₦airaland Forum

dairykidd:
Marry her naa.. it's not like she's married to the other guy. Have u really told her how u feel Live life to the fullest, take advantage of the opportunity because one day u will turn to dust. Forget the rich guy and think for urself provided ur not a church rat and ur trying to improve. You no force her and from ur story she feels u too. Probably with the other guy for some other reasons because if she truly felt something strong for the abroad guy u wouldn't have been given such audience in the first place. Ogbeni na empty book. Write the story

yes she feels me ooo. Infact i see it in her eyes each time we talk one on one and she calls me steady and our chat looks like we are already dating. I have expressed how i feel about her and i told her what i want. So i am keeping in touch with her for now as a friend. Trust me i hv been with rich and classic girls, her own is just that she is exceptional even though she has her money she is not proud, we earn within the same figure. i admire her every passing day like i have met the one for me. I know i dated someone even upto marriage level it did not work out. So i will just keep and open mind and let God have his way and right now i am doubling my hussle seriously to ensure that i am able to meet up with alot of stuffs.

Ammishaddai:
See ,just let the will of God be done .It could be that God may decide to give her to you in a way that will shock you .

Amen oooo, kai i will be just too happy to wife her anyday anytime. May be she is looking a the money and what the guy has spent on her. I have been there before dated a girl for years spent and even trained her to school, yet we no marry.
just that this particular girl just resonates in my heart. I am not after her money i have mine and i am working hard as well.

donbachi:
Ur heart melt,ur heart run leave u,her beauty is dis and dat.

Chop na,ur body go rest.

Guy i am not here to chop her, i want to wife her, she is a wife not for chopping, i dont chop girls... i look for a wife to marry

Ammishaddai:
She gave you her number and still talks with you and to me ... that means she's still considering her options. So give her time. But if at the end she decides to settle with "her serious " relationship, then let the will of God be done and move on .

Peace

Yes she even bought something for me, her guy has bastard money and not in Nigeria, although i am not even intimidated by that at all. Just he has been there for years through the thick and the thin. SO my prayers is just let the will of God be done. I have a female friend more beautiful and endowed than this girl i love but i cant consider her cos she has character issue and not connection just mere friendship.
I wish i was the one marrying this babe

Nlanders, i am i a situation that i dont even know what to do.
So i was in church i met this pretty matured damsel came to church for the first time, i saw her and my spirit connected to her and it was instant attraction. We both look at each other always and we know some chemistry is between us. its been 3 months now i cant stop thinking about her, although i promised myself that i wont fall in love again due to my last experience and have been single for over a year now.
Well i eventually collected the girls number and we just clicked from first conversation till date. We practically talk or chat each passing dey and we are so closed but she has a serious relationship. She said lets just be friends and the situation surrounding her relationship is serious as wedding is already in view. She is everything i really desired in a woman and she just awesome and unique, each passing day i talk with her it melts my heart and she keeps vibes with me. I told her my feelings for her she just said let the will of God be done between us. I keep thinking about her at work, at home, she lights my day when i hear her voice we joke, we play we connect and we bond. My heart and intentions towards her are pure and genuine. Honestly i cried this morning after a long time that i found someone i loved and we connect but i cant have because she is in a serious relationship.
How best do i handle this, should i just fight this feeling, kill the feeling, i know if we continue like this she might eventually fall for me, many things are going through my mind. Maybe i should just forget her and let her be and wish her all the best. The guy is truly a lucky guy to have her. If she is on Nairaland and reading this i am not ashamed to tell you i love and need you in my life. Just that i wished i had met you much more earlier and i wont have let you go at all.
Need your candid advice please.

Nlanders, i am i a situation that i dont even know what to do.
So i was in church i met this pretty matured damsel came to church for the first time, i saw her and my spirit connected to her and it was instant attraction. We both look at each other always and we know some chemistry is between us. its been 3 months now i cant stop thinking about her, although i promised myself that i wont fall in love again due to my last experience and have been single for over a year now.
Well i eventually collected the girls number and we just clicked from first conversation till date. We practically talk or chat each passing dey and we are so closed but she has a serious relationship. She said lets just be friends and the situation surrounding her relationship is serious as wedding is already in view. She is everything i really desired in a woman and she just awesome and unique, each passing day i talk with her it melts my heart and she keeps vibes with me. I told her my feelings for her she just said let the will of God be done between us. I keep thinking about her at work, at home, she lights my day when i hear her voice we joke, we play we connect and we bond. My heart and intentions towards her are pure and genuine. Honestly i cried this morning after a long time that i found someone i loved and we connect but i cant have because she is in a serious relationship.
How best do i handle this, should i just fight this feeling, kill the feeling, i know if we continue like this she might eventually fall for me, many things are going through my mind. Maybe i should just forget her and let her be and wish her all the best. The guy is truly a lucky guy to have her. If she is on Nairaland and reading this i am not ashamed to tell you i love and need you in my life. Just that i wished i had met you much more earlier and i wont have let you go at all.
Need your candid advice please.

I have gone through the whole comment and i have seen what some people have written as comment.
I will answer this question from my own personal experience in 2 ways.
1. No Sex before marriage
2. No sexual attraction
I have worked in the religious body for long to know that we have more hypocrites in church than genuinely born again believers. i am also part of the marriage committee of my church and i know much and i have heard much i shake my head for this generation.
1. No sex before marriage
From my experience of dating 5 ladies who are mostly religious and leaders in their respective department and those who speak in tongues i discovered that 90% of that statement is scam.
Example 1:
I dated a girl in university my friend for years and very religious a catholic after school and NYSC we continued as friend than relationship she was always forming no sex before marriage but she was a virgin, las las it was a badoo that disvirgined her in lagos and me the Nice guy was left believing babe was still a virgin. She told me this crying when she came back, she said to me i am no longer a virgin sorry for disappointing you and it was a relationship of 7 years, she had to end the relationship with me and moved on with the badoo.
Example 2:
After her i was introduced to a church girl from benue, big ass nice boobs, music director in her church choir, but this girl is a damn hypocrite and a pretender, she said no sex ooo, i said no wahala cos i was a virgin so i felt i have met the one for me, even though she told me she was not a virgin. we continued and she started initiating moves and i told her remembered you said no sex before marrige and you are a choir director, she said forget that thing see yansh Bleep i said nope, she ended the relationship with me cos another guy was digging her. She cant stay in a no sex relationship
Example 3:
My ex that i truly loved dated for 2 years and because of my religious stand and believe she said no sex, i was committed and funding her while another guy was servicing her well. I caught her red handed in the end she got pregnant for another guy.
Example 4:
I met a beautiful church sis this one in m church she was always rolling on the floor under anointing and speaking in tongues she was casting her eyes on me, so i understood the green light we started dating and she came to my house the first time she off pant, i did not sleep with her till date though she was married but the girl had high libido, church sister and pretense
ican go on and on with my experience in my final judgment on this many guyz have been scammed with this no sex thing same with ladies while the other partners is busy having sex with another person.
2. No sexual attraction
lease dont go ahead with the marriage if you are not sexually attracted to her, if she does not set u on fire let her be. A girl is ben forced on me to marry now but i am not attracted to her, i rather marry late than to marry someone i am not sexually attracted to na frustration be that and ground s for infidelity

You were wrong for hitting her, no matter how unfaithful a lady is to you do not hit her. Maturity demands that you let her go. Please stop this nonsense of supporting her for school and others. I have been there. Please walkaway and look for a matured reasonable lady to marry. You dont marry someone who does not have value and respect for you. The moment a girl start been secretive there is something she is hiding its very difficult this days to find faithful ladies very difficult. same thing 4 of my girlfriends did to me. please save yourself future heart break from this lady, you are only a means to an end not the end for her. with all this red flags i can tell you this girl will not and will never marry you. Be wise and fix your life in order, look for a matured lady who loves and cherish you, who knows what responsibility is, who knows the game of the street but not a street dog. There are good girls out there, may God lead you to your wife, this one is not your own If she can not listen to you she will never do it in marriage.
Have yor parameters and yardstick in relationship, please always know when a lady wants you for marriage i mean she truly wants to marry u and not want to use u.

She is not your wife, please run and leave her. I know of a mega CEO in Abuja who said to me his wife married him in a one bedroom apartment as at the time they married, but she believed and supported his vision and trekked with him to do business. Today he has taken her to16 nations of the world all expenses paid by him.
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Love is good between mother and child.
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While you are busy wailing over someone who might not even end up marrying you, some people are busy making money daily. imagine an opportunity were you make money on a win-win situation were you leverage on a good system. So you think making money now is still all about hard work, NOPE, its all about smart work, leverage and building financial systems. Let us show you today how you too can join those making $30-$100 daily you can join our whatsapp group and zoom meeting every day 8pm https:///Lw8cuyvdvyy0jpXkCpnwmP

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Wonderful. What an advice instead of you telling ladies on how to be independent you are here asking ladies to practice infidelity which they will carry to their matrimonial home.
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Hmmm, please let the relationship go and discard the lady. I have been in ur shoes before they were asking me to forgive hell No i refused. We were already in premarital counselling both families are aware, my ex went and she was sleeping with another guy. I confronted her she said they are just friend lies. She caused quarrel and in her mind she dumped me not knowing i dumped her long ago, finally she got pregnant for her friend and today they are together, i have moved on.
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I dont see any issue here. You have admitted that you did somethings in the past that were wrong and you are willing to marry him because you are 21. Age is a factor but a major factor for marriage except there is a wide difference. Now you are mentally ready and both of you are drawing closer to God. This means that your mind is already in shape to take on responsibility of marriage good or bad, however it comes. Please in all you do do not see this as an opportunity to just further your education but an opportunity to be with the man you truly love and he truly loves you. Take time to make your decisions from the point of balance and maturity. Your parent will eventually agree to your decision to marry, they only brought you into the world and your ultimate life will be lived by you. Above all take it to God in prayer and let him give you his eternal peace to go ahead. Ladies this age is the right and ripe one for you to marry. We have ladles in their 30s begging to be married and some in their 40s. Please dont compare her with Chidinma, it was her greed that led her.

Hmmm my own experience is something else. I nearly slapped my friend ooo he was the immigration officer that helped me do my biometrics, made me to loose and international stuff in $$, i look back today i just have to forgive him. Immigration in Nigeria is one of the most corrupt parastatals in Nigeria. How long shall we continue like this, evert sector just want to milk the citizen. Our problem is not just from the presidency but from we as individuals an citizens of this country we have our own problem. How long are we going to continue like this. Everyday i cry for my darling nation Nigeria, how long, we are just wicked to each other, greed, wickedness, we want to show class, levels, rise above others even if it means killing people. Passport that's is supposed to be cheap and available for all citizens is now what people are using to make money and milk other people. it took me 6 months or more to see my first passport Oh my God this country. SMH

Righteousness2:
Very Pathetic and unfortunate Rest.
Unfortunately, there is no rest for such death! It is a one way ticket to Hell!

Folks Flee all these evils! Eternity is too long to be played with.

Please becareful how you pass Judgement on people that you are not their God and don't know their interaction and relationship with God.
I know you are trying to preach gospel but their is spiritual maturity and need for you to be silent on somethings. You are not the final authority over Gods justice system. I hope you know God has a justice system and on that basis he decides to judge people not from our lens of condemnation but from his merciful disposition, the heart of a person and the relationship between him and God. God will have mercy on whom he chooses to have mercy without consulting you. Its very wrong as a Christian to pass Judgments on people that they are going to hell straight. Please lets be guided properly so that we wont slip into error. I have had several experience that made me to understand that Gods justices system is not in the hand of man but God, that's what makes him sovereign. A case in point my friend died some years ago despite been a preacher he was a chronic fornicator, i knew about it i never judged him. The day he died we rally round to pray for him infact he died in a gym center and the previous week he had already gone to have sex with another lady. While his body was laid on the alter of a church for him to comeback to life because he was too young to die. After much prayer for hours he jacked backed to life and he said we should leave him he is in a better placed and he closed his eyes in death, this is a true life story, straight they went to bury his body and his spirit and soul has gone to be with his maker. That experience forever changed my perspective about Gods perspective on his justice system never to judge on the eternal destination of any man till we eventually get there, we see things for ourselves. It wont be a shocker for me to get to heaven and see those the world has condemned to hell are in heaven with the lord. The best you can do is to let people know about Christ and not to condemn or judge any. I stand to be corrected neither am i saying your intentions are to condemn but as we grow we mature and understand better. One love

Uncle93:
I'm glad you brought this up here.

* You'll still love the girl regardless of the fact that she cheated, letting go will be difficult.

* Girls from financial unstable homes are the worst to date. They are under a lot of pressure, financial related , so survival is mostly thier basic instincts.

* She may love you so much but still cheat on you even though it's hard for her to cheat .

* You can never do enough to keep her loyal to you alone unless you're super rich to give her all when wants in life.

* She would be scared of her future and wouldn't want to fail or lose in life all because of love.

* She will be impressed by rich guys many times.

* Love is sweet, but with money love is sweeter, you'll keep yourself under a lot of pressure trying to keep her because you will want to keep her loyal by doing everything for her.

* You'll have major financial set backs because you can never truly save her or give her all she wants. At the end of the day, ya'll might still breakup and move on regardless of all what you've done for her.

* Try to let her go, it wont be easy, but secretly get into a new relationship, it's best for both of you. SHE will also end up with someone that can take care of her

This advice is the best for you. I have been in ur situation please let her go. U will regret it if you hold onto this girl. An insatiable girl can not be satisfied. Talking from experience, Nigerian girls from poor home look to marriage as their bail out system so they will do all it takes to secure a guy with money thinking their future is secured. Most men will know who there wives are when they loose the cash. Only few women will stay.

Kai, its well ooooo. Ladies' please the best fruitful age of your life use it to marry. 22-30years please be wise and leave a wise life. Ladies have a lot of advantage than most guyz. when a ladies reaches 40 years what will the hubby enjoy again. Ladies of 22 are busy catching cruise now and toiling with the heart of many suitors, been picky and saying there is time. We have many ladies in their 30s looking for hubby to marry they will go to any learnt to even snatch a guy from another careless lady. For me i believe a lady by 34 at most should have stopped given birth and take care of her body and her kids. May our sisters not become prayer points.

Move on please and dont be tired your wife dey front.

Having been true several experiences with naija girls, i can only say in this part of the world, "i love you" means benefits, money, comfort and materialism. Love is very scarce in 90% of Nigerian girls and that's the reason we have a lot of them in their 30s still single. As for girls 20-27 rs please dont waste your time on them. 28 years above could be considered for marriage but even as at that alot of them have so much big taste and high-end expectation. You can imagine a girl setting unreasonable standard of a guy must have a car of at least 1.8m, a house of 650k one room and palour to start with oo, apartment well furnished and a salary of 450k, with a marriage plans of 2.2m. Many ladies dont want to start small or build with a guy, every time pastor says people who want to marry should come out for prayers you see how ladies in their 30s will troop to the front like avalanche. Are we going to talk about character, faithfulness etc. My friend told me today that he met a girl who has already been engaged and she just want to have sex with him before she ties the knot, you can imagine the disaster one innocent guy is going to marry all in the name of love and marriage. Naija girls dont really love you for you but for what they can benefit. There love goes to the highest bidder. I can only advice guyz to focus on their future, career, make money not because of any woman but because of you and those you could help. I have for long given up on love, i saw 3 times how richer guyz took away the love of one innocent guy and they babes ran after the money, this were girls who vowed they will never leave the guy come rain come storm. Love does not really exist in proper context in this part of the world relationships are driven by sex and money. Marriage for ladies now is escape route out of poverty. ow many guyz are earning much to sustain a marriage when standard of living is high and standards of this ladies are high as well. May God give us our own wives oooooooooo. But Hussle money first priority and dont flaunt it stay low and get ur wife first and ensure you dont wife a retired hoe.

There is no rational behind sleeping with a married woman or married man, if not for satanic and demonic influence. Most times I am seeing anything special about sex honestly. All I see is satanic influence and the devil wanting to destroy lives. Please if you don't know what marriage is don't get into it, if you are not ready to be faithful don't get married. We already have people in the society who are dysfunctional in their orientation. Imagine our youths are busy making boast of how they are sleeping with married women and ladies are sleeping with married men, were have we thrown mortality to. Some of us have kept ourselves for 3 decade yet we are not succumbing to temptations thrown at us by single and married women. It's a shame and a disgrace for a woman or man to be sleeping around while married. Marriage before God is a covenant between 2 people it's the devil who wants to pervert it's purpose. Let's becareful there is no excuse of been starved to justify this carelessness. I keep praying God don't just give me a beautiful wife with God character please also one that will be faithful.

Some people want to set Nigeria on fire... I think we don't really have leaders in this country in all aspects, from the presidency to the senators, house of representatives, governor's we don't really have true leaders. Most of the people we call leaders are only there for their selfish interest leaders who are driven by ambition of greed not vision.
You keep pushing nigerians and you think we keep on keeping quiet because we are fools, this is 21st century yet a nation who calls itself the giant of Africa can't have a single functional refinery working optimally it's a shame and disgrace with all the monies borrowed yet we have the crude yet we export the crude and refine the crude outside and bring it back to sell and the Masse's bear the brunt. This people are truly pushing Nigerians and the voting power is in the hands of NIGERIANS. If this administration tries to increase this pump price they will see what they are looking for. We have heard enough of this bully and threat from the government, haba common 30k minimum wage state government have not been able to implement they are quick to implement 385/litr for pump price. The country is not in a good state now for any form of increment at all. Killings, banditry, heardsmen, kidnapping, suffering, no jobs, no light etc yet they have guts to propose a new pump price with over 200% increase. We have to start holding our leaders accountable, what are u doing with all the Abacha loots recovered, the monies borrowed from China what impact does it have on the economy. Dollar is 490 to naira pump price increase 385/litr yet minimum wage is still 18,000 naira. Haba God please hear the prayers of innocent Nigerians, people are crying people are suffering. If Nigeria was really working most of the breakthrough prayers we pray in our churches won't really be necessary we have turn everything to demons and devil's but our problem as a country is leadership ochestrated and bad leadership. People who are not qualify to see the corridors of power are the ones mounting power and messing up the whole system with their greed. We have had enough in this country honestly. It's time we decide no more this government should keeping on paying the subsidy they made a promise of reducing pump price if they are giving opportunity yet the reverse has been the case. Nigerians like suffering and smiling while dieng.
Has this so call committee setup thought about the impact the pump price will have on the economy.
1.Food price will increase, they don't care cos their side is covered because they can afford it. Greed blind's people to see and think of themselves alone
2. People will loose their jobs, sadly this will be the reality because many companies will not be able to keep up with operational cost of running business and also payment of salaries. Some persons are not thinking ooo
3. Crime rate will increase infact all sectors will be affected. Nigerians shey we don learn our lessons now eye don clear.

If this story is true, I personally have been there and all i will ask the OP to do is to grant her the wish for divorce. When a woman cheats on you to the point of having sex with another guy, she has lost love for you, lost respect for you and lost value for you. Nothing you will do that will make her reconnect back to you as it were before. When it comes to the interest of a woman or women know that some of them majority are so selfish and don't think twice of consequence or aftermath of their action. You can imagine a woman with kids saying this nonsense to a husband who is well involved in the family to the point of working his ass to take of his family and all the wife could do is to open her leg for another man or guy. OP man up and let her be, but i guarantee you the tears will roll in in later years not now, by then you must have healed and moved on. Don't worry about your kids, they will be fine if only you can have them in your custody, regardless of who has them please do not neglect them, but ensure that they are truly yours to start with and if you find out that they are not yours still be a father to them, because you are the one they know as their father. When it comes to the heart of a woman please know that they can love you today and hate you tomorrow, you cant guarantee anything with this genders because of their emotional roller coaster nature. its disgusting to think that a wife of 10 years in marriage is acting this way and all she wants is freedom through divorce. The person she is enjoying sex with will one day be tired of her and dump her. People call you simp, weak and the rest to me your are not, all i see is a man who has family values and wants to make his family work regardless of what has transpired, my owning pain is that you let her see your tears because of what she did to you and it has furthermore heightened her stupidity to threat you worst. Let her have the divorce and have your peace of mind, Heaven will not hold you accountable in this case. If you can not control a woman you can not control her loyalty to you and your marriage. A woman's loyalty is not tied to looks, attractiveness or handsomeness or even money but for her choice to be loyal and for her to know and see that you have emotional strength and intelligence and to put her in check if she misbehave, always caution a woman who is misbehaving. When my ex was misbehaving i was trying to make things work she was still doing her thing. I did not lay hands on her, it was a simple text message i sent to her, that made her cry and cry and did all she could to get me back, i said sorry i have moved on so do as well. I showed her that i hard inner strength all the while she was abusing and disrespecting me, she injured my hands with a sharp metal, i almost lost that hand i had to separate from her toxicity only for me to discover she was digging another guy bumpa to bumpa. I sent her my final sms and i left her for good, today she took in for the guy and they are married but the guy does not know what he married. She ,married him cos of money and greed, when he looses his, money that's when he will know the snake he calls wife he married. A lot of men are going through alot of things maritaly this days that they can not say because of what the society will think and say and most times the society will see them as the fault and begin to throw stones at them. In my observation their are many Nigerian ladies that are not truly marriageble. I have always kneel before God every morning to pray for Him to give me my own wife, there are good ladies out there i am not disputing the fact, but please pray that God should give you your own. No follow bobi and yansh oooooo abeg. For young guyz out their no matter how the temptation and enticing the temption to sleep with a maried woman please run away from the temptation that will make you sleep with another mans wife this is also applicable to ladies, but we know this gender do it more for the MULA. As long as her bride price has been paid she is legally bound to a covenant maritally and that alone should make you know that you should not sow what you dont want to reap in the future. The apex of cheating is sex and this stuff is satanic because i see no reason why you want to eat same food you can eat at home elsewhere under the atmosphere of guilt and shame. God will connect us to our own very spouse, i dont have any plans to cheat on my wife in marriage if i can keep myself for over 3 decades i dont see anything so special about sex that will make me to start misbehaving. OP God will bless you for the kind of heart you have i have my respect for you as a man but you have to separate yourself from this woman before the demon that has come over her will lead her to hurt you or attempt to kill you. Your life and safety first. One love.

Just move on... Same thing happened to me 3 years ago and d mum was encouraging her to leave me. She is not ur wife, just count the loss and move d abroad guy no know d nonsense him marry out for house. Let him loose his money he will see d true colour. To trust woman dey hard me...

Haba what kind if wickedness is this in this country with our so call leaders, are the legislative arm of government seeing this at all. Does it mean that the common Nigeria will not be able to leave, do you want to kill people and they still plan to increase fuel to 380/per liter yet the 30k minimum wage is nothing to write home about. We truly made a mistake in 2015. Nigerians must wake up to this nonsense if not this guyz will use us to catch cruise and see us as real fools and do whatever they feel like doing. The CBN governor is the most useless and daft CBN governor in the history of Nigeria, so brainless and knows nothing about the economy. How can people be suffering and you still increasing dollar rate, soon pump price will increase and all we keep saying is ego better, nothing will change until we initiate it. Oh GEJ we are sorry we are sorry we are sorry we. 2023 is still very far God save this country from this wicked set of leaders we have who dont know anything about governance and leadership. Life is vanity i dont know what they are amassing money for when in the end when they die it will not go with them. Nigeria why did we go to the forest to bring back home an ant infested wood.