metamorphose into an i''mbecile. He waited in vain.

Angom drank and was still his normal self. But when Ilorin drank the liquid, i was surprised, his walking step changed, "my guy don turn imbeh oh" i tot. I was wrong. It was one of his unreasonable pranks.

It was Ojiga's turn. Ojiga the "Anini" was to go drink the "red wine" the babalawo was offering. I tot i heard him cried. He wasn't crying but muttering something in Yoruba, something i guessed was: "i don die today oh, i go confess oh". I heard the sound of rhythmical fart coming from Ojiga's a''ss.

He was shaking like a Jelly fish, and staring at the calabash, and.................................. He confessed.

[quote author=4kizo][/quote]eleletiomo, woski son of Odin, remain nochious concious and sail to the Ice land. ARO MATE!!. WE BE THEIR MATE!

"guy since two days now, we never get light, e b like say our tranformer spoil oh" i said as we were playing table tennis outside one evening, "guy dem say our tranformer blow oh" Angom said. "make we go Osupa barbing salon go charge our phone na" i suggested.

Osupa was a short guy that owns the barbers shop down the road. Osupa was a fetishist, no wonder he had more customers than other barbers shop around. He cuts hair and also runs a game house in the same shop.

While our phones were charging, we kept ourselves busy playing play station 2.

I was master of the game, so i won them all flawlessly. The funniest win was when i won Ilorin 11-0. Ojiga soon joined us.

Ojiga played better than me, winning me 3-1. Sammy and Kelvin did not come with us because their phone batteries were not down.

My phone rang, it was Sammy, he told me Dami was around. I left my phone charging and headed straight home.

I got home and saw that Dami brought some Goodies. We ate the fried rice and drank the fruit juice she brought. I was longing to have s'ex with her because it's been long i did. I was kissing Dami passionately, raising an e''rotic feeling in me. I was about to uncloth her when suddenly, "Flow, Angom say make u dey come Osipa barbing salon now, him just call me now, him say yawa don gass, say make u dey come now now oh" Sammy shouted from outside. "wetin be the yawa wey gass na, him no tell u?" i inquired. "him no tell me oh, him say make u dey come now now" Sammy said walking to his room. "abi dem don theif my phone?" i asked myself.

"am coming right back, we will continue from where we stop, just give me 2minutes" i told Dami, not knowing even 2hours would not be enough to settle the "Yawa".

In Osupa's barbers shop, many phones and laptops had developed wings and flew. If you charge your phone there and u don't keep an eye on it, just forget that phone, it is gone.

"but why Angom and Ilorin no look my phone for me? but how my phone go just disappear like that na?" i tot as i walked to Osupa's shop. Not knowing i was wrong. My phone wasn't the "yawa".

[quote author=Foxy_Ultimate]Well, it is a long story but the long and short of it is that he was accused of trolling.... Well, nothing him fit do for the next 1 month
So im trolling don cease for the main time [/quote]sorry foxy, sorry as dem ban u. So Foxy_rebirth don turn to Foxy_Ultimate. Maybe if dem ban u again, e go be Foxy_Academy. Thank God them never ban me before oh.

"Lord, i ask for forgiveness of my sins, have mercy upon me and draw me closer to you, thank u for my yesterday, thank u for my today. Lord pls let my enermies fall to the ground.......................... AMEN" I Prayed that morning.

That day was a Saturday. I took my bath, put on my red T-shirt crested; "red house" behind, my track suit trouser and a pair of white sneakers.

Ilorin was the corper in charge of Blue house, Angom was the corper in charge of Yellow house, Sammy was the corper in charge of Green house, Kelvin was the corper in charge of Pink house. While, "Yours Truly" was the corper in charge of Red house. We were all assisting the members of staff appointed as the House Masters, so we were like Assistant House masters.

I couldn't tell if it was a coincidence that Me and Ilorin were given the colours of our fraternities to represent. I was happy i was represent the colour of the fraternity i belonged to during my sch days, not knowing i would end up disgracing the colour.

We walked to sch all wearing the colours of our houses. It was as beautiful as the rainbow.

We were indeed late, as they had already started match-pass. I was staring at the arse of Lola who was in charge of match-pass in my house as it shook rhythmically while she was matching behind the students, "wetin u dey look? U dey look my babe nyash abi?" Angom queried. "no oh, i just dey look her because she sabi match" i responded.

After the match-pass, the score for that stage was reading: Yellow house 79%, Red house 70%, Pink house 59%, Green house 50%, Blue house 41%. "why dis Suliat no sabi match sef, i no know who put her make she dey in charge of our matching sef" Ilorin complained. "As she worwor, naso her matching worwor" i said, forgeting that Sammy; her boyfriend was seated by my side, "make i no hear that tin for ur mouth again oh" Sammy cautioned.

It was now time for athletics. It was really a beehive of activities, as Students where showing the stuff they were made of. At the track, i saw the Stubborn Kola ran very fast taking first position, i was happy not because he came first, but because he came first representing my house.

I looked at the score board, Yellow house was still leading, just that Red house had dropped one place down. "mumu, your house dey win, u dey here dey sleep" i said to Angom who was sleeping behind me like he had been stung by a tsetse fly, "abeg leave me make i sleep, if dem win, them go give me money?" he responded. "dem no go give u money, but as u dey sleep, try close ur mouth, make fly no enter am" Kelvin added

The house master's race kicked off, with my pot bellied house master coming last. To crown it all up was the Corper's race, so all eyes were on us as we stood in the starting line.

"on your Mark, Set, GO!!", we were off. I ran as fast as i could, but it was as if i was running backwards, my legs were failing me.

I soon found out that i had a "companion" lagging behind with me. That companion was Ilorin.

It was like a race of "fraternities". I never wanted Bagga to come last and he never wanted Eyeh to come last. Me and Ilorin Lagged behind, while others where battling in front to the finish line. I could see Lola was leading the race, while Angom was next.

Ilorin was trying his best to make his Eyeh "Bird" fly faster, while i was trying my best for my Bagga "Ship" to sail faster, but how could i sail when there was no ocean?

Ilorin was some Centimetres ahead of me so i increased my pace. Until.......................... "gbuduuuuuuuuuun" he fell to the ground like a bag of salt. The prayer i prayed that morning was answered, an enemy had fallen to the ground. I came last but one.

MY SCORE CARD:
(when i was in the university)
woman: 81/100
Drink: 85/100
weed: 92/100

(when i had spill over in sch)<----- this would be my next story, watch out.
woman: 20/100
Drink: 96/100
weed:97/100.

(during my service year in Ilesa)
woman: 97/100
Drink: 58/100
weed: 60/100

MY SEX TIME-TABLE (during my service year)
Monday: Kehinde or Dami
Tuesday: Ireti (of course)
Wednesday: Dami
Thurday: Kehinde
Friday: Omolade(u would know why as u read on) or Dami
Saturday: Juliet (of course)
Sunday: i rest.

I wouldn't say i was a womanizer. But from the above score card, u would aggree with me that i am authomatically turned into a womanizer when i have them in abundance around me.

"i no been like woman like dis oh, why tins come be like dis for me na, even my guys, all of them get only one or two babe, my own plenty, why my own be like dis na, if any of this my babes catch me with another one ehn, i don die be that oh", i was thinking deeply when Ilorin brought me back to reality shouting; "Flow, u no go go sch, today na inter-house sport oh, we don late oh".

I got home almost n'aked with only by boxers on, holding my trousers.

"where u dey come from wey u dress like dis na?" Ilorin asked. "i dey come from ur papa house" i responded.

"Abeg, wetin una cook, i dey hungry well well" i said. "food dey na, na ogbono soup wey i cook, all of us wan chop am for outside as heat dey inside house" Ilorin said, "e go reach me abi?" i asked. "e go reach u na, e plenty na, meat plenty inside sef, na general food na" He assured.

I went into my room, 2minutes later, i heard, "flow do quick na, we dey wait u oh" Sammy said from outside.

An angel whispered to me to wash my hands in my room before going to eat with them outside. That angel save me from eating poo.

I washed my hands and joined them outside, "flow, wash u hand na?" Kevin said, "i don already wash hand for my room" i responded.

As we were half way through the tasteless ogbono soup. I noticed something.

The big bucket they all used in washing their hands was the same bucket Mama Alhaja always used as her "water and closet" toilet, the same bucket i used to bath myself the day Aboniki almost killed me.

"all of una na mumu, una don use Mama Alhaja s'hit bucket use wash una hand" i said.

They all stopped eating. I saw Angom threw up. They ran to their various rooms to wash their hands properly, never to return again, leaving me to eat all the meat alone. Like 20 peices of meat.

The angel saved me. That angel must me the commander in chief of meat in heaven.

yoyo the first: U get luck e for finish dat ur yansh wen u tell dey do Ireti y u no flog am with dat ur belt small d fainting too fast.

yoyo the first, or rather yoyo my first lady, how far?

It was an accident involving the same bike i wanted entering 5minutes ago.

The "catarrh" bike man was lying on the floor. He was crying bitterly. I tot he was dead.

As i came closer to where he was lying helpless, i realized he wasn't dead, because he was muttering something in Yoruba.

The other bike man was not moving, maybe he was dead. I saw blood goshing out of the face of the "catarrh" bike man, his forehead was injured. In other for blood not to enter his eyes, i quickly brought out my handkerchief to cover his eyes. The soiled handkerchief, "shebi na ur catarrh dey for the handkerchief, catarrh go enter ur eye be dat na" i tot almost laughing. At that moment, people had gathered around, someone had even offered to rush the injured bike men to the hospital with his car.

"so na so i for take die, e remain small wey i for enter that bike oh, God i thank u oh" i tot as i walked into Emeka's compound, not knowing something would chase me out.

A Dog, a huge dog. I initially tot it was a lion. If there is any animal created by God that i have phobia for, it is a Dog. Even a puppy could scare the living daylight off me, but this one was sure not a puppy but a lion, or so i tot.

I ran as fast as my legs could go wishing i had four legs that could make me run faster. "Emeka oh!! Lion oh!! Emeka oh!! Lion oh!!" i was shouting as i ran. It was as if Emeka heard me shouting, so he shouted "Jade!! Stop there!!". I tot i heard, "Jade!! Get him!!", so i continued running out of the compound. "Ugo come back, the Dog is no more chasing u" Emeka said from the balcony upstairs.

I couldn't take a step, until Emeka came and walked with me upstairs.

His room was heaven on earth. "oboy e don tay wey AC blow me like dis oh, even the AC for Blue angels hotel no blow reach dis one oh" i tot as i drank the champagne he offered me.

He sat close to me; too close for comfort. His fingers were caressing my shoulders, moving towards my neck as he said, "Ugo, éwú kwâ fine boy oh". "u dey mad, rubbish h'omo" i almost cursed him.

His hands were now moving to my broad chest as he said, "just allow me to do u, i will give u plenty money, i get money yanfu yanfu". "na your papa u go do, no be me" i almost cursed him.

He tot he was turning me on, he didn't know i was planning something. Something evil.

I stood up and unlocked my belt, as if i was ready for the show to begin. He Stood up also, came close to me and his hands were going down to remove my trouser completely, i smiled, i didn't complain.

I assisted him in removing my trouser, i smiled again, i didn't complain.

Now with just my boxers on, he knelt down and wanted to start giving me a b'low job, and................................... I gave him an Uppercut that could knock out even the best boxer in the world. It did knock him out and he was lying unconscious on the floor.

I couldn't even wait to put on my trouser, i just ran out. As i ran out with full speed, i heard a loud bark, it was Jade.

I didn't stop running but increased my pace. Jade chased me until....................... I sighted a bike, waved at it, it stopped, i quickly jumped on it and ordered the bike man to move.

"guy, enof money oh, how much u get from Funke sef?" i asked Angom as we were coming back from the Blue Angels hotel after a hard day's f''uck. "omo dat woman give me enof money oh, na 30k oh" he responded. "me, i never count my own wey Ireti give me oh" i said. "guy i don tayah well well, my waist dey pain me oh" i complained, "how ur waist no go pain u, wen u like to dance Makosa on top Ireti, make dat woman no kill u oh" Angom cautioned. "u dey mad, na u woman go kill, Ireti no be Old woman like Funke na, u wey wan kill old woman wit f''uck nkor?" i said.

"wait oh guy, i dey think of say make i use all dis money wey i dey get from Funke use start business oh, abi how u see am?" Angom said. "e make sense na, na which business be dat sef?" i inquired. "i wan dey move things like; yam, beans, honey and garri from benue state come dey sell for all dis market women here, i go make enof gain oh" he added. "no stress, e dey ok na, but u go save enof money oh, no be small money them dey use start dat kin business oh" i advised.

Just then, my phone rang, it was Emeka. I immediately remembered i had promised him i would come on Tuesday. He asked if i would still come as promised, i told him i would be in his house in 30minutes time.

I glanced at my "famous" Rolex wrist watch, it was 6:30pm. I told Angom i wanted to go see Emeka, he said he would have loved going there with me, but just that he wanted to go write his lesson note. So he left. I stopped a bike, "I dey go Isokun, how much?" i asked, "kpuhunnnnnn" the bike man let out a big cough. As he did, catarrh came flying out of his nose, the catarrh saw no other place to rest but my face. "aaaaaah!! oga, wetin be dis one na, i ask u how much i go take go Isokun, na catarrh u trowey for my face" i cried, as i brought out my handkerchief to wipe the catarrh off my face. "no vex oh, i get cough and catarrh, i no well, na 50naira to go Isokun" he said. "only u, get cough, u get catarrh, and u no well, e fit be HIV oh, go check urself oh" i said, "abeg dey go, i no go enter ur bike, because any time wey i enter bike i dey like open my mouth make breeze enter am, and if i open my mouth for dis ur bike, na catarrh u go use feed me night food, dey go jor" i added. I tot of throwing away the catarrh soiled handkerchief. "abeg, i no go troway am jor, i like dis my blue handerchief well well, if i reach house i go wash am" i tot, putting it back to my pocket.

I concluded that i would walk since Isokun was just 10minutes walk from there. I haven't walked for 5minutes when my eyes saw a gory accident.

LtCZAR: flow how ur matter be nah,
abeg update the tori sharp sharp.
You don dey gather fans here(benin republic)
so do make dem no loose interest

na because u dey benin republic na. That place una dey get light na. Here for naija we no dey get light. Abi na candle light i go take update? Come to think of it, naija actually supplies some part of benin electricity. Too bad.

yoyo the first: Flow u too much u made my day laugh won finish me I for like to knw u ooo but not in detail bc I dey fear u o.Anyway thanks so much for making me laugh

no fear me na, dis my story happen that time no be now. I am a cool guy oh, we can hook up oh, am free now. abi how u see am?

For those asking if i saw my wrist watch and necklace, i did of course. If not i for take bike follow the girl go Ife na, she dey mad ni?

[quote author=Tund£]Wetin go make me no read this thread again, make i no c am.
@flow1759, are u on 2go, if yes, pls let chat my id na alfaswagga.
in addition, i laugh so te my liver wan burst. Even convince a friend to read this[/quote]yeah i am, i just added u now

Josphine4good: Flow I want to invite u to my birthday party, can u make it

it depend on where the venue is

kwangi: So we now have to beg before you update abi?
And you never tell us about your watch and money.
You better start flowing!
I don talk my own.

kwangi haba!! Na only u dey ask about the watch oh, go back to read that part, and you would know if i actually saw it or not. Use ur tongue to count ur teeth na.

As i was urinating in the toilet, my nose percieved something. Something that smelt like weed.

"maybe dis canteen people dey cook, and na their food dey smell like dis" i tot. I was thinking the smell came from the canteen next to our sch.

The smell came again, this time stronger. I was sure someone was smoking weed nearby.

As i tip-toed to where the smell was coming from, i heard footsteps.

"stop there!! I have already seen ur faces, if u run!!" i commanded. It was two boys; Taiwo (kehinde's twin brother) and James.

"what are u doing here?" i inquired. "ehn ehn ehn ehn!! Uncle, we ehn ehn, we came to s'hit" Taiwo stammered. "u came to s'hit ehn? what is in ur hand?" i inquired. At that moment i saw Taiwo quickly deeped his hands with the weed into his pocket, i pretended i didn't see what he did. "nothing sir" he responded.

"ok, lemme see ur hand" i said. They were both as fidgety as a Jelly fish. "mumu boy, because of fear e don go put weed wey dey on for him pocket, him trouser go soon catch fire" i tot. "my friend!! what is in ur hand!!" i shouted, making them start shaking like they had been electrocuted. "what am i smelling? So u are smoking ehn? So u smoke?" i said, "no Uncle we are not smoking oh, we came to burn paper, u are smelling the paper we are burning" James said a rubbish lie. "dis one think say i no know how weed dey smell, e no know say i be "Ezendiigbo 1" of weed smokers for Ilesa" i tot.

At this moment i could see that the weed was burning Taiwo's pocket already. "i want make ur pocket catch fire, abi u no wan show me wetin dey ur hand? infact na all ur trouser go catch fire" i tot.

"so all ur mates are in class and u are here smoking indian h'emp!!" i said. James postrated instantly and pleaded saying; "Sir, we are not smoking india oh, we are not smoking india". Taiwo did not postrate, but stood shaking

I could see smoke was coming out of Taiwo's pocket, the weed was burning his pocket. I didn't want the weed to burn only his pocket, i wanted a full scale inferno.

Taiwo was almost crying, the weed in his pocket was hurting him seriously, he didn't want to give up and bring out the "hand with the weed" from his pocket, until............................... "Mò gbé oh!!!" he shouted running to the toilet. A minute later, the toilet was flushed, but what i wasn't sure of was if he had flushed himself down the toilet.

"Break don reach oh, make we go drink coke for Mama Kola place na" i said to Angom as i heard the bell for break.

"Mama Kola, abeg give us two bottle of coke and two bons" Angom ordered as we sat at Mama Kola joint. Mama Kola's little boy; Kola came 2minutes later and served us what we ordered. If there were to be an award for the most stubborn student in our school, it would be given to the Jss3 boy called Kola. He usually leaves sch during break to come assist his mum with sales. His mum's shop was close to the sch. Sometimes, i wondered why the sch gateman always allowed Kola out of the sch after the principal had warned that nobody should leave the sch during break. "abi him dey jump fence?" i asked myself as i drank the coke.

Kola sat on a chair beside us, staring at us an listening to our conversation. "Angom, today na Tuesday oh, na today blue angels dey meet oh, and u know say after their meeting, dem go need us to come do our work" i said "work" because the stubborn Kola was still listening to us and i didn't want to say "f''uck". "Eheen na, we go go arrange our sugar mummy na" Angom said. Instantly, from the corner of my eyes, i saw Kola walking towards us.

"Kola, let us finish drinking before u will come for money na" i said, "Uncle, i didn't come for money" Kola responded. "then why are u standing here?" Angom asked. "i want to ask a question sir" the stubborn Kola said. I tot it was a reasonable question.

"Sir, i heard u saying sugar mummy, what is sugar mummy?" Kola asked. I tot of instantly giving him a dirty slap, but, i dare not. because if i do, i might spend the rest of my service year in police cell. Saying Mama Kola was the most troublesome woman in Ilesa is and understatement. So you dare not lay your hands on her only son in her presence.

"u see, Kola, Sugar mummy means ehnnnnn, u see, since Sugar is sweet!! So, a mummy that is sweet is Sugar Mummy!! So, Kola since ur Mummy is sweet to u, u can call her ur Sugar mummy" i served Kola a hot plate of lie. Kola smiled and shouted, "Mummy!! U are my sugar mummy" telling his mum who was seating inside. His mum was an Illiterate so she didn't know what sugar mummy meant, so she responded saying; "Kola, u are my sugar boy".

"why u explain that kin tin for Kola na?" Angom asked as we walked back to the sch, after break. "so u want make i tell am the real meaning of sugar mummy abi? U want make him tell us say him want sugar mummy? U no know say that boy stubborn?" i responded.

"where u dey go?" Angom asked as i strayed towards the boys toilet. "i wan go piss" i responded. "ok, i get class now" Angom said. I walked alone to the boys toilet, no knowing what my eyes would behold there.

Make una no vex oh, i go church, abi una no dey go church?

4kizo: i no wan make dis tin comot 4rm front page dats me dy follow up, bt sewankpe 2 al ruggd norsemen sail tight bt alakonta alakonta

baba rugged u, sail on, even in tempest, sail on. If u wan continue dey read the tori after e comot for frontpage. Just go literature/writing section, u go c am there

4kizo: Aro nawao! Continue nah

aro mate, omo e no easy to dey type dis tin oh

bibelo: Gaddem she robbed the newly recapitalised FLOW BANK. Flow am not surprised chioma was the thief, back in uni days I no a very fair and pretty girl, omo she dey steal anytin, but becos of her beauty u will neva suspect her. She got caught wen she stole a phone.

serious? Was she linched?

sol2galay: flow since yesterday wey i start dey ready dis ur thread na 4am i dey take sleep,is not good to be missed at all. pls keep it up and more update

thanks for following Sol2galay