₦airaland Forum

Hmmm............ Wow! Thank God for Nairaland. I have never fallen victim of this but I remember clearly that once I was on this road with my friend. First a young man on a bike passed by me and pointed at my tires. I did not pay him attention but not long after, I passed another guy, and he was seriously pointing at my tires. My friend, a lady, became worried and advised that we stop. She felt there must have been something wrong with the car. A sixth sense asked me not to. I merely reduced my speed from about 120kmph to about 80kmph so as to minimize the impact if there was actually something wrong. Not long after, a third person pointed at the tire again. Now I was seriously worried but I kept on moving. When I had gone far away and seeing a filling station in sight, I drove into it. I took time to check every part of my vehicle, even brought out the wheel spanner and checked all. Now I know that I was programmed for scamming.
I wonder what would have happened if I had stopped? Maybe na today I for just sabi say na scam. Vex for don dey kill me by now.

TOPCRUISE: The government should focus more on the political boko haram who are hidden in government office, the central bank and the 2 legislative arms. These are the ones who discreetly and through legal channels fund boko haram. Until those channels are cut off and the politics and actors behind it exposed we will continue to chase shadows and incur more cost

Bro I like your analysis. Good but you miss the point of this insurgency. TO INCUR MORE COST!!! That is why the government would first expose every move it wants to make. So long as Boko Haram remains an issue, some guys are making a whole lotta cash!!

soul_glo: Sleep with one eye open. Within a few months of marriage you have slapped your wife over your brother. She then tried to slap you back but because you were physically stronger you were able to stop it and you slapped her again. Use your brain. A woman who attempts to slap you back is not a millipede. You have only been married for a few months? I can guarantee that in a a few years she will be slapping you and fighting you like a man. You brought violence into your marriage when it becomes an everyday thing do not point fingers anywhere but at you. Hopefully your brother that you slapped your wife over will set up his own family and will not let you come destroy his home. The OP is twenty times the man you are. He has been married for years and has clearly made mistakes but you who has been married for a few months is already slapping your wife. I know she will slap you again. It will happen. Next time though to sho how strong you are just pick her up and throw her into the wall.
Here is a guideline you can use
For not getting along with your brother you give her one or two slaps
For not getting along with your parents you give her two swift kicks and two punches in the gut
For not getting along with other members of your extended family just buy a cane and flog her butt

Oga Soul_glo, are you married? if you are, good for you. If you are not, I pray you never get to the point where you find that you have to correct some stuff physically. I will give you a few tips:

1. Generally, for women, if you find that they have a tendency to be disrespectful, then you have to be a dictator from the word go. If you don't she will take you for a joke. Sometimes, we believe that if we show a woman plenty of love, she will realize just how much you love her and start respecting you. It doesn't happen in all cases. A slap is said to be a device to reset someone's brain. Some women's brain needs this reset once in a while.

2. My wife is such that she says no to everything I ask until I put my feet down. I started seeing it immediately after our wedding but I felt she needed to adjust. When that adjustment never came, I found that asking for things to get done, I had to raise my voice and she will meekly do it. We used to go to work together and I was always late because I was always having to wait for her to get ready. For months, I threatened to go without her but she never changed until the day I left her in the house. She didn't believe it. She called me that she was downstairs and I asked her to take a cab. After that day, everything changed. She finishes before me and waits for me.

You may ask why I am saying all these: I have heard women say they cannot respect a man who does not beat them. I have heard women say they cannot respect a man who is a weakling. Like I said in my initial post, after the two slaps, don't do anymore. Your point is already made. If she keeps talking, go to bed and sleep off. or better still, leave the house. It tells her you are not a woman beater. You just needed to stamp your authority. In conclusion, it depends on the woman that you have. I have a friend who has the meekest husband and she avoids annoying him just because he is meek. Later I found out that beneath that very meek man, is a very temperamental fellow and his wife knows. She has seen that temper once and she dnt like it. She would do anything to keep the man meek. My point is made. You can mouth off if you want to.

@ OP: I will tell you my story and you are free to take my advice or not. It is similar to yours. I got married a few months ago and right from the word go, my wife never wanted any of my family members to come close. My mom, dad and siblings stayed in my house for a week during the wedding preparations and she treated them like dirt. Then my bro had an accomodation problem and had to stay in my house for about 2 weeks and she gave him the same treatment.

Eventually, I realized what it was. I was too soft on her and she was taking it for granted. Like every woman, she wanted total control and she felt my family members' presence would prevent that. I come from a family where FAMILY is never taken for granted.

One day, she messed up with my bro and against my principles of never raising my hand against a woman, I gave her a very solid slap. She was shocked. She came to retaliate and I gave her another. I cowed her to submission. Now we have an improved relationship. She now respects me and knows that I can be a beast if I choose to. Deliberately, I ensured I never apologized for slapping her. She has complained that I never apologized and I told her I did not regret it.

Now my advice: Women are different. Some women will respect you when you are soft. Some other women will ride you if they see any signs of softness. Maybe you need to show your wife that you can be beastly if provoked. Do not beat her. Two solid slaps would do. If she is the type you said she is, she would become violent and go crazy. Do not fight with her. Your point is already made. You will see changes I hope. All the best

My bro,
As to your question: Forgive the guy, keep him as a friend but at an arms length. He will go out of his way to make you happy since he has f***ed up once. Get all you can from him.

As for the gurl, tell her u have forgiven her. Then take your time to be shining the congo. Make sure you keep other chics as well and make sure she knows. When she tire, she will leave you.

My asking price is 1.6m
My number: 08055926597

fckyourman: First.

You need at least two clippers = (6000)
You need at least two Barbers chairs= (7,000)
Small Generator= (15,000)
DVD+ Speakers (5,000)
4 Waiting Chairs (9,000)
Mirrors on the wall (1,500)
Hair Products (2,000)
Hire Barber don't pay upfront

Total Around 45k might be cheaper depending on the market.

Guy, I luv your analysis but you are missing some things. Please don't mislead this young enterpreneur. First, is that you cannot open a barber shop with 3k clippers. Those clippers when used for commercial purposes will wear out in no time. Please go for Original Wahl Clippers which sells for about 6k each.
In everything, please do not forget to include the cost of renting a shop

I have a 2004 Honda Pilot for Sale.
It is a self driven car.
Vehicle is available for inspection in Lagos. Just pm me!

Hmmmmm....... plenty of good stories here. My first bashing of a car was in year 2000. I actually started driving 1996 and no bashing. This day, I had gone to another local government to drop my boss' kid in school. On my way back in a Mazda 323, one rickety peugeot 305 overtook me. I was like WTF!!! and gave chase. I hit 160km/h and this guy was still ahead. Then I had a flat tire, braked and the car somersaulted. Before the 305 overtook me, I was doing like 100km/h!!

My second was in owerri one good saturday morning. I was heading to PH for my cousin's wedding. I had slept over in Benin so the next morning at 6am, I hit the road. At about 8:00am, I was on the expressway heading away from owerri when an old man crossed the road without looking. I couldn't avoid him and I did not want to swerve as I was carrying my sis and coz. I hit him and he shattered my windscreen. See gbese!! By the time I settled them and got to PH, the wedding was over!

The Bible says "Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword".
While I am not saying the deceased was a member of any cult group, the manner in which he was killed looks like a cult revenge to me. May his soul RIP.

Hmmmmm............. The tragedy of our times. I am surprised though because most of the commenters on this thread do not seem to know what is happening currently.
A friend who just started training with access bank was asked to either get 10 accounts worth 2.5million and each account must be a minimum of 250k or 1 fixed deposit worth 6 million!!! She was lucky to have a relative who was able to provide her 6 million for the fixed deposit.
That is the level at which access is currently. Really debasing!!!!

Guy,
Advice don full everywia but make I still add small something make nothing for loss

1. That chic no luv u. She must explain in writing in not less than 400 words why she went AWOL. Wetin happen? Even if she no get phone, why she no dey respond to ya messages. My take is that she found a new guy and decided to dump you. Eventually, that relationship did not work and she remembered all the good times and she wants back. Don't give her that chance!!

2. She didn't come back for you. No fall for that sme sme! Except she can prove that somebody in her family wanted her to end the relationship with you and cut her off from communication. But beware of Naija chics. They can lie!!

Solution:
If you are one of the very few good guys: concentrate on your present gf and put this other gf behind you completely.

If you are one of the bad guys: Tell her there are no issues. Collect cash from her, sap her dry and wire her t.o.to until she go realize say you no be learner.

The choice is yours but no fall mugu oh! or me go personally treat your f... up

Please send account details to okeycima@gmail.com

This is a wonderful thing the network is doing. I guess I would gladly pay my tithe here.

Waiting!!

Inova: Seeing is believing. Please note that this is not my regular speed. I still like my life.

Oga, This your speed is not real. First, it is impossible to be doing that speed with your tachometer at over 7000 rpm. You wan break your engine block?

2nd, Your Odometer is showing nothing. I have a strong suspicion that this picture was taken in a car wey don spoil. You used your hands to adjust the speedometer and the tachometer.

For me, I have done 200km/h on Kaduna Kano road about 3 years ago.

Right now, my best crusing speed is between 100-120km/h max. No matter what I maintain this speed except if armed robber dey pursue me............

My take:

1. If your airbag light is blinking, any of two reasons: 1. the airbag has deployed previously. 2. The airbag or seat pretensioners have a fault which you need to fix.

2. ABS light on: I used to run a rover and once I changed my shafts. After changing the wheel shafts, the ABS light came on and the mechanic asked me to ignore it to my peril. On a trip to abuja, I nearly crashed the car because the ABS system was not working. I got to Kaduna and bought the original shafts (obviously the mech scammed me and sold me fakes) and the light dissapeared and my car returned to normal. If your ABS light comes on especially on a Honda after you change shafts, check the shafts that were sold to you.

3. Check Engine Light: For most Honda vehicles, and I got this from the manual, the light comes on when there is a malfunction in your fuel system. Especially when you have used leaded fuel and your catalytic converter has been damaged. Also when your oxygen sensor is bad.

Bought my last generator 2009. Thinking of replacing it this year but where I live now, PHCN co-operates maximally. At least 16 hours of power supply daily. So I run an "i better pass my neighbour" for lightings, TV and to keep my fans operating when PHCN fails. I have had soup in my freezer for 3 weeks now and it has not defrosted. That is how efficient PHCN is now.

Hmmm.................. I wanted to create a thread on the Glo Biiig Five but then I decided to check if others have had similar experiences. I migrated to the glo Biig five and it was my worst mistake ever. I recharged N500 and all I got was N100 calls to all networks and N600 glo to glo. All the other so-called credit were not usable. And worse, the tariff was 50k per sec
I engaged glo customer care and I asked why there was no information on the billing plan of the biig five and what its advantage was and the lady who was responding immediately shut down on me. If Glo does not work on this, they would lose customers starting with me. This is the last time I will recharge my glo line.

It saddens me that for every accident we read about, the FRSC always attributes it to overspeeding and reckless driving. We find a reason to blame for every mishap while we do not deem it right to do anything about it. Is it not part of FRSC's mandate to guard against overspeeding and reckless driving? What has FRSC done about drivers who drive against traffic (one way), or about overloaded vehicles? the only thing FRSC is good at is checking fire extinguishers, drivers licence and reflective triangle as if they do not know that even a cow can procure a driver's license in Nigeria. It is so sad that people die like animals daily and all we want to do is to find something or someone to blame. God help us. For the dead, may their souls RIP

1. Please do not ever allow ur mechanic to remove your thermostat. The thermostat is not a reason for overheating. I allowed my mechanic remove mine and it was as if I murdered sleep. Had no peace until I sold the car!
@OP: nice post. Thinking of getting anoda brand new tokunbo and this will really come in handy

Gents. I will really appreciate. I just got an SUV and this morning, on my way to work, I was accosted by policemen who asked me for a tinted permit.
I need this publication to show them and be free!!

Thanks peoeple!

PS:
I just saw the PDF file now. I have downloaded it and printed. Please do not bother sending anymore.
Thanks

Well, I grow two of my nails. the two little fingers. what I do with em?
picking my nose, cleaning my ears and scratching my arse!
And for those who think that a man who grows nails is a lazy arse or worse, gay, I have news for you. I work very hard. I do house chores, I clean my own house, wash my clothes, cook my own food and wash my car myself even though I earn enough money to employ people who will do all of those!
As for being gay, am straighter than you can ever think. Wanna try me?, lol

Just thot I should add my own 1 cent to this discussion.
I don't know where this friend of yours stays but I will assume the worst three cities in Nigeria (Lagos, Abuja, PH).
I know people who are earning far less than he earns and who still make a lliving.
I will also guess you are worried because you know he has nothing on ground to begin the hustling.
If I were in his shoes, I would not quit. 160k is a fair amount to survive VERY WELL on. How many banks pay above 160k anyways? You only get salaries higher than 160k in the oil companies and maybe some other specialized companies. The young man should be thinking of ways to cut down his expenses. I sincerely like the other guy who said he should tabulate his expenses. I do it and it has helped greatly. I make a budget and think on paper. It helps me see what I really need and what is a want. Had a friend who works in a bank and who never had a kobo to save. I advised him to do the same thing (list your expenditure and find out where you are loosing it). He did and since then,life has never been better. Advise your friend to hang on for maybe one more year. In that one year, he should build enough savings to last him at least 6 months of frugal living. He can then quit and hopefully, he should be on his feet in six months.
I don tok finish

Wow, !!! this is insane but I salute the lady's courage and resilience.
For those who are hitting on this lady, consider this:

She is on her way to the wedding when she learns of the test, most likely through a phone call from one of her friends. You know how it is in Naija, mega corporations don't do what they need to do until the last minute. I once wrote a test for a so-called mega corporation. The initial mail asked me to go to Lagos from Jos, Plateau State. I was on my way to Lagos when I stopped over in Abuja and got another message asking me to go to Kaduna Instead. I hope you get this.

At abt 3pm, a friend calls and says they are about to start. Of course, I assume she must have fastracked her reception with a view to killing two birds with one stone. Consider the traffic in PH and think of where she might be living. Her best bet was to take off to the venue.

A wedding does not show how a marriage will be!!! It is just a bloody wedding for heaven's sake!!! If my wife did this, I would support completely. I would rather have a 10 minute reception and give her a chance at getting that job than get annoyed with her. let us face reality. If she gets this job, all these will end

[quote author=Ayotemiluv link=topic=614938.msg7833920#msg7833920 date=1299105402][/quote]Very Funny but true

Quote from: darne on Today at 05:33:43 PM
GTB are the worst,, If you`re depositing 1o naira, i swear you`ll wait for more than 30 minutes,, And they are charging 1% on withdrawals from all savings account, if i`m sending 6k to my hommie in school, its must for me to add 300 naira for him so that he`ll get his 6k or else they`ll deduct the money from his account and that is so so bad !!

I don't think I agree with this quote. I bank with GTB and they don't charge 1% on withdrawals!!! They only charge 100 naira for all withdrawals below 60k. This is to encourage use of the ATM. And it has been my experience that when the ATM is problematic, this charge is immediately suspended. I have banked with GTB for the past 3 years and the experience has been wonderful!!
I had earlier banked with Zenith, Oceanic, UBA and Intercontinental and GTB still remains the best.

as per OP: Worst Bank in Nigeria is UBA. This bank will charge you for everything including depositing money. Check it out for a current account, you pay: COT, Mgt Fee, ATM Fee, etc. etc,

@ profteedav

So you are with Nigerian Breweries. I see!! and with the sales force too!! I see.
No wonder. I agree with you there oh! But I know lots of people who do only one of the Bs. Boozing.
And they do not do it to the extent of getting drunk. The other two they don't do.

@ Post
If you friend got a job with the sales force of Nigerian Breweries and is a born again xtian, then I think he should ask questions before taking the job. The job requires that he drinks socially. If he has nothing against beer as a person, then he can go ahead and take the job. If not, then let him jump to it. Opportunities rarely come more than once.

@ Davidylan

Bros, why I no go vex?  Some people sabi yan opata.
Dem go shit for church, dem no go pack am.  Xtianity has finished us in Nigeria.  Imagine a person driving a car without good brakes and telling you that God will not let it happen. What damn crap!!
Now telling me that Jesus turned water into Chivita!!
The Bible makes a difference between wine and strong drink (Kparaga) but always it says "do not  be drunk on wine".  Person dey drunk on chivita?!!!