₦airaland Forum

JustGood:
true word

chaircover:
I am so glad to hear that you are not having an affair and the fact that you are planning on making a go of things.

Sir no one is perfect and although you are rightly concerned about her educational & intellectual skills I want to assure you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You can help her in many ways;

For a start you can get her to watch the 9 clock Network news every evening.
Invest in a satellite dish/package and get her to watch educational programs such as documentaries & mature talk shows, I am not talking jerry Springer or Ricky Lake.

Buy her current affairs magazines such as Newswatch etc

Take her out to posh restaurants & shops.

Take her out of her comfort zone. She will be forced to learn.

You have to be very careful though because in your quest to get a very intelligent wife you may end up with a monster.

I want to assure you that grass is not greener on the other side and even those of us who read book well well and can sit and make decisions in boardrooms sometimes are fazed by the most simple of things. I for example cannot play chess or understand cricket or even football and 1 year on from purchase, I still cant identify which remote controls switches which system on and I have to call the help of one of my kids.

I use my mother as an example. She did not step foot in secondary school and went from primary school in Nigeria to school of nursing in the UK. She retired at a very senior level and her grammar even pass our own self.

I note you have mentioned severally that you provide for her financially. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that is the only thing you wife desires from you. You say she cries every night so it means all the money you are spending is not enough to make her happy.  It is your love and affection that she craves. Please do not deny her that.

There is hope and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

God blesses good Husbands. God bless you.

kalmebad:
You can't force Love,, hard. If it's not there, it will never never be there

Love is better nurtured b4 delving into it, but in his case he didn't and hence married on compassionate ground.

For those who ask he shld try and let it grow, mmmmmmmmmmmm seems hard

@poster

The mistake u ever made was accepting to marry her due to pressure
I honestly do not kwn what to say here as you are d one getting ur fingers burnt

It is  a choice only u can make, either living miserable in marriage for the rest of ur life or opting for the divorce (which is against God) but then we have done a lot that is against God in our lives. [size=16pt]so he might just add this to his disobedience account mmmmmmm God help us.[/size]

Let it be an open heart talk between two of u, lay ur cards on d table (the good, bad and ugly side of living 2geda unhappily) for her to see if she wants to live the rest of her life with a man who wont show her love (am sure her happiness also matters to her) it wont be easy for her though but for me, will rather go my way (Will find love someday)

Finally if  divorce becomes the option, the upkeep of d child shld be ur sole responsibility (dont forget this)

NOTE::
Girls should pls help themselves to be helped, the reality usually sets in after the minutes of enjoyment/passion has elapsed,  insist on condom and where not, be sure u work with safe period. These things can always be avoided if we try to apply caution, better still there are other preventive measures.

And for guys, u pple can do better esp when u kwn u are not ready to put a woman in the house, insist also in d use of condom, because when the eyes starts bleeding with tears, it also affects d nose.

A stich in time they say saves Nine.

prittigrrr:
I believe love is a choice. Pray that God touch your heart and give you love for your wife. I believe if you want to love her, God will do the rest. Don't focus on why you married but thank God for the blessing of a wife who loves you so deeply. Fast and pray. God honors marriage and if you repent for your feelings and submit your will to the Father, love will grow. Be not deceived. I wish you, your wife and child all the best.

prittigrrr:
I believe love is a choice. Pray that God touch your heart and give you love for your wife. I believe if you want to love her, God will do the rest. Don't focus on why you married but thank God for the blessing of a wife who loves you so deeply. Fast and pray. God honors marriage and if you repent for your feelings and submit your will to the Father, love will grow. Be not deceived. I wish you, your wife and child all the best.

richard10:
wow what can i say,i have time taken time to really go through all the responses to my situation and i must say i am really overwhelmed,infact i have gone through some more than five times and many of you have given me hope to go on with life(you may not understand this)you have given me a reason to hope for love in my heart for my wife and i just pray this will happen ,you people are wonderfull ,infact many of the comments i saw here has made  look at the whole thing again,please permit to reply some of the comments raised here
@chaircover i am not having an affair outside my marriage 4 now,i value the the marriage insittution and that s why despite my feelings i make sure i provide for her as i make sure she lacks nothing materially
@rasputin thank you so much,may GOD BLESS YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFULL ADVISE
@allycat u understand perfectly what i am going through@sam milla what can i say?u are a lord sent@michelin89 the question u raised about our relationship b4 we married,yes i was sleeping with her i will not deny that ,but we both knew i wasnt ready for marriage yet cos i was always drumming this into her  but then i should have known better @sonye,ehie007,confilass,don paulo,gew,hackney,fphemmy,osisi and so many others thank u all so much 4 the blunt advises,u have saved a life.among the responses someone said i have a wicked heart i have been pondering over this statment i mean can one be wicked without knowing it?i dont belive i have a wicked heart ,in what sense? and one thing that  is really affecting me is her educationall level i cant hold an intelligent conversation with my wife  on topics like politics ,economics etc and this makes me really sad,i mean i have to explain to my wife what house of reps or the senate means or how to even use the internet i love to have a an intelectual relationship with my wife but i cant and this always brings tears to me   but then as some of you has said i will try and enroll her into school again if that will work.
ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART,MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL

Ejadamen:
I guess the reason those women gave those replies is probably because they have resigned themselves to their fate or their roles in their marriages. Sad but true. A lot of women especially here in Nigeria just endure their marriages mostly cos they have kids or they feel well their mothers endured so why should their own be different.

As for me if i were to find such a thing in my husband's pocket, there'll be hell to pay .

Fidelity is very important in marriage and if the man has an itch he should scratch it with his wife. Some women even cause thier own issues,all this talk of men not wanting to turn their wives into sex machines. the truth is that some women just become very lazy in that department especially after a kid or two. What do they now expect the man to do? Sex is important to a guy and should not be relegated to once a week or once in 2 weeks
Like chaaircover said,so help us God.

chaircover:
Interesting comments.

Very interesting indeed, seeing women who seem to have resigned themselves to the fact that their husbands play around.

These women indirectly saying to their husbands that its ok for them to have extra marital affairs so long as he doesn’t bring home STD’s or unwanted pregnancies.

One even said that men sleep around so they don’t turn their wives into sex machines Helllooooooo!

Problem is that the women eventually box themselves into a corner and then start complaining when things get out of hand. What happens when their husbands start banging their neighbours or younger members of the wives family?

What is wrong is wrong and there is no point glamorising or making excuses for something so obviously wrong.

Fidelity & trust is one of the most important foundations of marriage, and when that is missing or damaged, the marriage is a sham and the couple might as well just pack up and go their separate ways.

As for me I trust my husband totally not to cheat on me for whatever reason and I am not being naive by saying my husband and I totally understood the vows we took on our wedding day and that did not include me putting condoms in his bag.

So help us God.

Ben20001:
It's impossican't.

IFELEKE:
Carefully re-read my replies on the subject matter to get my drift.

rubi:
He can run but he can't hide from God

author=IFELEKE link=topic=291835.msg4149238#msg4149238 date=1246981484]
No, you are the one with a misguided view.
The point in summary is: why say no to pre-marital pregnancy and a big yes to pre marital sex?

whitelexi:
Is God not being mocked when people embark on all the countless abortions they execute?
Is God not being mocked when people sell their bodies for money? If not, then what sort of mockery are u refering to?

MUZBO:
Smart guy, you didn't dispute the unity in Islam! Yes, I'm busy tighing. . . whatever, but while I'm at it, I want to ask- are you the man or the woman in that your homosexual relationship that is about to be sanctioned by your church?
You can call me the 'tigher' and I'll call you the 'sodomite'. How's that?
Anyway, my 1st post was the explanation, here's the advice: keep a stiff upperlip!
It helps with jealousy.

D1O:
how does one actually go about paying for an Arik air ticket in London. The online booking confirmation just tells you to pay at your nearest agent. Is that in 9ja abi in the UK. Meanwhile, their contact number na premium 08444 number (as if say I tell dem say I wan vote for Britains Got Talent).

Strange how they wont let you pay online via debit/credit card, then they force you to call premium number to get account number to pay money into, odikwa egwu ohhh.

Ejadamen:
This makes me wonder if all virgins never gave a Mouth Gig before getting married [b]  how can you say a thing like this  and say it is offering humble opinion  what is humble in this opinion?  did you ever try staying virgin for 3weeks and see how easy it is instead of coming to talk this nonsense on NL.

IMO,it doesn't matter as long as husband and wife remain faithful to each other while married to each other.  who told you it doesnt matter? if that is the cloud cookoo land you want to live in enjoy it cos it does matter to the rest of the world.[/color]
Sorry for derailing the thread. Ride on.

Ejadamen:
NOYB

No i do not. In fact i think it is an admirable trait. If i meet a female virgin today i'll encourage her to continue that way till she get married. What the people who are irked about my comments don't get is this: the topic is what makes a good wife? and someone said a virgin. I was trying to argue that it doesn't matter. Also a woman who isn't a virgin before getting married doesn't mean she was the town LovePeddler. Yes some are but not all. It struck me as funny what sweetpie said cos it sounded like if he met a girl he likes but finds out she's not a virgin he'ld bolt.

Look[b] i offered my humble opinion on his comment and my opinion stands. Some ladies are virgins but could make awful wives,notice i said could and some non-virgins(not the town whores people are so quick to mention) could make great wives.[/b] So why all the beef,if y'all want to marry a virgin go ahead but read through my statements logically before jumping to emotional comments. Peace all.

Leilah:
She is a housewife with no education. If you saw this I swear you would die!! all her family are on her facebook (even her in laws) so its not like she is hiding it. Imagine having over 70 pictures of yourself and just one of you and the child. All these different wigs and outfits. It jsut amazes me,

Queenisha:
I can't believe this.
A man would collect "shut up" money from his wife's rapist.
What an outrage!

If I were the woman,I'm never coming back
good riddance.

Ujujoan:
Dont be daft, he said she loves him.

tosyne007:
biblically, it's not ideal but we all know that one can't take chances these days.

my answer affects both folks (guys and babes i mean. As guys are trying to check out the fertility of ladies, ladies are also entitled to do thesame thing.

personally, i support pre-marital sex (i mean pre-marital pregnancy) so as to confirm the fertility of the lady in question.

Most homes are broken today due to the inability of the couples to produce babies. So, some people takes this pre-marital thing as a "CHECK". and i dont blame them.

Frankly, i will advise everyone to stick to their beliefs but, if we are to follow the word of the bible to the letter, then pre-marital sex is forbidden.

there's a saying anyway: "different strokes for different folks"

pinkielove:
fellow nairalanders, please help me, I got married earlier this year to my husband  and ve joined him here in the UK.He s lived in the Uk for few years now and has a child with another woman who was his ex wife {oyibo)though they last year divorced, before our wedding,he always came home to naija to visit me and we spent quality time together and then he goes back to the UK and stood firm by me despite all pressure with marrying me.also promised me that we  ll not ve any problem as long as his child and ex wife are concerned.
  , he brings his child to spend a day out of every weekend with us and takes her back to the mother,his ex wife.whenever the child is around,he spends all the time with her,hes the first thing on her mind all the time, i ve tried to understand but i am beginning to lose it gradually, the child is very possessive and tries to snatch everything of the dad she sees me with, sometimes my husy will tell me to just leave it for her and few times ,he tell her to leave d thing and come over to him, I hardly get  his attention any time shes around and he gets tired after driving long distance from work on week days.i tried getting close to the child and taking her like my own daughter but the second week of my stay,i saw a text where he replied his ex wife a question the exwife asked him about what the child will address me as and when she ll introduce me to her,and he told her that the child will not call me mother ,rather my first name or aunty and that the child comes first in everything and that he ll maintain her privacy whenever shes in our house,in summary. [b]I got really shattered,heartbroken and demoralized and withdrew myself .when we go out,they play alone cos am not close to the child,am like a stranger anytime shes around ,i feel he doesnt want the child to think that hes close to me, i dont just get it, i dont go with him to pick or drop her apart from twice when i came newly. am preg.now and when i think about how things re going,i feel very bad, even though we ve had issues in the past cos of his exwife and child,he also told me sometime that his r/ship with them is his business, he ll always tell me he loves me dearly and that the love he has for me as his wife is different from d love he has for a child.recently he told me that the child is very possessive but that when she grows up,thing will be explained to her, I ve resorted to my fate but I have a feeling that things might get worse in future if it continues this way and  it bothers me, i do not want to ve a divided home, this was not what i expected and the whole thing is burning up my  brain when i think about it, i ve summarized it in a shorter way.I dont understand ,  [/b]
please help with your candid advice?useful advice needed urgently please!

davidylan:
Women shld be careful when going into a marriage with a man who has kids from prior marriages. Better safe than sorry.

things will only get worse . . .

mrsb:
Ab Fab is a PARODY. Are you really basing an opinion on a fictitious comedy show

hackney:
A lot of people are of the view that if he could sleep with her then he should marry her.
WHAT!!! Are you kidding me right now?

How can mere sex be equated with marriageability?

If it's not working out despite trying their best, they should call it a day.
This is because otherwise they will be unhappy through out their lives.
They should then figure out how to raise their kid properly.

The getting stuck in a loveless marriage is the worst thing a man can do for himself.

Infact if a man gets married and soon afterwards discovers that the girl has been pretending to be a good girl when she's your worst nightmare, the man should call it a day as well. (vice versa)

A lot of people believe that how ever they are is good enough; well that's untrue period.
None of these is worth sticking around for.

agabaI23:
Michelin89 and hackney,

What goes with sex may not be love but attraction must be there except one is a prostitute.

So the attraction was there. Now talking about marriagability, he has confessed that the babe is a good wife.

He needs to make effort and allow the attraction and then let go the resentment.
I said it in my other post before seing people have actually hinted on it; so I am not alone.

ebumowa:
@poster:
Because one man toasted you, that means Nigeria is coming to the edge of destruction? This question would make sense if homosexuality wasn't presecuted in Nigeria and homosexuals were allowed to live freely but that isn't the case.
After you see the first PRIDE parade with same sex loving people allowed to freely express themselves, then your question would make sense.

sexybabes:
Still goes down to the confusing part coz if it wasn't like that we wud all be happy and end up with the people that we supposed to be with.

michelin89:
What judgement am I passing? I asked a simple question. How can you possible advise him on how to love someone when you don't know what she meant to him before marriage?

People are so quick to say: where you blind when you were impregnating her? Assuming all of them here actually had sex only with girls they loved. *talk of being a raggae*

You can stay here until tomorrow and say heaven and earth. But if you don't know the genesis of the relationship you'll just be wasting your words.

One thing is rediscovering an interest, another is building it right from its foundation.

michelin89:
Let's focus on the main issue. Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife.
Someone said become her friend. It's good we know how they were before they got married. Were they dating or just having sex?

mrsb:
I don't think I know everything. Lagos is pretty flooded right now and has been almost daily for the past few weeks - this plus the fact that it is July kind of adds up to it being rainy season right now.

I don't believe mixed race kids are more likely to have mental issues. I believe any child who grows up in a broken home or is unloved/maltreated by their parents, or doesn't understand where they are from or has no sense of spiritual belonging is more likely to have mental issues. I believe that any child who grows up amongst love, compassion and understanding and has access to church/mosque/school etc. will grow up to be A.OK whether their parents are black/white or pink/purple.

I am sorry I called you a Arrow. You are not a Arrow (I assume), there is someone in my office really irritating me today and I transfered that to you.

michelin89:
I don't know the nature of their relationship before they got married. Did he say they were dating or just bedmates?

michelin89:
Let's focus on the main issue. Stop passing judgements and give advise on how he can love his wife.

Someone said become her friend. It's good we know how they were before they got married. Were they dating or just having sex?

sexybabes:
I think I understand this now. Because I broke up with my guy i dated for 2years coz he cheated on me. Dated a very honest guy whom i don't think he will ever cheat on me but he is got a baby mama drama. He just found out that mother of his twins moved in at his house back home and now his parents are insisting that he marry her, they even sending her here to him soon. And im not even interested in fighting this coz its a loosing battle.
So now I'm considering getting back with my guy as he has been apologizing and begging me to take him back. Why is this love thing so confusing?

mrsb:
? Um its rainy season dear so I am not enjoying any sunshine.

Keep your ignorant and sweeping generalisations to yourself.

Arrow.