₦airaland Forum

Sophyrocks:
Sincerely, a stalker cannot continue to stalk for long especially when you have shown to be steadfast, unmovable, disciplined and consistent in your stance!! How jobless can one be to keep stalking another? Once a man lets his wife know and they botth come together to ward off temptations, they will come out victorious! if a man is that weak like a puppet, let him let his wife know o. However they choose to handle it is up to them.

Exactly, and I am 99% sure of how the woman will choose to handle it.

edwife:
I kid you not....

Not everyone was born with an iron arm or fighting skills...

We do have differents ways of fighting....

I love my life so much as to involve myself in something that will probably affect my vision or leave me with a scar.....

Does ain't the husband coming back home?

Edwife, I can't stop laughing. You need to get some karate skills o, why you go see fight dey run now??

bukatyne:
Wait o,

Someone wants you to put your hand inside fire... if there an amount of pleading that will make you put your hand in the fire?

Why would a woman keep stalking a man when he shows no interest persistently?

Even guys back off a girl after her not giving them face repeatedly.

My dear, several reasons ooo

Obsession about his looks, his money, his person, his office whatever. Or perhaps for the ultimate benefit eg students and lecturers, applicants and whoever it is that's going to make it click. I just know this shit happens.

TV01:
At that point she is not a "mistress" - just a shameless heffer !

If wifey is confident putting her in her place if an opportune moment arises, why not? I'd still prefer the man to be quite firm in rebuking her - and calling the authorities if need be.

@OP Aisha 2 & Bukatyne covered off most of what I wanted to say. I'd add these three points as to why a wife shouldn't

1. The mistress may be a black-belt in some oriental fightin style - or simply bigger, stronger and more visous than the wife.
2. She may not actually be "the mistress" in question - mistaken identity
3. A weaker one - but it may actually be over and she may have repented

TV

Agree, at that point, she is something else but still a potential threat to the marriage.

Your second point is what i am driving at.

Agree with their points too but where I disagree is where you put blanket over it by saying a wife is never ever justified in confronting the mistress or potential threat as the case may be. It's not advisable in most cases but in some scenarios, it might just be the way out.

coogar:
excellent point!
most men don't just have that venom in them to tell a woman off. we were mostly trained to chase & not to be chased. it's not really a familiar territory for the men....



that's a different case entirely.
just because a man is reluctant to unleash venom on an admirer of the opposite sėx doesn't mean she should disrespect the wife at home by calling at odd hours, sending sassy messages or disturbing images....

the husband shouldn't condone such. she has to be kept at arm's length & if the stalking persists then maybe the police should be involved. a woman camped outside ramsey nouah's house for 3 days claiming God told her she should be his wife....it was after the 3rd day police were involved to drive the woman away.

3 days & 3 nights?? it got me thinking - would a man have been allowed to stay there for 3 days if he was stalking a wife? a typical naija wife would have boiled a bucket of water mixed with pepper & pour it on him.

Coogar but it's not a different case now, a mistress that is bent on having a man will call severally, send him endless nude pictures, send him flowers, you know how women do these things, shouldn't the wife step in at this stage?

3 days and 3 nights outside my house? Na OPC go shoot the man accidentally

Sophyrocks:
If the mistress is doing the chasing, can't the man tell his wife? most men feel they can handle it and do not bother telling their wives.both the husband and his wife can report to the police.

If the mistress neveer knew a man was married, doesnt that tell you the man is majorly at fault here? Why hide his marital status? so that he can keep deceiving many other girls? Can you see why the man is at fault and shoulld be dealt with?

Point 1 - the assumption is that he told his wife. check my comments to Aisha on the police angle.

In addresssing point 2 - That the man is guilty and should be dealt with is in no doubt here. I said confronting the mistress where she has no knowledge the man is married can achieve something if the mistress is moral enough to end the relationship.

aisha2:
Yes Nigeria, that we disregard the law doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

My cousin had a stalker, calling like 50 times, dropping messages at his office, calling his wife and publiclly embarassing him by accusing him of impregnanting her. Someone he had seen only once or twice never even hugged.

He reported her, she was called and asked to write a statement, also write an affidavit never to bother him again or face arrest and proesecution.

Everyone man or woman has a right to their safety and sanity.

It's good news to hear a stalker case that was rightly addressed but I still have my doubts as to how many men will report a female admirer turned stalker or how well the case will be treated in most police stations.

coogar:
most women can't stand rejection....
if the man's discourtesy is solid enough, the promiscuous mistress would back off in no time. if a mistress keeps coming back, it's because the man himself is giving mixed signals.......
.

That level of discourtesy is what some men are not capable of. And it's not like they are interested or giving mixed signals but they just don't have that venom inside them to spit out. And here you have a firebrand for a wife who is watching all this. for how long can she hold herself and not react? Imagine reading all the chats, seeing the phone ring severally through the night?

aisha2:
The husband no fit tell her say he don marry?

Stalkers are a different case and should be reported to appropirate authorities. They are even more dangerous because they could see the wife as the only thing standing between them and the man and harm her.

So if the lady is a stalker let the police deal with her. If the woman goes to form rambo with a crazy stalker it may not end well

As the husband tell her so tey she no hear nko?

Stalkers? I am assuming the Naija scenario here. Tell me which man will go to a Naija police station and report that one babe has been disturbing him for a date despite his constant refusals? Even if the man will try to report such, tell me which policeman will leave all the unresolved murder and theft cases before him and would deem it okay to help a full grown man wade off female stalkers. Not sure we have reached that stage yet o.

edwife:
I have utterly no business with any nyama nyama girl out there....

I am the type that will meet my man and the mistress in a shop or eatery,and not raise a finger....

I do my business and waka pass them,as if i did not see them .

He will surely come back home.... and we will have proper talk....

Say wetin? I go break bottle for dem head! I send them??

coogar:
why should any wife confront a mistress?
unless the mistress took her skinny legs into the matrimonial home, the wife has no business with her. she should face her husband - she made vows to the hubby, not an unknown mistress.

What if the mistress is the one doing the chasing? And has been rebuffed by the man several times but she won't stop? Or perhaps, the girl doesn't even know he is married like cococandy's example in one of the threads?

Shouldn't the woman face the mistress in this kinda situations?

Nothing justifies this kind of lie especially when it's withheld for so long.

Weigh your options. Do you really wish to let her go and break up your family or would you rather forgive her and move on even if it's for the sake of the kids? I advise the latter since this is in the past but the final decision is yours.

smokescreen4:
Breadplanet am happy for you, tears rolled down my eyes as I read your post, my husband and i are both AS, I did a genotype test in 2010 was told I was AA, I met my hubby October of 2010 I was in abuja he was in benue. We both did our test and all separately I was so confident about my genotype I just did my blood group which I knew before and Hiv test.my hubby did his in benue we got married in November 2011, I took in after 8months during antenatal I was asked to do a genotype test and blood group test me and my hubby, I was sooo shocked when the test came out and I was AS same as my husband, I cried I prayed I almost dies I have birth to a very handsome boy in April 2012, I had to wait 7months to find out if my son was SS, it was the longest 7months of my life I begged God, my hubby's elder brother is SS he is over 40 years he is married with 3boys, my hubby told me of his healthy sister who died before the brother, he told me he can get married to an SS lady, we did the test when my son was 8months he was AA, I was sooo happy, my boy is a year and 6 months am ttcing for baby number two, am sooo scared I don't want to bring a child to dis world to suffer. I married a GOOD MAN sometimes I wonder how I would have ended the relationship if we both knew then we were both AS, am sooo scared of getting pregnant and my hubby loves kids, I want more kids, oh God what a mistake! !! can't type again God help me.

The Lord who did the first miracle is still on the throne and will surely complete his good work over you and your family.

But sincerely, I must confess I am kinda shocked that the error rate in Naija hospitals or is it laboratories is this high. I am AC , same for all my siblings and the tests always got it right the first time in this same Naija. Just that doctors would usually say we are the first cases they are seeing as they had only read abt the less common variations in med school. Were we just lucky? cuz I'm still wondering why common types like AS and AA will have this high error rate. God help Naija!

lol... anyways, different strokes for different folks

OP, you guys are beautiful!

pickabeau1:
note though that not everyone buys into morality

No wahala...

Then not everyone should expect morality!

We'll meet elsewhere.

pickabeau1:
I dont get your angle

Are u saying uve never hooked up with ur bf in a friends place OR your friend hooked up with her bf in your place

Except u are coming from a moral point of view

But these ppl are not bf and gf now? Ok, maybe moral pov.

Abeg, it haff do for me on this olosho thread jawe. Let me make way for those who wish to continue to advise the OP.

oweniwe:
so.... In ur opinion.... All gals that come over for the night are olosho?

If she's olosho, how come my uncle knows her place and her people?

If she's an olosho, why didnt she quietly sell d laptop instead of calling me to come pay for it....

Do u read between the lines?

Shuo! no be you tell me say he don do now now?

breadplanets:
Come and join me sing halleuia... Jehovah Jireh has done me well..... Hehehehehe. Im AA!!!!! Thank you all for waiting with me and all your comments. @moca my fiance explained why he was angry last night infact he was more scared than angry. The babe he almost married turned out to be AS after they had been in the relationship for long. That was why he asked for my genotype just 2days after we met. To prevent history repeating itself. He has apologised though. Kimoni and oahray its alright. As individuals we look at things differently. Maybe d way i presented it was wrong on d other hand maybe it wasnt. All is well that ends well jare. Make i chop breakfast abi na brunch. Couldnt eat earlier. Cos it would have been jumping into the river tinz according to hispinkolo!

Congrats babe! I eagerly await your wedding invitation

oweniwe:
Kimoni..... I take God beg u.... E don do.....

lol, I don hear

pickabeau1:
Good u agree u were not facing the issue

What will you call someone who takes a property of another's without the person's consent?

A helper?

If the phockee was cheated of her olosho funds let her face the phocker... simple

Pb, the moment the OP agreed to let out a room in his house, he has become a party to the contract. Olosho no care about who get house ooo, that one is between the OP and his uncle. At least all she is asking for now is just her fee showing she is not interested in the laptop.

oweniwe:
all these guys with their "holy pass" attitude

a guy who i know to be a serial womanizer called me aside and asked y i let my uncle come to my place with d gal.... Imagine....!!...

the same guys condemming my uncle were the same guys hailing him when he was with d gal on saturday and sunday.

And dats how some guys hia are too.... Forming holy pass.... As if they dont shack diff gals or "lend" out their one room apartment to friends

OP OP, na now you just reveal urself to me ooo. So u sef be master in shacking different ayangbas ehn why you come dey form innocenti before now, infact, I no just believe ur whole story again, just tell us the koko of wetin really happen.

pickabeau1:
You are not dealing with the issue but rather dealing wth personalities


As you have stated the issue is between the girl and the uncle. Let her deal with the uncle and not the OP


At the bolded, i hope u know that the data on a laptop is mostly always more valuable than the hardware

Agreed I did, but that's because you called out only the girl by calling her a criminal and I was wondering if she was the only guilty party.

I no dey put mouth for olosho biz o, infact, I want the uncle's eyes that has turned red to drip blood before they find a solution to the problem, next time, he will think twice before cheating on his fiancee and setting a bad example to his nephew though I pity the OP small, but he will learn how to evade such request next time.

Oahray:
how can you even compare a genotype test with having kids outside? That's lame (offence very much intended). If the man is all that interested in their genotypes, he ought to have made them take it together before marriage, given her story of her first test (unless she didn't tell him before). He's equally culpable.

Saying she wants physical evidence is the same thing as what she said. She didn't see the result herself then but wants to see for herself now. That's wanting physical evidence. He just has a quick temper and doesn't look at all sides of an issue before reacting. She's obviously more practical and realistic than he is.

The best time for the test was before marriage, but the second best time is now, except they prefer to run away from potential problems rather than face them.

Sorry to disappoint you, I'll take no offence and keep it civil. It will be criminal to derail this beautiful thread.

I thought you were going to explain how they are different? Both issues are deal breakers in a marriage discussion. That's the similarity I was inferring. Tell me they are not.

He is culpable in what sense? Believing a lady he wants to get married to? Should he have been demanding evidence of everything he tells her? Pray tell.

Lastly, saying I want to reconfirm is different from saying i just need to hold the physical proof. The former is for yourself, meaning you doubt what you think you know, the latter not is not for her but for any external party who might need her to prove what she already knows and say, just like a birth certificate. There was less reason to say she wants to reconfirm what she already told him cuz it would only sow the seeds of doubt which it already did.

oweniwe:
Kimoni: you're right about holding him responsible.

As for whether i knew d gal is an olosho or not.... Olosho is not written on all women's forehead.... Plus he told me she's his "wife".... U kno wat "wife" means in naija parlance...

Whats if the thief is a guy and not a gal? What will you say? I gave them a room in d house fully knowing he's a ga¥?

People just like to find fault anyhow...

Well, as suggested, am not discussing about my efforts to recover d lappy anymore.

My dear, you told us he has a fiancée, meaning she is well known to you. Then he brings this chick to your house(not his house o)that you've never met before and calls him "my wife" in her presence, com'on dude, how guy like you go tell me say you no decode that levels??

^^ Hi love, genotype doesn't change in a life time time all things being equal. So really, there shouldn't be any need for a reconfirmation once you know it. Like I told her, it's her presentation of what she did that cause the issue and not the action itself.

Saying you went to reconfirm means you were unsure of what you told me earlier and yet you let me make a lifetime decision based on it. Who would like that? Saying I needed to have a physical proof is more like it because in later years, there would always be need to present it anyways.

pickabeau1:
this girl is a criminal and lashed out of wickedness punishing an innocent party when she did not perform her service?

even if u have the money,wasting the money on this chic is not an option

\

Pb, abeg forget that thing the uncle that brought an olosho to his nephew's house when he has a fiancée is not just a criminal but a shameless one at that.

The girl is a criminal...but then, oloshos' always get their pay somehow, innit?

The nephew that allows his house to be used as "room"(note how he said they took a room in his opening post) by his uncle and his olosho(he def knew who she was) is also

OP, did you say ur uncle does not have 30k But he can carry prostitites? See why I believe he never paid the girl? And why would he leave a stranger at home with you especially when there was no action btw them as planned? Who believes that kind of shitty story?

Abeg let him give you the money for another laptop or better still, get the money and give to ur friend to get himself another laptop. You have no biz with the girl IMO.

@breadplanets - truthfully, I'll say to you that ur oga to be has a right to be angry with you and that doesn't make him bad at all. Infact, I prefer a guy who is very upfront abt issues.Telling him you went to check means you weren't so sure of what it was before which is wrong. Telling him you went to do it so you can have a physical proof is much better.

The genotype issue is a deal breaker for many intending couples so it's not something he wants to joke with or make a light issue of. Imagine if a guy tells you he has no kids outside and then, one day he wakes up and tells you he needs to go and reconfirm as he might have some twins boys outside by one of his ex-girlfriend. You would likely get mad isn't it, even if it's not confirmed yet, but the mere fact that it's a possibility which he never brought up before will most likely get you mad.

Anyways, just let him cool off and explain to him you were very sure of it but you just needed a physical proof to present anytime. And it's not like you've lied to him before so it shouldn't take long to convince him. And once the result is out, he will bounce back to his normal self. And pls don't entertain any fear jor, you are AA and that's what it is.

Good luck dear.

Nice write-up. We also need to conquer our fears. Fear is a great killer. In emergency situations, people die more of fear than the actual incident.

@aisha2- she said "almost every" which I quite agree with except you are saying it's only few women that want peace and most do not want a happy home.

kandiikane:
It's funny how many people fail to see where she said "as long as you continue to cause me pain" instead people are bringing in how she may have been raised to see challenges as evil which I think is rubbish.

That her statement right there should be looked into. Op do you know about the pain she is talking about? What pain are you causing her?

Your entire comment captures my thoughts.

OP, I was expecting you to address this pain she is talking about but you didn't. Nobody on NL can help you till you address whatever you are doing that is causing her pain.

Good luck as you do that.

pickabeau1:
Oga mi....wetin I do oooo

I just dey hail you ni

Pickabeauuuuuuuuuu Lol

My friend before before

A leopard cannot change its skin sha