₦airaland Forum

frowland:
You have any suggestions? What is Japanese government doing and most recently, US government?
It is Nature! They just have to empower NEMA and disaster relief agency to be more ready. That’s all. You can’t fight nature.

Empowering NEMA and ensuring our disaster relief agencies are more funded and ready ahead of disasters is part of what could be done.

What is the government putting in place to forestall a reoccurence?
To the lives list, may their souls rest in peace.
To those who lost assets, may they be silly compensated.

Hopefully, it will be an airport and not the aerodromes we have at the moment.

Hopefully, the road is durable.

Unfortunately, many are likely voting on sentiments for people who will take us further south.

I wish we all remember the pains brought upon us by this present administration and use that as a guide in voting right.

NoToPile:
Ehen now you are talking @bolded, we also chose ours but that might not be the standard for other families.

From my perspective though, waiting for a few months won't hurt sha.

It wouldn't but you know this thing we call communication is tough. We could be saying the same thing and 10 people will interpret them differently.

Yusufisraelj:
Sincerely this too affected me in no small way, currently enjoying my "singlehood". Dealing with an indecisive lady isn't a good thing.

Again, a guy who has problem with everyoneis a red flag.

You will get someone else and perhaps she will also grow from that experience.

abokikhalifa:
At the same time, parents should be there to protect their child, especially if it's a girl. You don't want your daughter marrying a beast na.

The parent played their role well by watching our for their daughter.

The OP would have entered one chance. That guy for turn you into punching bag, you go wash cloth tire for him and is family like say you be slave. So many bad men out there. No capping.

If it really was watching out, they shouldn't have made it far too the point of planning a wedding, my thoughts though.

wamide042:
They choose a date but the guy was insisting this December whereas my sister already told him that December couldn’t work because we already have this year planned up for other vital occasions only for him to say that if it’s money that he was going to write my Dad a cheque.
That was what angered everyone including my sister too, like do we look like we’re hungry or what… even if you’re Dangote there are things that shouldn’t be said actually my sister has been having mixed feelings about getting married to him in the first place.

Like you said, she's been having a cold feet before now otherwise, there are better ways to communicate the events than saying they are vital occasions as through their wedding doesn't pass for one.

NoToPile:
Why are you talking as if you don't know families will have to agree on date.

Infact in some families it's the Father of the bride that will choose the date, even the bride and her mum might not have a say in it, it might not sound right but it's Family dynamics.

They said the have plenty events lined up for this year ( which has just 3 months more by the way) that it should be done next year, the guy is writing out cheque loool, did they tell him they don't have money for their daughters wedding. All these stories make me wonder the kind of boys being bred nowadays.

Please don't support this you are a matured person.

I guess families differ. Everyone of us are married and we all choose our dates with our partners.

Like my dad would say, he is a guest at your wedding because it is your home. If the date you choose don't work, they should communicate back to you a time that works in a respectable manner.

Asking them to wait because of other family engagement could be interpreted as theirs isn't important (which could be seen as been disrespected) but I feel it is because there a gap in communication between the love birds. She should have known the parents might not be comfortable to add that in their plans for the year and communicated that to the guy before now.

wamide042:
Congratulations dear…. God has already delivered you.
My younger sister is also going thru same right now and as it is we also have called off the wedding. My sister’s fiancé is so full of himself, when he brought the marriage proposal my family agreed but told him that they could only do it next year because we already have events planned up for this year and it will be too chocked. Naso guy begin dey vex to the extent of him saying that my Dad should write out the budget that he will write my Dad cheque.
Omo!! We blasted him and his family infact it was sister herself that said she’s no longer interested in the wedding and yes we agreed with her. That’s an insult to us like…WTF !! Loro kan sha.. no wedding again and my sister too is Happy right now.

He was wrong to have said he was going to write a check and it is also obvious himself and your sister were not communicating. They should choose their date and not the other way, but what do I know?

Gospel2Day:
Then you should have heard from the guy before criticizing her.
Your comment shows that you have already taken sides with the guy.
If people tell you that you're rude, disrespectful and proud, all of them cannot be wrong. Check yourself.
Whenever someone says I don't care what people say or think about me, they have attitude and arrogance issues.

Been assertive is termed rudeness in Nigeria. I no be today pikin and if you care to know, respect is reciprocal.

People can be wrong in their judgment of you when they try to fix you into their box. They will label you all sort but you have no business bothering about that.

Levels1:
I have little to say here bro, and it goes thus;

May you live long in life with sound health,Amen.

May your children children never meet this kind of op of a Lady in life as a wife Amen.

May God continue to uphold whatever you lay your hands on Amen.

You are such a reasonable and sensible Adults who is full of wisdom ,knowledge understanding and experience just like King David.

Bro you spoke my mind as I was in similar situations before and I have to let go of her for my peace of mind.

Amen and God will do all this for you too.

twosquare:
Better run...don't you guys did counseling at first, no matter how little?

Someone who can disrespect your father, you go see shege.

A lot of men arguing here lacks home training. I can't even do that to my father-in-law or her aunt. Wọn ò bimi da. Because I'm well brought up. If I don't like something, there is a diplomatic way to resolve it... And if you still insist, you're on your own...no one will place knife on my neck...

People should understand that during wedding preparations, tempers flare coz na the feathers of money dem dey pluck from each other's body...

As for the man, that's total wrong. And please, you too, pẹlẹ lakọ o labo.

Find a good man...not all these àwọn ọkùnrin irọlẹ ayé.

The day you open your mouth to insult the parenting skills of another parent by the bolded, it speaks volume of the home training you have. Sha go nbu go. Remove the log in your eyes before trying to remove the spec in another.

greatseed:
For African culture, when you marry a bride or a groom, you marry his or her whole family! That's the tradition, you guys should stop feeling you are educated, western & civil! Whereas; The real education is learning, respecting and honoring your culture. God does not make mistakes. Stop all this copycats that put us in all this mess in Africa.

The lady in question has not said too much. Thank my aunty for helping out ain't a big deal for a well trained guy with right African culture.

She can't force someone else to confirm to her culture. He doesn't owe her aunt any thank you and he needs not enslave himself. I wonder how you are expecting people to be paid for their kind acts. She wasn't forced so why make the thank you a big deal.

By the way, was this culture not designed by a mortal like you? Why then can't you define your own values? That's for nothing to do with copying, it's about been you and stop protecting your insecurities.

olisefom:
A very different and seemingly objective view.
1. Both parties aren't ready. They were supposed to find a way round it (atleast have a one-on-one conversation.
2. The wife's family seems petty and entitled.
3. The husband to be family aren't going to take any "rubbish ".
4.the wife to be wasn't supposed to threaten the guy with breakup.
5. They both should just count their loses and be better next time.

They can work it out however, she needs first grow up. My mummy, daddy, aunt all in the relationship. Yet some people claim it is the African culture.

Kinzo0917:
. Let stop defending irresponsible guys. How come no one from the OP Family likes him? Does it mean no one in her family sees anything good about him? I think the guy is full of ego and pride. I am a guy and I have sisters .I can't allow my sister marry a guy too full of himself. A guy that can't respect my sisters parent

Because been entitled is a family trait. Did you notice the guy's mum didn't bother pacifying her family? Doesn't that speaks volume?

uchvic:
You see the time I de quote you? Your writeup was worth my sleep time. Na wise man u be

Thanks for the compliment.

Gospel2Day:
You need to work on your comprehension skills.
Did you not read the part where she said her dad said he was rude to him?
The guy has both attitudinal and temperamental issues.
You can't claim to love a lady and at the same time be rude and disrespectful to her parents.
It suggests he wasn't raised well.
The arrogance of feeling he is doing the lady and her family a favour by marrying her is both wrong and irritating.
If you love a lady and plans to marry her, just because she says she wants the process to be put on hold should not make you ghost her for two weeks.
He lacks the humility to visit her parents to apologize for appearing to be rude to them.
You can see the effect of his lack of home training from the attitude of his mother. She should have called the lady in question seeking clarification on the issue. She also should have made an attempt to visit her parents so as to settle the matter.
He is obviously immature, a slave of his anger and pride.
The lady is very lucky and wise to have suspended or aborted the wedding preparation.
He will show her pepper after their wedding, and will cut her off completely from her parents.
The lady should wait for a mature suitor who is manly enough to receive corrections and to apologize when necessary.
So many toddlers calling themselves men nowadays.
It is a pity.

What we call rude most times are not. If the dad disrespects him and he reacts, they will be quick to say he's rude. Truth is I have heard that statement that I'm rude many times and I don't care.

I have been told I'm disrespectful and rude because I spoke English to an elder; I have been labeled rude because I didn't prostrate for an elder and many more. Unless we hear from the guy, it is difficult to conclude.

Kinzo0917:
You wrote trash. Must we guys keep defending our fellow guys even when they are wrong? OP, ignore this guy useless writeup. You did the right thing. God made these incidence to happen so you want fall into the pit of regret

Oga, write your own na, abi? You can choose to slave and be disrespected for the sake of love, don't abuse people who choose not to.

EagleNest:
Regardless of whether they all accepted him or not, it is immature to go into stupid argument with your would be inlaws unless they are out to milk you or they are simply useless. But in this case, I think he just failed the very basics, of playing and paying courtesies. You have just spoken with your lady on phone, and on finding out that her aunty was with her, may be a little hello and thanks for helping xyz with shopping today will not do you harm but endear you more to the family - regardless of whether you mean it or not. Play the politics for Christ sake. You are a stranger and you should know that every of your moves or behaviour is monitored and read. Going there and dey show yourself with crass rudeness is recipe for failure. I cannot fault the lady because the bobo failed the basics.

Let me start from courtesy, in life everyone licks ass however, it is about knowing whose ass you want to lick. That she is with her aunt doesn't imply he needs talk to her. He's got no business with her and perhaps, he wasn't interested in the over familiarity. He doesn't owe her a thank you as such, it's got nothing to do with been courteous.

We don't have the details, it would be nice we don't overstress it. He did what was best for him the same way she did hers. If she wasn't feeling she did bad, she wouldn't have resolved to Nairaland. This is my opinion.

Karlosorji:
its obvious that that guy wasn't gonna be a sweet husband to that girl. As an African, marriage isn't only between a man and a girl but between both families. Respect is key and its also reciprocal. That girl was lucky not to have married that very proud man without respect for the girl

I am an African man and so are my sisters. Parenting styles differs and we should respect that. He isn't proud, he only has his self pride which is necessary. No one is doing the other a favor and should his parents be the one interfering, many would have cried foul.

jeromestarks:
Don't mind her. I don't know why she thinks the man should worship her.

Thats how a girl told me she want a breakup. I said no problem. Later she came back and called me wicked. That why did I allow her to leave.
I was like "so you expect me to beg you to stay?"

I wonder why she wanted to leave in the first place and expect me to stop her from leaving. God punish that my ex.

I'm not sure she thinks she should be worshipped. I think her problem is she's not grown enough to know a marriage relationship is between two adults.

Shezzman:
Can I know you please.
U burst my head with ur comment

Lol...

EagleNest:
If what the lady narrated is correct then the guy is very rude and immature to venture into marriage. He probably thought marriage is done in isolation of families, no, unless the family are messed up family.

You have to play the politics until you go home with your priced possession (your wife or husband) then after, both of you will establish your own family boundary. Quarrelling with families from onset is not good.

I would rather say to each his own. There's no need pretending and if you read her post well, it is obvious hers is an intrusive family and they labeling him as rude is expected because he isn't giving in.

She should grow up to learn marriage relationships is about the duo getting married.

noble2faith:
You are a fool! I believe you have a sister. Pray that your sister should end up with a man that will not regard your family. You this alpha fool (alpha male) and redfooler (redpiller) have used what ought have been your commonsense to hate the female gender.

You don't know me and you came spitting everywhere and described what you are. I am not the source of your frustration and by the way, you have been noticed.

If it smells like shit, then it is shit. You are lucky you detected his laziness now and can still make your decision.

I would advice you leave the relationship since you stated you can't be the burden bearer. Such a person might not change and you do not have the power to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

I am waiting to know which party is speaking the truth. Tomorrow is only a few hours away.

Ishilove:
O ga o. Your in-laws are very tolerant. Someone like my mum would have canceled you immediately

I wouldn't mind provided you do not cancel me too. I think parents know how assertive each child is and if she knows you are very assertive on your decisions, she will come around and start explaining to me while also listening to my own explanations. It ends up a win- win situation.

Ishilove:
Ogbeni Gboyega, this kind of mindset is alien to our culture. I completely disagree with you on all counts

Glad you disagree but I am sure they love me as a son in law and vice versa. Interestingly, when she told my mom, my mom was quick to let her know not everyone believes that question should be asked and she should have asked my wife instead.

Madam, if anyone is willing to get married and the partner isn't aware of his/her entire past then there's deceit going on. It isn't for the parents to ask such, it is for those involved to discuss extensively.

Another instance was when my wife told the mom we started dating and she asked me to come see her, I told my wife to tell her I cannot. I told my wife we just started dating why does she want to meet me? Some may think it is rude but it isn't.

I guess I must have mentioned it in the past I don't play culture and same does my folks. Glad my dad never believed in most of this repressive culture of ours.

mariahAngel:
All signs could be ignored o, but you see that "my dad complained that he was rude to him.
Same as my mum" part? Boy bye!

As a lady, it is too much of a risk to settle with a man who does not respect nor regard one's parents.

Have you thought of what is been called rude? How about if the parents were trying to intrude into his personal life and he's blocking them, wouldn't the average Nigerian parents tag him as been rude? The story has too many gaps.

Ishilove:
Her parents also complained that the young man is rude. See, when you marry, you marry into a family and whether you like it or not you must relate with them because you didn't pick your partner from the streets. It would have cost him nothing to extend his regards to her aunt, but no, he must prove his useless ego.

The fact is the guy has some serious character flaws that will be dangerous to overlook

At least I am married and so are my siblings and I never witnessed anyone intruding in another's choice of marriage.

If a child is well raised, the parents should be able to respect his/ her judgment of a life partner and reservations would be one that everyone have.

I once dated a lady whose family thinks I'm irresponsible because I wear shorts to their house. The day she mentioned it, I asked her what her judgment is of me because that is what matters.

As for my wife, when the mom asked if I had been married and those funny questions, my response was assertive that she had no obligations to ask me such. If she tags that as been rude for instance, that is her business because I do not owe her that response. I have discussed all my life with the daughter and that is the person I have business with.

Overall, culture sometimes is the challenge and the earlier some people realize not all families subscribe to culture, the better things would be.

moststylish:
I think in African tradition,it is often said that when you are marrying someone you are also marrying their family as well. That's not to say I agree with their pork nosing attitude.

I do not subscribe to that. "Oko kin je ti baba ati omo, ko ma ni ala" meaning a farm can't belong to both the father and the son without boundaries.

If you get married, you are starting your family and that doesn't in anyway disregard your family but there are boundaries. I don't have a business in your discussions with your family provided our own family isn't discussed and vice versa.

I could talk to my folks for hours and never will we switch into each other's family. If there's anything we want to share, it should be coming from who wants to share and not some form of intrusion.