₦airaland Forum

John's father has 5 sons
1. Jack
2. Jeck
3. Jick
4. Jock
5. _______? What is the name of the 5th son?

skysol: Hausa...indeed i av a sight prob bt d@ dosent mean u shud remind me ha d@...if u notice veri wel u ll knw i didnt c d english der nd at least u shud av said luk or check v wel nt wer ur glsses...somtimes we sae tins nt knwin we ar rude @ d@ xo pls mind ur speeches

was that rude? Sorry sir

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but.....
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i dint notice that u dint see it. How on earth was i gonna notice??
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anyway.....
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sorry, hope ders no hard feelings

orimolade4: if dem dy yab u now, i go start 2 dy pity. Hpe u arent a glutton shaa

and for ur mind u think say i get time abi.
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tell ur self some simple truth mr.

Tonisious504: ah ah,shey na fruit u won go pluck or u won read.wich 1?;-)

read, play, sleep, chop, flex, go church, work, tv, etc.
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am just being realistic

rajidgreat: SHAKIDOR CHECK THIS OUT. Last year payment procedure, other charges (pasted b4) re tagged as school fees.so kas is right.
OBAFEMI AWOLOWO UNIVERSITY, ILE-IFE
INFORMATION TO STUDENTS ON
HARMATTAN SEMESTER 2011/2012 REGISTRATION


PAYMENT OF FEES ( ACCEPTANCE FEE & OTHER CHARGES [School fees])


FRESH STUDENTS are required to pay a non-refundable ACCEPTANCE FEE of #20,000.00 from any of the branches of the underlisted banks across Nigeria. The Acceptance Fee must be paid separately as the payment of the EXACT amount will grant Fresh Students access to Registration. For the OTHER CHARGES, CLICK: CHECK MAIN CHARGES FOR MY FACULTY to know the Amount Due and pay the sum separately from any of the branches of the underlisted banks.

1 - First Bank Plc
2 - Skye Bank Plc
3 - Zenith Bank Plc

STUDENTS ARE ADVISED IN THEIR OWN INTEREST TO PAY THEIR FEES OUTSIDE ILE-IFE TO AVOID CONGESTION, FRUSTRATION AND LONG STAY ON QUEUE.


PAYMENT OF ACCOMMODATION FEE
Freshmen will be informed on the date you will request for Accommodation on this website. Note that Accommodation will be provided on first come first served basis. ONLY those who are successful in securing Accommodation will be required to pay separately the sum of #3090 from any of the branches of the following banks: Other Returning Student who are successful in securing Accommodation are required to pay separately the sum of #3090 from any of the branches of the banks listed below:

1 - UBA Plc
2 - WEMA Plc



Please bring the separate Tellers used for the payment of Acceptance, Other Charges (Main School Fees) and Accommodation as you will be required to submit photocopies of the Tellers at different Sections of the University. When filling the Tellers, you MUST write your correct UTME REGISTRATION NO (for Fresh Students) or MATRIC NO (for Returning Students) as well as your Names for the payment in the Bank. PLEASE AVOID PAYING WITH WRONG INFORMATION i.e REGISTRATION NO & NAMES AS THIS WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ACCESSING THE E-PORTAL.


REGISTRATION PROCEDURE

1) ENSURE YOU REGISTER WITHIN THE SPECIFIED REGISTRATION PERIOD IN THE UNIVERSITY CALENDAR AS THUS:


February 6, 2012 - On-Line Registration for Harmattan Semester Courses Commences
February 26, 2012 - Fresh Students come into Residence.
February 27-March 2, 2012 - Clearance at Faculty and Admission Offices.
March 5-11, 2012 - Orientation Week for Fresh Students.
March 11, 2012 - Returning Undergraduate/Postgraduate Students come into Residence.
March 12, 2012 - Lectures Commence for Harmattan Semester, 2011/2012 Academic Session.
March 28, 2012 - End of Normal On-Line Registration for courses.
March 29, 2012 - MATRICULATION.
April 6, 2012 - Late Registration for Courses Ends.


Please print “EVIDENCE OF REGISTRATION” and "REGISTRATION LOGS" reports upon submission of your Course Form as proof of registration. The reports will be used for any correspondence with ANY OF THE UNIVERSITY AUTHORITIES:- Part Adviser,HOD, Dean, Computer Centre after closure of registration in case you have any complaint.

2) REPORT REGISTRATION PROBLEMS TO COMPUTER CENTRE ENQUIRY OFFICE, Room M15, Computer Buildings Complex FOR ASSISTANCE


3) IF THE SUBMISSION OF YOUR COURSE FORM IS NOT SUCCESSFUL, this BROWSER may cause this. For smooth access use INTERNET EXPOLRER

4) You are required to fill the following FORMS:- CERTIFICATE Form (Freshers only), BIO-DATA Form, COURSE Form. Please note that COURSE FORM will only be available subject to completion of your BIO-DATA Form and Payment of appropriate fees.


ALLOCATION OF BED SPACES

1) FRESH STUDENTS will request and secure BED SPACES online as from February ……… 2012.
2) FINAL YEAR students who had previously applied for Accommodation will be allocated BED SPACES on FIRST COME FIRST SERVED basis before their Resumption date: March 11, 2012.
3) On successful payment of the Main Charges (School Fees) and Accomodation Fee, print 3 copies of your letter of Accomodation in order to occupy your Bed Space upon resumption.



TIME-TABLE FOR PROCESSING FRESHER’S IDENTITY CARDS

WEDNESDAY (29/02/2012) - ADMINISTRATION, PHARMACY
THURSDAY (01/03/2012)- LAW ARTS
FRIDAY (02/03/2012) - EDM EDUCATION
MONDAY (05/03/2012) - TECHNOLOGY
TUESDAY (06/03/2012) - SOCIAL SCIENCES, AGRICULTURAL SCIENCE
WEDNESDAY (07/03/2012) - HEALTH SCIENCE. SCIENCES

VENUE: M 13, COMPUTER BUILDINGS COMPLEX (COMPUTER CENTRE)



WISHING YOU HAPPY REGISTRATION

Click here to Login

ehhhheeeennn, dis looks a bit more elaborated

skysol: I tink der s a problem wit his o'level result::..ENGLISH...av u 4gotin d@ ani course u ar in 4 mst contain english?...even in d jamb brochure d requirements ar maths eng econs wit 2 any of art or social science subjt nii

ur glasses pls. Put on

Yhemit: >
> i don't think dat is possible,b'coz they av done dia exam since last nov.but with connection,their is nothing impossible in nigeria.in as much lawan farouk,femi otedola,gbenga daniel,BH boss are still moving around this country like a freeman....and many other i can't mention.God bless Nigeria

dat lawan et al can do dat tin we u call d impossible doesnt min we can. We might already be dead if we did attempt talk more of do

Yhemit: In term of sport,d game u can njoy most in oau sport complex is long tennis.i lv this game men.....staff qtr is a place wia u can njoy ur read expecially rd 20,dis area is totally alike with grave yard.b'coz everybody stay indoor,also no food or shop outlet expt u go to rd 7.....i thank God oau don't stab me with all i pass thru.

actually i noticed d skul has less fruit trees around. Or dint i see well?
Dis is where i salute unn. In my days in d staff quarters, i've neva seen any oda uni dat has so much fruits in abundance like unn. So tey we used fruits as food sef, hmmm.
Dat skul gat do sometin to dat o

jayjam: I can sense u love to rest ur cases bt please wake them up wen resumptn beckons.Barista in the making,i like pple like this

u seeee. I dint even read dis b4 i commented. We were just had d same tot

Hermienart: When i went there they said they will not sign it until after resumption. But when u are going u av to go with the photocopy of the admission letter u printed for that college and also 3000 naira. I rest my case.

guess ure a future lawyer. Considering d 'i rest my case thing'

cloaked: ...seriously, how much did u spend at FORKS N FINGERS during post jamb!?....dis one wey em dey send u continues msgs....na wa o!...e be lyk em don miss u lyk cwxy 4 there!!....*winks*

lols...dey probably just knew i was gonna be back.

Shakidor: Thanks jare, datz jst it, dia sud b tution fee in dos list bt cant be find.
@kasbeat, did u mean dat was d only money paid by last year freshmen? *confused* N20,000 only for freshmen?

it has to be.
Thats y sometimes we strive to get into a federal university. High advantage

ueskman: i am a science stdnt nd i dont offer it...
does dat affect my admission statuS?
(afterall, i tot they r both social sciences,either of the two i guess.)
help me check d o'level combination s it kk??
somebody help ooo

k, geografi is spot on. But, check d brochure......just incase

i hope am not d only one dat watched kenneth drop to 20,000....when he was asked
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'where in d body does d condition trachoma affect'?? Any body with ideas?

Henwall: Anglo-Zanzibar War
45 minutes
Year Fought: 1896
Between: British Empire vs Zanzibar
Outcome: British victory
The Anglo-Zanzibar War was fought between the United
Kingdom and Zanzibar on 27 August 1896. With a duration
of only 45 minutes, it holds the record of being the
shortest war in recorded history. The war broke out
after Sultan Hamad bin Thuwaini, who had willingly co-
operated with the British colonial administration, died on
25 August 1896, and his nephew, Khalid bin Bargash,
seized power in what amounted to a coup d’état. The
British favoured another candidate, Hamud bin Muhammed,
whom they believed would be easier to work with, and
delivered an ultimatum ordering Bargash to abdicate.
Bargash refused. While Bargash’s troops set to fortifying
the palace, the Royal Navy assembled five warships in the
harbour in front of the palace. The British also landed
parties of Royal Marines to support the “loyalist” regular
army of Zanzibar. Despite the Sultan’s last-minute
efforts to negotiate for peace via the U.S.
representative on the island, the Royal Navy ships opened
fire on the palace at 9 am on 27 August 1896 as soon as
the ultimatum ran out. With the palace falling down around
him and escalating casualties, Bargash beat a hasty
retreat to the German consulate where he was granted
asylum. The shelling stopped after 45 minutes. The British
demanded that the Germans surrender the erstwhile
Sultan to them, but he escaped to sea on 2 October 1896.
He lived in exile in Dar es Salaam until captured by the
British in 1916. He was later allowed to live in Mombasa
where he died in 1927. As a final act, Britain demanded
payment from the Zanzibar government to pay for the
shells fired on the country.
Some other interesting short wars that either failed to
meet the criteria set out for this list, or were slightly
longer than those above are: Sino-Indian war, Austro-
Prussian war, Neapolitan war, Second Italian war of
Independence, the Hundred days war, Spanish-American
war.
S

good to know. Anoda update as i prepare for d who wants to be a millionaireprogram in d nearest future

Yhemit: White house here i come again....best atmosphere to read.miss yellow house,staff club,motion ground,senate buildn,spider buildn,ajose buildn,new buka,oduduwa n anfield theatre,awolowo hostel,fajuyi hostel,angola hostel,moremi hostel,oau international skul,conference buildn,competer buildn,suya spot along anex hostel buildn. MISS YAH ALL.....d major runz 'legal' spot around PG n mozambique is d main game area at night....xo u fwdz u can easily forget abt ur main reason why u are in skul.oau sweat ooo

think i'll go der from time to time to play table tennis

jayjam: U can as well add fork n fingas,mind u,its nt ANFIELD its called AMPHI[color=#990000][/color]

men...dat bleeps n fingers has neva stopped sending me text messages up till dis day.
Hope am not d only one dat has been receiving those greeting textx by dem?

Yhemit: White house here i come again....best atmosphere to read.miss yellow house,staff club,motion ground,senate buildn,spider buildn,ajose buildn,new buka,oduduwa n anfield theatre,awolowo hostel,fajuyi hostel,angola hostel,moremi hostel,oau international skul,conference buildn,competer buildn,suya spot along anex hostel buildn. MISS YAH ALL.....d major runz 'legal' spot around PG n mozambique is d main game area at night....xo u fwdz u can easily forget abt ur main reason why u are in skul.oau sweat ooo

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hmmmm, 'AWO HALL', reminiscing when i came for d post ume. Awo hall was where i read.
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i actually felt nervous when i realised a lot of jambitos hav been around since monday and i came on thursday night. plus considering that a lot of undergrajs/jambitos were reading badly der.
I actually regreted not coming 5 days b4 but.......to cut d long story short, dat one don pass. Awo hall looks d best for me.
Which to also continue der so help me God

kasbeats: @shakidor,this was wat they paid last year,nt our own........i'd advice u don't tell him an exact amount just yet........OAU cn be pretty cwazy

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@ u my fwend, u dint get his question. Hes asking for d real tuition (like secondary skul..............., skul fees).
After he has read d whole thing, he doesnt seem to see dat 'real school fees/tuition' written there.

ueskman: pls help, i am going for economics, nd i gt only 5 credits
(maths,eng.,econs,agric.,geo.) nd all re c6.
oau1st choice
utme combination: maths, eng , econs nd geography....
pls come to my aid...
*SCEPTICAL*

*government for geography

[quote author=BINTI_LAYE101]#teamOAU, PRESSURE BRINGS OUT THE TREASURE IN YOU. IF YOU DON'T WANT PRESSURE, YOU CAN'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE TREASURE.[/quote]pure

phunmiejewels: Claustrophobia

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am wit u on dis

jayjam: This is to keep all admitted students of the Obafemi Awolowo University abosom on what will berequired From them as required in the last academic session
Note that this information is for last session, but from this you willhave an idea ahead of time.
Administration,Arts, Education (Arts), Social Sciences and Law
Matriculation fee - 1,000.00
Registration/Verification fee - 4,000.00
Examination fee - 1,000.00
Departmental Charges - 5,000.00
TISHIP (Tertiary Institutions Students Health Insurance Programme) - 1,600.00
Students’ Union Levy - 100.00
Library - 500.00
Medical Screening Fee - 2,500.00
Sports Levy - 1,000.00
I.D. Card 300.00
TOTAL N17,000.00
(ii) Agriculture, Health Sciences, Pharmacy, Education (Science), Environmental Design and Management, Science and Technology;
Matriculation fee - 1,000.00
Registration/Verification fee - 4,000.00
Examination fee - 1,000.00
Departmental Charges 10,000.00
Medical Screening Fee - 2,500.00
TISHIP (Tertiary Institutions Students Health Insurance Programme) - 1,600.00
Students’ Union Levy - 100.00
Library - 500.00
Sports Levy - 1,000.00
I.D. Card 300.00
TOTAL N22,000.00
(iii) Administration (Diploma in Local Government Studies)
Tuition - 63,300.00
TISHIP (Tertiary Institutions Students Health Insurance Programme) - 1,600.00
TOTAL N64,900.00
(iv) Accommodation: - N3,090.00
(Freshmen will be provided accommodation on first come firstserved basis).
Accommodation fee of N3,090.00 should be paid separately into any branches of the underlisted banks across Nigeria:
UBA Plc
WEMA Plc
II. OTHER REQUIREMENTS FOR 2011/2012 REGISTRATION OF FRESHMEN
Candidates who have been offered admission should present the original and four (4) photocopies each of their credentials including Birth Certificate/­Sworn Declaration of Age. Each candidate will be required to submit his/her admission notice as downloaded. Candidates will also be required to produce PAYMENT CERTIFICATES downloaded on-line from the e-portal.
III. SCREENING OF FRESH STUDENTS
All fresh students are to report in the University for the screening exercise at their various Faculties. They should come with their various documents listed above as well asthe tellers used in the payment of the charges and the downloaded payment certificates from the e-portal. Any fresh student who fails to report for the screening exercise within the specific period i.e. February 26 to March 28, 2012 will be deemed tohave forfeited his/her admission offer. Flyer for procedure on screening/registration for fresh student will be made available at the Admissions Office and in all Faculties and Halls of Residence.
IV. PROCEDURE FOR ACCESSING THE E-PORTAL:
1. Log on to the University e-Portal using your Registration Number and the Password you used last on the Portal.
2. Complete the following Forms correctly on the Portal.
CERTIFICATE FORM (for not more than two sittings).
(ii) BIO-DATA
(iii) COURSE REGISTRATION FORM
(iv) BED SPACE CLEARANCE FORM (Optional)
The Course Registration Form will only be available upon:
(a) Successful filling of Forms (i) and (ii) above.
(b) Payment of appropriate fees should be made into any branch of the banks listed above. To avoid congestion on campus, fresh students as well as returning students are advised to make payments in branches ofthe listed banks outside the campus.
Please note that 2000 spaces only are available for each of theSpecial Electives except SER 001 and LIB 001, which are compulsoryfor all Fresh Students.
3. Problems, if any, will be addressed on-line using any of the following options:
(i) Online help on the e-portal
(ii) Six Hotlines will be available forcontact (the Hot lines will be available on the e-portal).
(iii) E-mail:-isis@oauife.edu.ng can be used as well.
B. 20112012 MISCELLANEOUS/DEPARTMENTAL CHARGES FOR RETURNING UNDERGRADUATE AND DIPLOMA STUDENTS
FACULTIES/PROGRAMME CATEGORIES VALUE
(i) Administration,Arts, Education (Arts), Extra Semester N4,050.00
Law and Social Sciences. (Rain /Harmattan)
(ii). Administration,Arts, Education (Arts),
Law and Social Sciences. ReturningStudents N5,300.00
(iii). Education (Science), Science Extra Semester N6,550.00
(Rain /Harmattan)
(iv) Education (Science), Science Returning Students N7,800.00
(v) Agriculture, E.D.M, Technology Extra Semester N9,050.00
(Rain /Harmattan)
(vi) Agriculture, E.D.M, Technology Returning Students N10,300.00
(vii). Administration,(Diploma in Local Returning Students N55,300.00
Government Studies)
(viii) Administration,(Diploma in Local Extra Semester N54,050.00 Government)Studies) (Rain /Harmattan)
(ix) Basic Medical Sciences, Clinical Sciences, Returning Students N12,800.00
Dentistry, Pharmacy.
(x) Late Registration N2,000.00
(xi) Accommodation (Returning Students) N2,590.00
Returning Students are required to pay the appropriate charges as indicated above as well as a sum of N1,600 for TISHIP (TertiaryInstitutions Students Health Insurance Programme) into any ofthe branches of the underlisted banks:
First Bank Plc
Skye Bank Plc
Zenith Bank Plc
Accommodation fee of N2,590.00 (returning undergraduates)shouldbe paid separately into any branches of the underlisted banks across Nigeria:
UBA Plc
WEMA Plc
Students with extra semester(s) are required to pay appropriate charges including TISHIP asindicated above. They should in addition, obtain clearance from their Heads of Departments to enable them log on to the e-portal for registration.
Students should access the e-portal from any Cyber Café anywhere for their registration as stipulated above.
BED SPACE ALLOCATION:
Fresh undergraduates and final year students will request for Bed Space Allocation placement directly on the e-portal and payment of appropriate fees including accommodation. Candidates will be required to print 3 copies of Bed Space Clearance Formsfrom the e-portalwhich must be duly signed by the student and the Hall warden.
Students are required to keep one of the completed Bed Space Allocation Forms, submit one to the Dean, Student Affairs and thelast copy to the Hall Warden to qualify him/her to OCCUPY the bedspace allocated. Please note that failure to submit the Bed Space Clearance Form automatically disqualifies the Bed Space Allocation.
Apart from fresh undergraduate students, final year students are also given priority for accommodation. Other spaces available (if any) will be balloted for.
On behalf of the University administration,­wewish all students a wonderful, peaceful and rewarding 2011/2012 session.
Sgd.
Ayorinde O. Ogunruku,
Registrar

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When i remembad wat pple were saying here bout d local govt letter tin, i had to come bak here to ask.....so we dont really even need dat letter, do we
Considering how we spent time talking bout it.

A female teacher,was having a
problem with Akpors in her class of 3rd grade.
Akpors said 'M'am, I should b in
4th grade, i'm smarter than my sis
& she's in the 4th grade'.
The M'am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complains & took
Akposr 2 the Principal's office.
She explained everything 2 the
Principal who decided 2 test
Akpors with some questions that a 4th grade should
know. Principal: What's 3 3?
Akpos: 6
Principal: 6 6?
Akpos: 12
& so on..
The Principal asked the boy many questions $ Akpors got them right.
The Principal then asked M'am 2
send Akpors 2 4th grade.
M'am decided 2 ask some more
questions & the Principal agreed.
M'am: What does a cow have 4 of, that Ï've only 2 of?
Akpors: Legs
M'am: What's in ur pants that u
have but I dont have?
Akpors: Pockets
M'am: What starts wit a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious &
contains thin whitish liquid?
Akpors: Coconut
M'am: What goes in hard & pink
then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide,but b4 he could stop the
answer, the boy was taking charge.
Akpors: Bubble Gum
M'am: U stick ur poles inside me. U
tie me down 2 get me up, I get wet b4 u do. What am
I? Akpos: Tent
The principal was looking restless
M'am: A finger goes in me. U fiddle
with me when u're bored. Thebest man always has
me 1st n what am I?
Akpors: Wedding Ring M'am: I come in many sizes. When
Ï'm not well, I drip. When u blow
me,u feel good?
Akpors: Nose
M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My tip
penetrates,I come with a quiver Akpors:Arrow
M'am: What starts wit 'F' & ends
with a 'K' & if u dont get it, u've 2
use ur hand?
Akpors:Fork
M'am: Whats it that all men have,it's longer in some men than
others,the Pope doesn't use his & a man gives it 2 his
wife after
marriage?
Akpors: Surname
M'am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is
responsible 4 making love?
Akpors: Heart
The principal breathed a sighof
relief & told the teacher:- 'Send
Akpors 2 University, I got thelast 10 questions wrong myself!

kasbeats: A level is jes abt 3 subjects or 4......an A earns u 5 pts....B 4 pts,C 3pts etc....so watever u get in the 3 subjects necessary,u grade ur points and the max is 16.....d extra 1 is for those dat manage to pass all their courses.....u tender d result normally thru DE,buh sum unis allow UME admitted candidates tha have A level result to upgrade their admission.....i hope u get dat.....
U dnt need to get A in all ur subjects,all u need is a to gather points wich are sufficient to earn u d course of ur choice.....and u r in....

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so wat course are u hoping on

While we're still on waiting mode, make i jug go play ball for field abeg.
Keep ur self fit while d waiting is on

kasbeats: upgrade as in ,tender ma result from A level and be admitted to 200 lvl naw....even though i gained admissn with ume....

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wow, neva herd of dat. U had like 9As or wat?

[quote author=BINTI_LAYE101]Yeah you are right, but is this word in your dictionary.
THERE ARE NO BIG WORD ANYWHERE, LET SEE;
Pneumono(lung)-Ultra(beyond)-Micro(small)-Scopic(looking)-Silica(sand like)-Volcano(volcano)-Konis(dust)-Osis(disease).
Now @all where do you think big words come from?[/quote]>
doesnt exist

[b][/b]

miss law: pls ws dat in v.i or in ur state

miss law: pls ws dat in v.i or in ur state

miss law: pls ws dat in v.i or in ur state

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>in d state i reside in

i went to d local govt office to get ma birth certificate today. When d guy told me 2,500, i nearly freezd like subzero. After much pleadings, we settld for 1,500. Me tot it was one big certificate sef. Dint knw it was just an ordinary small paper.
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one gone, many to follow

Adex097: oh i just remembered..that guy who's allergic to goal scoring?

u got it right

kasbeats: hey guys,i was lucky to gain admissn to Chem Engr with jamb,buh i heard dat i can upgrade ma admissn with ma A level result.......pls any1 with any info that might assist should please post or add me up on 2go kareem806... or buzz me on 07030195065...

wat do u mean upgrade?