Everyone has their calling in life,some want to guard the home,guard their kids,guard their bingos.

Some believe they are on this earth to serve their husbands and children.Nothing wrong in that belief.

Personally,I was created for so much more.I am here to live a life,to excel,to make a difference,to raise my children the best way I can,to join forces with my husband and create the life we want.
I am on earth to save lives, mentally and physically and have chosen a career in that direction.

Im not here to dress beds ,sweep house ,cook plus take care of toddlers and a man,nope.

It is very prevalent in all societies worse in Naija to tell a woman not to work,down to the degrading aspect of even choosing professions that are deemed suitable.It is a disgrace and still a way to push the girl child and her ambitions down.To foster an environment where men hold all the aces especially financially.If you cannot fend for yourself and your children and you are faced with a violent spouse,how will you leave When you are in an unhappy marriage how will you move forward without financial ability?

I am a role.model for my children,I'm showing them how to strive to be better,to be kind,to help ,to contribute to the society by working and paying my taxes.My contribution pays into the health service and the welfare system which takes care of he poor,the old people and the disabled.



My daughter from watching me knows she can be anything,she can be an astronaut,she can be a doctor,she can be a business woman.Why be a nurse when she can be a doctor?Why a teacher when she can be a pilot?My point is for that the girl child should NEVER be constrained in career choice because she wants to be a mother.

My son is learning the value of work,in having a strong woman by your side.He knows that mummy and daddy go out together as a team and bring home the cheese to give them a good life. Mummy is not at home all day,she's going out to make a difference and coming home to him later in the day.

My children see me actively contributing to the home,they see their father and I as partners who make joint decisions.That is what I want them to strive for.

Millions of children have been raised by working mothers even single ones and have turned out brilliant.

Its high time men started facing the same heat.Why can't they stay at home?? DH and I work in the same industry and earning potential is going to be the same in a bit ,many already have equal income.So why is it the female asked to give up her aspirations just to raise kids and tend a home?

I am at my best when I'm adding to the family pot both physically and psychologically.It is only a happy fulfilled woman that can bring up well balanced children.I do not have to be at home 24/7 to do that.

Raising children is a combined effort.The first few years in the work force are brutal but it eases off with seniority and a better balance will be found.Once you have a partner that believes in you,has the same vision as you,the home will always be an excellent place and you will raise excellent children.

No one has the right to decide what value is for another human being.value may be monetary to you,to another person it is self worth.Everyones choice of what makes them feel self worth varies greatly.If a woman believes she feels more self worth by working,it's not in a man's place to tell her because her income is small,it has no value.

Omg see epistle!!

I read from a blog that the man is walking around freely.
Maybe the parents are not serious enough to press charges.
If they don't value their child enough to spend their last kobo making sure this man rots in kirikiri,who am I to cry more than the bereaved.

Vivly:

Don't. Trust me, do not. You'll forever regret it.

Why would she regret it? She may not,we don't know.
Besides her own version of morality may be different from yours,not every one views se X as a mystical sacred act.I do not know how long prayers can work for a person under heavy konji problems
People have affairs daily to help them cope with bad marriages.
What of the women living with cheating men who have had to resort to torrid sessions with their coworkers?
How about swingers?
How about women married to gay men?
The millions of cheating men out there is anyone asking them about regret? They keep shoving all men cheat down our throats daily.



Abeg,life is for the living,do the one your conscience allows you.
If chop and clean mouth is the only mode of survival carry go afterall her husband has refused to do his duty.
Not everyone can accept a sexless life,it's not like he has an illness or is disabled.

He has chosen to drive her to the arms of another man despite all her red pant moves.

Being very se xual doesn't make a person a ho.wetin be ho sef?

If na man de write fortune teller epistle una go call am ashawo? He would be cheered on.

Everybody has cross to carry,if she chooses an affair as her own outlet,na she go bear am.

A woman having an affair isnt equal to a bad mother,virgins have cheating husbands.no be pastor de straff chorister? Everyone carry your cross,simple.

Oyindidi how are you coping?
Your story is awful and it is sheer wickedness.
I nor fit o,lailai.
If you fall for someone now vultures will come out to attack you not realising you've suffered for years
I'm so sorry.kaii

Hello people,
I'm wondering if there's any support system especially psychotherapy in naija? Support groups / help lines for people who feel low? Or even psychiatrists who can prescribe antidepressants and some guidance for stress relief?
Being suicidal is rock bottom and dangerous ,this is the point where you may need to see someone to at least get therapy for this rough patch.

I hope things get better..

A good percentage of men are crap at se x but still feel they are champions in the bedroom.
Hypocrites would never ever advice their fellow man to endure a se xless or crap se x life,they would be encouraging him to find a lover if the wife is rubbish or unable to twist her legs over her head.
Women are sex ual beings too and deserve a satisfying se x life,it's the duty of her husband to work with her to achieve it or face the consequences.Using naija logic,he is pushing her into the arms of another man.So why are people foaming in the mouth when she's talking about finding a lover to give her what she's missing? It's not like her husband is bothered,he doesn't want to do his job naa so maybe he needs an assistant.
I do not know the amount of church going that can quench se xual fever in a young unsatisfied virile woman,something has to give.

@Brokenangel2
If you cannot opt for a trial separation,you must self soothe.Love honey uk will supply equipment to manage the se x part.For the emotional one you have to reach deep down and remember that your joy should never be dependent on another human being.
It is difficult but you may have to discover yourself and immerse yourself deeply in activities that will improve your wellbeing ,soon your husband will stop being your focus and he will cease to matter.What he does or doesn't do will be inconsequential to your happiness.
If someone decides to be a source of misery to you,like a tumour it gets cut out.It takes a strong mind but it's achievable.
You really don't want to have unnecessary high bp or wrinkles because of someone .Face yourself ,your kids,improve and achieve your dreams.
Once you stop paying attention to him,your life will change for the better.

1Sharon:
He is showing the tendencies of a guy who will be a pervert. There is not much you can do. He has shown those traits already at a young age which will follow him into adulthood. Ppl rarely change, their characters are formed in childhood

This is totally unacceptable.This child will grow to be a massive blessing to his parents.
Its just a phase that will pass with proper guidance.

I understand that you have to be away from home but you should start thinking of a way to move your family to your location or a transfer for you.

Your son is in his formative years and you see him like 4-5 days in a month??

All the money you are chasing cannot take the place of a parent who is present.

If this job is for a short while,fine but if it's a long term thing you will regret it at time goes on.

This is the time for you and wife to instill and enforce whatever character and morals you want for your kids.

At 5 though he is being curious,you need to teach him about his privates and how to respect other people's own.

Cheers!

Depends on the person in question.
Some will happily cook their own meals or hire a chef.
Everyone has what's important to them.
Lazy women and men get married everyday
The fact that someone doesn't cook isn't a marker for laziness,some just do not like.to cook.
Its not by force.
If you like food please marry your fellow food lover to avoid stories that touch

After beating up their mother day in day out.

In sane climes he would be in prison but in our country he is a senator with fellow peverts making laws for helpless citizens.

Is the Oba pure?
There were also rumors swirling about him being a gigolo and owing women money.

These two are very experienced worldly divorcees who entered into a marriage which has failed yet again.

Why is it only the woman that her character is being maligned?Yes she is not a saint,is her husband one?

We have fallen back to the defacto blame the woman game as per usual naija behaviour,mainly driven by his own sisters fellow women like her..as usual women our own worst enemies.Women that are spending their time monitoring his love life.Tueh,jobless people.They are probably looking for who to enslave to do their every whim.

Fact is under the cloakship of Oba we have a flawed man who contributed to the failure of his marriage as well.

Even if he marries again,same issues which have plagued his marriages will be present.Instead of him to take time for reflection,theyve already lined up an innocent victim to control & suffer,cue the Olori and her disappearing bump,maybe they wanted to use trickery to fool the world but bubble don burst.

Anyway,they should have avoided scandal and divorced amicably instead of digging up the woman's past and making it look like she suddenly became a monster.He knew her past and claimed the gods selected her.Afterall she's the anti feminist average Nigerian man dream that was preaching submission.How did that help her now to keep that Kain home?

They should leave us all in peace abeg.

I thought NL people always tell women that when they marry the man's family becomes hers? Doesn't the same apply to the man?
As long as both spouses work and contribute to family upkeep,it should be equal amounts or according to how the couple decide to help both families especially depending on who is more needy.You cannot expect the needs of a retired couple and a couple with 19 children with the man's spouse being the first to have the same financial needs.

Any extras should be taken from personal money.

When it's now about a single income home,it's totally unfair to expect one person to carry the burden so should be according to family agreement.

Imagine if it's a wife that wrote as the Op? I know all those foaming at the mouth now would write differently and bring up culture fo backing.

Op if weight is too much please unburden yourself and refuse to do more.Your wife can go get a job.

Its always easier to avoid being the family saviour or marrying from family that has 100 mouths to feed.

This man again
I guess you didn't receive the answer you wanted on your other thread and you created this one.

Go and wear red pant.your case no get cure

Wild and violent animals should be locked up.
God knows how their children are suffering.
Beating someone to death?What sort of people are these?

And she was there looking at him?
Does she not know her rights? Doesn't she have parents or family? Was she picked from a bush?
I know this man will be a terror to his wife and kids,very likely abusive and power drunk.

If this lady does not demand that he's sacked she is extremely foolish.

All she needs to do is circulate her story to blogs,go to the VC with a lawyer and her family and demand he is removed from the university.

This sort of thing should not be happening in 2017.

So what?
Do you see them rejoicing or announcing when you drape yourselves in Gucci ?

Let's focus on celebrating first class brains and achievements instead of this rubbish

@op
Happy Divorce
Seems tensions are rising this one you mention she's after 50% of your stuff(you said she was indifferent - you instigated the divorce ,no way she can be indifferent)
I thought that in divorce proceedings,it's family assets after marriage split in two plus extra for upkeep of the kids.Small price to pay for the joy and peace you are chasing after.
Hope you guys remain friends though.

Funny that some of the guys saying you shouldn't remain in anguish are the same ones who would tell a woman to endure and wear red pant.

Life will go on no matter what,I hope the children will grow resilient and not be scarred by the action or inaction of you two.

Cheers.

Buka buka

haven't watched it,don't intend to.
However ,the comment about young women being workers in the home clearly destroys any point that particular critic was making for me.
Will google the woman and see why the painment from critics.
Their words seem very strange and odd though-mysticism and co.
Maybe their own spirituality is the don't wear cotton and wool together sort(do not understand these stuff cos im not spiritual).
Will read on,looks interesting

Zilifish:


Sabi sabi. Op is somehw wrong but why should his wife start yelling and commanding him. He said he told his cousin to always consult him, he never shouted but the wife eavsdropped.

Am i supposed to take the sabi sabi as insult?
Why should he undermine his wife in such a manner?His wife yelled,yes but where did she 'command' him?
I believe that when people get obsessed with control issues they are usually insecure.
If you are confident in yourself ,make logical decisions and act mature,you will earn and command respect without uttering a sound.

Gosh!! where do i start from What kind of local story is this?

1. Your wife should have discussed with you first before her sister visited you both-she was very wrong but everything after that made you look so petty.You were counting water used to bathe and asking your cousin helper to report to you first? If she wants to eat eggs will that also be reported to you?Do you also measure yam with ruler in your house?
Your actions have sown a very bad seed - belittling your SIL & your wife.I do not blame your wife for being very angry but she should have cooled off first and expressed her annoyance to you without flaring up.

Just a quick question OP,if your sister visits and your wife tells your little cousin to report to her first before doing anything she asks for nko?How would that sit with you?Just know your wife will never forget,be ready for your siblings to recieve the same hot soup

Yes,you should have been told before her sis landed ,but the deed had already been done.You should have controlled yourself instead of acting like a miserable being.What did your SIL do wrong?she probably thought she was coming to visit human beings who would treat her well not knowing her husband is a hot water measurer
Best approach would have been to discuss the issue with your spouse quietly.See disgrace!



Your wife raised her voice,you raised your own too,asked her to leave your room.'Yoour Room'??!!! i thought you both are married? I cant even believe what i'm reading here.
In the same sentence you talked about not wanting to be a woman beater.I do not see any reason why beating should come into this abi you normally beat or you were raised by a beater?Violence should not be an option.ah ahhh!!!


Both of you displayed shameful behavior and i don't blame your SIL for leaving,you disgraced her infront of your cousin helper,you disgraced your wife,your wife as disgraced you & you have made her feel unwelcome. Tueh
She will go and tell the story to family members who already don't like you and you will officially enter hate list with tattered reputation.

Please do the world a favour and delay this wedding till you both learn to behave like adults.


If you want to be the leader of your home you must learn to conduct yourself with dignity and self respect.You have to lead by example.
Discussions can be had without raising of voices.If your wife starts to shout,tell her you won't listen till she calms down and addresses you like an adult.I also expect her to do the same to you.That way you both will learn to trust each other and start building your little unit,she will also stop seeing the need to tell every little deed to her family as you will become her best friend and confidante.

Normally you should be in honeymoon phase but you people are already acting like cat and dog.
Good luck o.






By the way the way you worded little cousin and 2 big pots are you trying to imply that the girl is too little to do chores in general or specifically chores for SIL? If she is little,ideally she shouldn't be in your home doing housework.

As usual nairaland resident bingos have started crawling out of their holes to tell you this is normal behaviour and ask you to pray.They are the sort of men your husband is mingling with encouraging him to be a dog like them because they have no self control & believe every man is born with no moral compass.

My dear OP,when he told you he doesn't owe you faithfulness what did you do?were you there looking at him like an olodo or did you defend your union and your beliefs there and then?I will give you small space for shock to settle in but after then what next?

Did you woman up and speak clearly ,sharply and concisely about your expectations to him?

Did you ask him if he doesn't owe you faithfulness are you also free to assume that you do not owe fidelity to him as well?

Did you marry an ancestor that you are a slave to?Your age gap looks like its from 8-10 years-did he pay for your schooling?Do you have a job and contribute to your home?Even if you do not work ,you care for your home and do housework,is that appreciated? I'm asking these questions cos that is what usually gives some people guts to misbehave.When you are helpless and especially have no source of income and they know it.Regardless,no one deserved to be hurt in this manner.

It is a free world and people are free to voice their opinion o but for a man to come out less than two years after marriage to boldly say he doesn't owe you faithfulness,he must feel you are waaay beneath him to be respected.

When you signed the dotted lines you did not sign up to be cheated on,you did not sign up to be exposed to STDs,please relay that to him without apologies.

I find it hard to believe that this man hasn't always been this way.No normal loving partner would be this bold.There are plenty issues lurking,there must be heavy disrespect in other aspects of your marriage ,its just that this one has pained you more than the others.

As you can read i'm not into begging or pampering when you are not at fault ,you should be the one who is begged and pampered after your discovery. If you begin to wail and beg and gnash your teeth,you will continue like this for the rest of your marriage-this is what the bingos will ask you to do to 'save your marriage',thereby putting you at a huge disadvantage and at the mercy of a human being like you(born of a woman just like you).Please learn to stand up for yourself-calm measured discussion ,no huffing and puffing,no begging.Just clear statement of facts.
After this discussion you can now decide your next steps.

Good Luck.

A male ,b female.
Mainly because I see the long nail in A..gross.

I hope this is a joke.
How old are you? Two?
Collect the phone and politely tell her to never touch your phone without permission.

Then tell your wife to sing it like song for her


Haaaa

Nutmegseed2:
hello nairalanders.
please I need matured responses on this and solutions.

I just noticed that I have septate hymen. for those who doesn't know what a septate is; A septate hymen is when the thin hymenal membrane has a band of extra tissue in the middle that causes two small vaginal openings instead of one.

I was taking my bathe yesterday night and decided to see how my Vag*** looked like so I took the mirror in my room to the bathroom to look at it,when I saw it I was very afraid because instead of a hole I was seeing two tiny holes. I am a virgin (keeping myself till I get married) the thought that ran through my mind were would I ever get married and have children like a normal person and have intercourse in the future like a normal person.

I'm really scared,I don't want to give my future husband anyproblem or worries at all in the future.
please does anyone have the same problem with me or anyone who had d same problem b4 getting married?
please I'm begging, I'm really sad here.

You should be more concerned about excelling in life and building your career instead of worrying about a mythical husband and offering your hymen as a burnt sacrifice.

If you were worried about it for yourself I'd have understood but you are worrying about a man you haven't met.

Go to a gyneacologist if you are that perturbed.

Good luck.

@ikechizoba
This is what you get when you buy into the husband family/ in-law worship naija women are fed daily.

This is what you get when you bend over backwards and carry husband family for head like gala and denigrating your own family to back row just to gain acceptance.

How long have you known your SIL/MIL that you exposed secrets that you have been unable to tell your own family?
You had a CS and so what? Is it something to be ashamed of? And so even if you are hiding is it your own mother you should hide it from?

If a bullet comes who will take it for you your own family or your in-laws.
Someone can be like a mother but should not replace yours,someone can be like a sister but cannot replace yours.

I'm glad you have seen with your own eyes that when push comes to shove you are nothing and will be sacrificed for personal gain as the bond isn't deep.The kind of loyalty you are giving husband family what have they done to earn it?How on earth did you think SIL would have your back? How long has she known you?

I spend 4-5 months with parents in law at my home at a go and we get along very well however I know if push comes to na me them go throw to wolves first and I expect that as their son comes first.I accord everyone their own respect but I'm firmly sticking to my lane,building an inheritance for my kids and planning cruises for hubby and I.No time for uneccesary familiarity.

My own life
Husband family----------------------------------------------------------me------my family.

Husband family------------------husband------------------------------------my family.


Remember friendships take time to develop,take your time get to know them and if they earn your trust give it but if you run in expecting loyalty and love from nowhere you will be bitterly disappointed.

DatesAndMeals:
You know what baffles me? Many ladies who married late and had to do marathon fasting and prayers to get married, will still get married and forget how they visited church to church to get this spouse and start holding ground with him and forming feminism. Next thing they will see themselves back in those churches praying for their marriage not to scatter.

Yep,when they realise there is nothing special and should have spent that time developing themselves.
A man is just another human being just like her .

Marriage and children are not the things that earn you respect.Many people are married and many have children,it's not an exceptional feat.

Your character,integrity,kindness,loyalty are things that draw people to you,your good deeds and achievements are things that make people want to emulate you,respect you,and even call you big sis or whatever without you hyperventilating if that's what floats your boat.


When you start having the need to assert some sort of authority or force people into fake reverence, it shows a lack of confidence in yourself and insecurity.

Do what you will though,I'm 100% sure it will not end well as the age difference is negligible and mostly because Igbo tradition does not bang on about adding aunty and uncle.

I suspect this is a newly married sis in law

Good luck.

I could kneel to greet an old person if I feel like.
I know if I kneel to greet my hubby he will call me the fakest person on the planet and start suspecting I'm up to something.

He doesn't need uneccesary show or noise making to gain my respect.He has earned it and he earns it daily,so no need to flex low self esteem muscles.

When people start demanding outward show ,they have issues with themselves

Nothing like a man who is self assured and selfconfident not all these maimai men needing ego massaging every second as proof of man hood.

Mumben:
I am married with four kids, very gentle and easy going. My immediate younger brother's wife calls me by my name. I am 4 years older than her. Is this RIGHT? If not, how do i correct her politely? Matured responses pls.

You are Igbo so what are you expecting her to call you?
Just 4 years age gap and you are wanting her to address you as what? My queenship abi my lordship

Sorry o but I don't know which part of igboland lays emphasis on attaché salutation.i have people I'm way older than who call me by my name and still give utmost respect where necessary.By the way you earn respect not demand it and attaching madam doesn't mean you rise in esteem in the eye of the person.

people love finding trouble where there is none.What does your younger brother call you? Seems like you are looking for an excuse to create fracas for no tangible reason.

I'm speaking from the Igbo point of view not Yoruba as their culture is different

You need to take a chill pill and face your four children instead of having high BP over your own name.

NB I thought I would see 10-20 years age gap.this one is just 4,nawa for waec

konfused:


Thanks, I really appreciate, she has done it for 3 months, am just encouraging her to finish it up for 6 months. I bought enough provisions and other things mentioned here to help her out. From the onset before the birth, we agreed on EBF, but what brought about this issue is that she feels the baby boy is not being fed well and she wants to start giving him SMA , but I just cant wrap my mind around formula feeding with all the preservatives added to it. NATURAL IS NATURAL.

My mom is also insisting on formula feeding saying boys eat a lot. Now they want me to start having a morality attack, as if am not being considerate. Well, I think I have to come to a compromise, but I swear, if i were to be a woman, I will do everything humanly possible to do EBF. Well its all good, different strokes fro different folks.

So you are probably starving your child because you want breast milk even if it is to the detriment of the baby.

Two women who know the baby more than you already have told you the baby is not sated by breast milk yet you insist.

But you want to force your wife to go on because you think you know best

Na you love your child pass,very funny.

You do not need to give cerelac.
There are formulas available which are excellently fortified.
There are angles to look at it from,some women hate the breastfeeding nip ple to mouth thing,is it easy to open shirt 24/7 no matter where you are?

Some may decide to use a pump for as long as possible and then alternate with formula.

Some have to go to formula straight.

Even in the UK,the bfeeding gang almost hound you to death and would be disapproving if you aren't feeding from b rest straight.

My kids ,all premmies are doing fantastic.Enough of the demonizing.

When the evidence that without b feeding a child will die then I will take these stuff seriously.