₦airaland Forum

isholak21:
my wedding is around the corner so me & my bride did our pre wedding photo shoot today.... How will you guys rate us?

kolaish:
You have good points no doubt. But for me, NO, NO and NO. What is good for you may not be good for me, different tales for different folks... Let me give you another experience;

I have an uncle (a yoruba man) working in kano and he married an hausa woman. when fight broke out in the north between hausa and yoruba, some of my uncles friend were killed, so he decided to run down to Ibadan with his wife and 4 children, but to his greatest dismay, the family refuses to allow him go with their daughter and children. He relocated some years back and since then he has only succeeded in getting custody of one of his children. The rest is stories... Experience, they say, is the best teacher.

Ndiofe:
right bak at u? u took long to find that picture, u are the definition of madness, abeg dey try locate ur people, no be we do u.

Ndiofe:
wat am saying is simple, save ur hate filled advice 4 ur tribe people, u are not fit to give advice here.

Ndiofe:
i dont know which best qualifies u, igbo hater or stalker, either u needserous help.

AreaFada2:
I agree with almost all you wrote.

But despite increasing inter tribal and inter ethnic marriages, the vast majority still marry within. I can only talk of the experiences of those I know. Not of those I do not know. My submission never claimed to be a scientific position.

Centuries ago, when most people still lived and died within one village or a small geographical location, my ancestors already married from faraway tribes. Aunts married outside in the 1950s already.

My observation of unsuccessful inter tribal marriages mostly fall within the past 15 to 20 years. And strictly only females marrying men of other tribes.
As for women we married from other tribes, it has been phenomenal success. Especially Igbo women.

ElsonMorali:
If I tell you my own life experiences concerning this issue you'll be totally amazed.

Trust me I've had a girl's family ostracize her because She was dating me, a Yoruba guy, an "_ngbati _ngbati".

Lol.

Just don't open that can of worms. Some things are better left unsaid.

kolaish:
Yes, I agree with you. But, honestly, I have relative peace in my marriage. That is not to say that others who married from other tribe does not enjoy same. But, I can only advice someone based on what I have experienced and see others go through. That is why I will always say "Marry from your tribe"

Imagine the teacher asking your child from which tribe are you? Then your child will say, my father is a yoruba man but my mother is from Igbo/hausa. Why not save the stress. Even the prophets that are of old (Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) married from their tribe, So, what is my problem if I cannot marry from my tribe.

kolaish:
Good write up no doubt. But that is your experience and what I have written is the little experiences I have gathered over time.

Wait a minute, the question is: why going through the stress of all you have written when you can actually have it easy marrying from your tribe. My marriage is over 16 years now and I have less stress training my children the way I want because my wife is from my tribe. I am a businessman and rarely stays at home, so if I married from other tribe, how will my wife who supposedly does not hear my language train them in my mother's tongue and vice versa.

All of our social functions are just a stone throw away and not thousands km away. Again, remember traditions differ, I followed a friend to Ogoja for his in law burial, we saw hell because of the demand of the community before they bury the old man (my friend was totally annoyed and regretted marrying from them, I have to pet him in most cases).

AreaFada2:
I am not babalawo to know.
But most of them said they wanted to avoid those things by marrying outside of tribe.

But they got even worse marrying outside.

But perhaps they turned down guys that might have been better within tribe by deliberately choosing to go outside. At least, the siblings who married within tribe remain married, and from what is known, those ladies appear to have got a better deal.

Therefore maybe your question should have been directed at the ladies who were biased against their own tribe. They used the experiences of some relatives from a previous generation to negatively judge their own tribe. Maybe they should have realised that whether within or outside tribe, things can go awry. My unscientific observation is that for those who married around same time within tribe, divorce rate is much lower than those who went outside. Maybe just a coincidence, but it is as it is.

Marriage is not that easy. You need every support structure you can get. Friends, family, etc.
While love is great, it can be fickle and can also fade. Mills & Boon love exist only in Mills & Boon.

Let's not fool ourselves: race, tribe, religion are still very important factors people consider when marrying. I have seen it across many countries. What would be ideal in 21st century and what happens in reality do not always sync.

2dugged:
From things I have seen in my young life,I have realised that its not about the tribe but the setting of the family,there are good and bad people in every tribe, however I personally can never even date a Hausa man not to talk of marry(reasons best known to me),but with the exception of hausas, a good man from any other tribe shoudnt be an issue, learning the language and adapting to the culture of one's spouse may take a while,but its not impossible,the problem is most tribalistic parents don't give their in-laws the chance. my former boss made all his daughters marry from their tribe ,two of the thrwee of his son in-laws turned out to be assholes, infact the last societal wedding lasted for 36 hours ,$5000 gift given to the bride by her aunty broke up the marriage under 36 hours,she was lucky to be alive from the beating Mr tribe man gave her

henryhemon:
From everything you have given as reasons why you shouldn't marry from another tribe,it shows:
1. You very small minded.
2. You have very small dreams
3. You are bush man
4. You don't see pass your small confine.
5. You need many years of growing up to do.

kolaish:
My candid advice to the men/women that cares: do not let this so-called 'love sentiments' blindfold you into marriage. You are going into a relationship that will last for more than 40 years, so why choosing to spend that long years of marriage struggling to hold it together. There are so many more beautiful and good ladies from your tribe, so, why not choose from them and enjoy a fruitful marriage with peace.

See the following:

1. if you are a yoruba man and your wife is igbo, what language did you think your child will adopt and speak fluently; certainly igbo and not yoruba. That means your child will not be able to speak your own language.

2. Your family will not have an official local dialect, except english.

3. You stand the chance of always going very far (more than 7 hours journey) whenever your partner is having a social function. Think of the transportation costs and its stress.

4. Anytime your in-laws are around, you will look like a stranger because you cannot hear them when they are discussing in their dialect.

afroxyz:
While y'all are still brewing in 17th century ideology, I've matched my action with words

Kellibae:
Hmm dats d dish u served and it was served back to u... so no complain

Kellibae:
Whateva u like say.. but first of all go and correct ur igbophobia attitude.. is it a new thing that your parents tell u bad things not to marry igbo especially ur women!?

So why are u complaining now?

Ugosample:
Igbo men cheat a lot too, it's not about tribe.

All those married men in owerri hotels as we speak are what? Herdsmen?

AreaFada2:
Very desirable but not easy.

You will have to work harder to make it work. Especially if one or both party's parents are against it.

Should things go awry, you will have to bear a lot of poo in silence. Just to avoid "I told you so" from the anti/suspicious side.

I have noticed the poo the majority of female relatives who married into other tribes have had to put up with. They went into these marriages with much naivety and enthusiasm, brushing aside concerns raised by some people. Their usual position was "people withing our tribe do these things too".

They have put up with worse things they initially said they wanted to avoid within tribe. Such as the hubby impregnating other women, hubby secretly using joint property deeds to secure loans without wife knowing, reckless behaviour of covering corruption of a female colleague at work and getting fired from a very lucrative job without benefits/pay off, making wife sole provider for family, secretly taking unsecured loans that wife has to be paying back all over the place later, etc.

Those guys did just about every stupid thing possible and even surpassed the fears of some family members.

About half got divorced but the rest soldiered on, albeit not happily most times. Very unfortunate.

Going into inter-ethnic marriage, please go in with a VERY thick skin. The odds may already be against you ab initio.

I suppose if it works, it can be very sweet. Like the lovely ladies from other tribes married into our family.

Of course they might have worked hard to endear themselves in the beginning. Once they proved their loyalty, it has been all love.

Most have blended in so well that they are not distinguishable from natural born daughters of the family.

Karlman:
...just at my mention of READING you flew off the handle. ...well its your life, better or batter it, whichever way the wind blows, i have nothing to lose. ...SO LONG MY DUDE AND HAPPY EASTER!

Karlman:
...LOL ...dude cant even make fine verses. UNBIGOT URSELF and espend more of your time and energy on reading.

AgentSmith001:
. what a weakling!!!

Karlman:
...those whom GOD has given a chest will continue to beat and drum at it...and those of their neighbours HE has given bitterness will continue to die of it....BOTH ARE THE LORD'S DOINGS!

silverspringle:
where was is written that she cheated on her hubby? And u are suppose to be a woman? Do u live with them to know how lovely the guy is? She has remained calm and silence since this saga and that to me could imply a lot. I guess u didnt read where people implied that she's a victim of domestic violence but u are quick to write thrash about her just cos an unstable man ranted on instgram. Its always honourable to keep mute when u dnt have something meaningful to say.

AgentSmith001:
. eddiott, you think we have not been trailing you here? infact very soon,we will splash ur ape looking photo here for the forumite to see dumbskull ogbomosho criminal behind the handle AgentSmith001.

AgentSmith001, misery and misfortune will continue to torture ur household till extinction. you will die miserably like your cursed father
and you will be buried shamefully like ur homeless mother

AgentSmith001 the ogbomosho criminal,I am waiting for you

AgentSmith001:
. AgentSmith001 the cursed soul from ogbomosho forest,show ur ugly looking face here asap

don't waste my time

AgentSmith001:
. see Mr afonja bastard. I ain't a kid,you are a confirmed yorubastard. infact I can perceive the odor of ur amala gobbling mouth from afar coupled with ur tiger clawed face typical of a yorubastard.

you should give it up dude.we all know that you are an ogbomosho bastard

Karlman:
...just at the mention of IGBO some people develop seizure and heart attack. anyway its good for this dead economy.

Rapmoney:
It is good to think before typing than doing the opposite (typing before thinking). Did the report say they went to his Abuja residence? His "super cars" are in Abuja. This is his Kogi home!

chukel:
This is ridiculous. Windows were not shattered. Yet they wanted you dead. Were you hiding in the caravan that they were shooting it? The windshield of the caravan wasn't even shattered, yet they were shooting to kill u. Assassins couldn't even gain entrance. They came and were aiming and shooting at the roof and left the windows. Unless Dino sleeps on the roof at night. This is hogwash. He just wants to remain in the news. Dino is a criminal. I know he has a target.

mathy2p2:
I still de observed

AgentSmith001:
. afonja skull mining yorubastard.why are you always in pains when Igbo matter is involved? be careful so that you won't end up miserably like awolowo

ConqueredWest:
Economic illiterate, those seaports are not functioning like those in Lagos.

Karlman:
...BRAVEHEART ...must be an IGBO MAN!

ShawttySoFyne:
News flash, he's from Tanzania

jpphilips:
Pls shut up your breath stink!!
fvcking nobody like you