₦airaland Forum

@ mikuz
your sense of humor dry wella. your burdens must be overwhelming.

An American lawyer and a Nigerian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Nigerians are so dumb that he could put something over on them easily, So the lawyer asks if the Nigerian would like to play a fun game. The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The American lawyer persists, and says that the game
is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Nigerian's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question.
'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Nigerian doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Nigerian's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Nigerian and hands him $500. The Nigerian pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Nigerian up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The Nigerian reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. .

;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

nice

TIOOIS: ​Mr President!!! We Know

1) We know that Deziani Allison Madueke Minister for Petroleum is your mistress.

2) We know that her sister is the mother of your two children (and not Patience)

3) We know what you do in your private meetings

4) We know how Patience slapped her at an event in Aso Rock, for sleeping with you.

5) We know how she charged on petroleum products to finance your campaign.

6) We know that she gave Chris Aire and co allocation to lift Nigerian crude

7) The most annoying thing that we know Mr President is that you don't think that we Know. U are d king of Corruption!!

What kind of public address system cost N150million? Will Michael Jackson be performing inside Aso rock?

​Tell me a consumer laptop brand that cost N314,00 was it patented in heaven?

Acquisition of computer N2.5billion. Are we starting a computer computer called CABALSOFT?

Stationary magazines newspapers N4.5billion. why not buy the printing press.

N295million for new furniture. Are we moving the federal capital again?

Maintenance of vehicles and furniture N17billion. Can we just buy shares in Toyota instead?

MORNING JOKE:
Grammar Class
1. From Ebinpejo High School,
Grammar teacher: The girl goes to
school, goesn't she?
2. From Ajegunle, Ajay High School
teacher: Both of you three come
here!
3. An irritated Safunejo primary
school teacher to a student:
Tomorrow, I want you to come
with your father, your mother and
both your parents!
4. On seeing twins enter his
office, the Deputy Principal of
Akara High School at Mushin said:
You look together. Are you twice?
Who is copying who?
5. Notice at a store in Eko
Idumota: 'Open seven days a
week and weekends'
6. Sule admonished two boys who
were arguing: Don't speak so
twice together, man, speak once
upon a time!
GOOD MORNING PEEPS

i don't believe it either, i just had to paste it to see what you guys views are, its way beyond being funny.
i laugh in urhobo when i read am

The Rolling Stones said it best, “You, you make a dead man cum.”

A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients-a dead man.

The alleged crime took place at the Mourning Glory Mortuary just outside of Lexington, Missouri.

Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.

According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged victim experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed.

Being alone, Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded have sex with him. Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes.

A few weeks later, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test while receiving a routine medical exam.

Upon telling her doctor the circumstances leading to the conception, the police were notified. Marmaduke was arrested without incident at her dilapidated trailer home a few blocks from the mortuary.

In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support.

source: http://edition.myjoyonline.com/pages/oddity/201201/79470.php

@ adanora and smile11s
i am very sure this profile was set up by beaf, how else can one explain the fact that your post is almost in the same figure and you are both GEJ arse lickers.
personally i will like to know what kind of work you do and how much you earn per month and probably which country you reside in.
i am just trying to see things from your point of view, maybe 80% of nigerians are wrong.
i will finish up my comment if you could answer my questions.
thank you in advance.
cos its not logical any sane nigerian will support subsidy removal at this point in time.

WARRI GUY and JONATHAN over fuel subsidy

WARRI GUY:bros i hail oh!

JONATHAN:u er welcome

WARRI GUY:bros the tin wey mak mi com see u,na because of d mata wey dey ground so,

, , , JONATHAN:u mean d removal of fuel subsidy

WARRI GUY:exactly!bros mak i ask u,na u put d subsidy dere?

JONATHAN:NO

WARRI GUY:why u go dey comot somtin wey anoda person put, abacha,obasanjo nd oda sturborn past president no comot am ,na u wey soft like banana com get mind take comot am, u wel so!

JONATHAN:but its for d gud of nigeria

WARRI GUY:abeg hold am!wetin una don do for nigeria wey gud, assu de strke,boko haram dey bomb,nepa wit dere madness,nw u com worsen d whole tin, go comot subsidy wey person lik u put, bros u don fall my hand.

JONATHAN: pls dont b annoyid

WARRI GUY:bros no provoke mi ooo,if u knw wetnn gud for u make u go put back wetin u comot.see as ur face b lik som tin wey dem comot subsidy frm!!! Lwkmdfh!

A man and his wife quarreled. After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom. A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom only to find the wife busy packing her suitcase! He asked "You are packing! Where are you going?" She answered "To my mother" The man paused for a while and also got his big brown pure leather suitcase & started packing his clothes. The angry wife stared at him and said "You are packing! Where are you going?" He replied "Oh ya! I"m going to my mother!" The wife replied, "To your mother!! And what about the 6 children?! Who is going to look after them?" The man replied, "You are going to your mother! I'm going 2 my mother. The 6 children should also go to their mother!!!"

Goodluck Jonathan sets record as most cursed president in the world. Google 'the Most cursed President', and U'll be so shocked at the result, its not a joke

And your point is

Our First lady has done it Again, Why is nigerians blame my husband for fuel strike and bokoharram attackment??, Is it not old enuff to knew wt is best for our country??. He hve nt ate breakfast becus of this rumourings, plz u knw that if our president did not eaten, there shall be problem, Plz

Rascal handshake. not different from two touts in Oshodi having a hand shake.

u fit use Ayefele(yoruba musician) do striker?
u fit take aeroplane go car wash?
u fit send yahoo messenger message for market?
u fit use iya Rembo ( yoruba actress) do stripper?

seen this before in a better format. poster be creative in editing jokes.

i was the one that called you this night. can you send more pics(engine, boot, more of interior ) to gluckdee20@yahoo.com
thanks in advance.

PINGING CHAT
Charmer:::: Hello Sweet Girl
Sweetgal:::: Hi Lover Boy!
Charmer:::: Can I know you more please?
Sweetgal:::: 17, female, sweet lips, bootylicious and Delicious, in Port Harcourt and you?
Charmer:::: Mmmmmh, I am in love already. I’m 52, male, 6 pack, big Chest, Port Harcourt.
Sweetgal:::: You're 52? OMG! Serious . Same age as my dad.
Charmer:::: I’m just so into fresh young beautiful girls.
Sweetgal:::: Do you have a wife?
Charmer:::: Yes, but not as sexy as you, I have a daughter, she is in her bedroom with her friend doing homework.
Sweetgal:::: Then why do you like young girls?
Charmer:::: I love them because they are beautiful not to mention sexy and with fresh boobs and booty
Sweetgal:::: I am also into older men with iPhones, ipads, cash and driving expensive cars.
Charmer:::: I can offer all of that and even more. Sweetgal:::: I think we should meet because you are in Port harcourt and I am also here.
Charmer:::: That would be nice, where do I pick you up tomorrow with my new G-guard sexy girl?
Sweetgal:::: Tomorrow I am going to school it won’t be possible.
Charmer:::: Or maybe over the weekend, going to school is very important.
Sweetgal:::: While still chatting let me continue with my homework I don’t want my dad to know that i have a BB, he will be mad at me. Charmer:::: Which homework is that? maybe I can assist you.
Sweetgal:::: It's a Biology assignment and my friend Lucy is assisting me
Charmer:::: Hey, your friend’s name is Lucy?
Sweetgal:::: Yes.
Charmer:::: Exactly where in Port Harcourt are you?
Sweetgal:::: Woji and you?
Charmer:::: Mercy!!! is that you
Sweetgal:::: Dad, is that you?

very strange!

this is not mistake. it is called carelessness.
mistake is when you step on someone toes in aswani market .

most ridiculous advert of the year 2011 and maybe 2012 in advance, as i don't think my grandma will even do such a nasty mistake, and composing a sentence without any comma's where needed.

@OP. you are hyper-moronically foolish.
posting Honda pics for Corrola

Change of plans. i am going there this xmas, if my budget is not enough, i will lodge in my car .
thanks to Donald Duke for such creativity. bad enough, Jonathan stole his slot for the VP post and that is why we are where we are today.
and thanks to the OP for making such a nice post.

120k and 28 years, what is the big deal in that? what kind of broke arse men is she meeting anyway? there are thousands of single lady that earn more than that, and by the way some guys can lavish that in a week without sweat. i know some folks that earn around that in 2 days. OP, tell her to upgrade on the type of men she gives her number to.
personally that is the kind of ladies i love, when i was still searching, but mistakenly and unfortunately, i ended up with someone otherwise. my bad though.
goodluck to her without Jonathan.

Pls Suggest your childhood pasttime plays.

Reminisce:
If u didnt watch Arelu, Opa aje, Koto orun, and agbaranla known as 'Ayamatanga', village headmaster, New masquarade and Yemi My Lover.
If u didnt remember Why worry d lion(Akin Lewis), Another life, Behind d cloud, checkmate, Ripples and supple blues.
, If u didnt get to see some funny adverts e.g Omo super blue, wafers, joy soap, seaman aromatic schnapps
If u didnt build house with sand and ur legs,
If u didnt do daddy, mummy and their pikins play
If u didnt cook wit sand and water inside pangolo,
If u didnt do: Who's in d garden?
If u didnt roll tyre or rim about the street
If u didnt litter nitel or nepa wire with kite
If u didnt sing: mummy oyoyo!
If u didnt attend children Baiday
If u neva sang: 'lekeleke gimme white finger''
If u dint eat: Nasco, wafers, Gogo, Okin biscuit, kulikuli, ofio, guguru atepa n aje pass
If u didnt play:'10,10 or suwe', kenke, Bojuboju
If u didnt pull out ur or friends botton to play table soccer and O, J, O Ojo! (Monkey post)
If u didnt do skipping rope
If u didnt lick baba dudu or donkwa, ekanna gowon, goody goody
If u didnt wear Bata shoes
If u didnt do 'Dodging, Fire, Peshannn
If u didnt say Gangan gangan b4 action film starts
If u didnt watch chinese and indian movies and later gist ur friends as if u understand their language.
Go back to your mama belle,
Cos believe it, u'r a deprived 9ja child.

posters with observations, please be precise with your auto discoveries, so we are not lost. did you guys use ac while travelling? so naija folks are not mislead.

MORONIC sandy jo
can you kindly post your pics? i personally will like to see how beautiful you are.
thank you in advance.
i can post mine too if that will motivate you to do the same.

@poster.honestly, what business of yours is it with what a man uses to impress a woman, for instance if my brain cells are dead and i have money to show for it.i can use my money to impress any girl i so wish to have, and if i dont have money, with superlative-efficient brain cells, then the brain cells come into play. and if i dont have any, i will just have to masturbate. or go for secondary school girls. and finally if i have both, i will become a womanizer.( just my thoughts)
some ladies dont care about your brain cells. OWONIKOKO

@ poster
i dont believe anyone should be dragged into doing anything. marriage especially. why drag a man into marrying you, the lady should make herself someone a decent man will want to make as a wife.
ANYTHING YOU STRUGGLE TO GET, YOU WILL ALSO STRUGGLE TO KEEP.
ANYTHING YOU DRAG TO GET, YOU WILL KEEP DRAGGING TO KEEP.
means if she drags him to the alter, she has to be dragging him back home from the office after work everyday, cos he might just prefer to stay behind in a beer parlour, rather than spending his time with you,
the lady should just make herself a marriage material and the right man will come kneeling on his feet with a ring.
chikena