₦airaland Forum

The leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, has warned those who take IPOB for granted that they are playing with fire. He made this known during an interview with IrokopostTV’s Rudolf Okonkwo. ““You think as I am, 18 men died defending me to get me out of my house, then you kill me and they will keep quiet?” he said. “Seriously speaking, is that what any sensible person will think? This hardcore IPOB?”

During a New York Town hall meeting, the IPOB leader had said that if anything happened to him, millions of suicide bombers would strike northern cities. When offered the chance to clarify, he said, “If you want to know what will happen, then arrange to have me killed. Then you will see what will happen.”

On what he learned from the experience of the men who fought during the first Biafran struggle, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu said that the day the former Biafran leader, Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu, declared for NPN was the end of the Igbo race. “From that day till today, we haven’t recovered,” he said, “and we will likely never recover until Biafra comes.”

The Biafran leader said that Ojukwu was deceived by those working for the Fulanis to join politics under the impression that he could get Biafra through politics. He said IPOB had learnt that lesson and would never join partisan politics.

“We were raised believing that our messiah (Ojukwu) will come back,” he said. “And when Ojukwu comes back, that all the Fulanis and Hausas will run away. He came back and joined them.”

Mazi Kanu said that it was from that day that Igbo people started the stampede to be servants of the Hausa.

On whether he called Asari Dokubo a big belly coward and accused him of receiving $10 million dollars from the government, Kanu, deflected the question. “If I say you are a criminal, I tell the world what you stole,” he said. “I’m not a village drop out.”

He went on to vow that, “most of these people controlled by the Northern Fulani leadership cannot stop Biafra.” He added, “they will try and try, they will never succeed.”

Mazi Kanu went on to blame what he called the Yoruba media for changing the narrative of his ordeal with the Nigerian state. “That is why I hate the Yoruba media with passion,” he said. “The Yoruba media will make you feel that talking about Biafra is a crime.” He went on to state that demanding for secession is allowed in Nigeria’s constitution.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr0Yy7I_Vpg

The leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, has said that former President Olusegun Obasanjo is aware that Buhari in Aso Rock is an imposter but is afraid to say so. He made this known during an interview with IrokopostTV’s Rudolf Okonkwo. He also accused People’s Democratic Party’s candidate in the 2019 Presidential election, Abubakar Atiku of also knowing that Buhari was dead but would not say it because he was part of the original plan.

The Biafran leader alleged that three people who were responsible for the recruitment of Jubril from Khartoum, Sudan, were all dead. “They were all murdered,” he said.

“The issue of Jubril and dead Buhari encapsulates everything that is wrong with the reasoning of a black person,” Kanu said. “That is why Africa is poor… Only a fool will stand up and say that that thing in Aso Rock being remotely controlled by Abba Kyari is Buhari.”

In this third section of our four-part interview, Mazi Kanu blamed Yoruba Muslims for supporting what he called Buhari’s murderous regime. “Those who control your brain, the Yoruba media and the Yoruba pastors, are your lords and your masters,” he railed.

On the impact of his experiences in jail and attack on his father’s house, he said that they made him more hard-core, more determined and more militant. “No force on this earth can stop Biafra,” he vowed. He explained why he rejected Nigerian government’s offer to allow him to take five Eastern States out of Nigeria to start his Biafra. Asked who made the offer to him, he declined to name the official.

In the final part of the one-and-half hour interview, the Biafran leader discussed the mistakes Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu made during the first Biafran war and how he planned to avoid it. Another issue that he addressed was the conflict between him and Asari Dokubo.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_0Fome-_xM

“Yoruba Pentecostalism is the reason why Fulanis are invading us today,” –Nnamdi Kanu

The leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, has said that Yoruba pastors have failed to speak the truth, and as result, their model of Pentecostalism is responsible for the Fulani people’s invasion of the rest of Nigeria. He made this known during an interview with IrokopostTV’s Rudolf Okonkwo. He specifically faulted Deeper Life Church’s founder Pastor William Kumuyi and Apostle Suleman of Omega Fire Ministries for their support of President Buhari.

The Biafran leader also said that those from Biafra land in America who have refused to engage or contribute to the Biafran struggle do not deserve to be called human beings. The director of Radio Biafra said those who refused are worse than animals. “You are evil,” he said.

In this second of our four-part interview, Mazi Kanu reaffirmed that he would not lead Biafra and would not sugarcoat his words. He flared at those he said were looking for excuses not to participate.

“If you are against Biafra, you are against God,” he said, “If you are against Biafra, you will not go to heaven,” he said.

In the rest of the one-and-half hour interview, the Biafran leader discussed contentious issues ranging from his arrest, his release on bail and the military attack on his house. Other issues that he addressed were the beef between him and Asari Dokubo. Mazi Kanu insisted that the man in Aso Rock is not President Muhammadu Buhari but a Sudanese imposter called Jubril.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLaR2fHL5UU

Flying out at the dead of night to attend meetings on tree tops... I am tired of it now but cannot stop.

Hahahaha

OP, what you need to do is to read "THIS AMERICAN LIFE SEF" by Rudolfph Okonkwo. It will give you an insight into what your man is probably going through. Whether America or Britain, it is no easy. So many of our people are too ashamed to contact the people they left behind because they have not found their footing.

It is not easy. If he hasn't come home once, ground no level.

Here is the link to the book on Konga. https:///product/this-american-life-sef-by-rudolf-okonkwo-dr-damages-2788221

Like so many Nigerians, I have become so complacent with the killings going on across Nigeria over the recent years that I did not think it deserved such a drastic move to bring the world’s attention to it. Deep down, I know that this Fulani-herdsmen–farmers conflict is the most dangerous threat facing the West African country of nearly 200 million people. Yet, I hadn’t even shed a tear for the slain. Amnesty International last month stated that since January of 2018, 1,813 people have been murdered in 17 states in Nigeria, an increase of 919 from last year’s figure of 894 deaths.

The current crisis in Nigeria has all the ingredients of the last mass genocide the world witnessed in Rwanda from April 7 to July 15, 1994. In the Rwandan genocide, 800,000 people were killed in 100 days. Days after, the world wondered how we all could have missed the signs. And more importantly, political leaders like former US President Clinton at the time regretted that they did not do anything to help stop it.
If the world had paid attention to the history of Rwanda, the long conflicts between the Hutus and the Tutsis, the massacres, the small scale genocides and the legions of ethnic conflicts, the world would have known that genocide was imminent on the night of April 6, 1994 when an airplane carrying Hutu President Juvenal Habyarimana of Rwanda and Burundian President Cyprien Ntaryamira was shot down as it descended into Kigali, the Rwandan capital.

The next day, the genocide began.

Since 1999 when democracy returned to Nigeria after decades of military rule and counter coups, a country with almost 300 diverse ethnic groups, ethnic tensions have flared up, mainly between the three major ethnic groups, the Hausa-Fulani, the Igbo and the Yoruba. Security analysts have all warned that Nigeria is on the road to Kigali. The emergence of the Boko Haram terrorist group in 2009, a Taliban and ISIS-inspired terrorist group added a global jihadist element to the conflict.
The inability of the past government to gain control of the deteriorating security situation with Boko Haram in the North East, large scale insecurity in the oil-rich Niger Delta region and others parts of Nigeria, led to the 2015 landmark election of an opposition party led by a former military strongman, Muhammadu Buhari.

https://medium.com/@rudolfogoookonkwo/rwandan-like-genocide-loading-in-nigeria-fb7a5f466047

"We all want to go to America and live. Ok, maybe not all of us."

"But I have tried several times. I don't know if I will try again after watching this video by Adeola fayehun."

What African Immigrants Go Through In America! - A great book by my partner in crime, Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo You can get your copy here: http://amzn.to/2u5YKDT If you live in Nigeria, it's only N1,000 on Konga: http:///2pvq5tH $6 on Kindle: http://amzn.to/2Ge7nkD


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjzHUqPFKFk

America has a way of surprising people who leave other parts of the world to make America home. Whatever their expectations may be, America finds a way to intervene and interpret those expectations. These are the stories of Africans who have made that historic journey and the transformations their lives went through as a result. In five essays and two short stories, Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo, brings home the reality of America for African immigrants. Rudolf Okonkwo, whether he's writing on Nigerians' idiosyncrasies, political attitudes, or arcana, is dangerously funny and irresistibly addictive. Read this small gem of a book and understand what Nigerians mean when they say, "laughter will kill me." After the laughter, though, comes pensive, self-enlarging thought. If Rudolf were a vitamin, doctors would recommend a daily dose of him to all of us, period! Okey Ndibe, author of Foreign Gods, Inc. and Arrows of Rain

https://www.amazon.com/This-American-Life-Rudolf-Okonkwo/dp/0976835428/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493436760&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=this+america+life+sef+by+Rudolf+Ogoo+Okonkwo

Some Nigerians are crazy. That's all that I can say.

Check out the bride they presented to Donald Trump for him to choose from in this "America First, Nigeria Second."

“It is America first,” President Donald Trump declared at his inauguration. Since then, so many other countries have made claims to the second position after America. But President Donald Trump knows not make a decision on which country should be second until he hears from Nigeria, the giant of Africa.

Now here is the official submission from the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Anything else is mere 419 from that Prince looking for help to transfer abroad his father’s money seized by a dictator who… you know the rest of the story.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imGOToezpaM

Here is it.

http://bbc.in/1sSx4x3

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigeria this week.

1.) "I Will Expose How The Elite Conspired To Ruin Nigeria" - Buhari. It has been going on for long and is still going on as you speak, so no time for 'I will'… go ahead and expose them. But don’t stop there. Mobilize the masses for war.

2.) You've No Intellectual Capacity To Run Nigeria, Ben Nwabueze tells Buhari. Coming from a card-bearing member of the intellectual class that failed Nigeria, I’m not surprised.

3.) "I'm On Tour To Understand Causes Of Nigeria’s Epileptic Power Supply" - Fashola. And not to be outdone, Majek Fashek is on tour to understand where weed gets its power.

4.) How Fani-Kayode, Falae, Udenwa, others shared N3.15billion ahead of 2015 poll. Poor Doyin Okupe, he is now relegated to "others."

5.) It’s cheaper to import petrol than refine locally — Kachikwu. To which Adam Oshiomhole says: Exactly what I was saying about wives.

6.) Jonathan and other govt. officials spent N248bn on travels in 3yrs. I cannot wait to see what the figure would be for Buhari in 2019.

7.) El-Rufai Thinking Of Removing Buhari - Shehu Sani. This is why some people need to drink kununzaki before they speak.

8.) "NNPC Under Jonathan Failed To Remit N3.2trn" - Says Auditor-General. This is just another attempt to stop our hero of democracy from winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

9.) Getting Replacement For Lai Mohammed Difficult – APC. I've a ready-made alternative - Patrick Obahiagbon. You can't understand him enough to accuse him of lying.

10.) Nigerians complaining of hardship are PDP loyalists –Ngige. I’m surprised. I didn't know that Ngige has joined them in smoking that thing.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrgCshLz6o0

This is Adeola Fayehun's video review of Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo's book, "This American Life Sef!" I think you need to read it before you apply for that visa.

Watch her take.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjzHUqPFKFk

You must have read about the Nigerian man who killed his wife in Maryland, USA because she reported him to the IRS. Here is the link.

http://www.africanexaminer.com/in-baltimore-nigerian-man-kills-wife-self-over-tax-refund-fraud/

While reading the story I’m left wondering if he followed the advice given in the book, “This American Life Sef.” In one of the chapters of the book, the author asked Nigerian men to stop running away from the police after they killed their wives. He recommended that they should just wait for the police to come and get him.

Apparently, this Nigerian man took it a step further by the decision to kill himself.

For those still dreaming about going to America, I recommend that you read this book first. America is not what it seems looking at it from outside.

http://www.amazon.com/This-American-Life-Rudolf-Okonkwo/dp/0976835428/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1455920436&sr=8-1&keywords=this+american+life+sef+by+rudolf+okonkwo

YOU CAN STILL GET ALL THOSE THINGS AFTER YOU MARRY.... so?

Satirist Dr. Damages has described those who came to America with Green Cards as bastards. He made the call during a live performance at the Mist Theater in Harlem, New York City, over the weekend. The thespian took issues with the advantages Green Card holders have over those who came to America with regular visas and have to go through a lot to regularize their stay.

Those Who Come To America With Green Card Are Bastards - Dr. Damages

“If you came to America with a Green Card, your immigrant experience should have an asterisk- before or after it – I don’t care!” the SaharaTV political comic said. “It should have what we call in Nigeria, a comer. It should be called a Cadillac experience. You are like those drivers in high occupancy vehicles cruising on the HOV lane while the rest of us are stuck in traffic. That’s what you are. Bastards!”

Dr. Damages was one of the headliners in a tour tagged “This American Life Sef!” The lineup also featured Adeola Fayehun of Keeping It Real with Adeola. At her performance Adeola wowed the audience with her silver song, a talent most viewers of her popular program did not know she had.

Other acts that supported the SaharaTV duo are dancers, AVO Boys and Supreme Dancers. Visual artist, musician and lawyer, Laolu also performed as well as comedian, Adesoji Michael.

“But the good thing is that HOV lane eventually comes to an end,” Dr. Damages said of the Green Card residency holders. “When it ends, you join us again on the traffic jam.”

Centered on the theme of alienation and struggle for acceptance in a new country, the variety show thrilled audience with several performances showcasing the best of Africa in America. Slated to travel to other cities across the United States, the Show was sponsored by Buka New York, African Abroad USA newspaper, Theekos Luxury Fashions, Moshood Creations amongst others.

http://africanspotlight.com/2015/12/19/those-who-come-to-america-with-green-card-are-bastards-dr-damages/

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigeria this week.

1. Another poll delay will amount to a coup – Buhari. What are you talking about? Another? This one is a coup. Another will be a war.
2. I will hand over if I lose, says President Jonathan. Before nko? If you lose what other options do you have? Stay in the boy’s quarter?
3. APC Full Of Toronto Certificate Holders – Sambo. I told you, this man should speak more. He knows where to put the knife.
4. All known Boko Haram camps will be 'taken out' in six weeks- NSA. Mr. Dasuki, does that include the ones inside Jonathan’s government?
5. Jonathan can’t win 10 states —APGA chief. Shhhhhhhhhhhh! My friend, don’t frighten him else he postpones the election one more time.
6. Accept postponement of elections in good faith, Jonathan tells Nigerians. Sir, we accepted your PhD in good faith. See where it left us.
7. US Secretary of State, John Kerry disappointed with Nigeria's decision. He threatens to stop buying Nigeria's oil. Oops.
8. It’s an insult on the military to question Buhari’s certificate — Gen. Akinrinade. Oh, yeah! Listen to Fayose talk to a general at Spotless Hotel.
9. I do 60 press-ups daily even at 74 –Victor Uwaifo. Ok, rub it in, Mr. Uwaifo. Rub it in. Do you want Doyin Okupe to kill himself?

Finally, President Jonathan explains why stealing is not corruption.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n05LrkFrGQc

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigerian newspapers this week.

1. I’ll do better in my 2nd term if re-elected —Jonathan. All convicted criminals facing execution say a similar thing. Don’t they?
2. I am still PDP member – Gov. Lamido. Yes. Until midnight of February 13, 2015, when you’ll draw your knife.
3. I’ve fulfilled all my promises –Jonathan. Who tells this man to say things like this? I thank him, though. He writes Dr. Damages scripts for me.
4. N350bn spent on South-West roads –Minister. Is he talking about a road from South Africa to West Africa?
5. 'Why I Donated My Life Savings To Buhari' - Kebbi Grandma Speaks. So sweet! This is the triumph of hope over experience.
6. Subsidy on petrol now N1.23 per litre. So these people are still deceiving themselves while they think they’re deceiving Nigerians.
7. PDP steals N100 from every litre of kerosene – Oshiomhole. That’s the worst kind of stealing -stealing from the poor to pamper the rich.
8. Over N30tn stolen under Okonjo-Iweala – Soludo. Come on, if it’s true, America will know… unless they were dumped in American banks.
9. Presidential Poll: How Jonathan Will Beat Buhari In North – PDP. Someone needs chloroquine. This man has malaria.
10. Buhari’s Supporters Are Silly & Unrealistic – Etcetera. I’ve heard this before. Where? Where? Yeah! Used on Obama supporters 2008.
11. Obasanjo laid foundation for corruption in Nigeria –Don. So what did Babangida do? Mixed the cement used?
12. I sacrificed my presidential ambition for Buhari –Tinubu. This man doesn’t get it. Not in this life or the one to come will you smell it.
13. PDP pushed me out because I’m a Christian – Maku replies Mark, Ali. Christian for mouth! Don’t let Oyedepo open the gate of hell for you.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr-2GWE0h4M

Dr. Damages takes University of Otuoke PhD examination.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKXdp3Tk2sM

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigerian newspapers this week.

1. Ghana plans to export electricity to Nigeria. They have been exporting fuel and now electricity. Is that supposed to impress us? We're already exporting Nigerians to Ghana. Can you beat that?
2. Buhari commissions a report on how to defeat Jonathan. That’s easy. Find the missing $20bn before Oritesjafor’s limousine distributes it to hungry voters.
3. 2015: I’ll shun personal, sectional agenda, says Jonathan. Day don break. Based on my experience you don’t learn laws of grammar at old age.
4. Nigeria’s problems started in 1914 — Walter Carrington. This CIA man sef! How can you blame the British for Boko Haram when we know their sponsors?
5. With 2.4m barrels of oil per day Nigeria has no business being poor.” Well, well, well. With people confusing stealing with corruption…
6. You cannot claim credit for Ebola success story, APC tells Jonathan. But if it had failed, he would have been blamed. Abi?
7. Refineries operated at 10.5% capacity in June – NNPC. Wasn't the 2012 removal of oil subsidy supposed to boost it to 80%? Empty promises!
8. Missing $10.8bn audit report ready November —Okonjo-Iweala. Ngoo baby, if it took that long to cook the books, then, it must be a big mess.
9. I’m well now, back soon -IBB. Please come back. We need you to be able to illustrate the difference between small stealing & corruption.
10. ‘Jonathan, 6th richest African president’. There you have it. We used to be first until he came. Another reason not to reelect him.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCagauAzvR8?list=UUKnyVIW5QvfnsXddsjFKx4A

So, bloggers and techies are attacking Linda Ikeji. Big deal! Dr. Damages Show came under fierce attack by the full weight of Prophet T.B. Joshua and his little gods. We came out late but we survived.

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigerian newspapers this week.

1. How I made my money, fathered 30 children- Atiku. I know what Atiku wants from this headline. He wants us to say that if he could find the time to make these children and make those tones of money all at the same time, that maybe he can joggle Nigeria’s needs. Foul! That doesn’t impress me much. My grandfather had 300 children.

2. I will crush Boko Haram —Jonathan. See, with Shekau dead, someone is running his mouth. Where was this Jonathan when Shekau was alive? Ooops! I probably spoke too early.

3. I’ll not do anything to tarnish the image of Jesus Christ, says Ayo Oritsejafor on the $9.3 m scandal. If you’re serious about that, then start by taking off those window curtains that you wear as pastor’s robe.

4. Tinubu calls for “a common sense” revolution. I agree. The revolution will start as soon as Tinubu returns his fake Chicago University degree.

5. Again, Obasanjo goes back to school for a PhD. Who’ll blame him? Other than Diezani Allison Madueke, a PhD is the only thing Jonathan has that he doesn’t have.

6. Shekau’s death will not end insurgency —John Campbell. This CIA man again! Obviously, his "poverty caused Boko Haram theory" is collapsing like TB Joshua’s hostel?

7. Christ Apostolic Church ordains 581 pastors amid crisis. Imagine how great Nigeria will be when they will all get their own private jets and build their own tabernacles along Lagos-Sagamu Expressway.

8. 2015: PDP begs Lamido not to join APC - Punch. Nonsense! Gov. Lamido’s people planted this story in the newspaper. All that PDP did was to whisper into Lamido’s ears: EFCC.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIIEeRFh2Xs?list=UUKnyVIW5QvfnsXddsjFKx4A

Here are some stories making headline news in Nigerian newspapers this week.

1. “GEJ Is Our Man' - Witches, Wizards Endorse Goodluck Jonathan! If I were you, Atiku Abubakar, I won’t give up hope. I will lobby for the endorsement of the Ogboni fraternity.

2. N4,000 call-up fee for NYSC sparks anger. Thieves! Only in Nigeria do you pay a fee to go and serve your country. Soon, soldiers will pay to go and fight.

3. Our government officials don’t steal public funds; don’t use private jets or fly 1st class — Swiss Ambassador. Show off! Ours do small stealing and send it to your country so that your politicians won’t have to steal. Are you happy now?

4. FG serviced debt with N299.36bn in Q1–Report. Oh, yeah. We are there again. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala (aka Ngoo Baby) and her magic. In her former life she paid off our debts. Now, she borrows like hell.

5. IBB Hospitalized in a German Hospital: Now I know why these Germans refused to add a hospital to his Hilltop mansion. They want him to periodically bring bags of money to them. IBB, you're not going anywhere anytime soon. You've to be around to see what Nigeria will become because of/ in spite of you.

6. PDP cancels presidential primary. They finally got Gov. Lamido by the balls and Speaker Tambuwal by the chin.

7. National Honors: MR. LABARAN MAKU to become a Commander of Nigeria, otherwise called CON. Congratulations, CON man.

8. South African victims, families say they may sue Prophet T.B. Joshua. May? Are you kidding me? If they don't, that will be T.B. Joshua's first real miracle.

9. A Ghanaian Pastor brands T.B. Joshua’s building collapse ‘Human Sacrifice.’ As a doctor, I prefer a scientific term- culpable homicide.

10. Abubakar Shekau, the leader of the Boko Haram has been killed. I'm wondering what will happen to the shares he just bought in the Chinese online giant, Alibaba.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_8Q5e2XkIE?list=UUKnyVIW5QvfnsXddsjFKx4A

Here is how Dr. Damages described them on his show. Are they that bad?

Two Nigerians and an Israeli enter Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor’s private jet loaded with $9.3 million dollars in cash and head to South Africa to purchase weapons. What happened next could have come out of a scene of Tony Montana’s visit to Colombia in Scarface movie. As Nigerian government scrabbles for an explanation, Dr. Damages punches holes in their answers. The good doctor goes behind the news to bring you the often forgotten stories of the tragic character, Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor.

In what Prophet T.B. Joshua would like to call Nigeria’s 9/11, Dr. Damages deconstructs the minute by minute frame of how a divine engineering marvel of a hostel, owned by the Synagogue of all Nations, collapsed. Dr. Damages blows up the ‘strange aircraft theory’ and zeroes in on a ‘strange empty head theory.’ The respectable doctor diagnoses Prophet T.B. Joshua’s reactions since the incident and raises alarm that the man of God’s medulla oblongata may be collapsing as a result of the building collapse.

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigeria this week.

1. Boko Haram installs emirs in Gwoza, Dambua- Sun newspaper. What I find interesting is that reporters were there to cover the story but no soldiers.

2. Military steps up search for missing fighter jet. Maybe this search will lead them to our missing Chibok girls. God works in mysterious ways, you know.

3. Zambian minister accuses Dangote Cement of bribery. Apparently nobody told this minister, “this is how we do it, baby.”

4. I am not the problem of Abia State – Orji Uzor Kalu. Of course, not. Who's saying such a stupid thing? You're only the source of the problem.

5. Soldiers who fired at stealing GOC Maj. Gen. Abubakar sentenced to death. Steal, you get a pat on the back. Complain, you’re dead. Great people, great nation.

6. Auditor General’s Report Indicts Ex-Head Of Service, Oronsaye, For N123billion fraud... Are you wondering what will happen to him afterwards? It’s simple: and he lived happily ever after.

7. How I abandoned my husband, 3 children and ended up a robber — Suspect. Another stupid criminal. Who cares about how? Tell us why.

8. Jonathan has failed the North - ACF. So did Obasanjo, YarAdua, Abdulsamlami, Abacha, Babangida, Buhari, Shagari, Obasanjo, Muhammed, Gowon..

9. Lionel Messi's Hometown Bans Parents From Naming Their Children 'Messi'. In Nigeria you get a cool million is you name your child Goodluck. And nobody has done so in the last 6 years.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr-ob_AOwnM?list=UUKnyVIW5QvfnsXddsjFKx4A

Have you seen President Jonathan dance? To Flavour of all musician? Do you know how he celebrated Nuhu Ribadu's defection to PDP? There are all here in this skit by the indefatigable Dr. Damages show. Watch!


Gen. Ihejirika in a secret meeting with Pres. Jonathan


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8XGe_8kCtk?list=UUKnyVIW5QvfnsXddsjFKx4A

I promise you, this will make your day.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xRHeSCFnyA

I think he captures it all in just a picture. Watch the "Secrets of Pictures."

Here are some stories making headline news across Nigerian newspapers this week.
1. I’m still consulting on my political future – Speaker Tambuwal - Keep consulting until nomination forms are finished.
2. Nigerian military to court-martial over 100 soldiers for cowardice. What about the generals who steal funds meant for equipment? They need to be court-martial for confusing small stealing as corruption.
3. FG not withholding Sure-P funds, says Okonjo-Iweala. Of course not. Everywhere I go I see the promised buses and trains, roads and lobsters.
4. Chadian soldiers free Boko Haram captives. So why can’t we pay those Chadian soldiers half of that $1 billion loan and have them go into Sambisa forest for us?
5. Cameroon orders security agents to hide intelligence from Nigeria. Who’ll blame them? Porous borders, porous secrets, porous brains.
6. Jonathan’s Choice For Head Of Service Was Indicted For Corruption, Declared Unfit For Public Office. He'll be in good company.
7. Nigeria sinks deeper into external debt. This is the kind of news that Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala fires reporters for writing.
8. Falana petitions UK Prime Minister over Gaza. I see. Now that comedian Agwu is running for governor, Falana is auditioning for a comic role.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BshnFomUUnQ

Here are some stories making headlines in Nigerian newspapers today

1. FG not responsible for security challenges – Defense Minister Labaran Maku. I guess it’s the President of Boko Haram territories that is responsible. Is it just me or do you also feel that this man may be taking in food through his anus?
2. I’ll fight corruption more in 2014 – President Jonathan. Ha ha ha ha. This man is a real comedian. Which corruption? Small stealing or big stealing?
3. Jonathan is not a man of honor. He signed single tenure agreement –Nyako. Nyako, keep quiet. We all know there is no honor amongst thieves.
4. Why Al-Mustapha and I are plotting a tsunami- Dokubo-Asari. If Dokubo can spell tsunami, I'll leave my job as a fisherman & follow him.
5. Someone on twitter told me that the first 2000 people to follow @AlikoDangote will become billionaires. I was number 2001. Damn! Damn! Damn!
6. I Watch My Utterances Now –Jonathan. If you like watch your grammar, too. Your body language tells us all we need to know.
7. “Why I Parted Ways With Jonathan” – Femi Fani-Kayode Did he say parted ways or parted thighs? You know with Femi, it’s usually about parting thighs.
8. A female fan kissed me in my wife’s presence –Osadebe Jnr. These female fans sef. Can’t they wait for the wife to first go to the bathroom?
9. 2015: I see danger ahead says Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor. This man must be smoking weed again… You see danger? Well, we live it now. It’s everywhere.
10. Unless they embrace rigging, PDP can never win in Nigeria again – says Gov. Rotimi Amaechi. Nonsense talk! Have they ever won an election without rigging? Have you, Amachie?
11. Deposed wife-beating Deji of Akure sends 18-page apology letter to Governor Mimiko. I told you that a joker of a letter was coming.
12. Christmas Is Idolatrous, Don't Celebrate It, says Pastor Kumuyi of Deeper Life Church. I tried that trick on my kids. They said, “Dad, if you’re broke just tell us. We will understand."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ4Ayx28E3o

I didn't know there was something President Jonathan told the BBC about ex-leaders that triggered the release of Obasanjo's letter. Thank you, Dr. Damages.

Here it is for those who want to know the truth.

"So world leaders got a secret memo to come to Nelson Mandela’s memorial with all living Heads of State of their respective countries do not wear diapers. The instruction was specific about the diapers. President Jonathan got the memo, too. But he did not go with any of Nigeria’s seven living former heads of state.

"Now we know why. He had received this letter from Obasanjo days before.

"In fact, there were signs that something was amiss. It showed in the way former military president Ibrahim Babangida came out to talk about Nelson Mandela. “To get another Mandela I believe it will take another 100 years.” You’re right about that, IBB. There is one part not shown in the clip. That was when Babangida said that even though it will take 100 years to get another Mandela, ten Babangidas are born every second in Nigeria.

"So many of you must have read Obasanjo’s letter to President Jonathan but do you all know what triggered its release? Here is the reason.

"It happened as soon as President Jonathan said this to the BBC while talking about Nelson Mandela. Watch. I will translate what President Jonathan said the way Obasanjo heard it: “Unlike Mandela, some ex –leaders just sit their ugly butt at home and write useless letters.” That was it. It pissed Obasanjo off.

"A minute after, he leaked the letter."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci8D0CR2f7Y

The real armed robbers of Nigeria are not those in prison. They are not those storming banks to cart away cash. They are not those dispossessing luxurious bus passengers of their possessions. The real armed robbers are not those stealing cell phones and pepper in Oshodi market. The real armed robbers of Nigeria are those who bear titles like Honorable, Excellency and Chief. They have robbed the nation blind.

Nigeria is the 13th largest oil producer in the world. OPEC allocated a daily production of 2.5 million barrels of oil to Nigeria. At an average price of $100 dollars a barrel, Nigeria could be raking in $250 million dollars a day. In a year, it will be about $90 billion. In Naira, that will be about N40 billion a day and N14.6 trillion a year.

In the 2013 budget, Nigeria set the benchmark price for crude oil at $79 a barrel. At that rate, 2.5 million barrel of oil a day will give Nigeria $229.1 million dollars a day. In a year, it will be about $80 billion. In Naira, that will be about N25 billion a day and N13.1 trillion a year.

Nigeria also produces gas. According to the Department of Petroleum Resources (DPR), Nigeria produces 8.0 billion cubic feet per day of gas per day(BCFD). 5.2 BCFD is for Associated Gas (AG), that is gas produced along with crude oil while 2.8 BCFD is for Non-Associated Gas(NAG), that is gas produced independent of oil production.

Of this amount 6.6 billion cubic feet of gas per day is utilized while 1.4 billion cubic feet of gas per day is flared. At a market rate of $3.5 per 1000 standard cubic feet per day of gas (SCF), Nigeria makes $23.1 million a day and loses $4.9 million dollars a day to gas flaring. $23.1 dollars a day adds up to $8.43 billion a year. In Naira that is a revenue of N3.6 billion a day and N1.32 trillion a year.

Irrespective of how the calculation is done or revenue collection enforced (equity crude; Petroleum Profit Tax, royalty, third party financing and the Nigerian Petroleum Development Company), at the crude oil benchmark of $79 a barrel, Nigeria makes about $80bn a year. Add $8.4 billion revenue from gas, Nigeria makes a cool $90 billion or N14 trillion a year. That is a lot of money in any currency.

Revenues from oil and gas give Nigeria 80% of its income. Another 20 % comes from sources as diverse as mineral exploration and agriculture. In all, Nigeria makes over $100 billion each year from exports. So Nigeria is awash with money. The billions in internally generated monies from fees and taxes are stolen with ease as they trickle in. But it is petrol dollars that are the most attractive and the most easily embezzled.

http://saharareporters.com/column/real-armed-robbers-nigeria-rudolf-ogoo-okonkwo

This is from the indefatigable Dr. Damages.

"My people say that the day you mourn someone is the day your mourn yourself. If you look at it very well, the things that people say about Mandela say a lot about the people saying them.

"For example, President Obama in his tribute said that Mandela “no longer belongs to us, he belongs to the ages.” Eayeah! You can be sure that when Obama’s time comes, most Americans will say that Obama no longer belongs to us, he belongs to the Kenyans now. Former President George W. Bush said of Mandela; “he bore his burden with dignity and grace and our world is better off because of his example.” Wow! Impressive. When George W. Bush’s time comes, the world will remember this clip of President Bush on September 11, 2001 when he was told that terrorists bombed the World Trade Center. In it Bush showed dignity and grace. He soon made the world better by attacking Iraq.
Nigeria’s own President Jonathan said that Mandela would be ‘sorely missed’ by all who cherish love, peace and justice. I tell you, when Jonathan’s time comes, people will say that Jonathan will be surely be missed by Stella Oduah and Dieziani Allison-Madueke and that Jamaican Culture minister.

"Obama also said that we will not see the likes of Nelson Mandela again. Why is that? Was it because he went from being a prisoner to being a president? So did Olusegun Obasanjo.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y1EP6hnNko

Bombastic conservative pundit, Ann Coulter is weeks away from tying the knot with a Nigerian-American programmer. ZNN247 can authoritatively report that all plans are set for the big day. You won’t know that by the recent column she penned where she trashed Nigeria and basically called her citizens fraudsters.

The fifty-two-year old syndicated columnist has been close to getting married in the past only to pull back. Her Nigerian-American fiancé is said to be a programmer who developed a major software that Florida and Washington states use to track internet fraud.

In her latest column, “To Speak To A Nigerian Prince About Your Health Care Press ‘1’ Now,” she lambasted Nigeria as a den of thieves. “Nigeria, for example, leads the world in criminal enterprises,” writes Ms. Coulter. “Every level of Nigerian society is criminal, with the smart ones running Internet scams, the mid-range ones running car theft rings, and the stupid ones engaging in piracy and kidnapping. At the University of Lagos, you can major in credit card fraud.” http://www.anncoulter.com/columns/2013-11-13.html

The six-foot Coulter went on to say this about Nigerians in America. “There were almost no Nigerians in the United States until the 1970s. Today, there are nearly 250,000 Nigerians in the U.S. (committing the cyber-crime Americans just won’t do!). In 2011, we took in more immigrants from Nigeria than from the United Kingdom (9,246 from the U.K. and 9,344 from Nigeria).”

That comment has made many Nigerians to wonder if she was one of those who lobbied to kick Nigerians out of the yearly U.S. visa lottery.

The Michigan Law School graduate is attracted to controversy the way bees are attacked to petal. In 2008 she called Democratic Party Presidential candidate John Edwards a gay. During the same campaign, she called Barack Obama book, “Dreams from My Father” a "dimestore Mein Kampf." Three days after the Sept 11 attack, she wrote this about Muslims. “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity,” she wrote. “We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war.”

In 2010 Ann Coulter made over $500,000.00 giving speeches to conservative groups. Her ten books, most of which spent weeks on the New York Times bestseller lists, have sold over 3 million copies.

She dated Spin magazine publisher Bob Guccione, conservative writer Dinesh D’Souza, New York City Council democratic leader Andrew Stein. Those who know Coulter told ZNN247 that dating a Nigerian man, no matter how successful must be a step down for her.

Ann Coulter has been guarding the identity of her fiancé out of fear that media attention would ruin the relationship. “Who would blame her, at over 50, she must be running out of options,” one acquaintance of hers said to ZNN247 reporter in Washington DC.

http://znn247..com/2013/11/conservative-columnist-ann-coulter-set.html

Amawbia Town Union and Igwe-in-council have approved the conferment of the chieftaincy title, Ode Nkpisi 1 of Amawbia on Prof. Okey Ndibe. In a letter sent to Amawbia people worldwide, the town gloated about Prof. Ndibe’s contribution to the name recognition their town is currently enjoying. The letter also mentioned his continuing insistence on good governance in Nigeria in his columns punlished by the Sun Newspapers and Saharareporters.com. The award is slated to be bestowed on the Brown University Professor of Literature during the Christmas celebration.

There is no word on whether Prof. Ndibe is going to accept the honor. Ode Nkpisi means great writer. The well-deserved title is coming at a time when Prof. Ndibe’s new book is set to be published in January of 2014. The novel, titled, “Foreign Gods Inc.” is set in a small town like Amawbia. It tells the story of a disgruntled and desperate town’s man who returns from America to steal the town’s god, sells it to a New York art dealer and then faces the consequences.

All efforts by Znn247 reporters to reach Prof. Ndibe were futile as the eccentric writer is said to be in the midst of a heavy promotion of his upcoming novel. But from his past antics, there is serious doubt that the author of “Arrows of Rain” will accept the award.

Most Amawbia people who spoke to our reporters all agreed that it was a well-deserved honor.

“It’s been long that Awka overshadows Amawbia,” said Joy Okeke a proud Amawbia woman married to an Amawbia man, “so this is a good change for us to recognize an iroko amongst us, an illustrious son of Amawbia.”

Prof. Ndibe’s Facebook friend told our reporter, “It’s about time he is called Chief Prof. Dr. Okey Ndibe,” he said. “After all, small boys who do not speak or write the English language as good as he does are already Chief, Sir, Prof. Dr.”

However, not everyone was enthusiastic. An Amawbia man who didn’t want to give his name for fear of retribution from what he called misguided town’s people questioned what concrete contribution Prof. Ndibe had brought to Amawbia.

“Has he used his connections to build a school or a road or a hospital to Amawbia?” he asked. “What does a book do for hungry man and women of Amawbia?”

http://znn247..com/2013/11/okey-ndibe-to-receive-chieftaincy-title.html