₦airaland Forum

jattopeter:
Dont mind him , instead of him to invest his time into something meanifull.

NonsenseRubbish:
Yup. You make a good point. Some schools are better off bearing the state/federal name.
They should have named a university in Jos where he’s from after him.

danvon:
If we have Chukwuma Odumegwu Ojukwu University, I don't see why Gowon shouldn't have a University named after him.

But Tinubu should have waited until Gowon died.

arcahmad:
My beloved people on Nairaland, let me start by appreciating you people. l can't deny the fact that this forum is blessed with so many people with diverse talents in every aspect of life.

Please l need your advise on my current mental health which l found out recently to be alarming and moving to the next stage.

As some of you knew here, l am architect and l have met and done some jobs here. due to the recent economic situation, l m experiencing difficulty due to less works.
l put my family's need ahead of mine, all what l have gotten previously was used for my family day to day needs. l hardly buy anything luxury because l am social introvert and put family need ahead of mine.

Due to this, everyone deserted from me, l can spend 1 month without any of my family member coming to my house to see me or called. Some make a joke of me. l hardly involved myself on what doesn't concern me. in fact, l can't identify the color of cloth my friend wore after he left.

The alarming situation l m now is that, l am so much frustrated, always thinking and in sad mood and wondering how this life can be full of betrayal. Based on what l have experienced, I think this have started affecting my health condition. l experienced sudden shortness of breath recently. l heard many people are dying due to heart attack.

l am considering selling some items including a graphics laptop which worth at least 1m to setup another business pending to when my previous contracts was paid to set up a larger one

l consider Nairaland as a family to me, over a year, today l summon courage to write this. please advise me, l will appreciate your inputs. God bless you all. Thanks

Desusi:
Good evening guys, doctors in the house, experienced individuals. For sometimes now, my wife has been suffering from shoulder pains. Efforts to find solution to it has been abortive.We have spent on it,buying different kinds of drug recommended by doctors eg no-hch tablets, neuro cam and the like.If you experienced this situation and got over it please advice. I will appreciate your suggestions.Thanks.

Saao:
Please nlders, what kind of skin disease is this? It happens to my 4 years boy. What can be done about it?

tunnyl:
Submission to one’s husband means you should respect and adore him. This you have to do whether he is rich or not. Whether “to you” he is irresponsible because he is currently unable to provide for you because of his current financial status.

Once a woman is married she has accepted the man as her head. Regardless of how they were while they were dating or in courtship. If you disrespected him or saw him as your equal while you were dating or in courtship that should change once you are married to him.

If you do not respect and honor your husband it will affect your relationship inside and it will extend to your family, friends and neighbors. They will also make attempts to indirectly or directly disrespect you husband. You might be fine with the disrespect in the beginning of your marriage but by the time you start to see your husband as your partner you will not be happy with the disrespect.

Decision making is where submission becomes very important. Submission in marriage means you don’t downplay or attack whatever decisions your husband makes in your home. You are welcome to deliberate with him and suggest to him but do not attack his decisions. A man as a husband is the leader of the family and it is his responsibility to lead the family positively.

Even though cooking, washing and doing “motherly” chores are signs of submission, disrespect and arguing with one’s husband counters them and render them null void. Some women kneel whenever they want to serve their husbands food. He won’t remember those actions when you are always aggressive whenever its time to make decisions at home.

Remember if you put a man in a decision making or leadership position in the family he has no choice but to rise to the occasion. This doesn’t mean you cannot correct your husband whenever he does something wrong but do it with love and respect.

Lastly if you disrespect your “responsible” husband because he is unable to provide adequately for the family because of his current situation it will backfire on you especially if you plan on remaining in that marriage. Nobody ever forgets how they were treated when they were down and remember no condition is permanent. When his financial status changes you wont view him as the same man you once knew. He will take care of you and your family financially but the emotions will be gone.

Theunderman:
I am currently accomodating a friend who came to stay for two week, its now over 3months , my friend came to do something, now its too much as most bills have been on me and even indepted just to meet up feeding. Pls how do you people tell friend who over stay thier welcome.

Tonididdyx:
Am not trying to reconcile her parents, I wouldn't even dare.
These days I look at it as a win-win

Meerahbel:
From DM

Ringstonermasks:
Some months back, i and my wife went to cinema, we sat next to a woman that was noticeably older than I. My wife got a call from my sister and went out to answer, it was at that moment that the woman and i found a common ground about the boring movie and we ended up exchanging contacts.


She didn't call and i didn't either. Until one day i remembered her, i called her and we arranged to meet at a secluded bar. We met and discussed, she was married, yeah, she is still married though. Bt not with a child. We talked for hours and i really connected to her, she was in so much pains in her marriage.

That evening, i told my wife about it on the phone. I didn't see it as a big deal, but she advised i cut all ties with her, which to me was going too far.

We started chatting, and then she said she would love to meet again at thesame spot. We met and then she brought the proposal, let us make love and see if she could get pregnant. It was not a bad idea, this woman was fine, with fat back and fine Skin with a Benz model that have never seen before. It was a tempting offer. But then, i told her, i would think about it and get back to her next week.

No financial obligations was made.

I included my wife's role in the write up to show how much dedication i have towards my own marriage.

Also, her(d woman) was apparently loaded. I didn't get to know her husband's name. I don't even know much about her, not even her surname or her job. But she was Loaded, very loaded.

Considering her age, i would say around 45, so Menopause was definitely fast approaching her.

What would you do in that situation

Tonididdyx:
I wanted to create a new username to talk about this but .....F' it!

Sometimes last year I posted a topic about being married recently but my father n law has never being to my house. I received a lot of backlash

Fast-forward to 20months later since I married his daughter in full of which he gave his blessings HE STILL DOSENT KNOW MY HOUSE, INFACT I HAVENT SEEN OR HEARD HIS VOICE IN OVER A YEAR.
My wife ( his daughter) had to take my 3months old son to his house so he could see his grandson ( my wife's parent had 7 girls, no son...so this was special ) for the first time ever.

Tho both my wife parents are separated and now arch enemies, this is no yardstick for such behavior.

I personally don't care anymore, my wife isn't bothered about it ( unless she's shielding it inside). I jokingly tell her most times "... As your papa dash me, you ..."

Ps: we live in same city.
Ps: I used to turn up for both parents from overseas ( because I was a ✈️ worm back then ) during our dating days especially during festive seasons like this.

Extra note: my wife and I didn't get married until my first daughter was about 2 and until that marriage, I had never met her dad 😬 ( be like na me find trouble first 😁)
When I was ready to pay her price, I went to her dad who received me so graciously and gifted me drinks and money ... In his words, " I be dey vex 4 u but as you've come to do the right thing, I won't stress you, I forgive you" and he kept to his words, our marriage was literally discounted, even tho I was prepared but he and his brother ensured a smooth sailing


I find this embarrassing to discuss with my peers hence I like to read from experience of other married couples online

Thinkingtru:
I really need advice regarding my spouse, as we’ve been having constant and unresolved conflicts. I’ve tried my best to address these issues by talking to her, but nothing seems to work. I’ve suggested everything from counselling to involving family members, but she refused.
She gets angry with everyone, even the children over the smallest things, and it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never right. What hurts the most is that she has started accusing me of things I would never do—things she knows deep down are not true. Whenever we have even the slightest disagreement over the phone, she hangs up on me. Most of the time, she won’t answer my calls or call me back.
There was a time when I confronted her about this behaviour. I told her about the missed calls, which were clearly logged on her phone. Instead of acknowledging it, she flared up and denied ever missing my calls.

I have been battling this behaviour for over 10 years, intimacy is gone, we have intimacy inly when she wants.
For the past three weeks I had to go for a work based training course for managerial promotion.

She always says she is busy when I call. She usually does this even when I am at home. Even when she picks up, there is so much noise—cracking of utensils and other sounds, she always make sure the discussion can not hold, if I tell her to let me know when she is free she usually says she is never free. Even when I go to her to start a conversation , for example when she is just sitting, she will suddenly start playing games on her phone, and when I try to tell to try and focus on the discussion she will say that, I can leave and that she does not listen with her hands.

Even when I call, or told her to call me anytime of the day that she is free, but she usually says there is never a time she is free. She tells me that if I cannot talk, I should hang up. When I call at night, she does not pick up and never returns my calls. If I call during the day, she is always in a hurry to end the conversation because she either wants to get some sleep or has something else to attend to.
For all these, her mum and her aunt have been involved in the issue, but they can not really talk to her, they are scared of her, infact , these are the two only two people that she barely communicates with as at now because her siblings , cousins and all have all kept their distance,
These past days, I reached out to her mom and uncle once again This has been going on for years, and instead of getting better, it’s only becoming worse. I feel completely drained and unsure of what to do.

Last week, I tried to have a talk with her to make her see how the marital disharmony was impacting all of us, including the kids. After I finished speaking, she didn’t say a word. I waited and tried to encourage her to respond, but she later said that if I was done talking, she had other things to do and a headache. That was all she said.

I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance.

Jostoman:
Can you imagine, despite Court order he is still there doing Baruwa Job.

durentboi:
I'm 27 this year.

I've always been a bright kid from my childhood. But since I turned 16, I gave into vices, stealing, fighting, alcoholism and different sexual acts.

I wasted my years. I could have learned online skills or even real life skills.

I just started learning digital marketing. How can I make up for all this lost time??

Just why me!!

atobs4real:
Grill or kill allllllllllllllllllllll the evil force wearing whatever

Redman44:
That is if you allow them to leave you behind. Most times, all these eye service people or cliques at the workplace are non achievers outside the office. Even in the office, they are not really achievers. Just do your thing. Go and establish your business and prosper. Don't hang around failures.

Wizywiz:
mama mia..where have thou been....merry Xmas in advance.....missed you

frozen70:
You can't loose at both ends

You need your sibblings now and it's time to redress some issues

You can imagine, she knows that you are not in talking terms with your sibblings and she is also using that to deal with you by behaving like an agent of destruction

Find a way to reconcile with your sibblings, worst case they will mock you, but at the end you will reconcile with them

You are not there and you are not here

How do you want to live a satisfying life

Family is everything especially with your sibblings

If anything should happen to you to day, God forbid, your wife will never bring those kids to your family because already she is not with them

So, you can't handle that alone

Remove pride if you have any and go back to your siblings

Bea1234:
Good morning frozen70. Pls where can I design book cover for KDP. I'm frustrated please 🙏

Sirmwill:
No
If he follows your advice, only then is there a high probability of him dying of depression

Odafe360:
do you know that just like that she told me that if i think she would come back when she gets broke or can't cater for the kids then I'm deceiving myself because God will never allow that... I then told her that it's your imagination, i'll never pray for that to happen to you. The painful thing is that i can't even tell my siblings about it because they didn't support my marriage to her and because of that we stopped taking with my biological siblings since i got married.

Sirmwill:
Wrong advice

Odafe360:
I'm married with 3kids... Sometimes back i found out about the paternity of my first child which happened to be that my it wasn't my child. I sent my wife out of the house but after about a month, i forgave her and took them back with the kids, infact I still love all my kids equally without remembering the paternity of my first child. We had a little issue some weeks ago and she threatened to leave the marriage by the end of the year, then i told her I she really wants to leave, she must wait for the year to end..... Then all of a sudden she started packing her things gradually to her parents house(though her father is late). Finally she left with the kids yesterday. Guess what? Since she started packing her things back to her mum's place none of her siblings or her mum has called or come to find out what the problem is, anytime we have issues and she goes back to her mum's place, nobody from her family will come to enquire what happened from me, i'll still be the one to go and pick them back home and apologize to the mum whether i'm at fault or not, i think that is what made them to view me as a fool, even when i discovered the paternity of the my first son, her mother never came to my place to plead, i was still the one who went to see her and bring my wife and kids back home..... Please guys, what do you think i should do? Should i just move on and forget about her because honestly this time around nothing would take me to their house.

KingintheNorth:
Guys please help me analyse this situation I find myself in with my parents . A situation whereby parents are civil servants in their early 60's , all their children have all grown, married and living their separate lives. They are have never earned more than 60k a month as salary allowance through their working lives . Their house rent is being taken care of . But they are always complaining that the 200k per month feeding money given to each of them, (that's 400k) every month is not enough to cater for their needs. What do you think is the problem 🤔

Truvelisback:
Good day, fellas. I have come to realize that those who do eye service or are hypocritical with their jobs are more regarded than those who sincerely or faithful do their jobs. i.e They easily get promoted or rewarded.

Ringstonermasks:
My wife is an army officer. A lieutenant. But she is very reclusive and always love dodging any misgivings even concerning me



I had issues with someone months ago, i called a friend that was a Sergent in thesame barrack to help me out, my wife heard d issue later and was against it. It was a serious matter later on.

We even had issue with someone from our area , and she told me to call the Police and that it not in her place to interfere.

My boy was attacked by someone, he called her to report and my wife warned him to not try it again.

She wasn't like that until we got married. Somehow this thing is irritating me cos it depressing. I discussed it wit a friend from her rank that told me it was unusual that she was supposed to help me out.

Episode22:
Hello Nairalanders, I'm not here to brag, I just need advice before I get lost.

I have two relatives living abroad (UK), both are from my mothers side, same father and same mother...

Just few days ago, I was called and told that they are making plans to send me to the UK early next year to go and stay with my uncle and find something doing there... they already communicated with my uncle abroad, and they just wanted to surprise me.

I'm 29 years old now, I graduated from school last two years as a petroleum engineering. Though, I'm not doing any work for now. My girlfriend is pregnant for me, and I have not disclosed it to anybody yet.

But the truth is that my mind doesn't want to go, I'm not ready and I have told them. They have already started telling me this is a one time opportunity, and that if I miss it, I won't see it again, but I have made up my mind that I don't want to go.

I just can't leave my friends here, I just don't know but I can't..

I need advice,

Why should I go, when my self and my mind is not ready...

MONEY247:
Yea I am always hungry, but I don't drink water to quench the hunger....it's just constant thirst

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

MONEY247:
Is it normal, like I drink too much water...
I can drink upto or more than 10 sachets everyday.....and I am really skinny....

I always have the urge to always drink water...

PrinceSammy02:
I have this aunt who I recently started living with the family at Aba as a result of some life situations.
Mind you, I’m an 18 years old boy.

It’s months now and all I do basically is the domestic chores and cooking most times.

My aunt isn’t making any effort to fix me up somewhere. A few job opportunities I managed to secure for myself where discouraged by her.

I barely have time to go out on job hunting due to the heavy workload she gives me on daily basis and when I object, it becomes a big problem.

I have repeatedly shared with her my concern to go back to school and possibly move into my own apartment, and these can’t really work out if I don’t have any tangible source of livelihood. Yet she sees no sense in what I say.

My 19th birthday is fast approaching, and I don’t have anything to hold unto.

Seriously, I am fed up with this life pattern, and I do wish to take the bull by the horn this time.

Please note, she doesn’t starve me, nor abusive me physically.

However, the manners in which she talks and treats me most times make me feel like a stranger who isn’t welcome anymore. That attitude of her is really messing with my psychological wellbeing and I can’t deal with it anymore.

Frankly, if I have my way, I would have left her house long time ago.
But as it is now, I have nowhere or anyone who is comfortable enough to accept me into his/her home at the moment.

I am tirelessly seeking for jobs that offer accommodation within and outside Aba but none is forth coming.

What should I do at this juncture?