₦airaland Forum

Yh yh, ironically.

BluStreak:
Forgive my mixup in the pH rating, these things happen some times .

I didn't like the fact you used the word useless for the female child in your assertion. There are more suitable and less offensive words that could suffice "useless". Female children are as important as male children but for the issue of lineage continuity of his own name within his nuclear family, the desire to add a male child cannot be wished away.

Stories of irresponsible children abound irrespective of gender. So basing your summation on the so sort after son ending up being irresponsible doesn't cut it for me and maybe many others.

The woman in the centre of all this should grant her hubby this one wish to try again to make him happy. After all marriage is about reasonable compromise. Clinics now can even help them choose the gender of their baby. Her action reeks of selfishness and possible ulterior motive.

I used useless cos tht was how the man felt abt them, he desperately wanted to continue his lineage as an only child and so, the female children were useless to him.
Yh, irresponsible children abound, but I av heard many stories and true experiences abt issues like this, where the boy the man desperately seek turns out the family's worst nightmare. So tht was why I said rather than seek children or a particular gender for a silly reason as to continue a lineage, pray for good and worthy children of whatever gender, when they and their offspring are doing u proud u wnt even remember lineage or what not.
Yh, the couple need to reach a compromise

Nubian113:
The woman is very close to me I love her and like her husband I supported her decision 7yrs ago and I minded my business. I haven't spoke to her about this and I never will because it's not my place.

I bought this here because watching the man suffer has changed my views on such issues as polygamy, rights, ect.

Everyone keeps saying they shoulda planed before marriage but that's bs because when you're in love you say things and years later one is not allowed to change their mind? How he felt about family planning changed along the way... She is healthy, and able but she really doesn't wanna go through all that again. She is a good mum and her two daughters are her testimony. It's not just having a son hun its about having a large family with someone you love. What if the next pregnancy is a healthy bouncing boy? That's also a chance is it not?

Suffer, because he wants a boy, or another wife? Let me use a family as case study, the woman has 6 girls, probably all in a bid to satisfy his quest for a male (now 5 tho, one died), he married another wife nw 4 more girls, maybe they'll try more till a boy comes. Lolz. Then the what-ifs continue, what if the next one will be a male till the children reach 15, or 'oh, let me try another wife, maybe her first child will be male'. The man will just kill himself over nothing.

Nubian113:
This is her exact argument. Is it true that it's the man that determines the sex of the baby? So he could be shooting all girls,right, like that man you know. My sister kept trying for girls and number 4 and number 6 were her two princesses. Her husband never told her no after 3 boys because he can't afford more children, he let her fill her boots. I blame this on the west, and the lazy generation we are. Give the man his kids!! Lol

Yh, the man determines the sex of the child (while the woman sadly gets persecuted sadly for always popping out girls). The female ovum will always carry the XX chromosome, while the man carries the male chromosome XY. So surely the woman will donate X while the man will donate either X or Y. X will give a girl while Y will give a boy.
The spermatozoan Y is faster but more fragile than the X, and the X is slower but has more energy than Y. So sex can be timed to get whatever gender u want (if God wills), this is highly dependent on the woman knowing when she ovulates, sex nearer her ovulation date, probably a day to, or her ovulation date will most likely give a boy, cos the Y spermatozoans wld still be active and wld readily meet an ovum, apart from this they may av been destroyed and worn out leaving the stronger and slow but steady X chromosome.
I hope u grab

BluStreak:
The desire and importance of having a male child in a family cannot be over emphasised. Our generation due to the influx of western culture into our part of the world have chosen to bury their heads in the sand like the Ostrich. We Africans as a people hold so dearly the continuity of "Lineage" and that has not changed the last time I checked. The woman in question is being selfish if like the OP said is not limited by health factors or age.

On the issue of men determining the sex of a baby. Hmmmm.... our people need to broaden they knowledge on this issues. Further studies also showed that the VJAY fluids and cervical mucus of a woman plays a very important role in completing this gender selection. This body fluid is categorised into the Alkaline (pH- lower) and Acidic (pH+higher). Each of the two chromosomes from the man fares better in different pH conditions. The male chromosomes fair better in the lower pH while the female own due to its resilience survives in all conditions. How do you as a woman know if your pH is high? If ur undies are prone to discolouration or tear underneath, there you have it.

The type and nature of food we eat plays a great role in this pH equation. People should do further research on this to be more informed.

No gender is useless but for lineage continuity, you need a male child and I am sure our women are not ignorant of this.

I rest my case.

Note: I dodge bullets like........

Wait av I forgotten what high and low pH meant? As far as I can remember, a low pH is acidic and a high pH is alkaline, so I don't agree wt tht.
As regards the Op, the couple need to reach a compromise, as long as having more children will not pose any risk to her health, then why not? I hope they are financially capable of taking care of more children tho.
As regards the lineage continuity wt males, I don't quite agree wt this. My mother's father is my grandpa and will be my children's great grandpa albeit from the maternal side, we may nt bear the same name wt him but it doesn't break our family ties. Many men av made the greatest mistakes of their lives in the vain search to get a son, some marry more wives, and if they ain't destined to av sons they still won't, some of the wives seeing how desperate they are bring them bastards sebi na to av boy, some who later av sons regret ever having a son, becos tht son ends up soiling the name of tht 'lineage' they so desperately want to continue, or the sons might nt add any values to themselves talk more the family.
A cousin of mine is a gud example his father so desperately wanted a son, married 4 wives but only got one son, he ended up disowning tht boy he so desperately searched for, when the boy neva gave him rest of mind for a second (a child tht cld raise a cutlass on his own parents threatening to kill them) , the female ones he felt were useless cos they can't continue his lineage are the ones taking care of him in his old age nw, he has even forgotten what lineage is. I don't understand what the hype is really. I don't pray for a particular gender, whatever sex my children are, Oh Allah, make them a blessing to me and the World, make them the best children any parent cld ever wish for, make them successful in this life and hereafter. Tht is the most important thing to me, not a stupid reason as to continuing a lineage. Then u continue praying and searching for a boy, then he turns out to be ur worst nightmare.

daretodiffer:
I will be my own neighbour

I will be ur neighbour jor

Donpizzle:
True talk....

Yh yh

Donpizzle:
True talk....

Yh yh

wellmax:
Can't believe that Dr Charles is gone. Just like that?

Eeyah, u knew him, right?
Just heard it wasn't lassa fever tht killed him and tht no case has been reported in Osun. Any idea wc account is true?

Donpizzle:
Lassa fever killed a DOCTOR?? Its laughable.........

evn doctor no sabi safety measures to prevent lassa fever

Do u even know what u're saying?
Health professionals are at more risk than every other person. He probably came in contact wt a lassa fever pt, I av a colleague (nurse) who is on screening after contact wt a lassa fever pt, the first one is negative Thank God, I pray he turns out negative.
I pray this epidemic is nipped in the bud soon, may God grant us Victory as wt Ebola, may God protect us and our families and may the dead souls RIP.

It's pathetic really. But it all boils down to the fact tht some men are dogs in human clothing. What cld attract a sane man to a 3yrs old? And don't tell me the bullshit abt sexualizing babies or nt, I cld remember there was a time we wld run abt in just panties abt tht age wtout no fear or shame.
Abt teenagers, there is little I can say, I'm nt referring to rape now, but these days if u av a small stature, u wld probably call a 13yrs old wt big stature aunty wtout knowing they are tht young (my 13yrs old cousin is much bigger than I am (I'm nt small), I av to remind myself sometimes tht I'm older than she is), u'll meet 11yr olds and u'll be tempted to argue the girl is falsifying her age. The way teenagers dress these days ehn, and that's why u see 15yr olds getting pregnant and not even sure who the father of the child is, cos they av more than 1 sexual partner. I know at 15yrs,some of my female classmates were no longer virgins, and it wasn't due to rape bt consensual sex (don't give me the bull crap abt not being old enof to make choices or naivete).
So it all boils down to the parents, know what values and morals u instill in ur child as they grow, know what they wear, how they dress, cut down on unnecessary make up and all, know who they walk wt- their friends, don't trust ur children wt any male relative talk more a stranger, teach ur children to be content wt what they av and not take things from strangers - if a relative gives them something, they shld show u first b4 eating, they shld''t enter a grown man's room alone for whatever reason, teach ur child sex education from a young age let them know, their private part is what it is 'private' and they shld nt let anyone touch them there and if someone does, they shld open up to u ASAP, be close to ur children (my mum started asking me if I am being asked out by age 14yrs (followed by advice and all), it was funny to me then and embarrassing as well, but nw I realize why).

Still wondering tho, why do alot of men reason wt their small heads rather than brain? Many lack self control, but they'll always find something to justify their immorality but expect women to be the epitome of perfection

bfatoba:
Yes, it can definitely become a nightmare, you don't know the many cooked up stories, these people feed immigration. lets say for example... you travel to Ghana and tell the ghanian government that the reason you want to stay in their country is because people are after your life back in Nigeria. you didn't claim to have family back in Nigeria. Ghana grants you Asylum under the UN treaty, and maintaining that means you can never return to Nigeria until who knows.... I just used Ghana as an example, but there are many stories like that... or some people will even claim that they're homosexuals and their families are trying to kill them, thats why they're claiming Asylum. Different strokes for different folks. Sometimes from the outside, it just looks like John has left his family for 10 years and hasn't returned... but wife is still waiting because she might very well be aware of Johns plans too to begin with. plus when you leave too.. you're missing work and money to just go and sit and spend money everyday.

Yh, I grab ur point. Thanks
Ur last sentence tho, what stops her from working and fitting in like her husband? It might nt be easy at first bt nt like there is a barrier against such, is there?

praxisnetworks:
Oops so we have been chatting with a Taliban since... Abegi swerve

Eeyah, pele. Make sure u take ur drugs as prescribed next time

ZhulFiqar:
Amazing is when Sunnis are shown the truth and for whatsoever reason they cannot accept and embrace it, they become neutral robots who are "Muslims only", even though everything about their beliefs and practices is Sunni.

Dear Haneefah, while we all agree on the Holy Quran, can you tell us where you are told to follow the Sunnah? While we also agree on following the authentic Sunnah embodied in the authentic hadiths, because obedience to the Prophet (s) is obedience to Allah as per the Holy Quran, there was nothing called "sunnah"/Hadiths that was written, codified or preserved as at the time of the Prophet's passing away. Therefore from whom do you learn and take the prophetic sunnah unadulterated ? This brings us to your third point of following the companions. Again, where and who told you to follow the companions? And which companions? There were companions who left Islam for Christianity, for instance. Are you to follow them too? If you say the righteous companions that we should follow, how do you separate the righteous ones from the ones that were not righteous? Or were the companions themselves ordered by the Prophet to follow someone or others? Yes, the companions themselves were told to follow the Thaqalain (The Two Weighty Things)-The Quran and the Progeny (Ahlul-Bayt). Their adherence to follow these two is the yardstick to judge their righteousness. And therefore, the Prophet (s) had said: My Ahlul-Bayt are like the Ark of Noah; all those who embark on it are saved!". So don't blame us for separating the chaff from the wheat when it comes to the companions. There are some we love, respect and honor; and others we don't. And the same applies to you if you fail to follow the authentic Sunnah of the Prophet (s) through his Ahlul-Bayt (as). The same Ahlul-Bayt (as) we read about in verse 33:33 that Allah has made pure and kept sins away from them. If you follow them, then the title of Muslim that you claim befits you. If you don't, then you're a pretender by claiming that title. The choice is yours.

Let me guess u are a Shiite. Bro. ZulFiqar, I'm nt interested in the Shiite-Sunni debates and wht not. And my being a true Muslim or not is not subject to ur judgement, thanks.

daretodiffer:
Amin.

No one is denying that fact but not everyone can afford to have that kind of life.

yh, I knw, but I'm going to be one of those gud exceptions by God's grace

bfatoba:
sometimes... no ... oftentimes, it is better to send someone to see whats on hand and prepare for the rest of the family. I've seen countless of these scenarios play out. I had a family friend relocate from Nigeria to here, some years back... he was already married with 2 children at the time, the youngest of which was about 1 year and some months. The initial plan was, that the father would come, and after 6 months, the wife would come with the kids, no matter what. When the father arrived, and saw what was on ground, He cried everyday, because he couldn't convince his wife to wait, about another 3 years, so that everything would be smooth. He for one had to go back to school, Imagine, A high level bank official. His Wife and kids, came 6 months later, he had to Liquidate most assets in Nigeria to make it all possible because things were difficult on his end. Then came the transition period.. the Wife had to go back to school also, for the next 5-6 years, they were restructuring their lives. they suffered unnecessarily, I would laugh on days when the Wife was crying because I can distinctly hear her on the phone when her husband was telling her to wait and she said "NO". Her nightmare is that he will marry a white woman and never return. whenever I have the pleasure of teasing her, i always do... and she's proud of suffering with her man.. so i can maybe understand if you are like her.. but is it necessary.. NO!

Alrice o

daretodiffer:
‘when you are settled' is a very ambiguous word Biko.

What if the man is an illegal immigrant, would you still ask him to come home?

I'm done wt this argument really, I don't pray or wish for such scenarios, may such never be my portion. Afterall there are couples living there together wt their kids and doing very well, that's the scenario I want.

daretodiffer:
Yes the need to make more money and secure their kids future.

Do we have a business friendly environment in Nigeria?

Where are the jobs?, I mean jobs that would actually secure their kids future?

Where are the social services?



My brother almost lost his eyes because of Nigerian hospitals (note the s at the back). I don't think an abergae Nigerian worker would have been be able to meet the costs of his surgery without borrowing at the detriment of the family. Some people might have been able to go through that but has that change the fact that their kids are going to continue the struggle? Why do you think bribery and corruption rate is very high?

U aren't getting me at all. There is no big deal in travelling out to search for greener pasture (I plan to do tht wt my family), but is it so hard to move in ur family wt u when u're settled? Is it so hard to come visiting and check on ur family once in a while?

daretodiffer:
Please don't make any assumptions at all. On the long run, it is highly likely to be better if you know what you are doing. 10 years is very long but you have got to do what you have to do for your family.

Do you really think most of these men want to be far away from their kids?

Then 10 turns to 20 yrs, then the children start getting married, only vaguely knowing their dad or probably knowing their dads only thru skype. Yh, they don't want to keep apart from their kids, so what is holding them back? The need to make more money?

EgunMogaji:
You're right as I keep to my business.

I couldn't tell you the names of my 9 neighbors talk less of whose spouse has eloped and I've lived here for going on 5 years.

That's gud. We are on the same page, mind u the pple I talked abt are pple very close to me

praxisnetworks:
You can't marry a highflyer....

I am a Highflyer myself, so I wldn't know why u came to that conclusion. So a man has to leave his family for years b4 he can be successful abi?

Nubian113:
Amen sis. The truth is always easy I say. I love how you put it so eloquently. 73... guys up there you hear that Let that statement humble you. Islam IS with or without US Muslims. Check yourself before you wreck yourselves that's the message Islam gives me. I didn't read half those books, I haven't met, heard or read about those men mentioned. We argue about the size of our breads, trousers, skirt lol while still disobeying our MAKER!!!! It's off putting if anything but I don't think it's helping us as Muslims.

I am a sinner and the shahada is my rope. I am a Muslim full stop....

Yes, 73 sects, and we can see them emerging everyday all claiming to be in the right, but who are those in the right? The Jammah, those who follow the dictates of Allah, the sunnah of the Prophet and the ways of the Companions, simple. There are several places in the Quran where Muslims were warned against creating sects, yet we see them emerging everyday worse still they fight against themselves, bring up several acts of bid'ah,etc these are the problems.
Be a Muslim, simple!

onatisi:
you are contradicting yourself and indirectly agreeing with me and others on this issue. No one is supporting the view of a long absence from ones family. Definitely u can't stay too long away from your wife and kids but what we are saying is ,at times and in most often in countries where there is poverty like Nigeria ,men been the bread winner of the family have to make and take a decision of leaving their families in order to get food for them and this isn't peculiar to Nigerians alone but this is a universal norm which has been in existence since the creation of the world

No, I never deviated from my points. I was never against men travelling, I'm against them leaving their family behind for so long. It's either they move together, he sends for them as soon as he is settled, or he comes home as often as he can. Not leaving a trophey wife and kids back home waiting.

daretodiffer:
It is not advisable in Islam sef.

Abi o. In Islam after some months (I'av forgotten the actual no), the woman has the right to divorce and remarry after being separated from her husband. Her staying for yrs afterwards is solely her choice

Nubian113:
I hate the arguments/debate when it comes to Islam.


My mother taught me that if I always said Allah knows best that Allah would bless me with knowledge. In this case how important is this argument about caliphs? In the larger scale of things how is this information our business to argue over? I mean really our business? Islam needs the Muslims to unite that's what I understood from the original post.So who else got the message? These men have their life's/judgment and we have ours. So I beg face front and lets listen out for the call to prayer and success. Alhamdulilaah I am privileged to be a Muslim. Full stop guys. We know better. Divide and conquer that's 101 in the devils handbook I think but of course. Allah knows best.

May Allah bless u my sister. I don't understand what the divisions, sects is all about. Although the Prophet had already the Ummah will be divided into 73 sects, out of wc only one wld make Jannah. What I cld infer from the hadith was tht all u need is to try ur best to follow the Commands of Allah, Sunnah of the Prophet and the ways of his beloved companions and u're gud to go, all these deviations aren't for Islam, u are either a Muslim or not, so what's wt the I'm a Sunni, or Shia or Salafiyyah, or Ahmaddiyah or whatever?
I'm a Muslim, I believe in Allah and His Prophet, try my best to live my life according to the dictate of Allah and tht is all tht matters. We need unity in Islam, the division is killing us.

onatisi:
sis,there are hundreds of couples who got separated due to financial strains or stress but immediately things picked up they came back together.
Now let me ask u a question ,which is better ,being separated from a husband due to job or occupational reasons or being separated from husband due to marital problems between both of them?

None, abeg. A scenario of a woman whose husband left when her 3rd child was born abt 8 yrs into the marriage and yet to come back or send for her for over 20 yrs other than occasional phone calls, tht woman is a step from a divorcee or widow really, it's either u're married or nt, wc one is being semi-married?
I'm nt against men or even women travelling out (I av an aunt tht travelled out to study nursing, her husband is cul wt it but she comes home abt twice a yr and the husband is processing his papers to go join her), but leaving a woman and her children home for over 10 yrs? That's just something else. So there shld be proper planning

bfatoba:
The Things Women have held man back from... sad thing is you have no Idea what those men are facing, where they are. There are those that went to the US, who have no status, they live on the fringes, saving to come back home, and once they leave to come back home, knowing fully well they can never go back there again, because they've been staying there for that 10-15-20 years an illegal, working the lowest of the lowest of Jobs, and still providing for the same people that are back home. If you live your life according to the demands of a woman, you will move 20 steps forwards, 20 days of the month, and 10 steps back.. that 5 days of the month... the remaining 5 days, she won't like you.

I'm nt saying he shld nt travel o, but nobody can keep me waiting for years. We either work things out and go together or we av a time bound for when I'll go to join him or he'll come back and the communication must be solid. Things myt nt always work out as planned bt it shld''t be as bad as leaving a wife and her kids home for over 10yrs wtout looking back.
Who said those working their asses off, living illegally in foreign land can't make it in their father land, it's only most pple av tht mindset tht wtout leaving the country u can't make gud money and be comfortable at least

EgunMogaji:
Change that your environment. That one that you're surrounded by eloping husbands

Lolz, there is nothing wrong wt my environment. U probably av more eloped husbands in ur environment than me, u just might nt know

onatisi:
how come you are surrounded by ppl with negative experiences?

U may be surrounded by more bt u don't knw everybody's stories and what they are going thru.

Toks2008:
Your multiple coverings no let us see where you belong but you look like A from the little i can see.

Lolz, na u sabi, Mr Analyst, I'm nt A anyway

I'm Z !

Randyhot:
For men who think it fit for whatever reasons, to leave there young wives and little kids back home in Nigeria while they stay abroad, you might or might not be suprised at this.
Afam checked on a female client whose hubby stays abroad, in one of these asian countries, probably Malaysia, to close a lingering buisness deal he had with her, as he knocked on her apartment and was let in, her 2 1/2 years old kid, who was in the living room rushed over him happily, shouting "daddy daddy daddy", the kid was allover him as he hugged Afam tightly, Afam was quick to understand what was going on, a quick look into the searching eyes of this kid revealed that he is in desperate need of something and is searching for it, as he took him in his arms, he was suprised that the mum who was standing right in front of him did not correct her little boy that Afam was not his dad, something he came to understand to mean that this might not be the first time the kid is playing out such behaviour. It was his older brother, about 6 yrs of age who rushed in due to the commotion and said" Favour it is not daddy" then sighed, frowned and left the room dissapointed.
But Favour never left as he was busy making Afam his daddy.
Their dad rarely comes home, the last time he did was during Favours birth / church dedication, Favour is one among so many Nigerian children who only talks with daddy on phone, looks at daddy's picture, but rarely sees him around.
It is the height of man's irresponsibility to his home to abandon his young wives and little kids behind to seek greener pastures elsewhere, i choose the word "abandoned" because even if your sending back tons of dollars every now and then, it still doesnt compensate for that something they are missing.
Start making arrangements for their relocation over there as well, or better still come back to them, your family needs you.
Afam is a good christian, with strong morality, who knows if he hadn't be, what might had become his thoughts towards that young lonely woman.
Or take for instance, nature plays her sweet tricks on the young wife one cold night, and the imaginations of Afam's handsome physique, and the way he played lovingly with Favour in his arms calling him "daddy" takes over her senses, and she began to approach him, yearning for his touch , don't get mad or start fighting people, FIGHT YOURSELF FIRST.

It is pathetic really. I can't allow such for my husband o, if we can't go together then he is nt going anywhere. I can't allow someone to turn me to semi- married at a young age.
There is one of my aunt whose husband travelled over 11yrs ago when their 2nd born was still a baby, the girl is 13 nw, and she has never met her dad other than phone calls. Certainly a man will not stay tht long wtout sex, that's if he has nt married yet, he keeps delaying his wife's coming to join him, and refuses to come home, claiming he can't afford to while not allowing tht beautiful woman go on wt her life wt someone else. Something with one of our neighbours, the man left Nigeria over 20yrs ago and never came back to check on his wife and children not even when the children were getting married other than phone calls once in a while. One of my friend's husband also travelled out soon after their marriage, this is the 4th yr since she last saw him, I pray he comes back soon sha and doesn't waste her time. What sort of life is tht abeg?