₦airaland Forum

Timbuktou:
Hello Kimoni, I wouldn't feel threatened or assume my manhood is lost in this situation. As long im healthy, this would be a temporary situation.

My sister, no possibility of suicide o. Killing myself doesn't solve nothing.

Like Edwife said, the problem is in how women comport themselves when they are the breadwinners or earn more. Most women would look down on their husbands and disrespect them if they paid the bills. Men know this and would rather avoid the drama. Men value respect more than love.

I don't think that any woman, sorry, sane woman will naturally start to disrespect her husband just because she is wealthier.

We advise women to pamper their hubbies when they get back from work, feed them, massage them etc so why isn't a man expected to perform these same functions when the woman is the breadwinner? Instead, she is expected to perform his roles, her roles and also go the extra mile not to make him feel she is performing his roles and hell is let lose when she seems to be failing in any of these. Sounds crazy to me...

It's looking like a lose-lose situation for a successful married woman.

dtruthis:
On my way to village yesterday I just ;Dfeel like buy special bread only for me to get the worst,

After it was commissioned by obiano I picked two loaves of bread both or less than expectation I said maybe is because of rush but yesterdays own is speechless, three mark Henry's can't squeeze compress this breadbread

edwife:
A woman becoming more successful than a man doesn't get at men in anyway, it is what happens after that success/wealth that is the problem. How most women handle that success that is the problem.

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala,Obiageli Ezekwesili are married yet we barely know their husbands.

Edwife, this your response is making me suspect you oo cuz it's very familiar. I'll watch out for you henceforth in our ....

Back to topic - how is a woman supposed to behave after her new found wealth/fame? Should she turn to a dummy in the house? Suppress her voice and her rights just so it won't appear she is taunting her husband with her wealth? What is the expectation exactly?

raumdeuter:
As the man of the house I would try to make an income that can take care of my family as long as my health permits

Its possible my wife makes more than me which I wont have a problem with as long as what I make can take care of my family

If she adds her own to improve our lifestyle that would be welcome but the basics I can provide on my own

Exactly, and this is my model. Provide the basic needs; if she needs to add any jara to the basics that you have provided, be my guest.

Dayo, let me take this further, if Peradventure you are not able to provide for a period of time due to circumstances beyond your control and your wife become the breadwinner, infact, at this point, her career is soaring and your own plans to make it just seem to be falling to pieces, would you feel deflated in any way?

edwife:
kimoni baby come here.

Right here babe, sorry, was shutting down...

Florblu:
I dunno about other people o.
But my bride price must be paid.

Arrrrhhhh see who is here! Timbuktou, can you help with the questions I just asked Crackhaus? Your sincere views.

We can take it to the boys thread if you guys wish.

crackhaus:
Lol...as the saying goes, science and religion don't mix.

Nothing about religion is logical, there's no way religious beliefs can be backed by logic - heck, 5000 people were fed using 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes.

Of course it doesn't mix.

Crackhaus, let's deviate a bit. I need to understand something...

Would you feel threatened in any way or feel like your manhood has been taking away if your wife becomes the breadwinner? Is there a possibility you'll become suicidal if she's making it more than you are? And if not, what exactly is the problem with a woman becoming more successful than the man that seems to get at men so much?

The other side of fame

shaybebaby:
You are mistaken, I got married in building which happened to be a church. Whilst I realise that it such establishments are sacred to people, for me, it was functional.
Ofcourse I know abouthat these beliefs, I do not live in a vacuum. Just like I am aware of others, just because I celebrate eid with Muslims doesn't make me one ...because I eat from their feast does not mean I share their beliefs. I had the ceremony in a church but wasn't married until I signed the register in front of witnesses.
I am asking that your religious belief be backed by logic if you must assert that it reasonable to hold such beliefs.
If I stated one of the 10 commandments..eg. thou shall not covet they neighbour's property. I agree with the sentiment but not because I found it in the Bible hence it must be true.
It's more than that, covetousness can cause envy, greed, etc. It stops you from being grateful for what you DO have because you are more focused on what you don't.
Looking at the world around me, I see the effects of greed everyday, the state of our nation, few people amassing the wealth of many, as a result lives are blighted.
A simplistic explanation but nevertheless, I concur because I have seen innocent people suffer because of covetousness and seen the damage caused.
Anyways, what does it matter what you or I believe, if it brings you happiness, great! Our paths are different.
I haven't condemned religion, I have simply said it is not for me. Religion is not relevant to me, I made my decisions in the absence of religious considerations. To bring it here to "prove" that my decision making process is flawed needs to do just that. Prove me wrong, don't just tell me I am wrong.

@bolded - do you think religious beliefs are based on or coined from logic? Do you know of any that is? Which pls?

SamuelAnyawu:
I Will simply pay for those provisions and warn her never to steal again....

A Mother Stealing a baby milk for her kids . She's a criminal according to the law but also a caring Mother.

Only humanitarians behave like that...like the cop below.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2871737/What-difference-week-makes-Cop-let-starving-mother-caught-stealing-eggs-just-hug-delivers-two-truckloads-food-feed-family-Christmas.html


https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/thumbs-up-matt-leblanc.gif

A mother's love

They should be lenient with her biko. Baby food should be free globally

shaybebaby:
Yes, that is true but why does that particular religious belief resonate with them as the truth other than the fact that it was written and proclaimed as the truth?
If it is sufficient to say that it is the Christian God's word with authority, then we must give equal credence to all.other faiths because they proclaim that their religious texts are the true as well.
But we know that people often follow one faith and disregard others. To do that, there must have been some kind of reasoning because a conscious choice was made to disregard a different type of truth. The assertation of the other faiths wasn't enough to make then acceot, they just didn't take their word for it or their texts either.
Do you understand why I do not want the religious angle? I need more than "it is written."
Back up the belief with a reasoned explanation.

Fair points. But this particular case is made easier because you've not only admitted to knowing(and presumably understanding) these particular set of beliefs but also getting married within the tenets of this religion; so again, why should we exclude when we are all on the same page?

Gross!

shaybebaby:
Feelings in this context means opinion not emotion. Hope that helps dispel any confusion.

Thanks and noted but surely, their opinions would have been shaped from something, and in this particular subject, it would most likely be from religious beliefs which the posters themselves have alluded to. So we still back to religious beliefs right? How then do we exclude?

shaybebaby:
I would say that the actual ceremony itself is the fun part. You get to have a party and be the center of attention for the day. However, the before and after is a lot more mundane.
What changes in the relationship after marriage because of the legalization of the union? Nothing.
You don't just become a new being afterwards, the issues you dealt before marriage i.e the practical ones, work, eating, maintaining yourself don't change because of that single event. those things are bound to evolve anyways whether single or married. You don't get promoted at work because you now have a new legal partner, your bills don't change except of course you are a single income household and now you have to support two on the same wages.
His/her jokes don't suddenly become funnier because of it, you are essentially the same individuals you were before you took plunge, your innate characters remain the same...except of course you've been hiding the real you all along.
My point is the differences that arise do because of decisions made. A woman or man does for example does not immediately become a housewife/husband upon marriage but as a result of decisions made or circumstance e.g redundancy, birth of their child.

Having a child, now that's different, bear in mind that before there was two, now you have three, four etc to consider in addition to what existed before.

I use my experience as a point of reference but I also observe others and how they interact. I am always looking to learn but because I recognize individuality, I realize that what works for one will not necessarily work for another. Our personal beliefs are that-personal.

My objection to religious tenets is that I KNOW this already, I don't want stuff I know already quoted at me, I want to know what the person feels and why they feel that is the truth. If their belief is founded in religion, fine but when I ask why they believe it to be true, I don't want to hear " Because God said.." or have more scriptures thrown at me when I am simply asking for reason.

Sorry to butt in but your last paragraph on why you don't want to entertain religion in this discussion got me completely confused...you are more interested in the reasons why they have those beliefs?? And what they feel is the truth? Feelings?? I am trying to imagine what exactly you are expecting.

And pls, this is more of rhetorics than anything else. Feel free to ignore.

Lord have mercy!!!! I pray these guys survive Lord

Waoh! Guess who is here

Efe, you didn't see what I just did, right? Errmmmmm I was actually on my way out you know

Mindfulness:
Ok.

Eddygourdo:
hahahahahahaha. Naa so we dey cause wahala everywhere

He made some decisions which were funny to me then...eg if you cooked and it didn't go round, you would surrender your portion
Lesson - be accurate with your estimates else "more than enough" is better than "not enough"

I miss him

Mindfulness:
We are retarded.

Hahaha

Let me leave both of you in peace then

Eddygourdo:
Whoever kept that semo on the floor or within reach of my daughters. Tempted them . And must purchase it back with sudden alacrity( though if investigations prove I am guilty........... Well to err is human.

the kind of judgment my father would pass...

This write-up is rising from the dead strictly for Mindfulness and Crackhaus though they missed the opportunity in its first life.

fem29:
Aww okk. I will look into it. Thank uuu

It's available in the Uk naa. Just ask for Molokhia(hope I got the spelling right) leaves esp in Asian and African shops. Comes mostly in frozen form though.

petux:
aminat508 ur time is coming

Amen!!!

deji15:
Politics and sentiments aside, Tinubu is an intelligent Man.

I totally agree

Oh my Lord, she is cute for life...

@zayine - when can we bring our irresistible dowry

Hernyolar:
If the woman left willingly,not that the husband sent her packing or abused her in any form...then the man is free to date another.
But on occassions where the man sent the wife packing cos of the 'other woman'...the lady is in for trouble.

Bottom line...if you want to date or marry a man whose divorced or a widower...investigate very well not from him but from people around cos the grass isnt that green on the side..
And if the wife left,be sure they are divorced either in court or a customary court cos of tomorrow

I see you babes! Well done

fromusa:
I love this topic and I believe I will geta good advice from the sisters here.
I met this guy last year May when he was almost leaving the country, he is based abroad, since then we have been skyping and talking on phone every other day, we Have been talking marriage; of how he will pay my bride price when he comes back this year 2016, but something happened he postponed his coming back till late this same year.
Before Easter someone introduced guy to me cos am in my 30's, so everyone is bringing marriageable guys to me whether they are worth it or not; I asked my boyfriend if he is serious about marriage when he come back, e asked me why I brought up the topic again after we have concluded and I told him cos my friends where asking me, that maybe they want to introduce someone to me, he became quiet, the next day , he sent me a text that he does not think I am the woman for him, that I should move on.
This thing happened almost one month now, I have been texting and hoping he will change his mind, all to no avail, though I have stopped calling and blocked him on Facebook, my question is ; did I make a mistake in asking him again, did I act hastily by blocking him on Facebook and stop calling him, should I continue to call and text him even when he ignores him.
Ps; I am really into this guy, and it pains me whenever he ignores me hence the blôcking and not calling him again and he is from a broken home and this made him skeptical about marriage.
Thanks for reading this long epistle, hoping to get a good advice.

You did nothing wrong by asking him to define his plans for you. If you are in doubt about where a relationship is heading, it's your right to ask and there's nothing offensive about it.

However, pls stop calling/texting/begging any man when you have observed he needs space in the relationship, especially when you have done nothing wrong. Your question hit a nerve, and for reasons best known to him, he needs to reconsider if you are the right woman for him or not. That is also his right so pls, let him make that decision without your interference. If he comes back to you in good time and you are both able to agree a way forward; fine! But if not, let him go in peace and move on with your life.