I have read a lot of what has been said here and I would chip in my own bit.
Self preservation is the most important thing in Life. If a man beats you while pregnant, Do you know you could die in the process? If you cant call the cops then you need to re-evaluate issues.
Your husband sounds insecure and whatever, Its affecting your own life both physically and emotionally. If you love yourself, then you should find a way to end it
Solution. Sit down and ask yourself, whats more important to you.
Write down all you want from the marriage including cessation of physical and verbal attacks and your desire to get a job.
Let him come up with what he wants from you and Try to see if there is a midpoint where two of you can agree on? If you cant agree on some key issues then I would tell you to move out.
If you didnt do this before you got married now you can do it. You seem like you fear your husband more than you love him
Its not by force to be married o. And if my sister or daughter should tell me a man kicked her tummy while pregnant? DOnt ask me what I would do cos it wont be pleasant for all involved.
This comment of urs have earned u a kiss . . . . Ori eja typing with his balls and head intact,for once.
@Topic,Nope,why should I be Na dat time gan gan i dey crack my bones wellu wellu,If the stranger can't deal with that,chances are that he/she won't even make a good buddy.
so you think its alright to punish undergraduates in this manner
Is Bowen the only Uni in naija? Are they getting FREE education there or under some sort of scholarship? Where they not EARLIER informed that they wud be punished this way and an agreement reached? If anyone of them is fed up,he/she shld go get a JAMB form.
This has scam written all over it. Someone can afford to go online,either usuing cyber cafe or personal Lappy but can't afford a phone with cam?does not add up
I remove mine when typing on NLD,makes me flirt better.LOL Seriously,a ring won't stop anything.it does not even mean much nowadays.Single girls still go for married men with their shiny rings,likewise women.
If you guys cannot peacefully resolve this non-issue,i suggest u guys PLEASE stall the marriage first. You guys are both selfish,immature and inconsiderate to urselves. You want a quiet wedding,he wants an elaborate one,its still "I",when wud u guys start thinking "WE" ? Who wud sacrifice now? Have u guys thought of having the wedding on a neutral month eg August? Btwn,this might be God speaking. . .u guys still have a long way to go.
@OP,Ur in-laws have come and gone,house is urs,now u can protect urself from verbal abuse by controlling who comes to ur house. Ur husband obviously cheats,are u ready to forgive him? You have played blind enough,tell him that YOU know hes a cheat. Insist on both of u going for std tests. Go the extra mile of spicing up ur s3x life.try new stuffs.
azharuddin: Stereotyping a whole community based on interacting with a few is not exactly credible. All communities have good and bad people. But hey you are entitled to have your own opinion. Well opinions are like 'fart'. Some are silent, some are noisy, some are smelly but they dont last long ; )
deols: @ ifyalways, fiqh means Islamic jurisprudence. It gives explanations to basic tenets of Islam, acts of worship and how they are to be performed. It also explains d Shariah.
There is no verse of the Qur'an that states that minors should be married. But,we have examples from the life time of the prophet that this wasnt frowned upon which means you dont have to practice it but if you do, there's no Islamic law against it.
Thanks dear.Salams
Araboy: Khutbas means Sermons
Thank you. This thread has got 2K + views and very lil'replies . . . . What is wrong?Where is Lagosboy,Muhsin,Zayal,etc
chaircover: I don’t believe that flaks husband is a regular woman beater. I think he made a serious error of judgement with terrible consequences. What he did was inexcusable and I honestly wish that he hadn’t done it. We are all human and I want to believe that at least once in our life we have done something that we are not proud of.
From what I can gather here, the incident happened at least 6 months ago and if this man was a regular wife beater before and after the incident, his wife would have shared that information here.
I also gather from the poster that before they got married, the husband vowed to support his wife’s career after the wedding. He made this promise in front of both sets of parents. The million dollar question is what happened? What changed? No one here knows why.
If the man is an abuser and we know that he is adamant about his wife not working; are we not exposing her to more danger by telling her to go out and find a job while the fire is still burnin[b]g. Can anyone of us here guarantee her safety?[/b]
The job we are talking about, it is not that easy to find a job in Nigeria. Secondly the banking sector is not that stable & with people being sacked every day. We also have the possibility of how she will deal with advances from randy men in her establishment before and after she gets her job as a single woman with no man to protect her.
I will be blunt and tell it as it is. Being a single mum in the UK or the USA is very different from being a single mum in Nigeria. It’s not right but that is the plain truth.
In a civilised society, if a man as so much as dreams of laying a finger on his wife before he even lowers that hand, the police will be at their door. God help him if his wife finds herself a good lawyer and before you say Jack Robinson 50% or more of his assets becomes hers, he will pay child support for the next 18 years and will loose a custody battle & that is if he doesn’t end up in prison for assault or even attempted murder. This does not happen in Nigeria; the country where the poster lives.
Again no excuse for a man to verbally abuse his wife for whatever reason, but trust me the abuse she will get from her next door neighbour when her kid has a fight with next doors kid will pass any abuse her husband is giving her. That is when you will see her friend’s husbands telling their wives that they don’t want to see her in their house anymore because he doesn’t want her to pollute his wife. You will also see her married friends no longer inviting her to their house so that she doesn’t “steal” their husbands. How many Landlords rent their properties out to single mothers in Nigeria? Please I want people who live in Nigeria to back me up on this one; am I lying?
Whether we like to accept it or not, there is a stigma attached to single mother/kids. A number of years ago, this guy toasted me but a week later he came back and told me that his mum said that he must not marry a girl whose parents were not together. I was upset at the time but the guy did me a big favour. Incidentally the guy himself is now divorced but that is a story for a different day LOL.
Either the poster missed all these terrible traits in this man all the while she was courting or he was a good man but gradually changed over the years. The next question will be why has he changed so much & is there any likelihood that he can change back to the once good husband that he was?
We are also assuming here that this woman leaves with her kids; What if the man doesn’t let her? This is Nigeria we are talking about here. If she doesn’t leave with her kids then the kids that we are so protecting will be at the mercy of step mothers for years to come & who will probably poison the minds of the kids against their own mother anyway. These kids are all under 5 years of age and so can’t even fend for themselves.
When we all log off of Nairaland, we will all go back to our cosy homes and family and this woman will be left on her own to deal with whatever decision that she takes. This has nothing to do with being strong or being weak or being a martyr or whatever. Nothing sentimental here, I am just being practical and looking further down the road.
deols: I thnk ds is all about the way Islamic education is-dat u'r not too shy to teach or learn anything, some children are thot the basics of Fiqh at very young ages and those cannot be thought without first talking of d likes of Tahaarat(purity) that can not be explained without a word or two concerning sexuality,
also considering that marriage to minors(not that i support it) can not be ruled out of Islam, a 9 yr old gettn married wld b required to know whats expected of her nd in dat circumstance wldnt b regarded too young to kno dat
I av a personal experience to share. I was in SS2 when I heard a lecture on super-perversion as being haraam in Islam. I felt like the Imam shouldnt av given such a lecture. Majority of us there were Students and we even had JSS1 students whom u'd think were too young for that.But, the truth is I never heard a lecture like that after then which means I may never have been aware if d lecture wasnt given.
Araboy: @ Ifyalways When I said people are scared I meant Parents Teachers and Imams cuz they all reticent to discuss sex issues and worse the Imams instead of using their khutbas for education reasons they use it to blame the west and non Muslims for their problems Muslims will not part from the victim mentality and that why they still lacking behind
@Bolded,do they have English meanings?I would prefer English words for easier understanding. Deols,I personally think its child abuse to sit down a 9 year old girl and start teaching her stuffs like how to make love,etc . Please is there any surai that clearly states that minors are allowed to marry?Wud love to know
chei chei chei what are we even saying?cos the man has been feeding her,does not cheat bla bla hence he can hit her,abuse her verbally while she suck it up and deal with it. . .WTF Why are we stressing on "marriage" rather than "staying alive"?wud u be married when u are dead? Why wud the man make her stop working?. . .make her 100% DEPENDENT on him and then treat her like trash and (a trait common with all abusive men,they know u wud take in everything they do if not for anything for "chop money"has gradually stripped her totally of all forms of security;emotional,financial. The kids are watching their dad call their mum names. This woman above all things need to get a JOB AND A LIFE OF HER OWN. She has to save herself before she can save anyone/her marriage.
No one here is advocating for divorce or for her to "pack her briefcase and leave". The main gist is this:she should save herself FIRST then her marriage! work on the man,work on your marriage yada yada when she can't even find her feet or know what she's into? The man for now have choosen not to be her partner,she needs to pull out and get herself (as an individual) sorted atleast for the sake of her children.ONLY then can she work on her marriage and man. Its only when u are strong and fit emotionally and financially that u can pull up ur partner.The man got laid off,its normal to be depressed and she can't stay at home working on helpingthis man,she needs to get a job.Sort out her own emotional problems and be able to take her man along.
Araboy: There is no sex education in Islam people are scared to talk about sex which they view as taboo those Imams and clerics should focus on educating their folks instead of ranting against the west and non Muslims
Which people are scared and what do u mean by ranting against the west and non-muslims?
OP,Divorce is NOT the only way out either. You need to get a job,if not for anything,for ur kids. Tell ur husband that u love him and wants to make things work BUT u won't accept his violence(verbal and physical) anymore. Help and encourage him to get a job. You guys go for counselling. Please if all does not work and he does not change,take ur children to a safe place,ur dad's or any other place.You can then stay and endure whatever he dishes you.
hmmmn.nld. . . Many women have died cos they wanna keep "Mrs" and happy home.Many more are"STUCK" in the marriage,eating poo and are quite unfortunately happy about that. OP,Marriage is all good and sweet but MOST importantly,its PARTNERSHIP.You both wud WORK together to make it work.Wud u rather wait till he starts kicking u and the kids befeore u ACT?Marriage is all abt tolerance but what do we tolerate really?Does the tolerance not have limit?How many of us preaching "endure" have had our husbands abuse us verbally,kicked us etc?I know a lady that just got shot by the hubby,things have been bad btwn them for sometime now and when the lady confided in me that she wanted a temporal seperation,i foolishly adviced her against that.2 months later,this lady got shot. When u are abused and u sit down and keep blaming uself and making up excuses,whoever that is abusing u WON'T stop.Act woman,your kids need u.
@Jenny,u sure say u sef get the correct answers?LOL Im not sure ma boo becomrich have had any username that started with "A" ? A.J's hubby on nld?not sure, Richyblack and sexyhotmun Dayokanu and Toyosi1 Tgirl4real and Sauron Debosky and ennyluv Presido1 and nnenneigbo
LOL Kunbee must have to confirm this before i leave my comments. . . I hope she knows whats shes got for herself ni?,kunbee ti gbe wahala sha a55 smacking,tight pre-nup,swinging on the chandler(sagamu men demand kinky and weird stuff),you-tubing and most importantly have "dumbo elephant ears" that can withstand the constant vibrations of "reeeeetard,m0000ron,creeeetin" that wud be ringing all over the house
Blazay show us ur face @Topic,The man's story appears genuine.Wife's family shld simply go for autopsy.It could be that the late wife/sister was using sob-stories of husband beats me etc to get money from the brothers,who knows Besides,Na wao for naija Police,why is this man detained/arrested and how long wud he remain in Cell or Police station?,Investigations in Niaja lasts like forever.
Becomrichn: fstranger3, you claim you are an electrical engineer. Give me how you would solve it. I know you are telling a lie. There is no other person out there that can solve the problem. All of them are only interested in ONE THING. This is to steal from the people of Nigeria.
Look it is all about contract and award contract for all of this people. They are all interested in Kickback. No single one of this people running have never stop accepting kickback or bribe before. I can tell you. I have never collected bribe in my life. Look Nuhu Ribadu is a police officer. And as a member of the Nigeria police, Nuhu ribadu collected several bribe. I am sure we would find many officers of the nigeria police who would be willing to testified to this.
I am saying I am the honest one among all of them. Look Even Jonathan Goodluck can never tell you he does not give and take bribe. Tunde bakare $50,000 bribe story. If that was true.
Nuhu ribadu does not even understand how even the law system work in the USA.
But I am saying I have never collected bribe in my life. It make me the honest person out here. And you trying to make me bad. why you refuse to go after this criminal who are stealing from nigerian and still stealing from nigerian is not fair. If you tell me how you who solve it. I would know you are an engineer. I know how to because I am an electrical engineer. Jonathan Goodluck cant solve electricity problem in Nigeria. Nuhu ribadu cant not solve electricity problem in Nigeria. Buhari can not solve it. all of them cant not solve it. But I am telling you, I will.
I would also solve housing problem. And help business get better, because i have live abroad for many year now. And I know how their system works.No single one of this people know how thier system work. I had to laugh when I saw a video of soludo talking about banking abroad. From that video I know soludo had no clue how the banking system works. And he was suppose to be the central bank governor. Even Ngozi Iweala who had claim to have work for the world bank had the chance of changing the system, it also look like she lack how banking system works. Their so call bank merge shows they lack how the system works.
You would ask why dont I give people the idea. They cant enter into my brain , that why. Look ask anyone who have followed me in the last few years. One thing they would agree with. is that I most be very good with computers. if you have seen some of things i have done in the past.
I can make the system work if I am president. I know so . if it does not work. So you can see, that nuhu ribadu and others have nothing to offer nigeria and nigerian. they are all interested in contract and bribe. I am not interested in money. Go and find out. If I was I would have given up and join jonathan. with jonathan awarding few contract, I am not interested in money, I am interested in change. having a system that works. And honestly it looks like I am one of the one few nigerian that can .
we should not come abroad. we can do it back home. this is why i want to be president, not becauseof money, I can show everybody how much i am worth before and after. I dont give a shit1 about money. But a system working. why dont you ask why nigerian do not come back home. If the good one have been coming back to rule. We would have no need to come abroad.
For you to know I would win, they stop issue nigerian passport to nigerian in canada, and they look for way in shuting down some universities. if you look at the video of university of ife. This is how militia the university and labour union is in Nigeria.
You can see the student fall down because of the passion of the word Great and how all of them stood up. It tell you the passion involve in this. They need real change. It is a movement you cant not understand except you know our history.
Food › Re: Eating In-front Of Strangers? by ifyalways(f): 10:06am On Mar 01, 2011
enuff Kpomo 
