Writing a comic piece is a really hard task to nail mostly due to d fact that I sort my materials by myself, so if u find my write up rather absurd or in need of some amends abeg tell me.



My poor parents try for me no be small oh I forget make I tell una say I be thirty two years when I leave my papa house, the stigma at home was just too much, na my parents dem dey feed me and clothe me, I was more like a family pet abi sey na family "bingo" i go call am before I commot nd now am 43 nd still struggling but now outside d confines of my parents house..If I had known better I should have kukuma stayed with them..


The result for the interview was a complete wreck, am quite sure they gave my mark to someone else cz how I go get 0/3, zero over three as in capital ZERO, but wetin man go do I just had to accept the fact that we live in a world filled up to d brim with OJORO, I gave d best possible answers nd yet I was denied the job..

All these years with the numerous torrent and torment have been through, I tot to myself d only way I can make it fast in life is to engage myself in shady deals, what ever brings in the token for my survival...



Life in warri has been really cruel to me, why I dey even tell una say life dey cruel to me e dey obvious to una now, it's been a week since I took a meal nd the urge to eat was burrowing deep into me,

I exercised sum patience till dark, nd when I was quite sure that everywhere was dim nd dark I headed to a kiosk nearby, the trick I had in mind was to stuff my pocket with as many handful of gaari as I could, since I knew d exact spot where the woman always placed the container which contained her gaari I was quite certain it was going to be an easy task on my path.

While she was busy attending to another customer I dipped my hand into d container nd scooped as many handfuls of gaari as I could into my pocket, my pocket was now swollen nd there was no space to put more, my pocket get gaari belle nd I was delighted to be the fada..winks*

Since it wz dark I wasn't sure if na garri ijebu or na yellow garri I carry but I was quite certain that It was gonna be garri ijebu the sort that needed no sugar. cz the texture was smooth nd nice.

I quickly emptied my pocket into d bowl wey I won use wak am in d cover of d dark abi na nyt we go call am, but as I chuk ma finger into d bowl say make I start to dey wak d gaari cz na soak and travel I use am do, I felt a sharp sting thrust through my fingers nd I tot to myself dis gaari go conk no be small.

The gaari swell no be small and I enjoyed it, infact it was like dining on something special, na my hand I use do spoon. U shud av seen me as I take lick my fingers.

As I say make I sleep like this after I don wak finish na hin mosquitoes start to dey buzz for my ears but I just tot to maself say d mosquito dem don enter wee this nyt, if u see my eyeballz na like that of Segun Arinze and Tinubu all rolled into one, nd na HD display I dey see tinz, I fit zoom nd even do auto focus with my poppy eyeballs, so all d mosquitoes wey dey gimme problem didn't really pose a threat b'cos it wasn't really hard killing them even though it was dark,my extra large eyeballs did a great job of spotting them nd my hands did a great job of killing em though d way I dey clap when I dey kill them be like worshipper wey dey do praise nd worship, after I don slay all of them finish nd sent them to d afterlife I went to sleep with no buzz @ all.

A short poem to celebrate the nation at 53.

....And as as such we are damned
by every cubicle nd inch there is a stench
Still trudging the muddy trail at 53
nd even d latter years were a wreck

Naija I hail thee nd equally weep for. thee....I don cry tire
grab your big chunk and just tuck it in
coz the national cake is for all
but only a few are smeared in it

We the masses are the awry lot with no gut
Are we that soft or just mere dumb

A total crack down is what we seek
Cz being meek nd subtle led us here
So let's embrace fury a bit
Maybe that might bring the change we need.

Na so I taste shit/igbe oh, bt the shit/igbe had this distinct taste nd flavour, it was unlike anything have ever tasted before.

The thought of me tasting poo/igbe had quite a grip on me, it rendered my taste buds yanma'ish(from d word yanma yanma) nd I just felt like cutting my tongue out, but seriously wetin man go do.

The next day I had to prep myself up for an interview, the coat wey I borrow say I go wear go d interview be like extra large blanket and the shoulder pad that was meant to be at the shoulder had slipped to the ankle, the trouser to the dilapidated coat was even worse It was all bloated like a balloon.

I was set for the interview, it was as if I had a parachute on with the coat I had on, I would have opted for a suite instead of the bizzare coat but where I won take see d money, but who cares as long as I get the job.

As I dey waka for street go where I won take do d interview na so people dey hail me say dey like my coat, I even got some couple of shot from obsessed onlookers who had cameras nd phones na so I turn to instant celeb oh.

The interview room was all tense and laced with fear, we were up to a hundred plus that came for the interview, we were all seated with a desk ryt in front of us, d atmosphere felt like that of a jamb centre.

Since I was the brainy sort I was mentally ready to devour any question they hurl at me, I wasn't smeared in tension nd fear like d rest who were big olodo's instead I was cool, calm nd collected.

They gave out the question sheet nd another empty sheet onto which we were gonna write the answers on.

The questions were so cheap, they were just three questions I had to answer, two of the questions were biblical nd the third was kinda historical it had to do with a sinking ship.

The questions were lined out in this format and the answers I provided to them can be seen beside them.



1: who is regarded as the father of many nations-----------(ans) tuface Idibia.

2:what made the titanic sink---------(ans) because lepacious bose was onboard.

3:where did gorillas evolve from------(ans) olusegun obasanjo.

I was the first to submit while the other dullards were still busy eating the bud of their pens, olodo's.

I sell my fone so I go see money buy apkororo provision for am, that's why have been unable to update my story but I don run borrow my guy fone so I go fit do quick upload, infact I rent d fone from d guy hand ni.

With akpororo out of the way (am sure you are wondering why I dey use small letter begin d pikin name na cz e no worth make I use capital letter ni o, that boy no be proper noun @ all, na object of pronoun e be..stupid boy.what he did to me made me vow not to have kids ever, that boy made me suffer no be small.

I sat still with my five fingers positioned on my cheek thinking of what next to do,cz I needed money real bad and there was no way to get any..as I sidon dey look na in one of my warri padi come my side, he asked what was wrong and I told him I was in dire need of money, he gave out a short bust of laugh and told me not to worry that money will come if and if am gonna take heed to his instructions, and I told him I would do anything and he said we should meet by mid night.

As midnight reach like this I go meet the guy, he was all set cz he had an axe and multiple containers with him, I ask am wetin we won use d axe and container do, he said we were going to bust a fuel pipeline, he said one of his informant don sight one pipe at the back of one hotel like that and that we were gonna bust it and take fuel from it.

I felt happy that at last money go come my way, I took the axe and slumped it over my shoulder while the guy carried the containers, we took a bike to where the pipeline was but we first did a background check on the neighbourhood just to check if the (Ww.that's all people no dey there) cz na them they look after pipelines.

When we were certain that the ghost was clear we proceeded to the site of the pipeline, I started to dig out the soil and the guy instructed me not to make too much noise so as not to wake the neighbourhood up.

Wallahi the pipeline deep no be small, I was yet to see any sign of any pipe, but as I dey dig the soil I just dey happy say at last my life go better, I put more effort into the digging and all of a sudden I heard a sound, the axe had hit something,I was happy that at last I don reach the promise land, with this pipeline I would go into the oil business and even open up a filling station.

I told my guy that the axe had struck something, I reached out with my hand to feel what the axe had struck and it was a pipe, but it was yet to be broken, so I raised the axe high above my head and hit it again and this time around liquid started oozing out from the pipe, since it was dark It was hard to see so I had to dip my fingers into the pipe and feel the liquid oozing out from it, but lo and behold the liquid no be like crude oil for my hand it was somehow sticky and watery so I thought maybe they never refine am at all so I took a little of it and tasted it, na there I know say I don die, na shi.t water I put for mouth wey I taste, so all this while na soakaway pipe I dey dig...eeyah I don die.

What the charcoal tripod does to the pot is sheer racism.
It darken it and renders it barboonic
The tripod with it lumps of glowing coals are stern colonial overloads
They thrive upon the ravaging dimness coerced on others
Alas they've rendered us without might
And with ease we dampen our fights

A case of the pot calling the kettle black
Cause with their white blemish they are dark at heart
3000 pounds on entry sey na paradise?
I pity our condition oh for we tend to accrue too much admonitions on damned britain
Great(minute)britain with it heartless demands
I sure hope the lord crushes em beyond recognition
And one last thing great britain (your fada)