₦airaland Forum

I can't believe am reading all these! Chai! See cyber-abuse flying left, right & centre. Kilode, like Yorubas would say.

Almondjoy, take am easy. Na wetin Ujujoan take do you?

Ujujoan, slow down. Na where you and Almondjoy jam unaself before?

Wetin cause dis fight now? I thought that with that cool, mature, sensible, thoughtful advice from Nwando, the whole questions the OP brought to this thread, would have been resolved. Na wetin come be all dis one?

I weak o!

Gamers:
You're right and believe me, I empathise with you on this, if you have sorted your self out of it. I'm in it and the girl is pregnant after I had rang in her ear that I had a girlfriend I was serious with. She kept forcing herself on me.
Now I'm mentally preparing myself to marry two women. I'm in shit right? I know!

Chei!  Why did you sleep with her, when you knew you had a steady girl-friend, ehn? Each time the 2nd girl came round to your place, why didn't you chase her away? Why didn't you even report her to your serious girl-friend, so that she too could help you send the 2nd girl packing, before things got to this level?

You don do 'underground' moves, chop the 2nd girl finish. . . .you come dey lament. Ah, ol' boy, I no envy you at all! 

Teriba:
See how easy it`s to find out the real laudate. This last post shows that the real laudate is dodgy and secretive. Won`t be surprised if he turned out to be worse than Nelson!!! I rest my case.

Chei! Come and see case of pot calling the kettle, black. No be yah fault, you hear? Na Nenenwa matter wey we dey discuss cause am. Otherwise na wetin wan bring this kind thing?

As for someone turning out to be worse than Nelson, ah omo, na you go collect the medal for that one o! See as you dey take style defend all the moves wey Nelson dey make for here. You even bring example from abroad come join am, when the original matter wey Nenenwa bring come here, no even get any abroad angle for inside.

Come o, talk true. Abi, the bobo pay you extra 'kudi' to plead im case for here?

nwando:
Typical !!!
Everything is the womans fault.

when he beats her,she caused him to do it
If his business is not doing well,she brought him bad luck
If they don't have kids,she must have done plenty abortions
They have only daughters,she can't bear sons.
His mother is sick,she must be a witch
Then when he dies,she killed him

woman get power so?

I beg, I don talk say I no wan laugh today. E dey affect me one kind.

Why you come dey make me break my New Year resolution for 1st quarter of the year? Mind yahself o!

Teriba:
Laudate, do you mind telling me a little bit about your own love life so that I can be sure that you practise what you preach here? I observe that you have been speaking in general terms with fantastic rhetorics. Who knows, a day may come when a nairalander would be in a position to link laudate to his rhetorics and see whether the two are the same. So just paraphrase your love life for the record, if you don`t mind- at least you have an idea of mine.

Hehehe. . . . .na wetin you wan take my love life do? Was it my love life that the original poster brought to nairaland for advice? I beg, go siddon[i] jare.[/i]

There is no fantastic rhetoric in my posts. Everything I wrote, deals with reality and real-life situations. Just because some folks choose to do 'mago-mago' in their relationships, does not mean ALL folks would follow in their footsteps. I dey suspect you, as you dey support this Nelson guy. E be like say you sef don two-time babe before. . . . .or maybe you be dey do player moves, for one corner. God dey! Be careful sha o! Awoof dey run belle.

Teriba:
But I think your answer to my question really confirms to me that you are a great man of theory. I`ve never failed to advise whoever has a boyfriend abroad to look for `an insurance policy` at home. You want to tell your 27yr-old sister to put all her eggs in one basket by doing away with the one abroad? How are you sure that that new relationship is going to lead to marriage? In fact, no intelligent sister would take that type of advice from you. Please there is a difference between a man and a woman. Of course, if we are talking of a young man in Nigeria with a girlfriend abroad, the right thing would be to call the girl abroad and tell her that he`s ending the relationship, but I would never advise a girl to do the same until she has 99% assurance that her relationship at home shall lead to marriage. She just need to tell the one she`s starting that new relationship with about the one abroad, that is the sensible thing to do. It`s very easy to quote The Holy Bible on how we should relate to fellow human beings, but I think experience is the best teacher on this one

I also think you should stop worrying yourself about nene because all the issues bothering her have been dealt with by nairalanders. The time has now come for her to decide whether to go with someone that has decided to do the right thing or go shadow-chasing. Here is a guy that is so sure of who he wants to spend the rest of his life with that he has decided to leave the person he has known long before meeting nana, yet you and a couple of others continue to blow Nelson`s mistake out of proportion. Let`s leave them alone!

Again, there is nothing thereotical about my posts. I'm a great believer in 'do unto others, as you would like them to do unto you.' That principle has worked well for me all these years, and am not about to change it now. It gets me mad when people try to use me or cheat on me, so I wouldn't do the same to others no matter how shaky the realationship happens to be. Even when people end up cheating on me, the law of Karma is always there to deal with them, because what every man sows, he definitely shall reap. So forget all this gist about trying to use two-timing moves as an insurance policy, because it often backfires at the end of the day. You cannot eat your cake & have it.

If the 27 year old sister tells the new guy about the boyfriend abroad, don't you think the new guy is not going to be serious with her, because he feels she is just killing time pending the other guy's return from abroad? He may also see her as someone that is capable of betraying a lover, once his back is turned, or someone who can dabble into all sorts of tricks once her bloke is out of town. Does that action of hers, suggest loyalty or fidelity? Please tell me. I wouldn't take such a girl as a serious person. In fact, some of my male collegues just see such girls as someone that can be used to while away time.

I don't know how a man can sow lies, infidelity, distrust and two-timing moves in his relationship with a girl, and expect to reap loyalty, devotion and sincerity at the end of the day.

Maybe you can explain it to me o, Mr Theoretical Analysis!

[quote author=$ammy link=topic=116706.msg2032033#msg2032033 date=1204882646]I think you should go ahead and prepare for your wedding.I'm sure your fiance ex is just rendering empty threats.People who are capable of doing the things she is saying won't talk.She is just trying to scare you off[/quote]She should go ahead and prepare for the wedding? Without resolving the issue at hand? Yikes!

What was that Fela's song, again? "Trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am, wetin e dey find oh oh o. . . .?? Palaver im dey find. . ." 

Siena:
He's a cheat, and he's using emotional blackmail to keep you with him, threatening to jump off a bridge?

Jeeze! Left to me, I'd call his bluff! I bet you he's a coward, and would NOT jump! Hell, I'd even offer to drive him to the bridge myself, and give him a push!

What a guy. You're better off without him, dump his cheating ass, and find a guy who'll appreciate you, and not cheat! You deserve better.

Ah! At last!   A voice of reason. Thank you Siena, for telling it like it is.

Jump ko, crawl ni. Nonsense!

The guy not only cheated on her, he is now using reverse psychology to lay a guilt trip on her. The bobo na real mumu.  May da law of karma deal with him squarely! Over and over and over again!

When he was dating both girls simultaneously, and sampling their carnal delights in turn, he did not think of jumping off a bridge o! 

Teriba:
You displayed a lot of emotions in your reply, laudate. The only reason why I decided to contribute to this thread is to let nana know that sweet-talking men like you exist all over the world, but that what we have in reality are the Nelsons. The man of honour you described above has something in common with Osama Bin Laden in that they are very difficult to find! Nene needs to see this reality. And knowing full well that whoever eventually marries her would turn out to be a relative the following days, I think she shouldn`t allow internet tittle-tattle to poison her mind.

No, I didn't display a lot of emotions in my reply. I merely replayed the hard facts for her to see. No one is saying that Nelson has to be a saint. But for goodness sake, there are some basic rules of engagement that all individuals need to adopt, in their dealings with others. It doesn't matter if those dealings are a business relationship or a romantic one.

Men of honour exist all over the world. They are not saints. They are merely people who[i] say [/i] what they mean, and mean what they say. They are folks who treat others, the way they would like to be treated. Would you like it if someone decided to string you along, lie to you, deceive you and pretend that all was well, when in reality they were just taking you for a ride? Please give me a simple YES or NO. It would help me to understand why you are so eager to condone Nelson's deceitful acts? If what he had with the other girl was just a one-night stand or just a one-off thing that happened in a moment of weakness, I would have said she should find a way to work things out with him. But no. It was a premeditated, planned, sustained saga of deceit that went on for a long while. Like I said earlier, a man who cannot be faithful in small things, cannot be faithful in big things. And omo, marriage is a BIG thing. Let no one kid you or tell you otherwise.

One problem a lot of folks have is that they are so ready to apply lower standards of conduct in their dealings with others, yet they expect other folks to exhibit a higher standard of integrity when dealing with them. Why?

As people, we have become so used to certain distasteful acts and unethical modes of behaviour that we are willing to turn a blind eye, as long as we are not on the receiving end of such distasteful acts. Why?

This is not internet tittle-tattle. Just because you are willing to condone such a distasteful act, doesn't mean others should also dance to the same tune. Nenenwa needs to sit down and decide the kind of future she wants for herslf, knowing that this man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, has such a character flaw.

Teriba:
Let`s say you have a 27 year-old sister that has been dating a 32 year-old Nigerian for some months, and that man has now decided to go abroad in search of a better life. Your sister then calls you a couple of months after the man has left to share her anxieties with you. She is of the opinion that, based on what she has seen and heard , she should start another relationship so that if things don`t work out with the one abroad, she wouldn`t have put all her eggs in one basket. Do you want to share with me what your advice would be to this your sister, laudate?

The advice I would give to my sister would not be different. It would depend on how long the guy has been abroad, the kind of relationship they had before he left, how much communication they have had since he left, as well as how quickly she can process her papers to join him there. If that relationship was heading nowhere before he left and there was no firm commitment, I would advise her to call him up and end the relationship on a clean slate, before even looking in the direction of someone else.

If she has valid travelling documents, I would advise her to join him there and seal their relationship, if he had proposed to her before leaving. I know too many women who have wasted their lives and their child-bearing years waiting for some guy abroad, who never showed up because he ended up marrying a foreign citizen in order to get a residence permit.

If she is unable to join him there, and he eventually returns to find out she is still single, and both of them want a reunion, then hey, it's a free world. But I would never advice her to play around behind his back. Call him, tell him the whole truth about how you cannot predict the future so you can't hang around waiting, then cut him loose before you move on with someone else, is what I'd tell her. That way, you have shown him that you are a woman of integrity, if nothing else.

Teriba:
I gave the example of a friend in my first contribution because he happened to be the only one among my numerous friends that did what I couldn`t do when I was in my 20s. Before we met, I was thinking that I should be one of the best around for being able to stick to one girl at any point in time. Then I met this guy and I was truly impressed by what I saw! But which of these two would I want my sister to go out with- the friend that stuck to one girl before marriage and became a mess afterwards or someone that has seen it all before his marriage? I would surely prefer the latter. It was obvious from my interaction with my friend, when he started his infidelity, that playing the field was still appealing to him because he never did that before. Oh yes! That is one of the things people talk about when they mention transition. My friend didn`t have a proper transition from boyhood to adulthood otherwise jumping to bed all over the place wouldn`t have held any attraction for him again, because he has seen it all! So I may not need much moral lessons from you as a person, but this is all about nene. It`s about knowing that where fantasy ends, reality begins. People like you mislead these guys into believing the exact opposite of what is going on in the dating world.
I would echo what blacklion said that nene must not give Nelson the impression that this is a trivial issue. But to now go to the extent of leaving him?
I just don`t think so!

So because your friend never sowed his wild oats before marriage, you feel that was the sole reason why his behaviour changed after marriage? I don't think so. There is definitely more to his actions, than meets the eye. You cannot use ONE man's experience to judge what all other men would do in similar circumstances

I know guys who were faithful to their babes before marriage, and continued being faithful after the wedding. I know those who fooled around with anything in skirts before settling down in wedlock, and have STILL continued to fool around, even after signing the dotted lines.   

You say Nenenwa should not leave him? Alright, no sweat. I hope you will stick around long enough to give her more advice after the wedding, when his infidelity takes on a higher dimension. Obviously, you do not know how many women have grown wrinkles, grey hair and hypertension due to their husband's infidelity and sexual exploits. Do you know how many men have secretly married 2nd wives, or had children out of wedlock without their legitimate wives' knowledge? In some cases, such secrets come to light only after the man's death. I guess such men were too busy comparing the women in their lives, because[i] they wanted to be absolutely sure that they was not leaving "like for like", [/i] until they died. I guess their own transition, never ended, until death came calling. Abeg, we should stop making excuses for infidelity and men who are actually wolves in sheep's clothing, whose sole ambition is to use people for their own selfish ends.

I am yet to see how a philanderer will suddenly become a man of integrity, or a faithful husband overnight simply because he has signed the dotted lines. Anyway, you are free to hold on to your own opinions, while I'm free to hang on to mine. That is why it is called cyberspace. 

Hmmmn. . . . .I forsee a couple of fireworks ahead, if the couple does not resolve this issue of 'bad communication'. They have been together for 4 years, and the guy still does not know the kind of tactless comments that are a turn-off, for the girl. Does he think he is doing her a favour by marrying her?

Or was there a contest, that gave him the opportunity to compare and contrast her attributes with those of some other women in his life, before he finally managed to arrive at the conclusion that she was somehow more 'manageable' than the others? Only God knows.

Abeg, the girl should forgive him for his tactless remarks. But sha, make I no lie. . . . I like her guts o jare. One needs to talk some sense into some men's heads, before they can realise their mistakes and make ammends! But now she has made her point, they ned to find a way to move on without letting their relationship suffer. Four years no be joke!

Teriba: It is not every marriage that would stand the test of time. World-wide, there are characteristics that have come to define the ones that would last and the ones that wouldn`t. In other words, it`s not something that is peculiar to Africa. Be it in Europe or North America, women that are interested in a life-long marriage know that cooking is part and parcel of the equation while the ones that would end up as career divorcee would see cooking as an avoidable burden.
As far as marriage is concerned, there are too many things that would remain the same for ever and the responsibility for cooking in a matrimonial home is one of them.  Partners in a relationship have to meet certain requirements before we can begin to talk of the likelihood for a  promising marriage. When you have to bring a cook into your household simply because you married a lazy woman, that single action may set in motion the circumstances that would lead to the end of your marriage; methink prevention is better than cure. I don`t know of any modern man that would fail to cook for a partner that has returned home from work tired and unable to fulfil one role or the other.
In fact, cooking is too elementary to become a talking-point before a marriage, but do not advise your friend to leave her; he should know what he wants from her. Should he seek your advice, do what all good friends would do by telling him what you would do if you were in his shoes. As far as I`m concerned, he should be using a girl like this to warm his bed and body. She is not fit for marriage!

Hehehe. . . . . .we leave and learn everyday. I have heard of prostitutes, and loose, alchoholic women who run beer parlours, that are fantastic cooks.  So I guess in your opinion, they would make fantastic wives, wouldn't they, since culinary skills is ALL that is needed to sustain a marriage?

If a woman is God-fearing, loves her man to death, respects him, would do anything for him, works hard, provides all he needs, prays for him, works for his success, but cannot cook, probably because she has never learnt the ropes or she just doesn't like it, then I guess she doesn't deserve to get married, in your own opinion.

Pity!

Teriba:
My dear, the first question you need to ask yourself is, how easy is it to find a man that is better than your current boyfriend? Well, let me just say that MOST men are worse than him- regardless of the claim to the contrary! Let me give reasons for my advice. Most decent women would ask the question some have asked here that if he could do this now, why won`t he cheat in the future after your marriage. This is a logical thing to say except that there is nothing logical about the behaviuoral pattern of human beings. I once had a very close friend who spent 7 years dating a single girl without ever cheating on her! What I was never able to understand was how this guy could change dramatically after marriage. What I learnt from him was that we should avoid setting anything in stone when discussing the future, because many factors influence what we do at any point in time.
To me, your boyfriend hasn`t done much wrong! He had one girlfriend before meeting you, but was not satisfied with that girlfriend, then made up his mind that, unless he couldn`t find a better girl, she was not going to marry her. Should he have left her at that point, before looking for another person? Maybe maybe not. Should he have left her when the relationship with you started? Probably not, because he wanted to be absolutely sure that he was not leaving like for like. The time frame you gave suggests that this was the case; he made commitment to you when he was sure that the difference between you and the other girl is massive. Generally speaking, I always show understanding to a guy that is going through this type of transition, it`s always a difficult juncture to navigate
The other girlfriend is right to be angry. The major mistake that your boyfriend made was to let her know that he was breaking up that relationship in order to get married to you- that was a huge blunder on his part! But you need to understand that everything the other girl said when she heard that was said in anger. The moment she finds another boyfriend, she is likely to become less bitter and move on with her life.
How are we to know that your next relationship is going to be free from issues such as this? Is there anyone out there that you will date that would not give you something to moan about? As far as pre-marital controversies go, I`ve seen far worse stuff in my life
I think you should go ahead with your marriage, but not until you`ve let your boyfriend know that you see his antics as a big betrayal. It`s not that that is going to change him, but just to plant some guilt on his conscience. Good luck!

Please when you have a younger sister or your own daughter, give her this kind of advice. Tell her that it is okay for a man to cheat on her and lie (to her), while double-dating another girl, despite being in a relationship with her. . . . .then wait and see what she says.

I have seen women date two-timing men, who they knew were also involved with other babes. After the wedding, the man became worse, and continued his game without showing any respect for the woman he married. In one case, the guy even brought his girl-friend home, and introduced her to his wife as a cousin. The poor wife waited on the so-called cousin hand & foot, entertained her and cooked for her. It was the following month, when another relative came visiting, that the cat was let out of the bag.

You asked: "the first question you need to ask yourself is, how easy is it to find a man that is better than your current boyfriend? Well, let me just say that MOST men are worse than him- regardless of the claim to the contrary!" Well, maybe we should ask you - are you saying there are NO other men better than her current boyfriend? Is this Nelson a saint, whose behaviour we must use as a yardstick to measure the conduct of other men? Please give me a break!

Like a friend once told me: "a man that cannot be faithful in small things, can never be faithful in big things. And marriage is a big thing."

A man of honour would end a previous relationship properly, before jumping into another or before starting a new one with a different babe. Any man who is involved in a relationship with two women, often ends up[i] telling lies [/i] to sustain both affairs. He would either lie to one of the girls to cover his tracks, or[i] lie to both [/i] of them to prevent them from knowing the real truth, about what is going on. Later, he would even end up lying to himself to justify the affair. Do such lies breed good fruits? I'm yet to see any man conduct two affairs simultaneously, without engaging in any form of deceit. To the best of my knowledge, there is nothing that kills a man's reputation as well as his relationship as fast as deceit and lies.

He didn't even respect Nenenwa enough to drop the other lady, when he met her. Does 'stringing' her along, while having a 2nd affair with his previous girl (at the same time), show that he had any respect for her or for her feelings?

Only a self-centred man would offer an excuse like - he wants to be sure he is not exchanging "like for like", that is why he is stringing both of those girls along! Are those girls machines, merchandise or inanimate objects? Put yourself in those girls' shoes. If a babe you were dating, was also dating another guy alongside you, in order to compare both of you to make sure she wasn't exchanging "like for like," how would you feel? 

The man dated both of them simultaneously, because he was greedy! That's all. He wanted to eat his cake and have it. He used the other girl, then dumped her when he had his fill, because Nenenwa was there to service his needs as well. Using the word 'transition' to describe what the guy did, is just crap! Is dating a political programme? Maybe OBJ too, was also engaged in a transition, that was why he had all those affairs with the numerous women he met! What a pity!

As for the other girl finding a boyfriend later, are you the one going to dash her a new guy? Do you even know what emotional scars have been left in her mind, as a result of how Nelson deceived her? 

The bobo simply had no honour, no decency and no integrity. Otherwise, he wouldn't have decided to string both of them along, date them simultaneously, enjoy them sequentially, and spin false stories to them intermittently, thinking he was smart. Period! Anyway, karma will eventually take its' course. No doubt about that!

You are advising her to "go ahead with your marriage, but not until you`ve let your boyfriend know that you see his antics as a big betrayal. It`s not that that is going to change him, but just to plant some guilt on his conscience. Good luck!". Will that guilt STOP him, or prevent him from cheating on her after the wedding? What if it happens again after they have exchanged wedding vows? What would you advise?

sweet Tai:
this man is a player and even if you marry him he will continue his rendezvous with the other girl, and the other girl will do all she can to destroy your home. Think about it, pumpkin.

WORD!! Even if he doesn't continue his rendezvous with the other girl, he could still cheat on you with a totally different woman, behind your back. Nenenwa, please take a good hard look at your guy, before you decide to take a leap into the future with him.

You met him in March 2007 and he has lied to you all along, deceived you and played you like a wheel, in addition to two-timing you, while dating the other girl. This other girl feels hurt (and rightly too!) because she has been played for a fool, and in her pain she is lashing out at him. She feels betrayed that he has deceived her, and I bet you would feel the same way too if you were in her shoes or if the guy treated you in the same manner.

Do you know what promises he made to her while they were dating? Do you know what time, effort and sacrifices she made for the relationship to succeed? Do you know if she even aborted a pregnancy for him, while they were dating? Do you know what he collected from her in cash and kind, while the going was good? So don't blame her for feeling the way she is feeling right now. She is only human. Maybe, she has chosen the wrong mode to express her pain, but hey, we can't all react the same way. He may have even told her that you were the one who seduced him, until he couldn't resist your charms. How do you even know, what he has said about you?

What method did your guy even use to tell her it was over? Was he polite and remorseful while doing it? Or was he nonchalant, rude, aggressive and dismissive? That can also add to her pain, especially if he didn't apologise deeply enough to soothe her hurt.  

If I were you, I would leave this guy alone. He is a cheat and a two-timer. There is no telling what he would turn round to do to you too, two or more years down the line. Do not build your future and your marriage on another person's pain.

Show that you are a woman with principles by leaving him alone. Until he has sorted out this mess with the other lady, do not go back to him or you would be showing him you are a cheap lady without any principles or standards. Don't stoop so low, by allowing him get away with making you a part of an unholy triangle.

Let  me leave you with this story. A guy who was dating two ladies decided to leave one, for the other. Unfortunately, the one who was dumped had suffered with him when things were bad for him. So she felt he was being unfair. She had also terminated a pregnancy for him. Anyway, she said nothing when he decided to get married to the other lady. She did not cry or shout or wail in disappointment. She only told him: "You will see!" To cut the long story short, two weeks to the wedding the guy slumped and died. People have been pointing accusing fingers at the lady, but no one can prove anything.  

In another similar case, the guy went ahead to marry the other lady after dropping the first one in favour of the 2nd, but till today, five years after that wedding, they are yet to be blessed with a child. They have already had one miscarriage, and doctors have said the wife is unlikely to be able to give birth to a child. Meanwhile, the lady who was dumped in favour of the wife, got married to another man and has two kids of her own now, as we speak.

Think hard, Nenenwa. And think deeply. May God give you wisdom to deal with this case.

miss reese:
so yes laudate he did show signs of love but i guess he wasnt able to convince his parents and as in our african culture you marry not just the husband but his family that atmosphere was just to negative for me

marriages break up regardless of ijebu or ekiti, it is not just based on compatibility issues it is also based on the support you receive from a man's family in every situation.

the first foundation in every relationship is faith - belief in christ, second is mutual love and understanding, third is positive undisputed family support i know some people are wondering why i have not mentioned money, money is highly important but can not compare to what i have listed.

i really just feel parents should be more supportive of their children's choice, after all they made theirs.

Yes. . . .family support is important, but the truth is that (like respect), it has to be earned. The most important thing that I can see from what you have written here, is that your guy was weak, and couldn't defend you against his family. If he had been able to stand up to them, then I'd have said you should go ahead and that eventually they would come round.

I have a Yoruba friend who is married to an Urhobo girl. When he introduced her to his family, there was some initial opposition. His mother told him bluntly that as a Yoruba boy brought up in lagos, was he trying to say that he couldn't find any girl from his area in the South-west? Anyway, the guy told them point blank that the urhobo girl was his choice, and he was the one going to live with her, not them. He also made it clear that he was prepared to wait as long as it took to get their consent, but that he wouldn't marry any other woman. Eventually they gave in. For the first 3 years after the wedding, his mum didn't even talk to the girl.

The girl still showed them a lot of respect, and never even mentioned the cold shoulder she got from the guy's mum. One day, the girl went to the market and bought a wide range of baby food for the guy's mum, who had to nurse the baby left behind, by the guy's elder sister. That single gesture touched the woman's heart and she called the girl, and started praying for her and crying over the phone. She confessed that she had been won over by the girl's humility and cool behaviour.

Now they are the best of friends. Am not saying this approach would work in all cases, but people should realise that getting the support of a man's family is not automatic. So they should be prepared to meet them half-way by working to earn their approval.

Honestly,  a number of the responses here are really quite funny. PID is not a life-threatening disease. A woman can have it, at any age and it is curable, provided it is detected in time and treated quickly and properly with the right kind of medication.

As for the original poster, he made up his mind about the lady a long time ago. He really didn't love her that much, otherwise he wouldn't have used the pregnancy clause as a condition for getting married to her. What if she got pregnant before the wedding, and had a miscarriage at a later date after the ceremony? Would he divorce her for losing the child? I know women who keep having multiple miscarriages, despite their ability to concieve easily.

And finally the way he ended things with her was sneaky and underhand. She deserves to know the reason for their break-up. He owes her the truth, if nothing else. Trying to claim she ought to know that it is over, is merely a cheap cowardly way of taking an exit from a relationship. Is she psychic? It doesn't matter if she is 25, 30 or 39! He ought to respect her enough to let her know the truth. Age also matters in a relationship. If you as a man, know that you are not ready to settle down, then please don't date a 30-something year old lady who is ready and willing to answer Mrs. as quickly as possible. It is not fair. A lot of women in this age bracket, are eager to tie the knot. Unfortunately, many men prey on them because of this, and use them without thinking deeply. A 20-something year old babe may not be as ready as a 30-something year old lady to get married, because the younger girl still has time on her side.

Anyway, in my own view, he did her a big favour. Like every other woman, she deserves a man who would love her for[b] who she is,[/b] not how many babies she can produce. She deserves a man who would stick by her through thick & thin, or in sickness and in health - a man who would help her find solutions to her problem, rather than one that would turn tail and run at the first sign of discomfort.

PID is not a life-threatening disease. I have seen men of honour who married sicklers & asthmatic sufferers and took care of them because they loved them. I know men who stuck by their wives for 5 years or more, in their bid to have a child, and at the end of the day, God blessed them for their perserverance. 

That 30-something year old woman definitely deserves a far better relationship, than what this OP has offered her (which is very little in my opinion), and I do pray she gets it. I also pray she would find someone with enough integrity, sincerity and compassion to love her truly and deeply - body & soul.

Bolarge:
What is all this *&%*%#@$ everybody's sayin that real playas can't be found out?
Where's d playa from? Neptune?
I must say a girl must score like -20 in the IQ department not to be able to spot a playa.Please don't get me wrong,for d very good ones it may take a girl some time but eventually every playa is discovered.Period.
  How does he stop his phone from ringing when the other chicks call?
  When he starts talking in monosyllables on the phone eg."yes","I know","maybe","call u back" when u've always known him as an extra smooth talker.
  How's he going to hide the other chick when she's sitting right next to him in his car when he's meant to be out of town?
Da list is endless.

Y'see d playa's major enemy is time.[/b]He has just 24hrs.Now a typical girl wants 26hrs of his time all to herself. By the time d guy's tryin to run like 6 chicks simultaneously Yawa must gas along the line.The only thing is when yawa gases with one chick a typical playa just goes on to another.Babes too full ground.

[b] If majority of girls weren't so stupidly blind, they call it love playas wldn't go so far.

My 2 kobo.

WORD!!  Na true word you talk, my brother. . . . those who have ears, let them hear!

You asked: How does he stop his phone from ringing when the other chicks call? Hey, he puts it in 'vibrate only' mode. Or switches the phone to silent mode. That way, when it vibrates, he alone gets to know there is a call, from a babe! Sometimes, he saves the identity of the babe under a male name. e.g. Alexandra becomes known as[i] Alex,[/i] on his phone. Funke becomes Frank etc. Shey, you get my drift?

Sadly, playas will always make one fatal mistake that would blow their cover at the end of the day. Their lies don't gel over a period of time. And they are quick to go on the defensive too quickly. They also don't care too much about their reputations and are willing to take silly risk that'll jeorpardise their friendships, relationships & image. In addition to all these, they always seem to have a glib excuse for everything.

And when the house of cards they have built on those false stories come crashing down, they are quick to seek further excuses to explain it all away. Playas are nothing but jokers who do not place value themselves. Jokers who think they are smart, when in actual fact they are just making a fool of themselves as they try to hoodwink members of the opposite sex, and also digging a deep hole in which they would fall, as time goes by.

Eventually, they get to learn their lesson. Yeah right. . . . .karma is a bitch. Ain't that sad.

manntee:
maybe you are right but i wont be too hasty to make any conclusions based on one side of the story. men and women think differently and miscommunication and ASS You mption has done its fair share of damage to relationships and make an assof u. from your first mail, i could deduce you were not altogeather ready to let go competely, but that aside whilst still accepting that everybody is not perfect i would want to say that you might on deep refelections discover that you have your own share of blame in this failed relationship.(from experience)
well i would recommend this book for you, "men are from mars women from venus" to read bfore you embark on another relationship.
goodluck!! but its more of HARDWORK. that sustains a relationship

True talk! Honestly, I wish we could have listened to the other side of the story - the girl's side I mean.

Sometimes, everything is not what it seems to be. I read an interview in a newspaper about the daughter of a late judge. She has been married to a top corporate guy for over ten years and they have a few kids. She confessed that when she got married, the only thing she knew how to do was to boil an egg! Yes!! It was from her husband and a few friends, that she later picked up some domestic skills. Whenever she got frustrated by her lack of cooking skills, the guy would say: "If all I wanted in a woman was mastery of domestic chores, I would have married a househelp. So relax". He got a cook for the first few years, until she was able to master the ropes.

Secondly,  some women  have just never learnt the art of speaking softly and quietly. They were probably talked down to as kids, heavily criticised and insulted, so that is all they know how to be. They may have been raised in a combative environment, too. It would take a compassionate and patient man, to show them how to behave in a different manner.

Thirdly, some men dish out criticism with a heavy hand, or in a harsh abrupt tone. Others make their dislike known, by adopting a nonchalant dismissive manner, instead of sitting down to have a "heart-to-heart" talk, that would clear the air. Some even use a derisive tongue to send their message across. Am not saying coolkaboom did that, but then we need to ask: How did he make his views known to her? Was he contemptous or scathing in his remarks? Sometimes, just one word of ridicule can make a person see red. Is he saying that she didn't have any redeeming features? From what he has said, it seems she was a she-devil!

How come he didn't notice her caustic tongue before she moved in with him? Sometimes, when men have developed itchy feet, they start noticing all the bad traits in their partner.

Well, both parties have moved on. I do hope they will be able to take a long hard look at themselves (inwardly and outwardly), and effect lasting changes in their character that will make their lives better, at the end of the day.

Miss Reese,

Was your guy really and truly ready to marry you? Was the love he had for you deep enough to withstand shock and tremors? If his love for you was deep enough, he would have gone the whole hog and married you.

Look parents are human beings. By the time you get other friends, elders, church members, pastors, neighbours etc., to appeal to them, they would change their minds. Pray hard about it, as well. Or are you saying God cannot change their minds or quench the opposition? By the time they see how determined the guy is, to win you over, stand by you and care for you, they would have a change of heart. Other couples have gone through more serious objections from their family, yet they have prevailed at the end of the day, and things worked out. The problem is that these days, people are ready to throw in the towel at the first sign of opposition, which is sad. I know a couple whose parents objected to their wedding initially, on similar grounds. At the end of the day, after much appeals, the families came round. Now, they attend our church and have been married for almost 40 years! It took them two years to get parental consent. I know too many people would have called it quits after 3 months of opposition to their relationship.

Look, what is most important, is for you to marry whom God has chosen for you.

It is also extremely important for you to study the character of the person you are dating. Can his love for you withstand the storm of life? What did your boyfriend do, to change the minds of his parents before throwing in the towel?

Look, I have seen some folks from Akure/Ondo/Ekiti/Akoko married to Ijebu people, and their marriages worked out. I have also seen some couples from these areas get married, and things didn't work out between them. At the end of the day, what caused their differences was not their sub-tribal differences, but several other factors e.g incompatibility, lack of understanding, poor finances etc. People can come from the same ethnic group, speak the same dialect and yet, their marraiges can still crash. Or haven't you seen it happening before?

When a woman marries a man, yes, she marries the whole family. But she also has to do some work to get into their good books, and get them to accept her. Don't forget that to them, she is an unknown entity, and they may be afraid that she has come to take their son from them. So with prayers, understanding, respect and courtesy, she can win them over to her side, and establish a bond with them.

Forget the Ijebu-Ekiti hostility. Pray instead for a man who loves you enough to stand by you, through thick & thin. From what you have written, you have already gotten another guy. I hope things work out well for you both.

OpeLovely:
There's nothing wrong with Inter-tribal relationships but what matters is one's happiness and whether the families accept each other especially the immediate family (not extended). And some people say, the angel you know is better than the angel you don't know. I've dated an Igbo man and an Ijaw man and i must admit those experiences taught me valuable lessons.

Pray tell, what were the lessons you learnt? Do share them!

OgidiBoy:
How can an Igbo man be bored of Onugbu and Pounded yam DOES THE TORTOISE GET BORED OF IT'S SHELL

[quote author=D-reloaded link=topic=106876.msg1894008#msg1894008 date=1201472589]Dont worry OloriburkuBoy, we have no use for your kind. Envious lunatic.[/quote]D-reloaded, haba! You should have 'educated' him now!! Give him more info. Have you forgotten that from Akure, to Ijesha and as far as Ekiti and Akoko land in Ondo State, their staple food is pounded yam with vegetable stew, stockfish, snail, bush meat etc.? (slurp). . .Not rice and beans, like Lagos people?

You should have taken time to make him realise that a lot of your folks know all about pounding correct yam, for their families. In fact, I heard that one of the first things that most Yoruba mothers pack as engagement gifts for their daughters, is pestle and mortar! Can you confirm that, pls?

_{*Ehm. . . . .who stole that pack of 'bush antelope meat' that my neighbour sent to me from her grandmother's farm, in Ife? Make una talk now o! Or else?*}

lawyer:
I have read all the posts on this topic and am finally convinced what a relationship is all about. Its not about love, sex, romance or happiness. Its all about money, ambition and success of a man for a woman to l fall in love. No money no love. A woman only appreciates a man when he has got a job, nice car, nice flat and can buy her the finest things of life before she thinks she loves him. People have been advising the poster to run because her biological clock is ticking just because he has no money or job. But if he was mike adenuga's son, the girls on this forum will be telling the poster that she would be foolish to remotely think of leaving him. Its all about money, money and money and that's why i don't blame men for leaving girls when they are succesful because they deserve to be dumped based on their warped sense of thinking.

Women talk about feminism all day and the need for equality but deep down, they still like to cling on straws and the arms of a man who can support them. They are so selfish and think only of themselves and wellbeing and equate material success with love. How do you think the guy is feeling that he can't match up with other guys in terms of his financial standing? Staying with the poster for 7 years despite all his ups and down is enough for her to know that if he ever gets his footing someday, she would definately be the reciepient of the favours. A lot of rich people today who made it in life always stay with the one that suffered with them. The MKO'S, JIM OVIAS, THE IBRUS, THE ADENUGAS and likes of this world.

Women only want the immediate things of life right now to boast to their friends or families that "their bobo lives the yahooze dream" but never for once picture how 20 years from today will be. You talk about prospective toasters who want to marry her all because of the money and in 5 years time, when she's single, lonely, divorced and with 2 kids alone, the women on this forum will be shouting "Men are dogs" as if they werent the cause of their own misfortune or disaster in the relationship.

So my advice to you is if you really believe in your man's potential in the next 5 years and not today, stick with him and help him out. Behind every successful man is a woman and most men don't forget that. Dont listen to all this university girls that are all about the paparazzi now that in 5 years time they would be irrelevant, useless, lonely and divorced. They are only pushing you to join their club of chop today, cry tomorrow. Look inwards at your mans potential and reap the fruits with him. You never can tell, he could be the next governor of his state and there would only be one first lady then which is you. As for this goats advising you otherwise, trust me, your husband will be married to you and be fucking these bitches in future and throwing them #5,000 compensation while you own the house, the life, the key to his heart and the ring.

While your post has a lot of merit, I still can't help wondering if you took time out to read every word in the original poster's comments.

Would you honestly give this same advice to your younger sister or daughter, if you had one? The truth is that for this woman, the relationship is not just about money like you claim, it is also about TIME!! For many women, life is like a market. Once it is evening, those who came to trade within the market pack their bags and go home.

With all due respect, you can only speak for yourself when it comes to the issue of rewarding a girl who has stood by her guy, for 7 years. I have seen a case where a guy dated a lady on and off, for several years when he was broke. The lady stood by him, prayed for him, slept on the bare floor with him when he had nothing, and waited patiently for him to make a success of himself, without making demands on him.

When things improved, and the issue of marriage came up, guess what the guy said to her: "You are too old. Did I make you any promises of marriage?" That was also when he brought up that flimsy excuse, that she didn't come from his ethnic group. My question was: How come he didn't realise all that before, when he was bad ass broke?

Another family objected to their son's girlfriend when he brought her home, simply because she was in her thirties. According to them she was too old for their son, despite the fact that their son was still at least four years older than her o! They wanted him to marry a fresh, twenty-something year old wey go quick born, well well, to use their own words. Meanwhile, the guy had dated this girl for almost 6 years o! Now, how is she going to start all over again? From where? As a woman grows older, her pool of suitors who are likely to find her attractive, grows smaller. It is a fact. Just look around you. So should she short-change herself by staying in a relationship with a guy who has no future ambition, neither has he made any plans to settle down with her?

These days, commitment is not something a person says with the mouth. He must show it, in his actions. If he is serious, he could take a part-time job, or a contract employment, pending the time he gets something better. He could also pay for a room, instead of a 2-bedroom flat, if he can't afford something bigger. There must be motion, my brother. Not stagnancy. And this is what bothers the OP. Nothing seems to be moving in the guy's life, because he hasn't applied himself to work, and has NOT made solid plans that will enable him move forward. Put yourself in the girl's shoes. If na you, wetin you go do?

In some cases, yes. . . . . .the guy could go ahead to marry the lady even after several years. But the truth is that going by what I see around me, it is so rare. So speak for yourself only, man, when it comes to issues like this.

The next guy down the street may not think the same way like you do, so don't vouch for the fact that he will remember her, when he hits the big bucks!

Dis boy never wan marry! Make he go siddon jeje for one corner.

olydim:
Laudate,

You make me laugh. FYI. It makes no sense to me wherever you crept out from. Who cares? But, do well to stop being an idiot. If you feel you have a right to interfere in Yoruba affair, why do you think I do not have the same right to interfere in the same affair, especially when the people in question deceived and misled me into believing something that was apparently false? You are too tiny (infact too microscopic) to stop me, ok?

You are too ridiculous for words. Where did I interfere in Yoruba affair? I only responded to your myopic, ethnic bashing post. And I have done so to others in the past, regardless of which ethnic group is being discussed. You were the one that started out this thread, by carrying Yoruba history on your head, and crying louder than the bereaved claiming they were deceived. So who is actually interfering in Yoruba matters here? Like I said before, if those from that ethnic group, aren't bothered by such things, (i.e Oduduwa falling from the sky), 'na wetin come be yah own?' Anyway, like I also mentioned earlier, joblessness has no limit, especially when it comes to you.

Ah, why am I even explaining this fact? You are too dim to understand the difference.

By the way, don't let me stop you o. Please have the floor. Shout yourself hoarse. Scream and cry. Rant and rave that Oduduwa fell from the sky, so therefore it hurts you so badly that you can't sleep at night! Hehehe. . . . .maybe you will receive a Nobel prize for it! 

olydim:
I have had the best of education (except for the Oduduwa lies) in and out of Nigeria
I am rich by my own effort and not from stolen money
I have the most beautiful calabar girl as girl friend and have age on my side

So why should I be jealous of people I am clearly better than?

Chei! Only shallow folks boast so much. Remember what they say about empty barrels making most noise. You are a clear example of one. you said you have had the best of education. And so, therefore? Who wants to know? Next thing, you come dey 'form' say you get Calabar babe, as girl-friend. Who dash you?? You have age on your side?? Ehen? Talk true! Age ko, age ni! Who cares what you have on your side? And you claim that you are rich by your own effort. Hmmn. . . . .are you expecting people on nairaland to give you a standing ovation for that silly statement? Who gives a hoot about your riches? Stop trying to impress folks around here. Nobody gives two cents about what you have or own. So, get a life!


Oh I get it. . . . .you want people to take notice of you, that is why you are desperately seeking for attention, by churning out all these cheap empty boastful statements. No wonder. . . . . You probably think their approval will make up for your inadequacies.

What a pity!

9star:
My Dear your boss is jst shinining your congo.
By next month u will receive a wedding invitation between him and his beloved Girlfriend.
Wakeup my dear and go look 4 your man.Womennnnn!!!!!

Hehehehe. . . . . . kai! This your reply dey wicked o! But it is so truu-u-uee!

Girl, shine yah eye! There is more depth, substance and feeling in your boss' relationship, with that other girl. That's why he doesn't want to let her go.

Check yourself and ask him some soul-searching questions. Don't be a mugu. Maybe the girl is one of his directors, or has even brought some serious money into his pocket. Who knows? Do you know the strength of the ties that bind them? Do you know how many storms they have weathered together? If he didn't like her, he would have dumped her for you a long time ago, without any delay. The fact that he hasn't, shows that he loves her much more than he loves (or lusts after) you!

olydim:
@Laudate (Iya/Baba Laide)

You are worried that I, a non-Yoruba, am taking ''panadol for another man's headache''. But what are you doing here taking viagra for another man's impotence? You have said you are not Yoruba, so what is your headache here? I know your type who are so lily-livered to own up to themselves. Bloody Yoruba who wants to act from from the back door.

My Yoruba friend was not joking when he annouced that Oduduwa slid down from the heavens. You were not there to see him trenchantly make a fool of himself and his folks. So how did you know he was joking? Is a nutter on the loose here?

Oh I love it when people make fools of themselves like you have just done! I have zero tolerance for generalisation, ethnic baiting and stereotyping. Only dunces relish such things.  And if you look through all my posts you will see where I have come down hard on people who do that, irrespective of which ethnic group is under discussion. Doesn't matter if it is Yoruba, Efik, Ibibio, Edo, Kanuri, Nupe etc.

You are the one who has actually shown how lily-livered he is, by attacking a whole ethnic group because of some undisclosed hangover you cannot disclose. Oya, talk true. . . . .why are you so envious of these people that you are obsessed with their history and culture? Abi, you want them to adopt you? Talk quick o! Make all di Yoruba people wey dey nairaland help you file application for change of name and identity. Hehehe. . . . .

Finally, since you feel am Yoruba just because I told you to stop taking panadol for another man's headache, it simply shows how shallow you are!  Oya, please come and prove your silly assertions. Let the world know the village, town or local government where I come from, in Yoruba land. Include the name of the Oba, the dialect spoken there and give directions to the street where my family house is located! Every correct answer gets twenty marks! Mumu!

toshmann:
the osu caste system has come to stay, sadly , it is like terrorism, tribalism, racism, robbery, illicit sex, etc. it may not be wiped out. it can be controlled.

and the situation today is not the same as it was 200-300yrs ago. today, ibos live together is cities and we don't go about asking about peoples status when we want to do business. today, the osu thing is almost not recognised in our lives except in issues like marriage. this is because the ibos are still very conservative about marriage. marriage in iboland is not between 2 people but between 2 families and some members of the family will show strong concern about the family they are getting entangled with. this to me is some form of racism (you may not agree with me though)

however, to potray the osus as being disadvantaged is untrue. they do business with others. some have been governors in the eastern states both during military and democratic eras(PDP democrasy). they are professors, doctors, vice chancellors etc and nobody really cares if the pastor is osu or not. it is only in marriage that it is still yet to be wiped.

it is unGodly but please please please do not criminalise the ibos of today for this b/c we were born into this thing and we've done a lot to wipe it but it aint easy. you may say. . . i don't care(and many of us don't) but what happens when your father says no way. . . if you marry this girl i'll die. . . . what do you do? marry the girl and loose your dad? b/c many of them parents have real heart attack/ stroke etc due to unnecessary worry when their children marry "wrong" partners. your mum(who loved you all your life) or your wife(who may turn against you in the future) what do you do?

that is why our generation still struggles to remove osu controversy from marriage, until a generation of ibos are born who will have a different marital culture where ibo marriages are entirely between 2 people. that may take another century or two.

Point of correction. . . .is there any ethnic group in Nigeria, where marriage is not a union between two families? Among the Yoruba, Efik, Annang, Edo, Tiv, Fulani, Hausa, Kanuri, Itsekiri etc. and all the other 200-plus ethnic groups in Nigeria, marriage is still undertaken with the involvement of both families on either side.

Unfortunately, due to the increased adoption of Western influence, most of those who live in the cities are by-passing most of the traditional customs associated with marraige ceremonies in their ethnic group and are opting to do things their own way. It doesn't mean that marriage is still not a union, that involves both families, and not just the couple.

In the north for example, some families actually decide to marry off their daughters with or without the approval of the daughter, in some cases.

olydim:
Anything with a false foundation is itself false, no matter how popular (notorious?) it becomes thereafter. You cannot build on quicksand. The Yoruba history is therefore suspect, and perhaps so is the A1 I made in history rehashing that trash in the WASC exams. Could this faking of history also be why OBJ and the Ijebu people are locked in a battle of who is superior (Ijebu or Owu) as was widely reported in the papers recently?  It was (and still is) by force that you must write your history (and indeed all other subjects) exams the way you have been taught, especially in Nigeria where the lecturer is a law unto himself. It must be admitted that whoever fabricated that piece of thrash (non)history about Oduduwa had something to hide, and they must apologise for their deceptive behaviour. I am writing a fictional work that will put these lies to test. It is more pathetic because many more gullible students are still being deceived till date with the Oduduwa lies. I happened to be present where a Yoruba friend of mine proudly announced to our mutual non-Nigerian friends that his forebearer was a celestial being who fell off the sky (with a loud thud, I suppose). They had a good laugh at the expense of Nigeria, and took it as one of the popular Nigerian scams. I am Nigerian, hence my concern. This is intellectual and historical 419.

Let me repeat again. . . .stop taking panadol for another man's headache! Every single ethnic group has its' own form of mythology. Most of them cannot be proven. If you do some research into your own ethnic group about how your ancestors arrived in your area, you would hear some story that cannot be proven. So why all this belly-aching about Yoruba history? Will it add more money to your pocket? 

If what your Yoruba friend announced as a joke to his friends, is what is really 'paining' you, you have a long way to go in life. Deal with it and stop whining like a kid. People crack jokes everyday, so why is this one such a big problem to you?

Finally, if you do not like the A1 you were given in history, I beg return it to WAEC or NECO, so that they can issue it to another candidate who deserves the award. Don't come and make an announcement here. Were you expecting people to clap for you? Tomorrow now, you will use that same A1 result to apply for entry into a university. Yet, you are here making noise about what you wrote to get the result. What a pity!

Like I said before, some people's joblessness no get limit. Tell us the truth. . . .you secretly envy those Yoruba people that is the reason for all this obsession you have with their history, divorce cases, origin etc. Many of them are too busy to respond to your belly-aching, meanwhile you are here making noise without an amplifier. How sad. . . .

Me sef, even though I am not Yoruba, I can't be bothered by what anyone says about them sha. . . . .I have better things to do, than focusing on the history of an ethnic group that has little in common with mine! Anyway, those who want to continue playing the ethnic card, can jump off Eko bridge! Hehehe. . . . .

floxyrangy:
update

people, he has actually proposed we take our relationship a notch higher. things are really looking up for us and maybe sometime soon, wedding invitations might be on the way. thanks for your advice.

He proposed?? Yikes!! When did the courtship start? Or were you guys dating before he left Naija? Omo, shine yah eyes well, well o!
Are you sure he doesn't have a babe in Yankee and just wants to use you as a brief interlude, to enjoy his time in Naija?

Look before you leap. The fact that he has introduced you to his mum, means little or nothing. Study his character, first. Find out what makes him tick. Is he trustworthy? Is he a man of integrity? Does he say one thing, while meaning another? What are his likes and dislikes?

My thoughts? This proposal is too sudden. Do your homework very well and take time to know him, inside out! Peace!

Omo, another ethnic debate is about to start. No sweat.

Make I perch for dis corner dey chop my[i] guguru[/i] and epa. Na who dey sell malt for there?? Oya, bring two bottles! Chilled one o!

Person wey wan fight, make im enter floor. . . . .! Wether na 'tribe' matter, dem dey take build marriage, na una sabi. . . .

almondjoy:
Currently visiting Benin-City for the weekend and Osh Kosh Bigosh!!! The place is an eyesore!!!! This ancient city of red sands is just as appalling as the name "Igbinedion"!!!!!


May God help us all!!!!

UNIBEN looks fine!!!!! GREAT UNIBEN!!!! God bless VC Anaoh and VC Nwanze No more okada riders in my alma mater!!!!

Honestly, Igbinedion should be prosecuted and thrown into jail without any hope of parole! He came, he saw and he did nothing! And Edo is supposed to be an oil producing state. Chei!

Look at Cross Rivers state whose federal allocation is similar to that of Edo, at least Duke tried to leave Tinapa and Obudu cattle ranch behind as a legacy for his people, to show that he did something no matter how small for the people of Calabar. What did Igbinedion leave behind? Hiss*

olydim:
Thanks (but no thanks) moderator for changing my post. I did not ''believe'' this Oduduwa stunt of my own free will. I was persuaded to believe it by my History teacher at Tolu secondary school, Apapa. Now that I know better, I realise I have been deceived by Yoruba history and its tellers.

Na wa o! Wey all dis Yoruba people wey dey deceive all of una, sef? Na by force to study history?

Who cares where he came from? And let us even assume that Oduduwa fell from the sky, how does that affect the price of garri in the market? By the way, is Oduduwa even from your area? Why you come dey take panadol for another man's headache?

Other people are thinking of how to move ahead, make their mark, improve the lives of their fellow citizens, make things work, build a legacy, create an innovative trend, become a Nobel prize winner or even achieve what no other person has done. . . .but you are here complaining about some mythical figure falling from the sky! Kai! Joblessness has no limit, sha. . . . . . . What a pity!

Jezzy:
[b]To all,the Osu caste system is alive and well in Igbo land in 2008.I thought it was stuff from fiction and it was never discussed in the house I grew up in until someone close to me fell in love with a man.The man she fell in love with was an 'Osu' and she was discouraged by her family and relatives not to go ahead with the man.[/b]I was offended by the whole situation because I couldn't imagine such tradtions still being effective in this day and age.They were told that there are things that can be done to remove the 'osu-ness' from the guy so they can marry each other as free borns.For some reason I'm not privy to,they didn't do this.And she refused to dump her guy.Because of this,they couldn't do a traditional wedding because the family and community boycotted the event.They eventually had a wedding in church in another state in a different part of the country.They are still married and as far as I know are happy together.


This tradition is outlawed by the law courts of Nigeria.We can stay on this site and pontificate all we want but until Nigeria changes and our laws become enforceable,people will still be treated like shyt because of what their ancestors did or din't do.My 2 cents.

@Ogejov,if you are really sure you can stand the heat that this will bring your way,hang in there.But remember that it is not only you,all your kids and their kids will face this same heat except our country changes.All are free in Christ-but most of the world doesn't know that and would give you grief for marrying osu and all such silly stuff.I wish you the best.

Shuo!! na who we go come believe now?? Ehn? Babyosisi a.k.a Nwando said that it was no longer in existence, now you are saying it is still alive and well in 2008. Na wa o!