₦airaland Forum

austyn0:
I am posting with the thoughts of a matured dude and lady in a relationship You are making it appear like it is wrong or bad going to your guy's house and washing his dirty clothes.....

This is it...Love warrants you try dear....You don't think he will allow it because he cares for you to the extent that he doesn't want you to stress yourself over his mess....One of the things that keeps a man is making him think of you abruptly 24hours a day....You appear decent and even see going to your guy's house as a girlfriend kinda abominable,, but there is no harm in trying to appear sweet....If a female friend of his happen to come over someday and decided to help him with his laundry or any chore,, he will keep wondering why all you do is come over,, eat or gist without asking if there is any duty of his that should be done,, thereby having second thoughts over you going to be a quality wife material..





Just love cannot keep a relationship,, you need to be wild and wide with other aspects that decorates and designs a successful relationship.

Well i never washed a bf's clothes and it was never an issue. It was just not my modus operandi. To go searching for dirty clothes to wash

I could use his bathroom and clean it if it looked unkempt. But i was not the type to start doing housework because we are dating especially as i was not living there and had my own housework at home.

For ladies that live with their bfs, it is imperative that they clean.

Don't worry about being wild or wide...i have 2 sides like a typical gemini

And maybe she has heard that smokers are liable to die young so she doesn't want to be with a walking corpse.

openmine:

When you don't comprehend or respect one's line of thought,you make flawed,illogical and hasty conclusions...
Now read for understanding....
I will tell her a relationship is as important as a marriage and if she must have a successful marriage she must give her best in a relationship!
comprendo?

And she should not hold back anything...even her anus*

I see he is trying to justify sleeping with his girlfriend. He should keep quoting.

It could be the way you kiss...maybe the type that has saliva all over the place whole kissing or too aggressive.

Or it could just be that she is the problem and jist doesn't enjoy kissing.

Whatever the case, please talk to her instead of us

openmine:
Well that will be my daughter's decision not yours!
And i know she do what makes her happy at the end!
You can tell your daughter not to give her all in every thing in life.....or better still do less and try to gain more!
More like eating your cake and having it!
Let life be the judge but remember you don't get anything worthwhile without working for it....
There must be a price to pay if you want to achieve something great or meaningful!

No long stories.

I hope you will tell her to give everything and specifically tell her to sleep with them too because marriage is not special that she has to wait to be a wife then.

openmine:

That's not what you said ab initio....
if you are going to a discus with a misconstrued belief that you are crème de la crème,hence you have nothing to learn,then the purpose of communication is already defeated...

Have you considered the fact that you may be wrong with your own assertions or are you one of those who believe they are always right....?
And what if I say your interpretations are flawed?

Did i at any point say i want to learn?

austyn0:
You misunderstood my intention...

I'm replying still because you are one of the ladies I find worthy of my mentions...

This is a thread for discussion,, I wanted to discuss and was anxious to see your examples of threading cautiously,, to see if it would relate to one of the reasons I broke up with my ex lover.

Like i wouldn't go to see my bf and wash his dirty clothes or just do some things i have no business doing as a gf. I don't think he would have even allowed it.

Or as a guy, you start a relationship showing that you have plenty money to spend.

Just general precautions and it doesn't mean you won't love.

openmine:
Let those reading our posts be the judge!

When you have a daughter that sees you as her hero and you see as your princess and angel forever...when she is of a dating age and you can tell her to give her all in all(holding nothing back)to every guy she dates, then only then will we say you have won this argument.

openmine:
Hilarious!
U want to learn right?
U have provided a time!
Now complete ur interest by naming a convenient venue that will be suitable for both of us!
Online venue is also included! Just to help make it easier for U!

I don't want to learn...i want to correct your interpretations of the Bible that you seem to model to suit your argument

openmine:
Nah that's not how it works....
A student should choose both time and venue that is convenient to her esp if she wants to learn

Since there is no teacher or student but just 2 people coming together for a bible study, one has picked the time, the other should pick the venue

openmine:
honey you are entitled to your opinions but that's what they are: opinions not facts!

Just like yours

openmine:
No problem name the venue

Time is 7pm. You name the venue.

openmine:

Okay what is cheating using your anology as a yardstick?



Good now we are getting some where...so I ask will marriage enable you know the person better?
What do you engage in without an element of risk involved?
infact the real risk is marrying some one you know little about..
What if you found out during ur marriage that he was and still is a cheat,what do you do about?
What has your discretion previously been able to achieve?



Okay


U still far away from my point.....
i didnt force my gf to do all those stuffs to prove her love for me....
Thats her decision simply because to her,it gives her pure happiness doing such for the one she loves!
But it would look senseless if she says she wont do nothing simply because she doesnt know if i will marry her or dump her!
That for me is preposterous!
Its like undertaking a project only to stop half way saying you dont know whether the project will work or not!
How would you know if it will work without being committed?



Marriage is not heaven my dear....
marriage just like a relationship has its own challenges and difficulties.... hence if you are able to do most of the work in a relationship, be sure that what you will face in marriage is going to be a bit easier....

Sweetie i still stand on my word that no woman should become a wife in a relationship.

openmine:
It seems you are having a hard time comprehending my analogy....
Now let me explain....
God gave his son willingly and without a caveat which was classified in the bible as the greatest show of love by God for mankind....
The bible went further to say let this love that was in God also be in you!
Now if you study 2 Corinthians 13,you will understand that you cannot love without being committed or dedicated!
Hence,you can't say you will love some one less then give him the remaining love once you get married....
Was that what God told the world when he gave his son Jesus?
Hope U get my drift unless you just want to stubbornly claim you don't comprend!




This is the issue that is so paramount to you which is a wrong and misconstrued concept about what a relationship represents....
Must every thing in relationship be about sex....is that your ideology about a relationship?
What about motivation? communication? offering gifts? Assisting each other? Or inspiring each other?

Engaging in sex or not is a decision between partners,there is no rule book that makes sex a priority in a relationship!
That's why you communicate with your partner and see if he agrees with your decision on sex before marriage!

Being in a relationship does not imply that you must have access to each others body....that's a decision both of you will have to make...don't blame relationship for that!



Hahahahaha.....
Please can you define a relationship?
This simply shows that you dont read before responding...you just rush to respond.....
Where is it written that you must stay in your bf house as a show of love or a prerequisite for a relationship?

People do that based on decision not based on a rule book!

If you feel staying with him will make you feel happy,then by all means do so....thats your decision...stand by it....dont blame relationship for that!

Let's meet and have Bible study then

austyn0:
Pretty hilarious.

Yeah Austyn

You know what i meant. But you were just trying to undermine me.

openmine:
Please can you point to where I said cheating?
Thats a wrong response....i didnt say cheating,i said giving you all which entails commitment and determination which is a prerequiste for passing an interview test...i never wrote cheating! pls go back and preuse that part!



True but without commitment,how would you apply discretion!



Before you go into a relationship with some one,you must have known who you are getting involved with...
and besides,isnt this the same thing you would do when you go into marriage?

What if after all the brain work and discretion tactics,you still ended up in marriage with a liar and cheat,of what purpose was your discretion?

My dear no matter how experienced you are in relationship,with out commitment and dedication which a relationship provides,that marriage is bound to fail!



I guess you are the only one that has experienced a heart break in life....go and hear other people's experience and you will find out that yours is little compared to what they went through!
Yet they still gave their best and were committed and today are happily married!
U can't give what you don't have!
...and you can't give LESS(in a relationship) hoping to get MORE(in marriage)!
It just doesn't work that way!

Dating someone and assuming the role of the wife is it not cheating?

So you think when you go into a relationship you already know all about the person and what you are getting into. Didn't you say it is a risk?

Heartbreak is relative to different people. I never left a relationship with the mind of hating men.

And my hubby didn't insist i have to spend nights at his house, wash his clothes, cook, clean to prove that i loved him. It doesn't mean i do not do all that now.

But many people want their paradise now before they reach heaven by all means.

openmine:
I will tell my sister to love genuinely without holding anything back in a relationship because relationship is very important to the success of any marriage and if they both love each,then they can get married.....
I cant advise my sister to start managing her love for her partner simply because she is not sure if he will leave her or dump her?....that doesn't make sense unless she doesnt love him...
And besides,no matter my advise,its still going to be her decision not mine!



Marriage is as important as a relationship!
You cant in one breath condemn one while upholding the other!
Marriage is important but you expect marriage to do every thing that you didnt do before marriage which a relationship offers!
We expect way too much from marriage!
You expect marriage to make you and you partner become comitted...thats a big lie!
You expect marriage to solve all your financial,mental and spritual problems....thats another terrible misconception!

We ignorantly see marriage as an equipment that converts a person's personality....that's also a pathetic conclusion!

If marriage could do all these,why is there infidelity.?
....why are couples still unhappy.?
why do we have an astonishing increase in divorce cases?
why hasn't marriage changed a known cassanova or a lady who is a serial cheat?




You really don't get my drift do you?
if a man loves a woman and vis a versa,they will do things the right way by getting married but they still have to go through a relationship which is equally important to understand and communicate with each other...which is the norm!
But marriage in its context didn't make them fall in love or made them do things for each other....marriage didn't give them maturity or responsibility.... all these were done and planned before they married not afterwards!



That's also your opinion which you are entitled to....
But if your opinion has brought more harm than good to a married couple,I think it should be time to review your values!
Besides,relationship is a principle that has existed long before both of us we even born hence,you cant just erroneously say that relationship came as a result of a "new age".....



Whats really the requirements to be a wife that you cant do naturally for some one?
Do you need a Wifey title on your name to love and do something worthwhile?

But you will advise a guy to act like a hubby by assisting the lady since he genuinely loves her right?...okay!
My advise is that if you don't love the guy or he doesn't love you,then get some one else whom you love and who is ready to make you a life partner....
Relationship is another phase of commitment, if you get it wrong in a relationship, you will definitely get it wrong in marriage

Your long epistle and various "quotings" still ball down to the same thing.

At the bolded, how many people do the right thing? You are looking at an ideal situation and not a real life situation.

A relationship is that and a marriage is that. Both roles should not be intertwined. You pass through a relationship to get to a marriage...you said that. It doesn't mean you have to make the relationship a marriage.

Is it only guys that help financially? Ladies do too. Even friends help each other. So that does not count.

No i cannot be a wife for all the guys i date. That would be the height of foolishness. Same guys on Nairaland will start the talk of "body count" yet they don't see anything wrong with this lady's attitude. But just wait for a lady here to say the same and the word "olosho" finds its way out.

There is absolutely nothing you would say for me to accept your points even if you write 3 pagesand quote every letter.

Are you married? Did you marry the first girl you "wife relationshiped"? Please don't deceive ladies that it is ok to assume responsibilities of a wife when they are dating. If they do it, let it be their decision and cross

openmine:
My point is simple you want to withhold some of you love with a condition that your partner can only enjoy it only when he slips a ring on your finger....

Now my anology is simple....did God give a criteria for sending his son to die for us?

You want to use God sending His son to justify your points?

Like since God sent His son to die for us without any criteria, we should be allowed full access to each other's bodies even if we are not married?

Or since God sent His son to die for us, a woman can leave her parents' house and go and live with her boyfriend because she loves him as God loved us enough to send His son...

Come on!!! Use another argument please and stop trying to blasphem.

austyn0:
Dear how do you explain "Threading with caution?" An example please

Let's meet in the classroom so that i can use a blackboard to elaborate more.

openmine:
Views and opinions are debated to evaluate its credibility and authenticity...
Just because you feel you may not get a job after an interview test doesn't mean you shouldn't give your ALL by studying, committing and ensuring that you pass it....
Everything is a risk!
You don't commit half way to a project or responsibility.... you give your all so that,even if it didn't turn out well,you will know you did your best!

The lady is giving her all in the relationship not because she depends on the guy or marriage for her happiness but because she believes in true love and true love will give her true happiness!
That's what I meant.....

The fact that i need a job doesn't mean i will cheat in the interview just to make sure i get it by all means.

Everything is a risk but we as humans that have the brains to reason and make decisions that invlove our lives and future should know where to put discretion, where to pull back and where to draw a line.

You cannot dive in head first and tell me it is because you are in love. Ask people with experience, they will tell you.

But the thing is, you might never see it or accept it till you experience it.

QuietHammer:
Since masturbation is addictive and can be done anytime, more sperm is released compared to having the regular sex with a female thereby making the testosterone level depletes faster; more testosterone means more confidence and chutzpah.

Though it's more psychological as a man who has sex thrice a day will have more confidence than one who masturbates thrice a day.

I think I just contradicted myself

In any case, masturbating does more harm.

It is funny how the OP conveniently ignores and bypasses posts that have asked if he masturbates.

Davechuks360 defend yourself.

openmine:
Aside child bearing, what are the OTHER things that should be reserved for marriage?

Let us drop this unending argument. We cannot agree because we share different views.

You believe a dating couple should be completely exclusive and i believe otherwise.

I would never advise anyone close to me to give her all in all to a boyfriend. A wise person will thread with caution and not fall like hupmty dumpty.

openmine:
@ ImaIma1....I have a question for you.....
Did God place a condition to men before lovingly offering his son to die for us knowing fully well that some men will take that gesture for granted?

No.

So you think God will accept you sleeping with your girlfriend because he sent His son to die for us unconditionally?

Or what is your point?

DonPiiko:
I detest people that argue at newspaper stands or football viewing centres. I see it as a sign of irresponsibility and lack of productivity.

Yeah it is the same way i feel about men who sit around playing draft. I hate it!!

QuietHammer:
Stop masturbating

How do you know he is masturbating?

It is the first thing that came to my mind though.

I noticed that some guys who spend time with themselves especially "self servicing" usually find it hard to socialize.

openmine:
Please stop making emphasis on sex as if that's the most important reason why people go into a relationship.....Maybe that's what you think but that's not my idea!
There are great things partners enjoy aside sex....they care and loved each other....
They respect each other....which is paramount and an indicator of where the relationship should lead to...
Today a lady will say she can't respect a guy until he puts a ring in her finger....Or she can't do anything for him since she doesn't know if he will marry her or dump her....does that narrative make sense to you?



That should be a decision between the man and the woman esp if they decide not to get married...that's because bringing children into the world is a very important responsibility but beyond the scope of this issue we are talking about!

however,I have seen partners that have loved and stayed together with kids without getting married and i have seen married couples that have kids but have divorced....so what difference does it make?

In other words,marriage does not secure a couple from divorce neither does a marriage ensure commitment or fidelity!




That was her decision.....she may not want to fancy marriage!
based on the fact that she had children from different relationships....aka baby mama
however,the same thing is applicable in marriage.....
A lady can marry a guy,give birth to kids and still get divorced....which makes her a single mother with kids....and again still marry and still divorce.....
So what makes the divorced lady different from the single lady who has children from two relationships....

Look am not saying marriage is not prerequisite esp before God,but using marriage as a way to ensure commitment is not true and can't stand the test of time!
Marriage is not a mechanism that automatically produces love!


lol...
I guess U misunderstood my give ur all principles(loving genuinely) which is independent of child bearing.....
When you love some one,you will care for the person....motivate the person...love genuinely.... because that's what you want to do for the one you love....
That's what I mean by giving your all in a relationship....

once that happens,marriage will only become a necessary formality where you want everyone to know that you have been married to the one you love genuinely.....

Remember you can't practise love in marriage..... if you were not in love with him before marriage,don't think the spirit of love will take over as soon as you get married!

Somethings should be reserved for marriage.

If they can decide to live as a married couple when they are single, having children shouldn't be left out.

All this you keep emphasizing is not something you will advise your sister that is dear to you to engage in.

Even if you do not see marriage as anything important, somethings are better done there. Even if she has kids and they break up, she was married.

Would you marry a lady that has had 3 kids for 3 different men all in the name of total love in relationship?

You might try to answer in the affirmative but deep down you would rather not.

Your opinions might be as a result of civilization and supposed new age, but some values never change.

I won't advise anyone i know to be in a relationship and act as a wife.

Hard as it may seem, you need to stop masturbating first before taking any further steps. It is messing with your mind, health and emotions.

Why would you want to jeopardize your sexual future with your hands(literally)

Please find support groups(i think there are many around online and on ground), psychiatric help, whatever you can get to stop the destructive habit.

Let your girl go for now. You don't need that complication to add to your problem.That is the bitter truth.

openmine:
Still don't really get the difference.....or your emphasis towards marriage as a yardstick for commitment and love!

I love some one and deep inside am willing to care and help her out in every way possible even though I haven't married her yet which is also a possibility,then some one will tell me to wait until I get married before I do such....?

So what will I be doing with her before marriage?
keep looking at her face everyday like a stranger until we get married?

So because am not yet married to her yet,I should not assist her or buy her gifts or show her love until I marry her?

So because a guy hasn't proposed to a lady yet,she won't cook for him or do what she would want to do for a guy that she loves simply because she is not sure if he may marry her or dump her.....?

It doesn't make any sense.....these ideologies are illogic and can't stand the test of time!

if a person can be dumped in a so called "wall of marriage",then what's so special about the marriage euphoria.....?
I really don't get it....

If a lady is genuinely into a guy,she won't even wait until she gets married to him before offering him love,respect and care!
It comes naturally....

Before sex became a norm in relationships and many things that have become "ok" were not, what were people doing with each other?

If i go by your logic, it means she shouldn't hold back from having children for him since she should give her all.

My friend already has two children from 2 different relationship and the second relationship that produce the second child does not seem to be very active anymore.

I guess she uses this model of give your allas long as you love him

openmine:
True but there is no caution when it comes to love....
That's why its important to take some time to empty ur self from the past relationships due to its effects in one's future decisions....

As for boyfriends becoming exes,do you stop travelling to a particular place simply because you heard that there was an accident?

life or whatever you do in life is a risk.....If you are too careful in matters of the heart,the right person could be mistaken for a wrong person......

There is no such thing as too much love....if you want to love some one,do it wholeheartedly but if you don't want to because you want to be too careful,the let that partner go.....

As for having sex before marriage,that's a decision between partners......

I agree with you that love should be full and not half.

But a girlfriend should not assume the duties of a wife neither should a boyfriend assume duties of a husband.

Somethings are better done in the walls of marriage even if they end in divorce.

UnclePrincipal:
So Girls don't watch porn and masturbate abi?

is a boy thing?

From my observation, especially here, it seems like it is the guys that spend their time indoors masturbating and watching porn.

Sounds like a great idea. So many boys spending their time "porning" and masturbating and blame their unproductive lives on Buhari.

Hope you get someone to answer your question.