₦airaland Forum

Yes to 4,5,7...the rest are allowed.

And you waited till you had 3 children before realizing?

oweniwe:
Your in-laws are nice.

If you told your in-law to do the cooking, they'll have cooked for you, but you didn't tell them or give any instruction.... Do you expect them to read your mind that you're hungry? It's your house and your territory.. if they just enter your kitchen to cook without your consent or directive on what to cook, won't you get angry?

Do you know how another woman will react if her in-law enter her kitchen to stay cooking or serve him/herself?

Some women will raise serious hell and embarrass you if you try that in their kitchen.

Everyone have their story. The fact that they had to stay with you and your husband is not their choice, but circumstances brought it on them... And you don't know tomorrow.... Do you know if your children may have to stay with them later in life?

The in-laws that stayed with you are actually good. If they cook and gas finish, who knows if they will get blame for finishing the gas? When you're in another person's place, you watch your boundary.

I'll rather starve and sleep on empty belle than go to an in-law's wife kitchen to cook or serve myself food.... Some women can go as far as snatching the food from you, out it back into the pot and lock the kitchen door. Who wants to be disgraced cos of a plate of food?

What of the ones that you give permission to cook and to all the food stuffs and food in the refrigerator and they still wait for you?

So if you go to see your inlaws's wife that just put to bed, would you expect her to enter the kitchen for you every time u wanna eat?

crackhaus:
So we are in agreement then. A husband who becomes the chef or maid will be taken for granted somewhere down the line.

Your second paragraph is besides the point and not why I quoted you.

Neither should i be the chef or maid. He didn't marry him to be a slave neither did i marry him to be one.

He could also take me for granted if i contribute money to the house needs

crackhaus:
So we are in agreement then. A husband who becomes the chef or maid will be taken for granted somewhere down the line.

Your second paragraph is besides the point and not why I quoted you.

Neither should i be the chef or maid. He didn't marry him to be a slave neither did i marry him to be one.

FeloniousFelon:
Dont you enjoy it when your man throws you around?

Doesnt it make you squirt ?

#Twisted

By taking your belt, looking into the mirror and flogging the person you see there.

That should suffice since both of you are now one.

LessNoise:
Wear him out lmao.. I completely agree with DrinkLimca if you know u know

Ok then..try it

Ladyhippolyta88:
I tell you madam even one marvin906 insulted me for saying such on one thread a lot of these online alpha males can be found in romance section.

Alpha male indeed.

Alpha males that will still be collecting money from their women.

Some of them are only alpha males on nairaland. In their homes, they are sissy males. Roaring lions on NL and ants at home.

crackhaus:
Oh best believe me, if your man does that every single day for two weeks, even you will start to take him for granted.

Who said he should become the chef or maid?

Involving in the chores doesn't make him less a man

DrinkLimca:
can you get tired of eating everyday?

Sex and food are two different things.

But You can knock yourself out.

Hmmm...

If we want to start with wrong English usage on NL...

"I base in Lagos"

Mandrake007:
Every man cheats and loves to cheat,only broke men don't cheat cos they don't have the means to,but one thing I know for sure is,if you love your wife/partner so much,you'll never be stupid enough to let them find out.But I always advice CHEAT RESPONSIBLY.

Mandrake007 how can you be making thia type of generalization and conclusion. So ALL MEN in the whole world cheat. How do you know that. You don't have to use yourself as a yardstick or standard.

The fact that you cannot imagine life without cheating doesn't mean every man is like you.

Nairaland guys won't like this.

They are alpha males .

They believe that if a man does chores or cook, the woman will take it for granted and lose respect for them...blah blah blah

DrinkLimca:
Yes i will, I'm too addicted to sex, though I've got self control

How can be "TOO addicted to sex and still have self control?

Now matter how much you adore sex, doing it everyday will eventually tire you.

Prognose:
Funny question I want to ask but : Have you cried? Have you had a real good long cry (in private of course where no one can see you)?

Trust me, it helps.

True. Crying helps. It helps release the emotions and you feel lighter.

Op you will be fine. I have lost both and i am fine.

awa:
Why do I feel like this post isn't adding up? He has Masters and had work 8 good years? How come he is still feeling frustrated about life to the extend of committing suicide?

I think either your husband is not good at saving or you guys wasted the earnings of those 8 years and which ever way, it is childish for him to contemplate suicide.

Nobody ever said anything is constant except change itself. He should not belittle God afterall he had work before and I don't see why this fuze.

You think our economy is like that of America and canada where it is easy to save just like that. He might have had savings but that could have been channelled to children's school fees, bills, feeding,etc for the period that he has been off work.

How much was he even earning to be able to cater for family and also save an amount that will sustain him for years?

In developed countries,children's fees are handled by the government, there is constant electricity, good roads, affordable health care in public hospitals.

But if you have to pay NEPA biil and still buy fuel for generator, repair your car often because of bad roads, pay for better health care in a private hospital and pay school fees, buy books on a meagre salary, even if both husband and wife are working, please how much can you save? Not forgetting house rent.

It takes working for longer years and getting upgraded to be able to settle all this. His savings might be in pensions also.

So please before you make the man seem like a no good, you should think deep and try to put yourself in his shoes.

Yes especially for the sake of 4he children. They really should not be made to pay for their parent's bad choices and poor judgment.

A friend of mine benefited from this insurance stuff. His mum, a single mum, had an insurance policy that he didn't even know about. When she died, he was called and he got millions. It was a big testimony.

I think more should be done to secure a child's future to avoid bringing up touts that would become a nuisance to the society.

Op abeg leave them oo. When the baby comes, thank God. What is your stake in it that you are waiting for baby, whether patiently or impatiently?

Before it was..."go and marry go and marry". Now you want to start "go and born".

ChildOfDoom:
hian! You're not helping matters

Hey!! I didn't say you should take it. I just wanted the public to be aware

renod:
they won't tell you those important info you need to know, all they do is make noise just to hit fp

Then they ask you to buy an ebook

Insightful writeup.

Not everyone will take it though. A lot of people have a broke mentality. That is hard to lose.

mikolo80:
i have very real idea
you however have romantic unrealistic view like op yes she is if she marries wrong guy which many women do and start crying wolf all after hahahaha so naive
this is africa not america or europe ok you're not a nigerian ,i see no,he has duty to protect what he values,clearly not you yeah they can yet they run things in it

If you like you can dissect further and respond to each letter.

You think these are romantic ideas because of your "African" ideas. There are African men that do not have such archaic mentality thankfully.

Inlaws cannot run my home. They are visitors and they know that. No issues.

However it works for you is your concern.

mikolo80:
yep says who?not him and he owns the house nothing you can do if HE tolerates nay encourages it and if they don't whatchu go'n do 'bout it
who will lose more
better forget what you see in the movies

Only a fool will base their lives on movies that are make believe. I am talking about real life. You obviously do not know what marriage is about or you have a twisted view about it.

The woman is not meant to be in a disadvantaged position when she gets married. His house becomes her house. I don't know about your tribe but in mine, the house is mine as much as it is his. And he has a duty to protect me from external issues especially from his family.

Inlaws cannot just come and stay like it is their house. Na me get house.

I heard that gum those "shoe makers" use when inhaled is good for highness

You use your girl to generalize for all girls. So now because she messed up, she is now a standard for all of us abi?

mikolo80:
we're talking bare survival you are talking home interference

Bare survival?
The husband's house is more of her home than his familys'. When two people get married, they become ONE and other people INCLUDING FAMILY becomes third parties.

Family coming once in a while can be accommodated but it should not be a norm.A lot of them make it their right and make that period tiring for you.

Bare survival or home interference, families should learn to keep off as much as possible.

JoaquinElChapo:
This is what I always tell my friends, marriage will soon go extinct. Men don't want commitments anymore and women don't want to humble themselves and be under men anymore. It's a sad thing

Not true. Forget the fact that girls just make mouth or men try to act macho. In marriage, they calm down most times.

Wagasigiungu:
Orisirisi something!!! Wonders shall never end. My people say who get cap no get head and who get head no get cap!!! Pls OP desist from using that word- despise- on your parents. There are literally millions of people desperately wishing they could have the love, attention and care (albeit suffocating according to you) of their parents, but alas, this can never be!!!!

Some don't even know their parents, some have lost theirs to the cold hands of death, some were never shown such love by their parents. The list is endless.

What am i driving at- appreciate what you have and look for a nice way to let them know how you feel. They obviously want the best and are looking out for you. How would you feel if you become a parent in future and your kids say such things about you?


[Addition] How would you feel if your future husband you love so much stays out very late into the night and you voice out your concerns for his late nights (out of love and care of course), but he sees it as you nagging and suffocating him with your actions (note that a spouse's love is very very minimal compared to that of parents IMO)

You are a very lucky person, you just don't realize it yet. As humans, we never appreciate what we have until we loose it (i pray this isn't your portion though)

A word, they say is enough for the wise!!!

It still doesn't give them the right to hold her captive or hostage.

They will start pressuring her about getting married. How??

Parents should be loving and caring but should respect boundaries and limits.

Their child is an adult and has her own life to live,decisions and choices to make.

They need to respect that and simply offer guidance and advice. But not to monitor her life.

swiz123:
Though I am far from 30, I have already decided not to get married. Women are leeches.

My money can only be expended on my future kids.

Yimu

Nothing new. When she is preggies and cannot reach her feet, she will need the help.