₦airaland Forum

halfrica:
Wat moves guys in clubs isint it d way girls are dressed
It has a long way to go even bible said a lady shd dress as a lady
Can u see a mad woman dress and approach her and tell people sge is normal?
Or see a female engineer dress as one and wen u need medical help u approach her?
See dressing has gat a long way to go in ur life

The girl was ashamed after the incident which usually is the case with rape victims. Also she could not possibly have told her parents who may find out she was no virgin. If she really wanted to lie against the man as you claim, she would have lied the man took her virginity. How many 18yrs old in this country can look up to their parents and tell them they were raped, even over 30yrs olds dont easily tell the truth when raped by armed robbers or something.

You mean you are confident that the father handed over his indecently dressed daughter to his friend?
Obvious you have no single respect for yourself let alone womanhood.

Look for fresh ones with no hole at all in anyone. That could be difficult though because sellers sometimes mix fresh ones with their left over stock or there could be some broken ones among fresh ones from the stress of transporting them to market or even scarcity and high cost that can make sellers go for any one available not forgetting the feasibility in checking one for freshness. It is through the hole or broken spot the microscopic eggs that give rise to the worms gain access to the pepper. Your safest bet is to get those fresh ones that still has some greeness (show ripe) ie not too ripe or red (my favorites because of its fresh spicy flavour and scent yet cheaper as not many people know its beauty). Grind them, dry them on fire like you would your tomato and store in freezer for use whenever.

Nevertheless, try not to be too attach to trivial things like that to avoid unnecessary irritations and stress, afterall the worms have been killed by grinding and destroyed by heat. You dont even want to know what conditions some of the sellers have subjected the peppers to for it to be fresh for you.

keppyy:
@toliu, love is truly a decision
@GHojes, You give it out as you think...nice write-up

As i think? but there was truth in the one i told you na. I gat plenty to tell you about your personality, pm me if you want to hear.

BABE3:
The religion issue is much more important than his height. So, I'll eat my words; I'm not sure it's advisable to go on with the relationship..... but what do I know? I can imagine how you make the poor fella feel during your religion arguments. Smh.

When you say you're more intelligent than him, I perfectly understand.

Lets say you guys end up together, when you start poping put kids, are you guys going to teach them to be atheists or Christians or half-and-half? Will your kids go to church?

What of his family members? Are they gonna be okay with him marrying an atheist/"devil's agent"?

God forbid something bad happens to him or both of you. Maybe he loses his job; I picture him blaming it on you. I picture him telling you its a sign that God wants you to change your ways.

What about him gan-gan? It's easier said than done. He probably hasn't thought about this as he should. He's probably just high on love, and not thinking practically.


Now, best case scenarios,
1) you convert back to Christianity
2) he joins you on your atheism journey.
3) both of you (including family) accept and respect each other's views on religion.

I know don't see "1" and "3" happening. So "2" is your best bet. Get to work!

Oh, before I forget, if you decide you're done with the relationship, I know a handsome atheist fella in the religion section looking for love; tall, dark, and smart. Holla..

Religion is not the issue at all. She loves the way he loves her but not him at all. Infact, it is the main if not only right thing she sees in him. Had she loved him, she will be the one trying to accomodate the religion and other issues. Truth is, even if the guy was an antheist having the other issues she listed, her feelings for him wouldnt have been any better.

Everyone needs a healthy level of self esteem but the her i see is quite full of herself. I dont know whether it will get better with age or by some bitter experience but i pray she make effort to balance herself with lesser cost because she do need some humble pie.

I cant say for sure if the attributes of the guy are a total turn off for her person because she is viewing them from a wrong pedestal. The problem in standing on that pedestal is that she will readily embrace a guy whom she thinks is one same level or at par with her realm to the point of over looking his fault that may be deadly to her in the long run. If she can get to the point where she realised that the height she thinks she has attained is not because she has really worked harder for it than a person who is lesser but that the giver of grace made or allowed it so, then she might really come to honestly love him. On the other hand, if she still cant love him then it will be she is not into him.

damiso:
Yes o ..I don't get it I see people that look like my size and they say they are 71kg. people I look bigger than on the other hand say they are 90kg I guess that's why they say our bodies are different

The weight of the bone is the trick. Someone skinny with heavy bones will weigh more than a fat person with light bones. The bone's weight is natural.

Before doing all in the list, she told him NO, then he sought the opinion of his mumu friends who think they have bossoms but they told him when a woman says no, she means yes and he continues with the force that produces irritation.

freecocoa:
You are right my dear, I just hate to know she's not really happy, I think she's partly staying because of the "men will be men" mentality in our society.

Dont stop talking, also had another friend(s) with good head. The bigger problem when women suck up all shait in marriage is heredity. Unfortunately she picked the mentality unconsciously from her mother. Now she helplessly finds solace in it, though she would love to get out but truth is, its not easy to unlearn that which she has unconsciously learned. To your question, i think she can be saved. Ask her how she plans to cope when it gets worse with kids involued?

SmartMugu:
Thanks bro. I do need to change. Thanks again.

Meet Buhari na, he dey share change. Mtcheew.

Blonchilli:
I don't have temper issues. I overlook things most time and have found myself in situations in d past that others couldn't endure. We're alike when it comes to temper and d way we react with ppl. I sometimes have temper issues but I'll say it's 50-50. What I can't understand and why I brought it here is why I always loose my temper when she offend me. Moana gave me a nice piece of advice and I also acknowledge yours. Thanks.

Sure you are same temperaments? that may explain why you fight too much and are here.
Same personalities likely make good friends but bad lovers. They have similar strengths which can make none want to step down for the other thereby encouraging subtle competition on who can do it better; personality is infectious, when one is weak it can bring about the weakness of the other so that thesame weakness is attracted, further causing irritations on both sides and compounding their weaknesses. But for opposite, its quite better. For instance, a naturally negative partner is pushed up by a naturally positive one depending on the fiercer one. You can tell what will happen if both are naturally negative.

Most of the time, compatible opposite rules. You might want to let her go!

Blonchilli:
Before the fall out. I can't make or force someone I'm dating to call my sis. I noticed they don't talk much and both hardly spoke or inquired about the other. But she's cool wif my mum.

What is your and her temperament?
Your personalities are seriously clashing. From the glimpse of you i'm seeing, you have not made up your mind to bend or adjust to accomodate hers perhaps because you dont know how.
You might not be the hot anger type but it is easy for you to flare at her because she is more likely to take it than friends.
I would have loved to say end it because your too frequent fights will surely seperate both of you in future unless you work it out now but you may also find yourself in same shait again as you are a big part of the problem.
I can almost see her irritate you every time she does stuff unlike you. Anyways, if you wish to talk this out, start with my first question.

Some igbo people also add little fresh tomatoes. Its a personal thing not tribal.

Hian, ohh!

prinwa:
Thanks alot he will be home in December, I think it is time to involve. His elder brothers and my parents. I appreciate this advice and others I have gotten here.

I would have said visit him yourself to enable you get a better picture of things but you have resolved to use his coming which is not bad.

I advice you put things in place to make this coming different. What change will there be if he gives his usual excuse of coming back to permanently reside in Nigeria; when? 3, 5 or 50 years time? truth is your husband is used to life without you, more years wouldnt make a difference except something is done.

You are the one seeking companionship not him. Him, family and society expect you to be celibate even if this continue for eternity but you know he is doing no celibacy.
Btw, why have you not visited even once in all these five years? What makes you so sure he doesnt have a wife or live in lover? tell me something else apart from the money and annual visits because he does them for the love of his kids not you.

I dont know if you knew him well before marriage but i think you are laid back and accepts anything he tells you or does so that if he had plans of taking you before but subsequent events showed him you would take anything without questioning or approval. The love from his ends has greatly weaned.

You dont look convincing enough to me as one who is really tired of continuing with the status quo. But it is ok if you say so. In that case, conditions should be reached in your meeting, something like if he is not coming back permanently in the next one year, he must arrange for you and the kids to join him.
If you dont put strict measures now, you may realised that you have been alone all along when he sends for his kids to come over for their tertiary institution and then they refuse to come back after schooling, you may not even know how to live there should to send for you to come over permanently at age ....

Blonchilli:
I think u just read my mind

Was it your sis you were encouraging her to call after their fall out? was it after their fall out your temper started flaring?

You are the one pushing your marriage the wrong way.

If your wife found out you have a chronic womaniser for a friend, then decided to set you up the way you plan, hope you wouldnt mind?
Should your wife's friend connect you and other guy(s) with your wife as you plan, your wife buys it but opt for another guy instead of you, falls in love with the guy and his sexual prowess, the love you have for your wife is not enough for you to mind losing her?

Your wife told you her troubles with you, instead of you to redress them as well as up your sexual capacity, you left your issues to blame another woman because she is your wife's friend, Na wa.
What crime would you be arresting the woman for?
My advice you requested for is that you should "warn yourself", because it will only take a one night stand with a police oga to get your butt locked up for the remaining days of 2015.

Why not go over the things your wife complained to see your slacks and amend?
If your wife is not working where she is, why dont you bring her to your state there by seperating her from the friend?
Are you sure you are not satisfying yourself in your state but looking for who to arrest because your wife opened up to you she is not satisfied?
Enjoy as they call your innocent wife (yes! until proven otherwise) LovePeddler because you dont want to see your fault.

I know you called those that are inclined to reasoning in your direction, sorry it made me felt naughty to drop by so i thought i had nothing to lose.

The problem i see is you not the Nigerian men you say you think.
I know you are the daughter your mother made you, if you say you have accepted it and dont want to change anymore, atleast be confident in it. I know if you had your way, you could have cut the independent part that seems odd with the rest.

I'm not proud of what it made you (not like it matter) seeing that it has cost you in the past, finding yourself moving out of your skin to please men at your detriment. Atleast be confident if you say you dont want otherwise because your lack in confidence reeks more of insecurities, desperation than "sassiness".

Odidire:
Since the discussion is gradually moving towards tribal rivalry, I ve edited the story.

The story is 100% true. No a single fact has been altered. I have recounted it as narrated to me.

Thanks for your contributions

I hope you will also recount this to whom concerned as "narrated" here. Dont forget to ask the man for a name of a man who would give his wife conditions to choose from because she faulted a second time with his cooking instruction and would not eat until the wife chooses by force (i know you got this even if you edition makes another not to understand).

TheSonOfMark:

What's you obsession with Efik-Ibibio women? You keep losing men to them?

Dem say na mumu na dey first rush call another person mumu.
The OP ended by saying his wife eyes will clear when he meets a "calabar" girl but later edited it.
Thank God i keep losing men to myself.

Odidire:
Thanks everyone for your contributions. I have actually given her three options:

1. We share the house chores equally and share cost equally too.

2. I resign from work and take care of the house, while she works and funds d household expenditure 100%, plus monthly allowance for me.

3. Resign from work and take care of her family. Would give her half of what she currently earns as personal allowance.

Your options where borne out of your anger, you didnt even consider her happiness.
Can she give you options too where you are lacking?
It seems you already dealt with the problem in your dictatorship way?
You are falling out of love with your wife, that's if there's any love left. So you would prefare an unhappy housewife provided she speak your love language which is act of service by force. She may not even know of your love language (which i can talk to her on this) and you too prolly isnt speaking hers.

Dude, you are picking something from somewhere and adding to your marriage, it may destroy it. Perhaps she wouldnt have married you if you were the man you are turning into.
Your main problem is not your wife, it could be feminism or sort. When you are ready to give a stable family to your kids, you will deal with it.
Btw, need i remind you that your work can be unstable, what happens if shait happen, you will come back to a housewife?
Would you really resign to be a househusband if your wife was the one who work 2weeks away, abi only her can cope with the loneliness the two weeks onshore brings?

First of all, that your one conclusion you arrived at is wrong because it does not hold true for all cheating "yoruba" men. I even think its not true in your case as you'v have decided to cheat if you see calabar girl (na so you like food), then blame it on your wife or feminism.

What do you even want? Is it for your wife to stop working or always fix your meal?
Your wife adds no value at all? try the maid or calabar woman whether they have all the values you want or if you will not remember why you married your wife?
I think the maid is not a better cook else you would have compromise. You think you wife dont meet guys in her work place that can "add value" you may not be adding or you think only you want all value addition?

Man, you deal with your problem and not run to a safer ground instead or you will also run from calabar woman when she lacks in an area.

It seems your love language is act of service, if true, your wife is doing one by loving your daughter the way no maid, calabar girl or woman may do. She only need to step up, sometimes all you need do is hold her hand to step up.

You married her a career woman, i also doubt your perfectionist type would have been attracted to the uneducated housewife you described. Her job is tiring as she said and she got a maid because she needed one. Its not like she is making no effort to cook at all, abi you have other problems with her. Cut her some slacks, encourage and appreciate her. Routine is not easy to break, she is used to the maid helping out when you are not around.
I doubt if you've told her these the way you told us, you've not make her see your pain in it. You told her about the maid cooking again but you left out the seduction part that would have made her chase the maid and help her to be careful.

If you really fear God and love daughter, do all to send that maid away. Communicate where it hurts to your wife so that she may ease things, you may too may find you are hurting her somewhere.

omaa4:
Thanks everyone for your comments, @Kimoni, thanks for the candid advise, @TV01 will love to share notes with your wife. Honestly, my hubby is not as bad at it sounds, maybe it's just me trying to be overly worried about the issue. because he ends up bathing and washing away his spittle from the bath. And he's really not so careless in a lot of other things, except this particular bathroom habit of his. On the contrary, he's quite a decent and well-trained young man from a good family. And he's also of good general hygiene like hand-washing and wardrobe cleanliness. Infact it was him who introduced the footmat in front of the bath. I even threw away two of his bathroom slippers which works better that than the new one I bought, without his consent. Maybe i'll have to buy a more absorbent footmat. I guess I will just handle the situation more gently and with love and I believe with time he will get over the habit. And he does not do this everyday, just sometimes. *lso he does not pee on the bathroom floor as I said, just some pee on the toilet seat but this too he wipes with a tissue. He's also not a bad influence on our daughter, rather he's a caring and doting dad who enjoys spending quality time with his family. Infact he was there in the delivery room with me in the US when we traveled to have our daughter. Maybe I need to appreciate more what I have.

Nawa, why did you sort help then, he saw this?
You show signs of one with esteem gradually eroding, suddenly taking all the blame. He is not a bad influence but you know him enough to fear he may become one. He does not deliberately pee on the floor but the pee sometimes stray there to make the place smell etc. If it causes you much sadness deal with it or everly keep quiet and block the sadness it brings by effectively managing the mess. You dont keep quiet and believe it will change like that, then become sadder if it doesnt change, you keep quiet only if you'v gotten over or use to stuff.

It's possible i may have wasted my time, i really wanted to pass but i felt compelled to tell you what you know. You dont sound happy, if you succeded in decieving some people, you cant decieve yourself.

Appreciate your man as you say, he should also appreciate you. Is it getting to know each other better? him? You? that is the issue. Whatever it is, deal with it and more importantly find happiness for yourself.

It shouldnt be a man's world where your man is concerned. Do you even know each other's love language?
Get off the sad lane.

jasper83:
Tanks alot, but what should we do when he is restless/crying. I pity his mum most times trying to calm him, he Neva stops until the sucker is inserted.

I want to believe he is your first that's why you are yet to fully ascertain the saying "cry no dey kill pikin", lol.

Because of the harm it can do, you are better off showing him tough love. Indulge him and risk protruding teeth that may affect his esteem for a longer time or correct it now with little discomfort and have proud handsome boy. It would have been different if it was harmless.

Does your wife know footballer Ronaldino with protruding teeth before his surgery?
If no, show her his fomer pictures or videos, the prevention of the picture of that for her son will help her to cope with the cries before he re-adapts to life without sucker.

Children are manipulative, the young man knows his mum will indulge him whenever he cries, so he will continue to cry but if he realises his cry does not move mummy again, after a few crying of himself to sleep he will adapt afterall we are all in change dispensation. Your wife should toughen up, make his environment comfortable for sleeping when crying, put breast or food in his mouth even if he is not eating though this is if he doesnt mind the temporary alternative in his mouth. He will come around and be fine, besides you are not saying you will indulge him in everything because otherwise will make him cry?! Its not too early to start correction now.

A lot of affected parents have confirmed it pushes forward the upper teeth making it look ugly when grown as well as give the lips more work trying to close comfortably.

You should stop it, you dont want that for your boy?!
He might even blame you for not stopping it should damage occur.

After realising goodmorning is not even truthful in his mouth, and he tells you today that there are things he is working on to enable him pay you in December, you will sit down and be waiting for him?

The man knew you were gullible and too simple not have found out the one you want to marry has kids from not even a woman, thats why he tagged you "mugu" and defrauded you of 200k.

Has he got any car?
If yes, give soldiers little money to go and relocate it till he pays.
If no, just leave with his propety worth the amount, half the amount, quarter the amount of your money or something he treasures dearly or is he altogether worthless?!

Waiting for when 1naira will be equal to 1dollar is more possible than waiting for that man to pay you your money as peacefully as he borrowed it. If you are not even careful, you will realise that the doctor you want to be a patient for in the waiting room has dumped you and escaped. Be smart, return the name he is calling you.

FavorofGod:
Thanks for all ur contributions. I think I'd just open a savings account without his knowledge and do a monthly standing order. But he knows my monthly pay and would know if I started saving, so I intend to wait till I get promoted later this year and then save part of the differential in salary. But as for this month and next month salary, my stand remains the same, until I pay my school fees.

Have you ever talked to him to let you be involued and possibly assist in the way he spend money since you know his type of person has hands that cant hold money? Even if yes, talk to him again this once, let him know you dont want to keep secret and that was why you still told him about it, but he is pushing you to keep secret. I say this because he might decide to start holding things from you, then blame you for starting it.

Since you already told him about the next two months, then its no secret again and he will definitely come to terms with your new stance with time thereby making it easy for you and open to him. Howbeit, if you are the type that melts if he comes with one sorry story needing money or you would prefare he borrow from you than others or you cant stand seeing him suffer because he borrowed then you need another account he cant access. Else he will use your soft spot against you and you might end up giving him your saved school fees.

Are you sure you that couldnt keep your mouth shut on the payment can keep shut about promotion? besides it can be messy if he finds out from another source. Again, waiting till promotion to decide on what to do can be dangerous.

If you are not able to continue standing your ground on the type of savings you want to start, after promotion, i suggest you make plans for standing order on a fix account he is aware that not even you can access until maturity and you should leave out details on the amount, maturity time etc. If he still decides to be unaiding after this, you can keep him in the oblivion. I'm stressing this so that you would not be blame for initiating secret keeping if your marriage is really an open one.

Sorry if this add to the overflowing criticisms.

I noticed from your person you rarely "row" with persons below your percieved class.

It okay to reject someone who is ugly, if ugliness is an outright "no no" for you but not so alright if you can go for one attached with money, class or sort. In that case its you who shut your emotions against him and redefined right/wrong using material basics. Wait, is he ugly or unpresentable or both?

I fear if a guy in your percieve class or having what you have in mind says just the toast hi and does not push for sex too soon, you would do almost anything to keep him even if he doesnt treasure you.

Also i fear if you settle for this guy without ironing the grey areas, it will be for the wrong reason.

Btw, you say he has been helpful as a friend in your charitable friendzone, have you tried helping him to look presentable with his little like those male relatives with little.

Sometimes when what you want does not come the way you like, yet it has the core needed, unchanging value you desire then there can be hope if the undesirable qualities can be changed to taste.

Would there be any shift in your emotions if another woman steps in and make him presentable and you saw surely he has potentials to earn above 50k?

I know you worry greatly you cant proudly show him to your friends amongst others but is the worry more because they are friends like you who rarely mingle with male or female below your class? Or am i wrong?

He (loudly) said he knows living in sin will not take him anywhere especially now that he is old (silently add)and qualified to go somewhere.

I see you'v been judged enough to share it with the pad that decided to fall by itself through the VERY sophisticated tunnel you provided it with.

The man is just trying to make the woman be scared and become more "submissive" with the ending of the marriage thing. He is will go back to her although his ego would wait for a few more begs afterall he must have noticed from his "wakabout" that not every woman can tolerate like his wife.

But freelance you are a manipulator. Freelance knows his wife visit nl, impersonated his wife and had proof that his wife did not cheat all the while his phone passworded. When he saw that he has been caught from his wife's reply to his version, his ego bloated again. I imagined him say how dare she?, she must pay (his usual weapon) and decided to trow the vj thing at his wife. He suddenly realised it is time to do it in a manner that will get back at her and make her feel threatened. I am not even convinced by his statement, he may even have twisted her history to get at her like he twisted the cooking story. Ego aside, if he checks his tool and skills well, he will know he has no right to point at his wife the way he did.

The worst of it all, is for treese to exclude herself and man but blame "non existent" people for her marriage end. She went into that marriage with low esteem, the marriage further reduced it to nothing, she knows but doesnt mind.

Gift is one thing, purpose is another. Gift use for the exact purpose is what bringeth before great men.
The gift can be use for many purposes but the particular purpose its built for is what makes it fulfilled. For instance a tea cup can be use for drinking water, measuring stuff etc so that it is useful yet not valued or significant but if it has been packaged, polished, place in such a way that everything about it speaks tea cup, then its more likely to be valued, significantly relevant and attract more purchase.

In essence, they can all sing that have the gifts but cant all fulfill purpose because all are purposed for different audience, genry, group, age etc and until each locate and use his purpose, he is only using gift not meeting purpose.

However, gift use to magnify the maker delights the maker enough to direct it to the right purpose where not purposely used.