₦airaland Forum

You want to commit suicide because you can't find a job?

Nna mehn na real wa

So what happens if you actually get that 500k and it doesn't work out, are you still going to result back to the suicide option?

Your situation is obviously not as serious as you want us to believe if you can afford the luxury of being online.

Now listen and listen good. We all go through challenges in life and nothing comes easy. Stop going for all the nonsensical prayers and your degree is only worthy on paper. Nothing stops you from starting small until you get that dream job

solomonslones:
December is around the corner, have plans been concluded or its still being worked on?

when can one start donating?

We have started receiving donations Sir
Please indicate your interest on this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/1935512/tehn-calling-all-givers-hlp

Kind Regards

CHoccolaTE:
No. Not at all. But men are far more willing to spend on girls in real life than they are willing to admit. Especially if she is fine. The finer she is, the more they spend; even without her asking. So what's with the online pretense?

Yes you are right but that's because they choose to not because it's the girl's God given right to demand such

CHoccolaTE:
Majority of men are just noise makers and braggarts. Take what they say seriously at your own peril . People that can wash their gf clothes and sponsor her recharge card bills from 100 to 400 level will come online and be forming no-nonsense hard guys. Abegii.

Should relationships be about that though?
Do you think being in relationship is enough reason to be indebted to someone at that stage of one's life?

freecocoa:
In all honesty, yes I would be disappointed and take it that, the friend never had my best interest at heart because I don't see the sense in refusing to help someone you can for no reason.

Do you feel you are entitled to that help though because you can't truly know if the friend was capable of helping

UjSizzle:
Uhhh I'd say boyfriends are tilted more towards the husband axis, than friends.

There goes the main crux of the problem.
A relationship is something you can easily get into and out of as you so wish
A legal union isn't, so priviledges and rights in both are greatly different as they should

Most young people get their knickers twisted because they simply misunderstand that simple fact. A bf is never going to be responsible for you, that job is reserved for your husband

UjSizzle:
Remind mw again why people bother going into relationships of that nature again?
All I ever heard by way of reason was how the other provides "support". Well, people want different kinds of support, ranging from emotional to sexual to financial. How is that not interdependence?

Your view point is obviously broad as we all would have had to depend on someone to survive this world

However, we are looking at it from a couple's stand point. Support is different from reliance and support has an element of choice to it.
To rely on someone means you are dependent on the person hence why there are laws that protect the interest of either partiy in a legal union

freecocoa:
I'm not talking about shameless, jobless beggars my sister, I used firstEva's case as an instance(although I don't know if she's jobless sha) but I'm talking strong, smart, hardworking sister reaching out to her man who is more than capable to help when you need it who in turn might also need help one time or another, ofcourse it doesn't have to be an everyday affair.

The way people go about this stuff makes it look like it's a taboo, hence this thread.

Lemme ask you this question cocoa:
Would your level of disappointment be on the high side if an equally capable friend of yours decide against helping you.

Remember your bf is techically only your friend and as such shouldn't be expected to do things just because you spend a lil more of your time with them

UjSizzle:
Yup. Bf/Gf.

So how then do they have to rely on the other for the relationship to succeed

UjSizzle:
What's that?

Dimensions of your curve gggrrrrhhhhh

UjSizzle:
Why does a woman have to be independent in a relationship, when relationships are all about interdependence?

We are still talking about gf/bf type of relationships right?

UjSizzle:
Biko what arc?

Your parabola

I see you caracta

UjSizzle:
Hmm I didn't know we had so many dictionaries on Nairaland o

How do you define an independent woman, when no one is really 'independent'?

In the context of relationships miss independent

UjSizzle:
Lol what a reason!
If na for curves maybe I'll contest next year

What's your arc like?

freecocoa:
Please understand my stance so we don't get it twisted, I'm not talking about girls/ladies who feel dating a man is a job opportunity, I'm talking, hardworking ladies who genuinely need help(like every other person) once in a while and can get it from her man, she shouldn't even have to ask as far as the man can see she's in need before he decides to help.

This lady can get around without needing a car. That's not a genuine need because she is only tempted as a direct result of the dude procuring an extra car.

What happens if he lends her the car and it gets stolen
Or the car gets written off
Or he suddenly decides he wants his car back after the girl must have been paiting the town red with the car

An independent woman is simply a determined selfless woman with true values.

freecocoa:
Jaybee please when you are in a relationship, what happens in it? It is an unwritten rule oga mi.

I don't have a problem with giving when not asked or using initiative when it's glaringly obvious.
However, i do have a problem when a gf feels it's her entitlement just because she is dating me.

freecocoa:
Ofcourse she can get her own transportation but in a situation where she couldn't afford it and her man coild help to make it easier for her, then she is entitled to the help, otherwise why waste time with a heartless and selfish person? Can we be realistic and stop trying to dance around this?

If you were in need and know for sure that your partner can help but wouldn't, what would you think/do?

How is she entitled to receiving help from a bf?
You are making it seem like it's mandatory

lefulefu:
so u mean to tell me say if ur babe threaten to leave u for another guy just because u say no to the money wey she ask u go still bold to refuse her request?

Don't you think she had get use to that threat if i gave in the first time it was made?
Fact is, someone staying with you just because of what they can get is obviously not with you for the right reasons. You are better off without them

LaurelP:
U cud make ur point without being insultive bro

Apologies but try and focus on the message

Nothing stops you from saying No though

Absolutely nothing wrong in owning up to the fact that you simply can't afford it.

You should never do things that you aren't comfortable with

Yes some Nigerian girls have the spirit of entitlement embedded in them but that doesn't stop you from losing control of your basic common sense

I like this
Car pooling should be encouraged as it's a way of reducing flow of traffic

cococandy:
it is not really a modus operandi per say because I didn't deliberately choose to be like that. It is a part of my nature that I didn't realize will be a problem once I began to share my life with someone else. Now I know and I'm working on it. I've come to a point where I say something or ask questions if I find that keeping quiet leaves me or him in the dark.(most of the time)

But I'm still to master the art of chitchat. How to have regular fun gist.
And that's the part he's more concerned about.

So help me God.

It's really easy ya know

Interest=>Determination=>Result

Show interest in the things he loves doing
Go with an open mindset because you are determined to achieve the desired result

If you enjoy cooking then invite him into the kitchen when you are cooking his favorite meal
If he enjoys soccer then endure the 90 minutes with him then ask questions about the game

Couples have to go extra length to make their marriage work and this is simply part of it.

Look at it this way, if you don't talk to him someone else will almost certainly keep him company be it online or work

cococandy:
True this. I'm not really good at sharing my worries or concerns. In a subconscious way,it is me not wanting to bother him or disturb him.

Maybe I should learn to put them in writing. Lol


On the flip side,it gives him good excuse to tease me. "How are you going to discipline the kids if you can't even raise your voice and talk"?

My worry is you create more problems for yourself in the long run with this your preferred modus operandi

What happens if he suddenly stops asking/teasing things out from you due to unforeseen outside stress?
Does that mean you going to start worrying about him not loving you?

If the absent of effective communication is one of the key problems in relationships then why not try to avoid it at all times

cococandy:
you know most guys don't talk too much. So when the woman in the house is not bringing forth gist and spicy conversation,it is like there's this silent pressure for him to try pull me out of my shell thereby making him talk more than he normally would.

In a way,I feel a talkative wife better pass this one but I can't help myself. People who have known me from childhood are used to it.

I just feel like guys should stop complaining about nagging wives. They don't know what they have until they are with silent janes like us.

There is obviously an extreme scale to each trait.
An extremely quiet wife could be dangerous. Restricting to your shell is counter-productive as you are most likely not going to share the things that bothers your mind.
Same goes for a wife that nags about every single thing. Noise and consistent interference can obviously lead to stress and in turn HBP for the man

Everything has to be in moderation

cococandy:
Gentlemen I've a question.

I've heard Everyman complain about wives who nag and talk too much like it is the worst thing a man has to put up with in marriage.

But my case is the opposite. I'm very very quiet and have this knack to withdraw into myself most times.
And he does complain.

Which is better? A constantly nagging wife or a quiet-as-a-mouse wife who let's you do all the talking.

The key is the personally trait of the other half
If he is extroverted then the balance is just about right.

You can't have effective communication with two raging parrots in the house. If the wive is a nag then the husband must be a good listener.

SAMBARRY:
yes o.that is because the year is fast running to an end and shewa needs to make lots of money for her baby and herself to make life comfortable for us and also have a fabulous vacation

God go bless your hustle. Million Gbosas for all hard-working women out there

I see you cococandy

SAMBARRY:
ayam fine o

I don miss you oooo

Been a while

Happy to share
Been married for X number of years

We met when i was 20 and she was barely 18