₦airaland Forum

How come she is not yet in police custody? She ought to be tried for attempted murder!!

This is a shame.

I think the girl should be repatriated back to her country. Her entire family should be punished for this.

@ poster,

Would you rather be married and looking for children? Please accept what God has blessed you with. A lot of people out there who are looking for kids will gladly trade places with you!

@ poster,

are you kidding me? Relationship is only 2 months and you are already pregnant for him?

Wow, that was just too quick.

Anyways, have the babies, and just wait a little longer, he'll certainly come looking for you!

Have you not got any details or address of his siblings?

Omalichanwa:
Pls pple, never marry just to escape 4rm hardship, pray that God helps u 2 be succeed by your hard works. I have 3 fancy cars, i have too much material things much more than i ever thought i'd have but my husband have no respect 4 me, i dnt even think he loves me. I have suffered alot in this marriage, both physically and emotionally bt i cnt leave now becos i have sold my soul, i have been judged and now i must pay the price.

@ Omalichanwa,

Quit thinking like a victim!

Who says you cannot have your soul back?

Who judged you and what for?

Please you need to wake up from your slumber and stop seeing yourself with that victim-mentality of yours. If you believe that you can pull thru then you will. Whether your husband is chasing everything in skirt solely depends on you.

What is the state of your home? Is your home a safe haven where your hubby can come to after a long day at work? Are you able to provide for your husband physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual nourishment? What values do you add to him as your hubby?

You need to use this period for evaluation. What have you been doing wrong before, what attitudes have you been putting up that are repulsive to your man. Does your hubby still find you attractive or not?

How supportive are you to your hubby? Although you have not revealed much about your home, I strongly sense that a lot still needs to be done by you.

Please stop thinking about love potions or bewitchment. Why don't you start thinking about ways to captivate your hubby such that he would not even bear the thots of leaving you for someone else.

Woman, the ball is inside your court.

Finally, there is no battle you cannot take to God to fight for you.

All da best!!!

@ Poster,

When your husband travelled, why did you have to wait for him to call you? You should have kept in touch consistently knowing the type of person he is.

For how long did he tell you that he will be away? Does he know that you know about the "other woman?"

How did you respond to the call from the other woman?

Wow, lots of questions to be answered. God bless your marriage.

Concentrate more on his good side. Do not see him as a rebound or any such thing. Treat him well and no matter the heat, don't argue with him. Ask God for wisdom, because it takes God to make a marriage work.

Why dint the girls tell their mother?

Weird family!!

Do you love this man?

Does he have all the qualities you want in a man?

Is he capable of accepting you the way you are?

How do you feel around his friends, can you mingle easily or you have to act like a small kid?

What about his siblings, how do you relate with them and are you okay, with that?

All these and more questions you have to answer.

For me, it goes beyond the age. When you dwell too much on the age disparity, you may find it hard loving him for who he really is?

@ Poster,

This is very true in Nigerian Public hospitals mostly General hospitals, they request the husband/father of the child to donate blood. This they say is a precautionary measure in case the wife may need blood transfusion following delivery.

I have worked in the haematology dept. of one of these General hospitals so I know what I am saying. The blood the husband donates is not necessarily used for the wife (they store the blood for future use) and then use the one that has been there a longer period (donated by someone unknown). Also, in some cases their blood groups do not match and so someone else's blood will have to be used.

If the husband cannot donate blood, someone else can do so on his behalf. But as a general rule, there has to be a continuous supply of blood to the blood bank for emergency purposes so these people (expectant fathers) are told to donate.

@ Wush,

Am sorry to hear about that. I was thinking the story will have a happy ending. Anyway, I pray that you will find peace and love again at least for the sake of your child.

Ask them to go and see a marriage councellor. shikena!!!

Look at what she needs or would like then you can get that for her.

@ Sia Fuller & Be Who You Are,

What is going on? We need an end to this story!!!

Interesting topic,

When I was a kid, I followed my mom to the supermarket one day, and got lost while she was shopping for things. Along the way I saw a pair of fair-skinned legs (my mom is fair skinned too) and so did not bother to look up to see if they belonged to my mom or not. That was how i followed Oyinbo (a lebanese) out of the supermarket and she did not even know I was behind following her. On getting to her car, she got it in and left me out that was when i realized that I was really LOST!

Meanwhile, all hell was let loose within the supermarket as my mom was almost going crazy about her missing child. When they finally found me, I was soaked in tears and my mom nearly tore me apart.



I hated eating "eba" (garri) so whenever they served eba at home I will pretend to be eating it and when no one was watching I will pick the entire eba in my plate and toss in under the couch. I did that for a long time and got away with it until there was rat and cockroach infestation in the house. When they did thorough cleaning and fumigation they discovered various degrees of rotten eba in different shapes and sizes. There was no need to look too far as all evidence pointed at me. Very silly!!!

Join him in the sitting room!

@ SA Lady,

Some honest questions you need to ask yourself before anything are:

1.  "What do you want from this man?"

2. Do you believe that you are in a position and can affect his life positively or in anyway?

3. Will this man have a positive influence on me or not?

The answers are within you. Search yourself and then you will not have to look too far for answers.

The Plot has gotten thicker with the introduction of Be who u Are


I have followed this thread keenly and can't help but comment at this point.

@ Poster (Sia),

Wow! I must confess, this whole thing has boomeranged back at you!

When you knew you had already made up your mind about marrying the guy why come to a public forum like this to discuss the issue? I see that you are distraught about his decision to call it quits with you. I could detect from your posts that you were not in anyway confused but wanted justification for going ahead with the marriage.


If you truly were a Christian, you would have first sought the face of God privately to know if he truly is His choice for you before getting yourself immersed in his love for 4 years. You went ahead with the relationship knowing you will have problems with his religious beliefs only for you to come crying out at the end of it. Was it because of the material gains? I am not in anyway surprised at his decisions.


Sia, am so sorry, but you have shot yourself in the foot!!!

The man has a lot of work in bridging the gap between his wife and his mum. He should be diplomatic about handling issues like this.

Incest!

chaircover:
As you can probably see, you are now in a catch 22 situation and before you say Jack Robinson you will be pregnant again with a second child.

I had to pay £690 a month on a nursery place for my daughter 6 years ago! I wasn't left with much after childcare was paid for as I had another one who attended after school club at the same time but it meant that I was out of the house and putting something towards the family purse no matter how little; every penny counts.

Your hubby is probably comparing you to all those professional confident women he sees in his workplace everyday.

Men are very strange creatures. First they don't like women depending on them for everything and on the other hand most get intimidated by career women. I am sure that the moment you step of the house on your new job, he will start accusing you of having affairs with your work colleagues, bus driver, post men, milk man etc

I don't know what your qualifications are so don't how how marketable you are in the job market, but even if it is a case of taking some evenings courses at the local college when your husband gets back in the evening, so that he can take care of the baby then go and do it. Its his baby too so he should feel some of the pain too.

Please stop blaming the introvert quality. Your husband knew who you were before he proposed to you. We are all shy to a certain degree, its normal human social behavior.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Sit down, plan it & go for it.

As you can already see, the work colleagues are giving him something that you aren't so if you want to keep this man, you have to step up your game and at the same time you will benefit from it. Nothing to lose.

@ Pinkielove,

The most important thing here - Start doing something to earn a living to support yourself! Enough of the housewife non-sense!

@ Pinkielove,

I recommend this book - The seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen F. Covey it will help you a lot in your personal development.

All the very best!

No matter what, he is bound to the wife cos of the kids. 15years age difference wow! some girls get liver o!

Advice her she should be prepared for war, fights and anyother thing that comes with it.

The kids are almost her age i suppose?

@ Poster,

Why don't you go and visit your girl in school, see her in person and explain what you have to. You don't have to say anything about you being disappointed with her attitude etc Only let her know that you were not the one who duped her mum.

I suggest you may need to go and see her mum, and explain yourself. When you are going, make sure you get some gifts she would appreciate something not so cheap and not so expensive. I will not advise that you give her N10,000, it will only send a wrong message. Buy her gifts (e.g Ankara or lace material or jewelry), wrap it up and after you have said all you have to say, present the gift to her. if she accepts it good, if not then move on!

@ poster,

Please talk to your friend, the marriage has ended.

Let her move on with her life.

@ aisha2,

Thanks for the clarity

@ Poster,

I guess the age disparity ( a decade and 2 years) is one factor that is contributing to the rift you are having. Also, your introverted nature doesn't help in issues like this. Never-the-less, your marriage can still work and will if you work at it. All be it, he saw you the way you were before he married you. You need to go out of your way to be the type of a person he will like you to be. If he needs you to be more expressive then show it. Speak out your feelings in a polite and friendly manner, don't just bottle up and be non-nonchalant about things only for you to get yourself worried and worked up about him having an affair at work.

You also need to get busy doing something. Most men love and appreciate a working woman more than one who just sits at home. I understand you have a baby, you could arrange to put your baby in a daycare while you go and work somewhere. At the end of the day, when you both come home, you will have lots of things to talk about most especially on how your day at work went and the things that happened there, the people, etc. Right now I know the only thought that may preoccupy your mind whenever he is going to work is that "he is going to see his girl again" and "he has seen the girl" (after he is back from work).

Get to know some things about the girl, and why your husband likes her. It could be that she is an expressive person, caring, complains less and all that. You could get a neutral person who also happens to be your husbands colleague (not your neighbour o) to tell u more about the lady. When you have ampule information, try to see how you can adjust your ways into something similar. I am not saying you should be who you are not but please for the sake of your marriage and your daughter, try and do things differently.

aisha2:
How all this western civilization nonsense, how can? why should a man help his wife, thats her duty, Infact she should pound yam everyday. Foolish pregnant woman

@ aisha2,

Please tell me you are not a woman or better still, you may not have experienced difficult/painful pregnancies that you may need to visit the hospital almost on a weekly basis!

"poundyam everyday" - nonsense!!

@ Poster,

What is the age difference between yourself and your hubby? I sense the gap might be so wide hence the rapport.

Also, do you contribute financially to the upkeep of the house, etc? Do you work? If not, that may be a reason why he takes it out on you.

I need your response!

Who got her pregnant in the first place?

Of course he should help her out with domestic chores, even going for shopping, taking care of the other kids (if any) etc

Hearing stories of wicked MILs makes me sad.

Thank God I have a lovely MIL, she always minds her business and never intrudes in our marriage.

@ adaspire,

15years is a long way despite your MIL. Just be the better person, God will see you through.

rerute1:
The lack of money is d root of all evil, For how long can u continue to stay (or even enjoy) without money?

I know of a couple the husband was a highly paid bank manager and the wife was a house wife. He lost his job recently. Does that mean the wife should leave him and become unhappy because there is no more money?

coolier:
Money doesn't guaranty happiness in marriage. I've seen a lot of extremely wealthy couples break up because they were not happy in the relationship.

"The rich also cry!"

I agree, Money should not be the basis for happiness in marriage.