₦airaland Forum

Smoking whether weed or cigarette can become an addiction and should be treated as such.
No amount of crying ,nagging ,vexing can stop an addict until they make a conscious decision to quit.
The problem with cigarette is they are addicted to the nicotine in it cos of the feeling it gives,and quitting it will cause some discomfort that is why they keep going back to the habit.

There's nothing you can really do except advice and lay some ground rules especially about smoking near the house or in the house.Let him carry it far away from you cos it is affecting you physically and emotionally and the smell can stick to your home eg clothes,settee etc. You can have a discussion about it and then find out his attitude towards quitting.If he wants to give it up ,there are tons of information and encouragement plans on the internet,plus nicotine gum,nicotine patches,electronic cigarettes, there's even behavioral modification advice available.The need to stop must come from him otherwise you are going to end up with high bp.

Stop asking did you smoke or are you smoking .Come out plain and say i know you have been smoking,now here are the ground rules i'd like to suggest if we are to co exist happily.Don't forget that second hand smoke can give you cancer..Kids too so he really has to take the smoking far from home or quit.In some places,it's illegal to smoke in a car that has kids in it.

It's a tough one and i wish you luck!

@OP
Please do whatever makes you happy.
If it's praying that will give you joy,go ahead.
If it's a young hot virile guy,your choice.
No one here has a right to tell you what will soothe the pain you feel inside.Some will say forgive-Is that what will make you feel at peace? Some will go for revenge- Is that what will give you joy?Some break things,some cut up clothes,some feed laxatives for weeks till he's almost pooing his intestines..Choose your own brand.
Your friend is cheating back and happy cos that's what suits her temperament and maybe that's what makes her feel attractive and loved,that does not mean it's right for you.
Tailor your response according to your personality.The end result should be that you are happy and that's all.

Good luck.

@OP,
You are quite fiesty

Now,i believe when someone who has been immoral starts policing someone over the same immorality,they may be feeling very guilty or they may be indulging in it and also trying to cover up by being hypersensitive over the issue and paranoid in order to deflect attention from themselves.I'm glad you are taking a stand for yourself cos if you cave in and swallow accusations,it opens doors for more severe forms of giving in just to prove your 'innocence'.

There really isn't any cure for a man who feels insecure purely based on his own failings.He should be scraping the floor begging for your forgiveness and you outlining ways to move forward,not using reverse psychology on you.
You should make it 100% clear what you will tolerate and what you will not.Feeding his paranoia will not help you so the best is to nip it in the bud sharply by asking him never to accuse you for no good reason or embarrass you.There shouldn't b querying,you both should be able to discuss the friends in your lives and say who and who you both aren't comfy with then decide what to do about them.NOTE that i mean on both sides,not you getting rid of your friends while his flourish.

Now you've made up,i hope you have had a talk not merely laughed and glossed over things.The cycle will repeat itself and you will be back here.Deal with it now or you will keep having problems.

GOODLUCK MA.

Most of you here are demented sorry to say.
So because shes's a video vixen,she deserves to be raped??
You people are sick.
Did you not read where he was mocking her for crying and struggling??
What sort of society do we live in?? That's why the dirty bastard is happily replying her and apparently unrepentant.
He knows as Nigerians once she does not appear saintly then she is begging to be raped or once she's not a virgin there's nothing like rape.
Most of you will grow up and have daughters and let's see how you will feel if she's made to have sex without her consent.
I feel so sorry for the Nigerian female..
NO means NO.
I'm so glad she released the pictures herself,he wanted to shame her and blackmail her even after raping her.Scum of the earth!!! May you meet your downfall soon.

You people making excuses are a DISGRACE!! Shame on the females joining in to insult her.

In a civilised country this guy would face justice.

If you are being maltreated because of brideprice,pls set up standing order monthly to his account and pay off so that you can be set free.
If you highlight to your parents that you will be punished after marriage because you were sold as property,i'm sure they will reject all lists and monies.

Truth is if a person is a jerk,he will keep on being a jerk.

tBillz made the mistake of just being a lay about in the marriage.Work you no wan work,stay at home dad you no sabi,it's only to eat peoples wives food and whinge that he's an expert in.So he was entirely useless and not contributing anything to the home.Stay at home Dad is not a crime,if agreed he locks down the homefront while wifey hustles since shes better at it.If he had accepted his role in the marriage would we be hearing stories that touch? You cannot be entirely hopeless,the other partner will resent it.
Money isnt all that makes a home function,2 partners joining hands together forgetting gender is the answer.The outcome should be what is the best for the family in that situation,not i'm a man or i'm a woman.Do the one you can do or the one your abilities allow you to.

I believe it is when there is insecurity that you start hearing arguments of who is head of home.When you encourage your partner by your deeds and support,when you show you are sensible and you are willing to sacrifice anything for the good of your home pride included..you will inspire love,respect and loyalty without useless arguments.

Eg in a situation where the woman earns like £100,000 and the man earns £20,000 ,childcare for the kids £20,000 yearly,it's more sensible that woman goes and does the work while man arranges the home.Being stay at home parent is HARD WORK! Running after kids,meals,cleaning etc.Bloody exhausting! Both partners have free access to finances and make joint decisions the most sensible one winning out.I cannot understand why this arrangement cannot work between 2 sensible people.It's far better than lying around and moaning about being head of home.

My opinion though

sweetcocoa:
I have never implied that loving some means you only want to sleep with them, love ofcourse is not attraction but attraction can lead to love and because it can get complicated, it is best to stick to that one person you are in love with.

Love is the least logical thing ever and it's no news that people get jealous about someone they love, so I don't see how you can claim to be in love and be comfortable with your lover sharing what you two have with someone else.

But what do I know?

Because it's just se x and the aim is to have an orga sm and intense pleasure nothing emotional or feelings attached.
However,if the aim is to bond and count stars together plus cuddling my hand no dey that one.Each sexual encounter differs from person to person so love can be 100% seperate from sex.

Just my opinion oo especially in the face of all this lunacy that comes from infidelity..
I respect what you've written.

mii4u:
I am a woman but I do not agree with the fact that a woman has the right to cheat.jyst becos the man cheated, women has deeper heart to accommodate and forgive, that is our nature, men has little or no patience with a cheating wife, though I'm not trying to justify a cheating husband, it is VERY WRONG to cheat on ur partner, let's assume that it happened, as the man is boldly owning up before pple to say he sleeps around, can u a woman own up same before a group of pple? that is thr difference. women go fit hold body, men no dey fit, but it's not good for a man to cheat .

Errm sorry o Madam but not every woman has the kain deep heart o. Which one is nature to forgive?Nature to forgive is in everyone not exclusive to women.
We have just been conditioned to believe that and accept the extreme behaviour of some men when cheated on to be viewed as normal.
Once the promise to be faithful has been broken,the wronged partner has every right to cheat back.When you breach the terms of a contract ,it becomes null and void.
Since society frowns on the lady cheating even when her man is proudly boasting of doing the same,she can say she sampled other options..it's just sampling not the same thing as cheating

@sweetcocoa
Being in love with someone does not mean you want to have se x with only that person.
You could have a ride or die relationship but the bae isn't able to give you total satisfaction in the bedroom department,or you just want to experiment,you could meet someone and the animal attraction is instant.You don't want a lifelong relationship,just se x and orga sm and goodbye while you return to bae at home.
Does that mean you don't love the bae?
I love you does not mean monogamy abeg.Not every male or female is cut out for 1 to 1 forever.
The problem is when society forces people to make promises to be faithful when they know they can't keep up.

If both spouses agree from day one that they cannot be true to eachother but from time to time would love to chop out there,there won't be killings and acid baths.One person will step out and when the partner joins e go begin cry like pesin wey dem chook stick for nyash.

Time for monogamous to pair up with monogamous and polygamous to pair with polygamous.Or accept that breaking the contract will open the door for anything without useless gender excuses.

PS who won't cheat on a man with that kind of strong face?

Good for her jooooo.

Until financial compensation,child support etc become within reach of divorced mothers/fathers many will keep dying in abusive environs.
If u say leave-demon.If they stay- death. If they leave some tend to go back especially if suffering hardship,if the children have been taken away from her etc.
Very complicated..the main thing is to have finances sorted first.If you have money in your pocket then leaving is a very viable option..without cold hard cash and a supportive family,it's back to the abuser and we all know how that normally ends up.

Why didn't she leave indeed.If she had come here to tell her story anyone who'd have adviced her to leave his crusty ass would have been vilified as an enemy of marriage.
It's the kids my heart bleeds for.
Imagine if child support and alimony are fully implemented in Naija,divorce rates would definitely be sky high.Most of the time its financial handicap keeping them.
Too late to cry now.RIP am.

Abeg una coolu tempa.
The rate of scams have trebled esp on family section so no one should blame those who want verification before they give money.
So many others who have sought assistance went through the same process without long story so this one shouldn't be different.
No need bringing in unnecessary emotions or calling people mean.
Even if it's 500 naira,it's an honest day's work for plenty and would be painful if it goes to someone who doesn't actually need it.The Amount of money no matter how little should be respected.

Problem with the Op is that the story has too many twists and turns and that has raised peoples antenna.It hasn't been straight forward unfortunately so people have gone to verify physically.
Let's all be patient and see how it pans out.Once they okay her,you can now pour out your dollars and pounds.However,if you don't care about verification go ahead and PM her as suggested..

No need getting knickers all twisted.

Onegai,
You always start up amazing topics.Just had to write and appreciate.
I wonder when the right time would be to introduce a child to all these wonders especially museums,arts and co.
My toddler is very very active and disruptive so I cannot imagine taking him anywhere for now.
I have a friend who gardens,she was 87 last month,her father was a gardener.I go to her house to get gifted fresh roses and raspberries.
Working, kids, family won't let someone slow down and appreciate the finer things occuring in nature so it's lovely to open up your topics and see things I wish I could be doing.
Bravo madam!

rchilee:
Some ladies reach orgasm without sex, vibrator or oral.....I have heard of a style where lady stays on top &boobs is s ucked with d **!ck grinding outside the v*Jay. If there is love, and its done without the parties holding grudges...you will thank me later

Heard being the operative word..that grinding will take pleenty time and strategic placing coupled with tons of mind numbing fore play before or gasm can be reached.

Love doesn't cause or gasms..a free and open mind plus patience goes a long way.
You should be thanking me

@ Op,
No matter how much TV you watch or novels you read,an org asm isn't something that can be really described. And i cannot really explain to you the mental clarity you will achieve,how your stress levels will reduce,even some of the things your husband does to annoy you may not have the same effect because you have had some release and you are able to think properly.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/ please visit and be set free.Practical instead of all this theory.Save your sanity before you combust. I recommend a vi brator instead of a dil do.Your Dh will be more comfy with that if you decide that you want it introduced for both of you to use together.If he no gree,please enter room lock door,loud music and enjoy yourself.

Good luck my sister.

The main thing i understand from the Op is that her main problem is that the woman won't let the man practice his polygamy,it's not even about her wanting more kids.
It's not surprising to me though that it's a fellow woman condemning another over something she has absolutely no understanding of(no kids and not yet married)...So it's easy to sit in a corner and pass judgement over another woman's decision for herself and her well being especially since you are not really in the know about her personal life.If she doesn't want polygamy,shay the man is free to divorce her and move on.Is it not to say "I divorce you " three times?Not everyone can share a man they love knowingly with another woman culture or not.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in not wanting more kids.I have 2 because that's all i want.I do not enjoy being pregnant,waddling like a duck,endless pee stops,lack of sleep due to discomfort,endless ultrasound scans etc i do not enjoy the toddler phase,i do not enjoy the noise and disruption so plenty children definitely not for me.And i say this without apologies.Not every one is cut out to populate the earth.I knew this before hand and Dh and I already agreed on 2 no matter the gender.Life is unpredictable and we don't want to spend the whole of it changing diapers and doing school run.Just not for us.Our families sit where they are and claim we are playing God and that God gives kids and he will always provide no matter what.Seems they do not understand that having more kids is a choice and a person can actively prevent pregnancy.

Now,the man wants more kids NOT because he loves kids o but because he wants to have a son.This is a very slippery and dangerous road to travel because there is NO assurance that the 3rd one will be a boy.So if its not what next? Keep on trying and then what? Stop at 5? Stop at 10?This has to be a factor playing in the woman's head..where will she now draw the line and say NO?Since their culture accepts polygamy,if she says no now or if she says no more later,won't it still have the same outcome?I'm pretty sure she's no fool and probably knows the man she's married to.
I'm speaking as someone coming from a family of over 7 girls all because my dad was boy hunting..all to no avail o!! My father also wanted 2 kids

She can accept a compromise and have one more,she can dig in and refuse..it all depends on her but i won't stay here and say her decision is wrong or right in an issue that's as dicey as this cos i don't know the intricacies of her marriage.
She can also make him dole out cash for gender selection that way ,they will have the boy by force and everyone will be satisfied ie if his motive is just another child and not n excuse for another iyawo.

Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

Criminaliseeedddd For what naww?? Abeg no oooo just incase
What of.those that slip and fall on a pe nis by mistake? Or the ones that devil held by their privates led to hotel room.into the arms of a wicked ex gf?Haa!

Abeg live and let live..Let's all have a chance to chop,repent and sin no more.

Thank you

Go and visit a urologist..
There can also be behavioural modifications to help plus medication.

Not a lost cause neither is it something new.
Very distressing tho..
Pele

Please which kind of introduction costs 400k?
Is intro not about meeting the girls family with a few drinks and stating your intentions?
This has to be a wind up

I don't blame her o jare.Maybe a long prayer with speaking in tongues to spice it up and then loud songs to.garnish it finally..when she and most people know she's a confirmed slag.
Too many sins ontop my head on a good day making me feel too guilty to pray for myself,then someone who's known for sleeping with married men will now come to compound my problems.

cant say im judgy but you can't be brazenly having affairs with married men and I know about it then allow myself to be subjected to your ear busting prayers.

Not being holier than thou but abeg spare me the bullshit.

If its a plus Jesus minus Satan prayer,I may be able to bear it but once it gets long winded with all the screeching I get annoyed.

Unserious people..
Anyway couples have broken up for less..leaving toilet seat up,pressing toothpaste the wrong way,spitting bones out while eating,chewing like a beast etc

Ungrateful wretch.Give you 100k because u r the only medical doctor in the world abi you are coming out with distinction in your viva.
Even if it was 500 naira you should say thanks and move on at least he gave you something.He probably has 5 or 10 of you he's giving stuff.
You are probably looking at his cars and expecting him to give you plenty because you are his only priority.
Can't wait for you to start earning so we know how much you'll be giving others.
Till date even if someone gives me £5 I am very grateful because the person didn't have to give me a pin.
Better change..

Who said they don't forgive? ? After the difficulty and long thinking they call it giving second chance
The ones that forgive don't make.noise about it cos it may be seen as a slight on their masculinity. Many forgive and move on!

As I predicted


For an absolutely budget wedding,why not just do the ceremony in church,invite few witnesses and then rice and coke in Mr Biggs or just share quick home made rice and beef with coke on the spot.

Many average Nigerians still cannot afford 150k simple.

This whole wedding debacle thing is now ridiculos but still entertaining for me.
I await the no spend wedding thread,that one will make my day.

It's my daughters name,it means devoted to God,God is my oath or consecrated to God.Depends on whether you want the Italian or Hebrew meaning.
Spanish- my God is bountiful, God of plenty

Just google it and have peace.

It's time for people to start taking contraception seriously or legalise abortions.
Clearly this whole abstinence obsession isn't working.All of the above far better than birthing and throwing the baby away like trash and leting it die a slow and painful death.

This is absolutely horrific!!

@Diva,
You don't need to defend yourself or the cost of your wedding.Those who will doubt or believe you will do so regardless.
As I said before if your wedding doesn't cost 90k with 500 people,you can't be telling the truth
Hope you enjoyed the day.
Cheers!

A smoothie is when u blend a mix of fruits and sometimes veg plus nuts and make a drink.
You have machines for it eg nutribullet,some people use a juicer
Disadvantage of juicing is that it removes the fibre content so not as nutritious.
My son is very fussy till today,haven't found a cure.Currently he's wolfing down banana and eggs for some reason only known to him.He's older than yours though.

Just keep.trying and maybe cook veggies and purée as an Op suggested above.

Pele

Many people also spent 20k on wedding and are separated today.
@Op good job at defending your biz.Seems you have a target market, pursue with all your might and then expand if you want to.
The 900k could reach over 2m if an expensive hall and clothing are factored in.So basically you are looking at middle class consumers cos this ain't a budget for someone scraping by..

Good luck o and great job on keeping your composure.

@ Op,
I don't understand. Does he have a job now and this 40k one is an addition. Or is it that he doesn't have any job and is refusing the 40k one?
Is there anything hes doing by the side that made him reject the 40k?
Does he regularly bring money back ,when last did he?
If he's not bringing anything back,then that's the angle you should follow,that and there may be a chance for connection in this new job which may give him side jobs to increase his income.

blessedtwins:
Jahblessme thank you for your concern.
Escape in sight.
God showed up.
Things have fallen into place.

All the best dear,will be crossing my fingers for you and hoping it all goes well.