₦airaland Forum

adexchamp:
Good riddance to bad rubbish!!

Why are some Nigerian men the most self righteous yet the world's greatest hypocrites. They lure women to bed yet turn around to consider a pregnant woman bad rubbish.

Please please do yourself a favour and get yourself out of that situation by going by a family friend or relation to stay until the ladies leave the house, this is for you to run away from temptation. Perhaps your mother forgot to remember that she shouldn't put her son in that kind of situation in the first place, some women forget and ignore such important things only to lay blames when things get complicated. If you make any mistake and falls into the temptation such positioning poses to you, you will be blamed for bringing disgrace to them, nobody will remember that they themselves exposed you to that in the first place.

posted by Ayodele123 0n « #64 on: February 21, 2010, 03:31 PM » 
I want to encourage you to learn from my experience.
i have been married for 12 years and have a daughter aged 11.
My wife has a very low desire for intimacy and intimacy occurs once in 2 weeks that is 25 times in 365 days for the past 12 years and the situation has not changed till date and there is no hope that it will change now that am 45 and she is 42.
And there are periods that no intimacy occur for as long as 8-12 weeks at a stretch because she is not feeling like it.
It was 5 yrs into the marriage that i began to have extra affairs to fill the gap as you did.
I quit those flings 2 years ago and have fully adjusted to my wife's one intimacy round in 2 week routine.And if it does not fall on the day(s) she ovulates,then there is no chance for conception and this probably explains why we still have a child in 12 years.
I wish i could have it like twice a week but what can i do than to adjust.
though its painful despite the adjustment,its my marriage and my cross to bear.
But despite the pain,i am happy with her and we have a cordial relationship
So you are obviously luckier than me. its different strokes for different folks in marriage.

While hoping that the poster( who seems to be a nice and intelligent gentleman) has finally put this problem behind him as the thread is almost a year old, I still want to comment my observation here.

      The problem of the poster of this thread and that of Ayodele are almost the same and it all boils down to the attitude and perhaps the feelings/hormonal changes/societal influences on the women in these marriages. As long as there is no change in these women this problem will never go away just like in the case of Ayodele who has even resigned to his fate and accepted it as a cross. I think that if great effort is made to enlighten, counsel, admonish these women that they will definitely realize their mistakes and in cases where it is a medical problem, medical treatment can help out. The man should do his best( in injecting back romance back into the nitty gritties of domestic life that goes with having children around) as Ndeewonu has followed some good advice here and if that fails, go extra miles to employ the help of doctors, marriage counsellors and even wiser and more mature women(1 or 2) that can come in and advise these women. A schoolmate of mine whose marriage was about crashing as a result of her carelessness turned over a new leaf after a mature woman in her street talked sense into her.
        I am not supporting that the extramarital affairs these men were pushed into should be confessed to their wives but if they were given enough instances of such happenings in marriages during the counselling and wise advise-giving sessions they will understand the risks they have been exposing their marriage to just like every woman that reads these kinds of threads can take wisdom from such. Most of the times, the problems some wives have are basically lack of some bits & pieces of knowledge and experiences of others. I am sure that if they are aware of these temptations these men are wallowing in, they will be more open to satisfying their men. It's not fair on goodly men like Ndeewonu and Ayo to be going thru these really, Ayo is such a darling that even when he wanted more children he meekly accepted the poor cross and is bearing with just a child, this is a very serious issue that should not be accepted as a cross like that. It's one life we have got to live, if one is able to keep body and finally gets married, that person deserves utmost sexual satisfaction in marriage, temptations like these should be fought hard out of the way with all available resources. It seems to me that these resources have not been exhausted in these cases and some parties are packing up the tents and accepting it. I believe it can be solved with God's help too.
        In addition, while we all socialize and get more knowledge from this beautiful forum, the internet and other mediums let the wives be encouraged to come and interact in places like this too, education shouldn't end when schooling ended. Reading 10 good quality and educative threads in Nairaland can enlighten housewives.

Oh! we even have a smarter lady in the house(in the quotation below) who learned from experience and knowledge, which is part of solving this kind of problem. I mean pampering her, begging her, giving her treats, shedding frustrated tears before her are good but if that doesn't move her other measures like impacting knowledge, counsellling, medical help may do.

posted by funkysamy
Hello
i honestly can feel you and i empathise with you, even though i am a woman, but i am going through the same trends in my marriage; mine is worse because i never slept with anyman in my life till i was 26 years old and that was a year to my marriage and it was this my same husband that disvirgined me, so i was never a sex - sex person and just like your case; one year or less into our marriage the issues started my hubby started sleeping with girls; in my own case i quickly noticed because we were very close and i saw those signs and i also discovered majorly from his phone and calls, so i started asking him; but note that before this times he always called me to tell me about the fact that he wasnt getting it as much as he would have loved to and something sex related issues(i am ok with once a week, i could try and adjust to two or maybe three, but he insists on everynight; no matter how tired he is after work not minding the fact that he comes home late everyday; or if he cant have it everynight; every other night will do)
anyway not to bore you; he confessed to me once or twice and initially it shocked me becos i knew he truly loved me, but let me tell you that i have not trusted him again since then, but his confession jottled me and made me to sit up and i made up my mind to give it to him however he wants it and whenever even if he doesnt ask for it; i know i have to make the move (i am doing this just to keep my marriage and to give him little or no excuse to cheat) and i think recently things are better much better and one funny thing is that i am beggining to see it as part of me and not just getting used to it but also enjoying it more than before; we also have two kids

Can't stop laughing at you pranksters.
You guys should leave the poster alone to find his maturity girlfriend bikonu, did he offend anybody

@people
please let's not laugh at a sister in distress, Such people need encouragement and support and not laughter and insults, let us grow a heart please.

@Sandy
Have you given birth??
Or are you still pregnant??
How do you sustain yourself, do you work or do you live with your parents??
Have you tried talking to your boyfriend's family about the pregnancy??

Not everybody is, Will be glad that you are not.

I pray God work in that strange way we don't understand and extricate this lady from this problem.
Mutter I didn't mention removing the baby, if you noticed I avoided mentioning it while replying him dear. Do you know how much I love babies Like crazy!

Arun, I am seriously asking that you give me a contact to that lady impregnated by her sister's husband. Leave this protocol thing aside and think of a young woman in distress that needs people to talk to.
I am yet to fathom this society of ours that is hard on hapless women really, it beats me that when women should feel for their fellow women they'd rather castigate and judge.

macjive said----
@ivynwa, even if u were to contact her wat else could u suggest to her that has nt been said on this forum or the welfare people hasn't suggest to her ? I don't think there is any part of Naija that doesn't frown and even forbids such incestual offspring.
Tell me wat wud it cost her to hav an abort? Absolutely nothing, just blood n , Mayb guilt. But mind u she didn't hv the guilt wen frolicking wit her sis hubby. At that time she didn't remember she is a catholic?? No, answer me ivynwa.

My brother I am not asking to contact her and take away the problem, she is a woman like me and I feel for her distressed situation. I have come across women that had their life ruined because they were taken advantage of and sexually abused like this lady, a woman going thru this needs shoulders to lean, friendly encouragement and support that is all the opportunity I am asking to be given. Will it please us to hear that this lady worked herself up and killed herself? What settlement are they even talking about ? However amount of money she is given, whichever country in the world she travels to to get away from people, she will still carry this baby alone and go thru this whole trauma all alone. It's just a lil love and understanding that I am begging to be allowed to give her and I don't care who doesn't like the sound of that.

Arun please send me a mail and oblige me that for goodness sake.

Forever rich:
gunuvi holla at me, u do realize d badagry stof kan fail anytime right??.luks like u resident in lag so lemme show u something u bank on its reliability guaranteed!!!jriley61@gmail.com

Mister Forever why don't you get a grip and quit dancing all over the place dearie or is it the N1.5million that is beating the drum to this music you are dancing to? Now don't upset me there, you heard of some money and quickly got a new Nairaland username and new email address and started dancing before everybody. You better not be a 419, I believe you are smarter than that but if you are then it's a big big shame. Mtcheeew,
I am not normally rude here in the forum but scammers upset me just like you are about doing. Excuse me mister.

There is nothing wrong with two people (that appreciate and are comfortable with each other) loving and caring for themselves inspite of the age difference. Duchess Camilla is older than Prince Charles and they are married, I have seen Nigerian women older than their spouse. It's always a success if the man is mature in mind and understands that a woman will always be a woman that needs to be taken care of by a man.

adeyemi04:
It is not good 4 a man 2 date a lady that is older than u.it is an abormination 2 our culture in nigeria.Think of it how mature the lady will be when she will give birth 2 a child.Though she might b a younger girl bt when she gives birth she will look mature than u. My guy accept my point.

Is it an abomination in Nigeria or in your mind  

evilspirit:
i drive a corolla and im ok with it.it is just that the wedding budget is on the high side

Is it not better one structures a wedding to suit his budget rather than spending lots and lots and putting your trust on the guests as your source of recovery of the spent money. It may hit you hard and depress you if you end up not getting much cash from that wedding. I remember coming across somebody that was regretting spending much in his wedding when he should have used half of that money to acquire a land in Lagos then.
Wedding is the celebration of your union with your second half and the receiving of church blessings to start your family and not a[b] business venture [/b] for goodness sake. Why do we all strive too much to please the society and get the respect of friends to our own detriment.

Jaguda
I really like that your website, what type of website is it? What type of services do you offer to the public? It's a lovely site. Tell me about it okay

I clicked on your thread to learn from the advice others will give you. Listen to the advise people have for you but do be very careful. It won't be nice for you to lose that money while seeking advise. I will even advise that you change the topic, remove the money part and the amount and just seek advice on things worth investing in. You can type investment in the search area at the bottom of the page and see the many investments that abounds. Be very very careful, think very hard and be sure that you are dealing with a genuine person that you meet here before you agree to a meeting. I hope you understand and please whoever is offended by this advise of mine should bear with me and not be angry please.

Hi Mrs Eve,
How are you doing girl?

190 Sweetie,
Now stop getting on Mrs Eve's nerves. I like the decorations done on that tricycle. It's lovely.

I am holding my heart!
Thank God it didn't happen.

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=565557.msg7304563#msg7304563 date=1291925128]Nice thread . . . .I've been wondering too . , . .[/quote][quote author=D-sense link=topic=565557.msg7305474#msg7305474 date=1291936343]We do alll those stuffs . . . . But we no dey run go village as if den dey pursue us . . . [/quote]D-sense your comments shows that you have your hands on your jaws and seriously waiting to hear the comments on this topic     
Una no dey run go village as if den they pursue una because una village no dey far from Lagos and you fit go your village sef on xmas day go see grandma and everybody come return back to Lagos again same day but Igbo people village far now. Wetin you wan make them do, Xmas no be holiday? Den dey run go village go spend time with their loved ones and as their village far kwanu den need to pack some things den go need. Abeg leave Igbo people make them follow enjoy xmas Ojare, you fit travel down Igbo land come see as xmas dey sweet there and see say whether you sef no go pack bag follow dem travel come next xmas. Xmas dey sweet special for dat side-o-o-o no be small-o-o and why you no wan make the ladies turn fashionista?? Una wey be guys una no dey shop for xmas, baff finish---abeg no dey play pasha-o-o Oga D-sense. 

I wish I can help, will think hard about who I might know that can help. Which side is Bariga again in Lagos?(third mainland brige side? abi Ikeja side?? abi somewhere pass Ojuelegba side??). He-he, I have forgotten places in my sweet Lagos-o-o.
All the same don't limit yourself dear, you can get a better job than you are listing here okay Baby. Be positive minded and remain hopeful and prayerful. Take care

jpworld:
@Ivynwa Have u go clubbing b4? Come I will take you there, Churches are like wolf trying to eat people. I have stop going to church for almost 10years. Is just about money, Money Making Machine.

@Jp
Yeah boy, u know that loud music blaring all over the place in a club? I simply love it and when I can find time I go to a club and chill musically yet I love that sweet connection to God through inspirational music in church more than the club scene. This is why I said that you are missing a great deal as you can have a swell time in church more than you can even have in the club.

jpworld:
Church is made for poor people, because dey have no money to go restaurant and clubbing, then dey go church to pray, God pls give me money, I want to be rich. YEYE Nonsense.

How can you say that Baby? Nobody is forcing you to give offering. The bible did say that we should give our tithes that there may be food in God's house (I am not preaching to you dear,it's not like I am the greatest payer of tithes, ain't I ashamed?)so you are not pleasing the pastor by giving but obeying God. I understand how you feel dear, I myself when I go to a church and while chilling the pastor gets too fixated to money talks, I up and leave one time. I believe we should give because we are moved to give and because we want to please God. So do check out a good church this sunday and come and gist me how it goes okay Baby.

raycomray:
I WAS BORN A CATHOLIC.
MY ELDER BROTHER IS A PRIEST.
BUT, AM NOT FULFILLED BEING A CATHOLIC.
THE PROCEDURES ARE TOO DULL AND LACKS SOUND TEACHINGS. IN FACT, SOME PRIESTS GET ON MY NERVES WHEN THEY PREACH THE WAY THEY DO THAT IT BECOMES OBVIOUS THAT THEY HAVE NOT READ THEIR BIBLE RECENTLY.
HOWEVER, EACH TIME I MEET A VIBRANT REV FR ON THE PULPIT, I FEEL EXCITED AND MOTIVATED TO REMAIN A CATHOLIC.
PLEASE SOMEBODY SHOULD GIVE ME SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT?
raymondanozie@yahoo.com

@Raycomray
I understand how you feel, you can note a Catholic priest whose preaching you like and attend his services. I am from a Catholic home too, church for me is any good christian gathering that can give me such good music that can link me up with man G.O.D so I can worship with any church my heart leads me to. The first time I worshipped out of catholic church was in my university days while passing a hall with this large gathering singing sweet heavenly songs. I quietly walked in and never left that gathering till I graduated from school.
All in all I love my Catholic church too, it's like home and I still worship there. The Catholic choir songs are matchless and some priests are doing a great job at preaching too. Father Mbaka (you must have heard about him) is one of the very charismatic catholic priests that preaches eloquently  and gets to one spiritually.

Lots of hugs to everybody, you guys spice up my life with your intelligence and warmth.

[quote author=Busy_body link=topic=555587.msg7266547#msg7266547 date=1291397815][s]Hey na only 2 years i take grow pass Beyonce oh, so i nor fit born am but I am still Aunty BB to you, you hia Infact if you don't kneel down join when addressing me, i nor go answer when you call [/s][/quote]

My high moment in church is that period a heart warming, soul raising, spirit filled praise and worship song is going on and I and God are real connected. If the preaching that follows that is heart touching, revealing and spiritually enriching, I will leave church that day feeling very good and spiritually fed. If there are acquintances to FAF(fellowship after fellowship, (any Abiding word member in the house? Make some noise!!!, that's what we use to call it in Abiding word campus fellowship)) with and hug and smile at, that will be like the great garnishing to a great time in church!

jpworld:
I prefer going to club than going to church!

Jpworld
You don't know what you are missing dear, try hanging out in a church (liberal enough to let you be yourself while worshipping with them) and you will have the best of the two worlds. I mean it will be like you are clubbing and enjoying your music and you can still equally get into the mood and connect with God while doing inspirational praise and worship. I recommend my sweet church House on the rock, Christ embassy, Redeemed even Catholic church knows how to give one sweet choir music and Oh! Anglican (their Pianos and organs) will transport you to heaven's gate and lots of other good churches.

Now the "F" word and the church don't intermingle so don't try to mix them okay Baby.

macjive01:
@chaircover, could u hear ursef? I guess that's from your so called experience, u want the NGO to inform the randy's wife? Did u nt read that she is pregnant? U don't know the state of her health yet u suggest her being told of the calamity? Are u crazy or wat? Care worker ni worker care[b] ko[/b]. your arguments n suggestions are silly if nt very very. Shut your mouth up (did you really say that?) and go deal with your own social worker cases.

Maccy my friend, tone it down baby. You are talking to mothers that have children. How did you move from your nice nice posts to this kind of bombardment.

@Poster
I understand the fact that the ladies are not finding it funny that this girl in question is desiring to be helped relocate to Canada yet I am still pitying her situation. We shouldn't make conclusions that she is deliberately planning to gold dig and find her way to Canada. I know how our society frowns on an unmarried single mother, which lady will have the heart to be put in that position where the society will be mocking her just for her to be taken to Canada?
I am still concerned about her mental state and health Arun. Your organisation should have somebody give her a form of counselling or just give her an opportunity to have a shoulder to lean on thru this experience. The children in her care also truly need more care than they can get from her in her present state of mind.

It's very nice that his family can read these condolences and have their sorrow ameliorated by these words.
Adieu to this young man so young yet very focused as to be seriously concentrating on his master's degree at age 21.

freecocoa:
@ivynwa,hon wat do you xpect?those 3 days wivout him were miserable, i can't take chances o,you've been kinda scarce,i missed you,hope you are doing great?

I am still around dear, can't do without my Nairaland. Just saddened like every other Nairalander by the gruesome killing of that invaluable Nairalander boy. Didn't you notice a mourning mood in the house? How are you, hope you are doing great dear?

aisha2:
Cases like these are given to you during your IT under a supervisor so i dont understand how this case is so difficult that you have to bring it to Nairaland and agree with the sumations here. You are trained to do this. Its like a Doctor, coming to bring a clients case here and asking how to treat his patient and then decides to treat the patient based on the views of nairalanders. Abeg make i hear word. Please find something else to do, NGO work is not about money or salarry, its a sacred prefession to help people. 1st thing we are taught, Identify pple who need help, identify the type of help, and identify ways to help. Go back to school

Aisha
You are right there but please don't be hard on Arun, you two are working in different environments. Our country Nigeria do not have the facilities that the country you are working in have so do bear with him/her.
It is true that a doctor cannot bring a client case here to discuss but a doctor who gets into a hitch while diagnosing or treating his patients can seek the advise of other senior doctors and brainstorm with his fellow doctors.
The poster must have realized that intelligent Nigerians who are good at tackling social problems abound here in Nl and he is trying to brainstorm. Don't be that hard on him/her. The post has enabled him/her come across somebody like you who is versed in matters of this nature and a brainstorming between you two may help in identifying the ways to help this situation.

Tewmuch
Have they buried him??

Let us free our heart enough to say prayers for Bawo especially this day that he is being returned to mother earth.
Dear boy, May the Angels of God surprise you as they receive you in heaven's gate and may the light of the glory of God finally shine on you. Amen!

Yeah!!
Very smart marketing strategy we' ve got there. Thumbs up to the OP. Wishing you business success.

@Cocoa sweetie
Girlfriend I can see that you and your Kay have become inseparable ever since he returned from the "land of the NL ban". You just can't afford to let him off your sight lest they take him away from you again.

@Tewmuch
Please have they buried our Baby The thought of that his burial had me having a not-too-nice day thinking that somebody like me that comes here to have fun and socialize is now unable to do so. What pain his loved ones must be going thru now? Wish I can reach out my hands and rub their hearts. Mtcccheeeeew. I'm really having a sad day.     

Rest in Peace Sweetheart.

Tewmuch said
He's going to be buried tomorrow in chicago

I don't know this young and intelligent Nairalander even though i have seen his posts around but did you really say "bury" dear? I couldn't help shedding tears when I read where you said that.
I never knew how death hurts until I lost a family member and since then I feel it in my marrow when any loses their loved ones, that hurts like I-can't-explain. Are they really going to cover that young man so full of Life under the sand? I don't understand------------so saddening.

Please let's not generalize and make people like A.D.M uncomfortable. Guns are everywhere and being carried by all colours and ethnicity. I pray we don't allow that culture permeate our somehow "sweet Nigerian society". I appreciate our black brothers and sisters out there in the diaspora that became part of other continents (especially in the Americas (South and North)) through that olden days transition. I am very proud of all the black Americans achievers the likes of Martin Luther, Rosa Parks, Oprahs, Benjamin Banneker, Bessie Coleman and a host of others in the entertainment industry but what I don't understand is this self destructive mission some black youths across the world have embarked on. Ruthless killing that is about making the male gender go into extinct in the Americas region. What is happening to the black race?? I was wondering whether the black man got too much energy from the creator that some of us are finding outlets for it through these unpleasant ways.

facile300:
Fisayo is my very good friend and i dnt thnk he cn do such a thng. Infact as i write nw the police hs found hm not guilty of d murder n he wil soon b releasd. [color=][/color]

Thank you for informing us of this facile, I did say that this boy may be very innocent. Thank God he has been vindicated. It's a pity Peace worked herself up for nothing and wasted away like that. Poor girl, we must always look out for the young ones around us and help talk sense into them when they are troubled.