₦airaland Forum

Ebubu6:
the problem with that 22million naira is that if you're not well-trained in business, since you are Igbo, if you didn't do "igba boy", learn under a successful business master, for some years, then its a huge risk because the business may fail. If you don't have a successful coach in the line of business you're choosing who has accepted to mentor you the business may fail because as you are learning the ropes and making mistakes, you may be losing money and by the time you've fully learnt the ropes, the money may be depleted to a level you need to borrow or sell land again to restock enough and make impact. Moreso because Nigerians are poorer now and due to inflation, can not afford most things they use to afford before. Very high inflation so many people can't afford things so make very good inquiry on what is selling under this inflation economy before you key into it. Otherwise if you're afraid of all these risks and didn't grow up in a business background, my brother carry the money and japa. If you exhaust it in UK, if you are hardworking you can gain back the money by buying another land in another remote area, or investing in other things that will increase your savings earned from UK hustle, at least you'll be in environment where if you blow the money, you have hope of remaking it in no distant time. Annoying thing with Nigeria is if you blow any huge money, e fit take you 10 years or more to remake it back legitimately unless you're into fraud or politics or hard drug sales. So in otherwords it is very risky to lose in business in Nigeria because there is no support or another means of making it back. Still, some people still succeed in business while some others lose. The economy is just so messed up but some people still make it in the economy, while others don't. Its your choice to make. If you're willing to go to UK, be ready to work and work very very hard . And if you're ready to stay in Naija, be ready to endure if the money goes down cause another opportunity go hard.

Golden Suggestion

Megatone:
I foresee Prof. C.C Soludo CFR being the first Igbo president if the South East is ever given a chance.

His track records speaks loud volume about his personality.

He did very well as CBN Governor and he is presently doing well as Governor of Anambra State.

Kudos to Ndi Anambra..... Una no dey carry last for anything

I keep telling people. He has been consistent, balanced, and has a national appeal.

paxonel:
My question about white garments is, what are the significance of the white garments and walking bare foot on streets?

And, is it really true that white garment churches put people's names in a bottle of ogogoro and cause them to behave drunk according to what that pastor said?

This is the most intelligent question I have read on the thread.

texazzpete:
Why is Zelensky ruling out talks?

Because he knows Russia isn’t serious. They currently occupy around 18% of Ukrainian territory and have tried to erase Ukrainian culture and heritage in the areas they control. Not excludin deportation and kidnapping of children.

Zelensky has one key condition for talks to progress. Russia needs to pull out of Ukraine, respecting their sovereignty. But Russia doesn’t want that, since the sole purpose of the invasion was to steal Ukrainian land, topple the government and create a puppet state there just like Belarus.

Instead, Russia wants to freeze the conflict as is while they desperately train their troops and try to replenish their depleted ammo and missile stocks.

Only a fool would trust Russia. Sadly, many Nairalanders are in that category.

You are absolutely correct. I wish many will reason with this. “You can never strike a good deal with a bad person”. Never.

Sucre6:
Anything that rocks their boat.
Ronaldo has made good choices so far apart from joining man u for his second spell, and him making Ronaldo Jrn to leave to must be thought after, it must be a decision taken after due consideration.

Ronaldo made a sentimental decision by going back to Man U. His sentiments drove him back to an ex. Never allow sentiments to drive you back an ex.

BennyDGreat:
There's a God pattern for marriage.
Without God it makes no sense

This is the ultimate truth.

You said it, but…are they listening?

Mentorkaryhm:
In the process of trying to free from moral restrictions we are enslaved to immorality. When the society fail to recognize the hierarchy designed by God in marriage just because in the name of liberation and civilization, the outcome is reigning of unbalanced(divorcees, baby mamas, baby daddies, single parents) society producing unbalanced beings( gays, addicts, Bobriskies, etc).
God established His laws and precepts not to elongate His dominance, but to shield us from destruction. The earlier we know this, the better we become valuable.

Well said.

Deborah98:
The word submission don suffer for Nigerian men month. Any small thing submit... interesting. You don't force your wife to submit to you. You love her to submit to you. It's a two way thing. Wives submit yourselves unto your husband and in return husbands love your wives shikina...

Submission and love are two of the most misunderstood words in scripture. They are not conditional, they are commandments i.e, even if your wife chooses not to submit, you must continue to love her and vice versa, while you both continue to work on this issue.

Both words as used, carry a spiritual connotation.

Many good women choose not to submit to their husbands, not because they are bad, but because they lack a submissive spirit and understanding of how this works. Likewise, many men lack the spirit of love. That is why it is advisable to work on yourself if you lack any of these qualities if you choose to be married as a Christian.

Marriage, as created by God is a sacrificial union that is not designed for anyone who lacks the spirit of submission and love. Both terms are extremely humbling and vulnerable states that are not for the proud. Love and submission are weakening states of human existence that should only be shared by people who understand them in a marriage. Howbeit, many are quick to expose their fleshly weakness in the name of passion but shy away from the weaknesses that God established for a successful marriage. It is impossible to have a Godly marriage without submission and love as God prescribed it - that does not mean that the marriage may not be good. It is just biblically impractical for you not to have a head in a marriage. The head (husband) is actually a sacrificial position, that if well understood, is not desirable for status purposes - I can’t explain all in this post.

However, I will say this - many seem to liken submission in the home to submission to their bosses, the law, and other hierarchical institutions because that’s what they’ve been used to. If you ever grew up in a home where the mother submitted and the father truly loved his wife, you will not wish for anything else.

Unfortunately, we have less and less examples to guide us in this generation. Submission and love are fading away, and marriage is becoming a strategic venture. These two terms, if well understood and practiced, would have saved many truncated marriages today. May God help us all.

That said, many men who lack biblical understanding of the word submission are quick to use it as a means of control. That is one reason why many women are now very irritated by the word, because they believe it is equivalent to subjugation. No, it is not equivalent to subjugation or subservience, neither should it be used as a tool for subterfuge.

Finally ladies - it is totally okay to choose not to submit to a man in the world we live in today, as a matter of choice. After all, we have been exposed to so much information that tells us that we can make any kind of choice we like. But, make it very clear to the man in your life that you will not submit to him if he asks you to do so before marriage, and if he chooses to marry you, then great for both of you. If you are a Christian and chose to follow the Bible, don’t argue about it or trick a man into believing you are submissive, only to change the goal posts later - this is one of the main reasons for failed marriages today. Men are guilty of this too - many show love and stop once married - dont do that my friend, else your marriage may be full of problems.

Women value love so much, just as men value submission - and I’m not talking only Bible now. God made us that way, let’s not fool each other.

There are men out there who will marry a woman who chooses not to be submissive in marriage, and the marriage can still be good. I personally don’t think this should be a controversial issue, It’s 100% choice. However, I doubt if a woman will ever choose to marry a man who expressly chooses not to love her, unless she is compelled by circumstances to do so, and I would definitely not advise any woman to do so.

May God give you understanding.

Your wife will always have you. She will not always have her brother, so let her honor him for the short time he’s spending with you. Think about that.

AmazonTopaz:
I will try to be brief,I have created this thread as a discussion on feminism but I will buttress my points before making any mention.



What is feminism?

Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights in every aspect of society be it social, political, economic,legal and every other aspect that has skipped my mind it is about equal rights and opportunities,respecting women and treating them with dignity and whatever you will love to add. .

A feminist simply believes in the equality of people same way people argue about racial equality,democracy etc these are all liberal(arguably) ideals that have come into the mainstream as a result of enlightenment.You can also read on egalitarianism as well.


The point is, during the week three controversial or non-controversial threads graced the front-page,where a Christian leader,his wife and another female pastor admonished women to abandon feminism and one even said feminist shouldn't get married .

The constant attack on feminism made me wonder what exactly are these people scared of with feminism why is feminism a topic that gets on the nerve of some Nigerian men and honourable mention women .So why the sudden attack on feminism like as if feminism is bad and doesn't have its achievements and benefits a lot of the breakthrough and progress women have made today is as a result of feminism,so why do they belittle feminism and attach it to marriage alone?

The Christian leader’s message was directed toward his Christian congregation, based on Biblical principles. Feminism is not for everyone, just as Christianity is not for everyone.

Cypapa:
My dear, being a virgin at that age is the best thing you will do to yourself.
I know marriage is no a one-size-fits-all kind of venture.
I married my wife as a virgin at 28.
We have learned to trust each other and walk together without distractions for 12years now.
Because I find her a virgin at the time of our wedding, I have learned to respect myself and respect her. I naturally cannot cheat on her. We are like hand and mouth.
Sex is a life commitment. If you do it before you get married to your spouse, it will make you suspect yourselves at every move in the course of your marriage.
I know this topic can be very controversial, but marrying a virgin will build trust and reduce the rate of divorce in our society.

Totally agree

Rosement:
I'm a virgin, I don't want to have sex until my wedding night. I'm a Nigerian but my bf is a white guy, he told me he loves and he wants to marry me but he wants us to start having sex while we are dating. I tired of breaking up for this same reason. What do I do?

I hope you read this: It is difficult, if not impossible to abstain if your partner does not want to. I'd rather you don't deceive yourself. Your partner wants it and he's going to get it one way or another from someone else. If he wants it and you don't, your relationship WILL NOT work.

You do have a choice, however: Just say no, and if he insists, which I am very sure he will, then end the relationship.

I don't know your age, but I hope you have the required emotional maturity to make this choice, which I will encourage you to make.

BTW, if you let him have it just to keep the relationship, how would you feel if he leaves you (which is very, very likely) after getting it?

99% of women are in one or more of these categories.

I have not read your story, but I have an answer in response to your topic: No, don’t bring her to the US - It’s almost always the wrong thing to do. Don’t sponsor a Nigerian lady to the US. Let her find her own way there... I could go on and on explaining why it’s always a bad idea.

Now, I’d go ahead and read your story in detail.

Good luck to you bro.

yvelchstores:
Long ago I noticed that the greater number of world changers in scriptures were singles.

Of course, our Lord Himself, Jesus the Christ

It make me think marriage is wrong but it made me realise that marriage wasn't and isn't a step up in levels.

Marriage is only a different kind of living that must not distract or extinguish my world changing vision and life.

If you seek to get married, it's a good thing.
But don't ruin your life because of it.
Celebrate being single.
It's a terrific period of your life.
Enjoy it.
Embrace it.

Great comment: I’d add to your list of never married great people: Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla...some of the most talented scientists.
Apostle Paul advised the Corinthians that married people are going to have a lot of troubles, and he’d want to spare them of such.1 Cor 7:28

ichidodo:
[color=#1980BC] CIA and FBI combined cannot match up to a woman when it comes to manipulation, espionage and subterfuge... especially when potency to lead to marriage is involved... That's why we must involve our mothers or elderly aunties to investigate our potential mates as it only takes a woman to catch a woman...Next time don't be a simp...[/color]

I did not finish what you wrote before I liked it. That first sentence has been true since the days of Adam.

I see many have turned this to a pro/anti feminist discussion. I need to educate some folks here.

First, let me say I support equality of opportunity for all genders. Unfortunately, there can NEVER be equality of outcomes? Why? Mainly because our biologies are different. There are other reasons. If you give a man and woman the same opportunity, women will excel better in some while men will excel better in some.

I’m afraid to say many women who are radical feminists are only at war with their biology - they should embrace it. Women carry the fundamental structure to ensure continuity of the human race. That’s how the Maker made it - the structure, both physical and physiological is responsible for the outcomes that many radical feminists are trying hard to tear apart.

So called radical feminists have not even exhausted the opportunities available to them yet they cry for equal outcomes. If you work as hard as a man there is nothing wrong with asking for the same pay. I support it, and will fight for it as I would for a man, but for many women, their biologies won’t support the hard work and decisions needed to fully exhaust available opportunities. Simple. There is nothing wrong with it. You can thrive in many other ways.

Many feminists call for laws to be created so they can become more like men or attain what the average man attains by doing less - this is the venom of shallow thinking. Society should focus on, and spend resources to make women to be more like women and men more like men and not otherwise. There should also be laws to protect women and men from abuse against each other - it’s just human nature to take advantage of others, sadly.

The world of a woman, especially in Africa, is filled with so many tough problems - healthcare, children, maternal and infant mortality, teenage pregnancy and underage sexual abuse that these radical feminists should invest time and resources on. Some of these problems have nothing to do with men (and I condemn teenage sexual abuse in all forms). Those affected are the voiceless women whose voices we need to hear, not the voices of well-fed radical feminists.

If you are a woman and you are reading this, don’t listen to the hogwash of radical feminism. You are special, and there are many logical men and women fighting for the positive advancement of both genders.

If you don’t live in the west and don’t have a full understanding of the family court system, you will never understand why MGTOW. It is a natural response to the changing society and it just a concept at its very depth. Call it what you want. Now, the whole idea of a group of people claiming ownership to this concept is what I don’t want to participate in, neither do I subscribe to the shaming of women. The MGTOW concept is economics 101 of human decision making: opportunity cost; when the risks outweigh the advantages then it’s not a worthwhile venture. Today, the risks outweigh the benefits of long term relationships with women and this is pure fact. It is not Gods original plan but it is what it is today. If you disagree, then you don’t know the statistics, and it’s a shame - the same statistics that determine some of the algorithms that are used to enhance many of the technologies on which human life depends.

If you don’t understand the risks then you won’t know what you are getting into - and this is what some MGTOW content creators such as Greg Adams and Richard Cooper are getting people to understand.

[quote author=ivolt post=74696852]Sharing experience would be bad advice because people's parents and relationships differ.
Don't marry her because she is a cultist or unfaithful is a good advice.
But don't marry her because I don't like her mother, aunty or face is hogwash. You are the one that will live with your wife, not your mother.

Know thyself and your parents before you decide. While some parents will soften with time, others may cut you off completely. You must examine the worst case scenario to know what you are prepared to sacrifice.

Are you the only child who happens to be mommy's boy? Then going against her might be too much for you to bear.
Are you a person who have always make important decisions for themselves, then follow your heart.

Whatever you choose, you will always regret your decision, there is no escaping it. If you follow your heart and you later face challenges, you will think it is because you went against your mother.
If you bow to your mother's pressure and became unhappy with another woman, you will regret not marrying the love of your life and would blame your mother.

[
But don't marry her because I don't like her mother, aunty or face is hogwash.
/quote] -

This is not hogwash. Most ladies use their mum's brains to survive marriage. You will soon realize you married the mum not the daughter

Righteousness89:
What is Tithe?
Tithe is a Tenth of your Profit, Gains, Rewards,etc Heb 7:4, Gen 14:20

1. Tithing is Biblical: The Matter of Tithing didn't Just jump out from the Sky.. Tithing Orginated since the days of Our Creator, GOD ALMIGHTY Dealings with Man.
Genesis 14:20, Nehimiah 13:12, 2Chronicles 31:12, 2Chronicles 31:5-6, Numbers 18:24, Malachi 3:8-10

2. Tithes are Meant to be Brought into GOD'S House I.e A Place where GOD ALMIGHTY IS WORSHIPPED, Overseen by a Servant of GOD:
Nehemiah 13:12-13, 1Chronicle 26:20, Malachi 3:10, 2Chronicles 31:11-12, Gen 14:18, Provb 3:9

3. How Is it to Be Distributed:

A. The Priests, Pastors, Apostles:
Nehimiah 13:5, Neh 12:44, Acts 4:36, Acts 4:34-35, Numbers 18:21, 24-26, Galatians 6:6

B. The Brethern in Need I.e GOD'S People In Need.. Acts 4:34-35, Romans 12:13

C. The Poor in the Society: Luke 18:22-25..

Finally, In as Much Tithing is Commanded by GOD , we should Know that Just Tithing does not Take anyone to Heaven..
Salvation Through JESUS CHRIST Is and Remains The Only Way to HEAVEN.
Luke 18:9-14, Luke 11:42...

Having said that a Believer who has Accepted JESUS CHRIST and does not Tithe, May Have Himself/Herself to Blame...


If you are in a Place where you feel your Tithe is not used for what it's to be, Instead of Going Against your Creator, I think it's Best you Change the place...

And as For the Priest, Levites, Pastors, Bishops, etc who are playing and feasting with the Tithes of the People, I Leave You to GOD ALMIGHTY! But I advise you change your Ways.. because JUDGEMENT will begin in the House of GOD. 1 Peter 4:17. So Fear GOD because it is a Terrible and Fearful Thing to fall into the Hands of the LIVING GOD . Heb10:31

GOD BLESS US ALL!

Good. You contradict your self a little sir, please shed more light on these:

1. If tithing is also meant for priests, at what point do we say they are feasting with it? When they have consumed 1%, 50%, 99%. If you are entitled to something, how could you possibly be feasting with it? are you not taking what rightly belongs to you?

2. If tithing is also meant for the poor, how much is meant for them, 1%, 60%?

3. What biblical criteria should be used to share the tithes among those you mentioned are entitled to it?

4. Is the sharing of tithes subjective and dependent on individual church leadership?

5. What does the Bible mean in Malachi 3:10 when it talks about about “ that there may be food in my house” what food? Who is food meant for? Do overfilled people also need food? Will the poor and hungry always need food? Who then, will always need food and should eat the food?

Mr. I see you are so concerned about the wedding that you are ignoring possible cracks in your union. You are laying the perfect foundation for a weak marriage - selling your dignity and respect to your fiancé’s family, negotiating with them over issues that you need to take control of. The way you are going, your negotiation journey has just begun. Let me ask you, are they paying for the wedding? The most important thing in marriage, my friend, is not what we do, it’s who we do it with. It’s okay for your fiancée to be upset about the shift in date, what is not okay is the threat to end the relationship. See, people/ families like that will threaten you will all they have - marriage or no marriage so expect to give in to many things along the way. No one can tell you what you do, but I’ve seen so many strong wonderful comments here that can help you to see what you’re getting into. Goodluck.

I beg to differ. If she falls out of love, she must be ready to fall out of the marriage. This is very misleading and makes marriage contingent upon pecuniary gains.

tinubz:
more advice pls

Your friend may regret it for life if he listens to his parents. Many men have made this mistake and regret it bitterly. The only enduring choice anyone has is marriage. Think of it, he did not choose his parents yet they choose almost everything for him till he was probably 18. Instead of them to stop, they want to continue. If you don’t have a choice you don’t have a life. Choice in itself is the essence of life. Talk to your friend.

This is called malunion. The fracture healed but healed wrongly.

It is very difficult to address this issue without a full understanding of the dynamics of the marriage, though you have provided details.

Every marriage is complex and unique to the culture and agreement between the partners before marriage. Whenever either party fails to honor this agreement (if there was any), the marriage ends. But of course if these issues were not discussed prior to marriage, you must not blame the husband or wife. Let me state clearly that a woman is more powerful after marriage when you look at dynamics because she has been gifted with several tools to get what she wants: societal support and emotional strategies. By nature, men don't have these so most men resort to anger and aggression which will yield little fruit or sympathy from anyone.

In contrast a man's power is full before marriage if he knows how to use it. That's where this guy made a big mistake: If they did not discuss these things before marriage then let the lady take the child for baptism when she wants and let there be peace. If you marry a quarrelsome wife, you must assume the role of the sheep if you want peace - Quote me anywhere. All these arguements wil not produce much fruit.

Let this also be a warning to all intending couples doing pre-wedding photo here and there. This is the time to thrash it out. I'd end by saying that everywoman you date carefully will try you to see how much she can get away with. This lady must have gotten away with many things otherwise a trivial matter like this should not cause wahala. The man needs to pipe down in his case.

That's her 24th grand slam. I'd rather she waited to beat the all time record. Congrats tho.

Tell both of them to get in the car and sit down.

Hell hath no fury...like a woman scorned.

[quote author=Nancy2016 post=45689324]You are the kind of woman I advise men to steer clear of. Whose responsibility is it to pay bills? So if your husband was struggling like the op, you would say it isn't compulsory for you to help?
@OP, when we tell you guys to marry self-sufficient women who know what it means to maintain a family, you guys pump your chests and claim that as African men you should be 100% responsible for the bills. This is the end result of holding archaic views on the family.
Well maybe the best solution is for you to stop paying the fees so that when your kids are sent home for owing fees, she would understand that the situation is dire and she needs to step up and contribute towards the upkeep of the family.

On point.

The OPs (and all concerned individuals') campaign should be two pronged

(1) Educate people on how to make right marriage choices or remain single - there is a shameless desperation to be married today and I blame some aspects of the African culture for this.

(2) Educate abused people to speak out and protect themselves from abuse - there is an inexplicable desperation to remain in abusive relationships and I blame our culture for the same reason above.

My point: don't give yourself hypertension over any human being in marriage - you can't change them, you can only change yourself. I understand there are stuff you must work hard on to make your marriage work, but if your otherwise well behaved partner suddenly begins to act abusively, or decides to cheat - they have made a choice and you must not be the one to suffer for it. The reason why many women/men remain in these marriages is that the society will fight them when they try to protect themselves or get out. Some outsider will tell them its an abomination, someone else will tell them to hang on..marriage is like that.

Allen,
I rarely give advise on marital issues. But I was moved by your story to the extent I think I must let you know a few things. You may wish to check the quality of my replies on NL.
First, I hope you have given true account of the situation, nevertheless, I'd assume so.
To start with, I almost stopped reading when I came across several " I let it go". If you want to stay in your marriage - a decision that will be entirely yours regardless of what anyone says here, you must be willing to keep letting things go for the same reasons why you did in the first place. There is no way you can change a woman, I'm sorry to say. Historically, women will always test their men to see how much they can get away with. It is called "negotiation", and believe me, there is nothing wrong with this. Your duty as a man is to calibrate the excesses of your woman. You have allowed her to get away with too much.
It is impossible to recalibrate your wife. Why am I saying all these- to prepare you for the logically horrendous life that may lie ahead of you if you eventually decide to go ahead in this marriage. I'm a Christian and believe God can do all things, but God is a realist. Is 1:18.
As for your daughter, you don't own her, God placed that wonderful girl in the custody of both of you, and someone (or both of you) is messing up. Children are meant to be raised in homes, not broken or messed up homes. So you don't have a home my friend ( with all due respect ), you have a house that I liken to a nuclear reactor, preparing an atomic bomb, waiting to explode. Very soon, the same daughter you love may start to copy her mother, and your worst fears may be realized. I will stop here, before I'm tempted to tell you what to do.
I take a minute to pray that God will give you wisdom. I will recommend you read the whole book of proverbs at least twice. I think you are lacking in that department a little. Best of luck.