₦airaland Forum

monatoetje:
I have a question for the men on this board : When i visited Nigeria i got the impression that women were blamed for everything that goes wrong Even in Nigerian movies , it`s always the woman who is the witch , who tries to seperate 2 brothers , who will poison her husband etc etc etc,
I hear many men say " I am the head of the house and I don`t want my wife to be in controll. My wife has to " listen " to me respect me and be sub,issive to me.

Well, could you please define a woman who is controlling? Is it when she is asking you to help her with thwe chores in the house , or when she is asking you to look after the kids, or when she also wants to go alone on trips or with her friends?

When does she give you respect? , and listen??

Monat, my opinion is that most men tend to exaggerate their positions - this is a well known thing: men will exaggerate their accomplishments so it may be the reason you hear so much about men saying they are the head bla bla bla. I say it too when I'm out with my friends; I tell them that I call the shot etc etc but the truth is that although my wife allows me to be the head and act the head, I know that I will feel empty without my wife and I know that she is an essential part of my existence. Many people who hear me speak when I'm out with my friends may construe that to mean that I am authoritarian and all that.

My wife will argue with me and then keep quiet cos she knows I'm a stubborn man but she knows that I'll consider her opinion in my own time and I've been known to retrace my steps and agree with what I initially disagreed with. She understands how to make her point without making me feel that she's undermining my position as the so-called head. Sometimes, when we have an argument i remind her that I am the head.

Every home has unique ways and no two families are the same. It would be wrong for anyone to try and tell another that what they are doing is wrong or how they are doing something is wrong; especially when they are unable to do their own thing right

Espero altavoces que españoles no serán perturbados por las mujeres frustradas en el nairaland
Esas mujeres deben ir y deber cambiar sus estilos de vida y las actitudes para que ellos puedan encontrar a maridos. Ellos aquí tratan de enseñar jóvenes chicas nigerianas a llegar a ser como desesperado y frustrados como sí mismos

justgood it is really disappointing that this issue degenerated to words trading between you and michelin you should have taken the higher ground and even given practical tips on how women can get better respect from their men and  not saying that direspect of women by men does not exist,

my 2 cents

I have never said disrespect of women does not exist. These women are just pushing their luck and trying to get further into things to make other girls become like themselves.  Disrespect of women exists everywhere in the world, not just in Nigeria; and someone proved it when they posted a link to a brazillian forum. I started out by stating that it is not a Nigerian thing and then the group of frustrated and rejected women started their campaign to try and get other girls to have their own kind of attitude.

Why they always want to get other girls to become as unruly as themselves used to baffle me but I have come to realise the reason: they want more people to join the "frustrated women's bandwagon", according to one of my lecturers during my post grad studies days

Gosh!

Buddy, that was sorely uncalled for - her parents arent on this forum, they're not posting here, yet you choose to insult them?

Michelin's a 19-year-old girl, a teenager, and from what you've said so far as regards to wife and children, I'D say you're probably in your mid to late 30's, or more.
Old enough to be her father.
Why would a grown man be trading insults with a teenager in the first place, worse still, extend those insults to her absent parents??

Siena, it was not uncalled for. I wonder if you told the girl that it was uncalled for when she insulted me just for having my own opinion.
If anyone does not want to be insulted, they should not throw insults. I am not one of those men who will allow themselves to be trampled upon just to try and prove that they have fake respect for women.

I had to refer to her parents because she's only a few years older than my first son and none of my children will ever insult someone just because the person has a different view from theirs

holy crap justgood where do YOU live??

hanen, i grew up in Nigeria and I live in Britain.

I still maintain that I have never been at a party in my adult life where people rushed for food!
And I pray I never get to the stage where I will be attending such parties.

Must our life experiences be the same?

Too many agbayas on this site.

Isnt it better to just say you don't have a family then to claim to have one and still act like children. Shameless.

When you are able to successfully find a man and keep a loving family. . .

His arguments are embarrassing which is why he's now resorting to "oh it's because you people are lonely and alone" comments. Pathetic comments he has absolutely NO proof of. What a dork

I guess my being a dork is one of the reasons one guy told you on another thread that when you finally find a man to settle with you can come and talk to him?

I guess I'll have to tell you the same now. Please go and learn how to live in the midst of real people and also how to find love and give love before you come and shout here.

You will probably have a successful cyber love life seeing that you are very good with forum chat

For someone who claims to have a family, it's amazing how childish your method of reasoning is.

what concerns me with calling your wife? All the other people that can prove that this so called generalization is true, I assume they are all lying except you because your wife would say other wise

Rofl. This your island of Denial must be paying you well for this your loyalty

Oh, how great is this! My reasoning is childish because I am not in your shoes and I dont have the same experience as you? Who exactly is the childish one?
Who are

All the other people that can prove that this so called generalization is true

? And just because some lonely women say something on the internet negates everything about my own life?
I wonder what kind of Nigerian women are on the internet

Anyways sha, me think you are worst of all men and definitely don't have respect for women. I therefore pity your wife.

Eat in peace!

michelin tyre, i don tell you say e no go better for your papa. I sabi say you no even sure who be ya papa but e no go better for am.

As I no get respect for you, na you come be the yardstick for measuring my wife. if na like you my wife be, I for no marry am an she sef for dey here for internet like many of these other lonely women whose lives are nothing but hell on earth.

michelin89:
Na who and you dey yarn? JustBush, go eat the eba wey your free wife prepare for you. I know say Naija men dey vex well well when they never eat!

I thank God as my wife na free wife. Afterall na money dem pay ya mama for one night wey she come take born you. And she don train you as she sabi

In fact I don dey hungry now, make I go chop akpu.

oloshi, you think say I be those men wey want yansh una come dey allow una dey waka on top dem head?

idiot. na by force to talk? I no say na so ya mama dey abuse anyhow and I no blame am because na so dem bring am up when she dey naija. . . abi she no tell you how she dey live before she born you?

michelin89:
JustGood?? You should be JustDumb! Damn! What are you compared to a population of millions? In what way does your attitude to your wife contribute to millions of other women's life who can't even dare to breathe because their men are on the corner? Whatever you call yourself, you and your wife aren't the only Nigerians alive but almost an insignificant part when compared to the whole. Quit this egocentrism and be good!

E no go better for your papa.

What exactly has my discussion to do with you that you have to come with an insult? Is there anything that I addressed to you?

Your papa no go die better oloshi. girl wey no get family

KarmaMod:
As a fellow male, Maybe you can teach JustGood and his crew a thing or two about accepting the truth.

This is the same one denying how Naija people act at parties. Everyone is wrong except him.

What exactly is the truth. I have a family at home and I can give you our number to call and find out if my wife is a slave or not.

As for the bolded, I still maintain before God that I have never in my adult life been at a party where people are scrambling for food. maybe your loneliness is making you things about me that are not right. Or you always assume that whatever happens to you is wehat happens to everyone else on earth.

You wont know the truth if it was lying beside you, with the state of your mind

there are many of these kind of women in London and the only thing they can do successfully is to bash the Nigerian male. They are mainly old and single or single mothers and they have bitterness against Nigerian men written all over them. The root of their bitterness is usually mainly their own doing as they always want the wrong type of men. They have mostly wasted their early lives in wild living and then they expect some gullible Nigeria guy to accept their rubbish.

In spite of it all, they can only ever seek Nigeria men because they know that foreign men don't want them. foreign men only use them for a while in order to say that they have dated and shagged black/9jawomen before.

When people neglect to see their own faults and continually seek the faults in others, they never progress.

Proper women have proper men and decent women get decent men. Nigerian male bashers have always got the kind of men they deserve and they see the kind of things they are exposed to but they use that to generalise.

jamani, I say Amen to your prayer.

Sisikill:
Oh wait, I thought it was only his wife, so it was his whole family? Even the children? Na wa oh, poor guy. . . what did they to him? I hope he is not hurting too much sha, having you whole family do something to you can be heartbreaking.

Do you try being sarcastic pointlessly without understanding what's being said or discussed?
Just a question

KarmaMod:
why were you the one "pleading" to the friend? Why not his family?

So it's wrong for me to plead with my friend again? Why am I not allowed to it?
Do you know what his family did?

Thanks Siena, but forgiveness comes naturally not when I am forced to forget things.

I don't like anyone to imagine that because I am a man, I should always allow myself to be trampled upon by some of these so-called wise women who's stock in trade is to attack men and watch men sulk.

Thanks anyway.

They are mostly idle and have very little to do at home so they need to do their own housework themselves otherwise they'll get bloated.

AND, how many people can afford to pay such wages? There are strict laws with regards to minimum wage etc. How much do people earn that they can afford to pay minimum wages? The thing no easy o

This is a sad but interesting story.

The guy is obviously a go-getter and was willing to do what he had to do to get what he wanted. He was willing to use christina but he did not bargain for christina being evil and not being suited to his own kind of person(this happens to lots of people).

I know that what he did sounds despicable but I cant judge him because I am not in his shoes and I dont know how and why his heart became so hard as to use women to get what he wants. Many other men and women do the same all over the world without such severe backfires. The Finnish woman has to be evil for deciding to have a child when the man stated that he was not ready for a child. She decided to bring a child into this world for an unwilling father. . . is that not more callous?

The guy is daft for not telling his Nigerian wife that he had to marry in Finland in his search for papers.

If this is true, one can only pray that the children will be protected by God

If you have enough time to be plaiting your hair as a man, it shows how vain you are. The fact that you have so much time could mean that your focus in life is wrong

@jesoul, sorry o; kpele.
I know that we are all children of God but when it comes to marriage, it doesn't usually work between different races. It's easy for people to decieve themselves and say love will see their marriage through but it takes more than that kind of love for marriage to work.

Once people start living together, the little differences that didn't seem to exist beofre will crop up and if they are very vast they will disturb the relationship. Unfortunately I will always advice people not to go into inter-racial relationships because they almost never work.

You will always get some people who tell you that they know some people that it seems to be working for but if you go back to them a few years later, they're all divorced.

I like this thread sha

Cayon:
@justgood:

I am up early b/c I had to join a conference call.  But b/4 I go to bed let me say this to you.

Are you trying to look sympathy from others?

We women are very sensitive but you took the icing so I am wondering if you are really a man

When and what day I insulted you?  And it better be yesterday?  Because it would be more embarrasing to see a man carrying "hate" for days now.  Talk about sensitivity

God, i have never seen a man like you behaving like a little kid.

You and SOME others think b/c y'all are men - women must not challenge y'all.  Guess what?  This is the internet and y'all cannot keep  a woman quiet . . . . .well at least me.

For the love of God, get over your hatred, envious spirity, controlling woman attitiude, grow up and get well soon.

Again, I pointed out to you the stars and all you saw was the tip of my finger

Good night - i am going ot bed

Oh yes. you know you insulted me yesterday for no reason but you think I should just accept your insult. I don't take insults and accept them, I am not the type of man who allows everyone to walk all over him. If you have been brought up to believe that being a woman gives you the right to insult people, I was not brought up to allow myself get walked over by anyone - man or woman.

If I control women, it's my life not yours and I have not invited you to my life to be controlled. Is it not for my wife to say if I control women or not?
Besides, when did it become a sin to like to control? It's up to everyone to decide what they can accept and what they can't. Any woman who doesn't like to be controlled should find a man that is non-controlling and every man who likes to control should find a woman that doesn't mind being controlled.

It is obvious without your saying so that you have never seen a man like me. That's why you trawl the internet day and night searching for what you're searching for. you will always get the same ind you've always got

silly women are trying to impose their wishes on the rest of mankind and make every man and woman be subject to their whims. If a woman is not as domineering as they are, they label her as being in slavery. If a woman is uncontrollable and wayward, they call her independent. Your end is obviously one of misery 

Please go and hug your pillow. You'll do so for long OR maybe you have a rubber for your pleasure

ayomifull:
Its all about women, it doesnt matter when men 'do what they like and get away with it'

In most cases women are blamed my friend, no one begs a man to stay married to his wife because of the children when the woman is becoming unbearable but everyone begs a frustrated woman to stay put in marriage because of the children. When there is no children in marriage everyone thinks the woman is responsible. How many men do you see going from one revival to the other, from one church to the other because of 'fruit of the womb? check out the number of women during special prayers for those looking for children.
The truth which might be bitter to accept is an African woman will have to at one time or the other take shit to make the marriage work anyone who is not ready to do that at times is not ready for a marriage.
Think of how you will feel if you meet a married woman in an hotel with another man and think of what you will feel if you meet a married man in an hotel with another woman, the woman is to be beheaded straight away while the man is expected to come up with reasons and the wife is expected to forgive and embrace him and also to thank God that at least he came back home, she is also expected to make sure she does everything to make sure the husband does not look outside.

I am married and happily for that matter but the fact is there are lots of differences in our culture and those of these guys and our culture, even the bible, gives men more liberty. There is no need denying some facts about our culture's influence on some aspects of our lives, just as their own cultures have impact in their lives as well. Our own culture of submitting to our husbands and taking some 'shits' has helped us in lots of ways while their own cultures has also helped them in lots of ways eg high number of

The concept of men doing what they like and getting away with it is foreign to me. It doesn't happen in my family.

I do have a friend with whom I pleaded recently reminding him about his children and the prospect of his children living without him to re-consider his then decision not to stay with his wife again. . . so, men also get these things told them. Maybe because men dont tend to talk openly about things, you think men dont go through these things.

Those cultural things are also fast fading away. To my mind, I believe that we are headed for a catastrophe if all the cultural things fade away. We do not have a strong system to accommodate the fall out of what we want to do. We want to do what gets done in Europe and America when we dont have the structures that they have in place. We are only inviting catastrophe.

We need to examine ourselves as a society and allow what works for us to be implemented, not just to import some strange things that our society cant even support. the kind of things practised abroad may be very good for them but it is because they have enough structure in place to support those things.

zelaws, my response has a reason. so please dont jump in without finding out what's going on.

The woman insulted me for disagreeing with her view on another thread. It is not in my nature to attack anyone or insult anyone for no reason but if I get insulted, I give it back in return

@doyin, if you think I care about your useless rant, think again.
If you're in the habit of jumping into things that dont concern you and which you dont understand the roots of, you must have had a few bad experiences in your life. Go ahead because you cant be touched online